Who will tell me a joke?

1, a priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "Damn, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest. "The words sound just fell and she heard a loud thunder chopping the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of god from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

2. Believer: "Almighty God, how long is 10,000 years for you?"

God: "I blinked."

Believer: "What about 654.38 billion?"

God: "It's just a hair of mine."

Believer: "Oh, merciful God, please give me a hair."

God: "No problem, I'll give it to you in a blink."

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

4. There was a man who had a son in middle age and liked him very much. He tried to bring up his son and put him through college. His son is dressed in a suit and has a red face, but he is ragged and hungry. He saved money to buy a house for his son, married a wife, and became old himself. However, his son was unfilial and kicked him out of the house on a stormy night. The old man came to a ruined temple to take shelter from the rain. The old man was very sad and sighed: God, why is it so unfair to me? After a flash of lightning, an old voice said, "This is karma." At this time, the old man saw an older man coming in and out of the corner of the ruined temple. The old man was startled: "Are you a god?" The older man said, "asshole! You kicked me out more than twenty years ago. I'm your father. You don't know me anymore? "

In the barber's shop, when the priest finished cutting his hair and paying the money, the barber said, "I won't accept your money, so I will serve God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter and some bibles at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a policeman had to pay for a haircut. The barber said, "I don't accept your money. I only serve our community."

The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some community service manuals at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a government official came to have a haircut and paid for it. The barber said to him, "I will serve the government if I don't accept your money." The next morning, the barber saw a row of government officials standing in front of the door.

6. One day, Clinton's wife, Chirac, was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God's servant, "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go so fast? "

The servant of God said, "These watches represent human life. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has a lot of business, his watch will go fast, but if he has no business, his watch will go slow. "

Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" The servant of God said, "Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan!

7. An old couple born in the same year and the same month lived together for 35 years. Today, they held a grand banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the dinner, God came. God praised the old couple as a real "loving couple" and promised to give each of them a wish. The old lady said excitedly, "We are poor. I just want to have a good look at the world and make a trip around the world. "

God waved his hand, and with a bang, a dozen plane tickets fell into the old lady's hand from the air. It's the old man's turn to make a wish. He thought for a moment and said, "I want to marry a woman 30 years younger than me."

Here comes God again. Bang! ……

The old man suddenly turned 90.

8. God pinched a person with mud, and from then on there was a human being;

There were white people first-because God put clay figurines on the fire and roasted them lightly;

Secondly, there are blacks-because they are worried that the heat will not reach the result;

Later, when we mastered the best temperature, we became yellow, so we were God's most successful masterpiece.

9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest."

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God!