Classic humorous phrases

1, look up at the sky, tears will not fall, try to raise your head, and your nose will not run down.

If you don't want me to marry you, I will marry you.

Leave while I still care about you, don't tell you to get out when I don't care.

Money is not a problem, but there is no money.

You can only kiss my ass. I can only touch your ass.

6. Actually, I am not as tall as you. I can only look down at you.

7. I like to look at the sky in a daze and think about the beauty of RMB.

Cui Hua, I'm telling you, I haven't been a boss for many years.

9. What did you say? I didn't hear the sound because it spread a little slowly.

10, I have no money, really, my family only opened a small restaurant-Diaoyutai.

1 1. Don't speak English in front of China people in the future, ok?

12, put away your fake smile and make me want to vomit.

13, secretly steal your offspring and match me with Chang 'e.

14, God, I just found out today that AD calcium milk is better than baby!

15, there is an impulse to rob Wangzai milk transport vehicle.

16, I have been imitating others, but when I look back, I find that I have surpassed everyone.

17, meeting strangers is actually very troublesome, and many lies have to be told again.

18, I curse you, when you eat instant noodles, there is no instant noodles, only seasoning packets.

19, after a rainstorm, there will be flash floods, and a man's heart will harden after tears.

Whether a cat can walk in a straight line depends on whether there are mice or not.

2 1, slowly pour my surging milk into your dense forest.

22. What age is it? There is no sense of hooliganism at all.

23. Say: Don't dump me. I dumped you one day in a certain year.

24. Why do you look like a joke?

25. The bell of the doctor is: research, research.

26. It is because of my low profile that your high profile has been achieved.

27. I really want to put you in my trouser pocket and take you with me wherever you go.

28. Did Chang 'e have an affair tonight? I can't see the moon.

29, I want to have a house, facing the sea, spring flowers, 4M broadband, can order takeout, express delivery, no mortgage! I have a friend, a novel critic and a Kan Kan star, who doesn't worry about mortgage, and can buy food, drink tea and fall in love!

30. I still don't understand why the Tang Priest is always afraid that the monster will take him away and cook him. He can eat his own piece of meat first, and then he is not afraid of others eating him!

Classical humorous mood phrases

I couldn't catch up with that BMW after all, so I had to watch it die in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

I was also an infatuated seed, but it rained and drowned.

The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally, and count the money until your hand cramps. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally.

Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; When you are old, the mirror is flat.

I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon, and I was shocked when I ate the first one: Is there anything worse in the world? I cried after eating the second one: there really is!

Lying in bed in the morning, I took six coins out of my pocket: if all six coins are heads, I will go to class. Hesitated for a long time, forget it. Don't take the risk.

Don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

On September 28th, 1949, I was arrested. On the first day, the enemy tortured me and I didn't confess. The next day, the enemy threw pepper water at me, but I still didn't confess. On the third day, the enemy used a honey trap, and I confessed. On the fourth day, I wanted to confess, but I was fucking liberated!

In junior high school, a boy wanted to copy a girl's homework, so he rummaged after she left the classroom for fear that others would disagree.

His schoolbag turned out to be a sanitary napkin. He said in surprise, "Wow! What a big band-aid.

A leader went to the countryside for a census and asked an old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: Oh

Hehe, hehe hehe, the relationship is too familiar to start.

A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a young girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace and coming in her right hand.

Openly asking students for names outside school, many people's slogans coincide-reading is the best use of birds.

A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush like the wind.

Into the toilet, into the position next to him, just go in there was a real storm, my brother looked at my brother with envy.

Man, I really envy you.

That buddy said: I envy you to death, I haven't taken off my pants yet ~ ~

I looked at your sexy body that day, twisted naked in front of me and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I want this fish.

Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

Although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil!

The fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind. The dumb shouted at me, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. The wanted man wants to take him to the public security bureau. Asako said, look at my face.

You see, there are always so many things that make you sad in the world: rain or shine, joys and sorrows, premature ejaculation. . . .

The 5-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful." ...

Miss's beard is so euphemistic, she must be a lady!

I really don't want to despise you with my toes. But, man, you made me do it.

I'm too beautiful. I can't die.

God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still hurts my heart and bones.

I am convinced that someone will come into this world and be tortured by me.

Journey to the West tells us that monsters with backgrounds were all taken away, and those without backgrounds were killed by a stick.

What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

When life turned everything into black humor with malice, I got on the boat and turned myself into a hooligan with a high degree of Jiao Yu.

Psychological test:

I think I have a high IQ. Look down.

I think it's quite humorous. Look down.

I think it's quite attractive. Look down.

I think I'm handsome. Look down.

Test results:

Quite shameless

Two cows are grazing. One of them said; "Recently mad cow disease epidemic. We will not be infected, will we? " The other end of the phone said; "No, we are kangaroos." Already crazy!

A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted, honey, take it easy, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said, you really shouldn't threaten him like this!

The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible.

In junior high school, the role says "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy …

In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away! !

When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was frightened. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it.

-Foreign language bookstore-_ _!

Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

If you choose to look up at others at 45, don't blame others for looking down at you at 135.

In the workplace, I should, like Conan, have a domineering attitude of letting others die wherever I go.

Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

After watching the condor heroes, I know that age is not a problem;

Seeing brokeback mountain, I know that gender is not a problem;

After seeing King Kong, I found that the original species is not a problem.

I really understand ... when I think of ghosts, life and death are not a problem.

Classic humorous phrases

Classic humorous phrases

I'm forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out to work in rainy days, so there are ten umbrellas at home now.

All the other columns are filled in except one, and the relationship column should be filled in. Don't be nervous.

Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

Tragedy is like I accidentally cut off my little finger; Comedy is like you accidentally fell into the sewer.

When arguing, the difference between men and women is like the difference between guns and machine guns.

Next, I will publish Mr. Smith's will. Before publishing the will, I would like to ask sincerely, Mrs. Smith, will you accept my proposal?

Don't call your children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.

Honey, I shouldn't shine my shoes with sheets, but I just got back from a business trip and I can't change them for a while. I was wrong.

In order to improve the safety of the product, we decided to print on the coke bottle cap: please open this end; Bottle bottom print: Please open the other end.

Reporter: According to People and a recent survey in Italy, people pay little attention to current affairs at home and abroad. Congressman, what do you think of this? Member: No problem, I don't care.

Mary, if you don't promise to marry me, I will kill myself at once, which is my usual practice.

It would be funny if it didn't happen to me.

Do you want to have good teeth? Here are three lessons for you: first, rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; Second, go to the hospital for a dental examination every two years; Third, mind your own business.

Without hair, dandruff is more prominent.

We always think that the brain is the most important organ of the human body, but don't forget who made this judgment.

We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

These are not rubbish! I collect antiques! Of course, you can throw it away if you don't like it.

Artificial intelligence and natural stupidity cannot be compared "because we advocate pure nature."

If a person still laughs freely in the face of criticism, then he may have found a scapegoat.

I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

If an idiot can fly, then my company is a machine.

All men are created equal, except those who get married.

Can we go somewhere for a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?

I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

If you need advice or opinions, we will provide them for free; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.

In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.

If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is the grandfather of symphony?

I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. My friends call it self-confidence.

The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.

I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed a hundred milliliters of lard.

Experiment with two bugs. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.

My creativity is indescribable, my working ability is indescribable and my writing ability is indescribable.

If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.

Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time.

I pretended to work for my boss, who pretended to pay me.

My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.

Have you heard the story that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?

I never watch TV. I just often check whether the TV programs in the newspaper are misprinted.

Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, the first day; Fifteen points.

Why don't you be rational? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears?

My eyesight is very poor. For example, see the thumbtacks on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can't.

Every day I keep setting a new world record, the number of days I live in this world.

In the internet world, your girlfriend may be a man and your boyfriend may be a woman, which is very painful, but you have to accept it.

Your shooting performance is really poor. If I were you, I would kill myself immediately in case you need to take more bullets.

If you want to compete with tigers who can starve to death more, you win.

I put the TV remote control on my waist, making it look like I bought a new mobile phone.

Money alone can't make people happy, so I also steal some jewelry, stamps, watches and so on.

Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4000 yuan from me and said that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.

Attention robbers: Our employees only know Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. You'd better bring an interpreter. Thank you.

Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, so you have to throw stones at my head.

Classical humorous mood phrases

There are two kinds of people in nightclubs-girls and girls.

When my mother is a jade, all talk and no action is pustules. No matter what she says, she can't get off work or walk at her feet. Such people are unreliable.

You speak beautifully. When you start doing something, you are a coward.

Mu Tiezhu in language and Wu Dalang in action will not only get nothing at work, but also accomplish nothing in life.

Sometimes love is a kind of injury, cruel people choose to hurt others, and kind people choose to hurt themselves.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the most difficult Asking for a wife is another "bride" from your mother. Wives also have brides. You think ... you can marry a new mother ... and there is no contradiction with your old mother?

Since you are so opposed to second marriage, how do you feel about Yp marrying someone else in the game?

Falling in love with someone gives that person the right to hurt you.

Sometimes it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you see the other person is too weak.

This girl, first of all, there is a generation gap between us. Secondly, you have no cleavage. How do we communicate?

Commitment is a man's reassurance to a woman, and its medicinal properties need to be verified, but it is really reassuring.

Sometimes it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you see the other person is too weak.

Love makes people warm, and warm words are a day and a love. More love every day can make our days warm.

A capable, responsible and responsible man should say this to his daughter-in-law: your money is yours and mine is ours!

Don't treat your daughter-in-law as your own daughter or your mother-in-law as your own mother; Keep the distance between a bowl of soup and be a measured mother-in-law and daughter-in-law; Then you will all be happy!

If you can't change each other, don't be infatuated with each other and regard each other as a legend.

The best medicine to cure a broken love is to start a new love.

The east is not bright and the west is bright. It's getting dark, north and south.

When a glass of turbid wine comes home to Wan Li, the mountains and rivers are broken and the wind is gone with the wind. Today is a matter of righteousness, but it is a matter of late rain.

Is there a training course for seventy-two changes? It's really impossible Thirty-six changes are also possible. I have the skill of an old pig and I am very satisfied with birds.

Hunger is a word, I will say it n times unless you use a bowl of tomato noodles to express it.

If the workplace really has plum time, apple time and cookie time, it is estimated that it won't be long before female compatriots have time to lose weight. ...

I am merciful and can't deprive me of my freedom of marriage.

If you don't do it well, no matter how beautiful it is, it is worthless; Doing practical things for the people is a golden word at the beginning.

When someone presses you with a stone, you can stand up, and that is resistance.

Sometimes love is a kind of injury, cruel people choose to hurt others, and kind people choose to hurt themselves.

Zhang Fei goes through the needle, don't look at me stupid, I'll show you.

I sympathize with my second brother, because of his birth order, he has been burdened with "two" since he was a child.

You don't know what I do, because you are too ignorant.

Brother looks so abstract, and there is spring. What are you afraid of?

Can talented people like us be handsome?

When Cupid shoots Cupid's arrow at you, you have love and arrow; When you return your love to Cupid, you are just a bitch.

When you fall in love with someone, Poggi Su should be an idle Ma Dajie and Huang Sao, and your girlfriend should be the eternal goddess Athena in your ultimate aesthetic mind.

The real scandal is in the mouth of ordinary people!

The road you choose is to walk on your knees.

Eat less! Play more football! Go after work! Miss that girl! Want to be thinner, often want to be thinner! -The secret of losing weight

The south wind gently kisses your face, the stars are faint and the moon is misty. Oh, you are too fat tonight.

If I hadn't been afraid of death, I would have committed suicide once!

This girl, first of all, there is a generation gap between us. Secondly, you have no cleavage. How do we communicate?

A capable, responsible and responsible man should say to his daughter-in-law: Your money is yours and mine is ours.

Don't treat your daughter-in-law as your own daughter or your mother-in-law as your own mother; Keep the distance between a bowl of soup and be a measured mother-in-law and daughter-in-law; Then you will all be happy!

The mother will teach her son to put on clothes in five years, and the wife will make him take off all his clothes in five seconds after marriage.

Love makes people warm, and warm words are a day and a love. More love every day can make our days warm.

Since you are so opposed to second marriage, what do you think of him marrying someone else in the game?

Brothers and the world are yellow and violent. You can't be stupid and naive.

Girl, you not only know the world, but also know globalization! But girl, you must not dominate!