Lines in The Newly Approved Three Kingdoms

I like reading books.

Oh, you like reading.

A: By the way, I especially like reading classical literature.

Oh, that's great. What classical literature have you read?

A: Let's just say, do you know the library of Peking University?

Oh, have you read all the books there?

I have been there before.

Well, I went on foot. I am better than you. I even went in. I mean, what books have you read

A: Oh, what books have I read? That would be countless.

Yo, you put this shelf up.

A: I'm telling you, I'm not bragging. At the age of three, I learned the Water Margin, at the age of four, I learned the Red Chamber, at the age of five, I traveled to the West, at the age of six, I read serials, and at the age of seven, I could write the romance of the Three Kingdoms backwards.

B: It blows endlessly. You said you were an expert. Are there any research results?

A: Too many. For example, I approved the Three Kingdoms a few days ago.

B: You also approve the Three Kingdoms?

A: I tell you, my batch has not developed what our predecessors did. I think it was unexpected and earth-shattering. Even if Jin Shengtan is near-re-embodiment and Mao Zonggang is resurrected, they will have to candidly admit defeat! I can be called an expert in the Three Kingdoms.

Oh, that's a big breath. I want to hear how your three countries approved it.

A: I figured out wow, there are so many idiots and three freaks in these three countries.

What do you call two idiots and three freaks?

A: These two idiots are road idiots, math idiots and idiots. These three monsters are the ones who flooded the Seventh Army and defeated Maicheng, Zhuge Liang and posthumous title.

I have never heard of your research.

Well, this is my latest research. What a great honor it is that you are the first person to have the honor to hear about this great discovery.

So I'm lucky. What kind of road idiot is this?

A: A road idiot is someone who doesn't know the way, but always finds the way.

Oh, I just have no sense of direction.

A: Yes, wow, there is such a person in the Three Kingdoms.

B: Are there still road idiots in these three countries?

A: Yes, Guan Yu.

B: Guan Yu?

A: Yes, Guan Yu is a typical road idiot.

B: how can I see it?

A: There are books to support it. In the twenty-seventh chapter of Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Beard rode a thousand miles alone and killed six generals at the five passes of the Hou of Han Shou.

Yes, there is one.

A: It is said that Liu Bei defeated Xuzhou and went to Yuan Shao overnight. Guan Yu, desperate, promised Cao Cao three things in Tu Shan: First, he would surrender to Han but not to Cao Cao; Second, serve two sisters-in-law; Third, you should resign as long as you hear from your eldest brother, even though he is thousands of miles away. Cao Cao answered one by one. Later, in the Yuan-Cao War, Mr Guan beheaded Yan Liang, punished Wen Chou and solved the siege of Cao Cao's white horse. At this time, I suddenly received a letter from Liu Bei saying that I was in Yuan Shao's army. So Guan Yu hung up the golden seal, rode a thousand miles alone, passed five customs and killed six generals, and escorted two sisters-in-law to vote for the old master. Is that so?

B: That's right.

A: If you pass five levels and defeat six generals, there will be a problem.

Is there a problem?

A: Let me ask you, what are these five levels?

B: Dongling Pass, Luoyang, Sishuiguan, Xingyang and Huazhou Yellow River Ferry.

A: Have a look. We don't know the specific location of Dongling Pass, so let's leave him alone. This second level is Luoyang, which is very strange.

B: Why?

A: Think about it. Liu Bei is in Yuan Shao's army. Where is Yuan Shao? Hebei, north of Xudu. Where is Luoyang? Hundreds of miles northwest of Xudu. Guan Yu came out of Xudu and didn't go directly to Hebei to find Liu Bei. Why did he go to Luoyang in the northwest?

B: This is. ...

A: Can we say that Guan Yu was hungry on the way? Say, two sisters-in-law, we haven't eaten Luoyang water mat for some days. Why don't we go and have dinner first?

That's impossible.

A: It's still true. What's worse than a water mat when we burn donkey meat in Hebei? Why did he go to the northwest first?

B: It has nothing to do with anything.

A: After all, the third level is Surabaya.

Where is this place?

A: It's in the southeast of Luoyang.

B: southeast of Luoyang ... huh? Didn't he just go to the northwest? Now he's back!

A: That's right. Even after eating Luoyang water mat, it's time to hit the road, so going to Hebei is also the northeast. He's fine. He went to the southeast. Isn't he going back to Xudu?

B: after hearing what you said, it's really.

A: I guess Guan Yu drank too much at the water table and turned around as soon as he arrived in Mata. This red hare was given to him by Cao Cao. As the saying goes, an old horse knows the way. Red hare saw that his master was drunk and thought, Let's go and find it ourselves. We took Guan Yu to Xudu in a daze and finally arrived at Surabaya Pass.

B: Well, it's all for nothing.

A: Yang Rong is just beyond Surabaya, just north of Surabaya. Until this time, Guan Yu rode thousands of miles alone to the right place.

Well, it's not easy.

A: The last stop is the Yellow River Ferry in Huazhou, which is not far from the white horse he cut Yan Liang. On the other side of the Yellow River is Hebei.

B: It's almost there. He can go.

A: Yes, Guan Yu washed his face by the Yellow River, and he was wide awake. Looking up at the map, alas, you see that this is the route I took, first visiting the northwest, and then returning to Henan in a daze. Am I not a road idiot? Yes, when I went to see my master, I didn't know I was full. I traveled to Henan for five days. As a result, the master's face turned red, and he fell into a red face problem from then on.

B: So this red face is from here.

A: Exactly. The disease was later transmitted to his four brothers, Zhao Yun and Zhao Zilong.

B: how can I see it?

How else would the cloud get in and out of Changhanbo? Is that he can't find his way and get lost.

Hey, what's this? Gee, after hearing what you said, you are really learned.

A: That's right. Otherwise, you are an expert.

Let me ask you something. What's with this 2 1 digit idiot?

Answer: The serial number means that I can't count and settle accounts. An egg costs fifty cents, and he buys three for two and a half dollars, that's all.

B: Are there such people in the Three Kingdoms?

A: Yes.

B: Who's calling?

A: Speaking of this person, everyone knows him. This is Zhu Gekongming.

B: Well ... I trust everyone else. Zhuge Liang knows everything from astronomy to geography. How could he not know the numbers?

A: There are books to support it. The 46th time, Huang Gai was punished for offering a secret plan with an arrow.

What did you say?/Sorry?

A: It is said that Cao Cao's 820,000 troops went south to attack Wu. Zhuge Liang crossed the river with Confucianism and persuaded Sun Quan and Sun Liu to join forces against Cao Cao. Zhou Yu, commander-in-chief of Sun Quan's water army, was jealous when he saw Kong Ming's amazing ingenuity and asked him to take out 100 thousand arrows within ten days. Kong Ming said it would be difficult, not to mention taking it out in ten days or three days. Zhou Yu was overjoyed. He signed a written pledge with Kong Ming and sent Lu Su to inquire. Nothing happened two days ago. On the third day, Kong Ming and Lu Su privately dispatched 20 clippers, covered them with cloth curtains, erected straw bales, and took advantage of the fog at night to go straight to Jiangbei. Cao Cao doesn't know the truth. He only shoots arrows. These twenty ships were loaded with arrows and returned to Jiangdong in the early morning, with just 100,000 arrows.

Yes, it is.

A: This is a question!

Is there a problem?

A: What did Zhuge Liang use to cheat Cao Cao's arrow?

B: Cloth, curtains, straw, it's so soft that it sinks in as soon as the arrow is inserted.

A: Then let's figure something out. How high is a person's grass tied?

B: Almost. If it is too high, it will float; If it is too low, it can't catch the arrow.

A: For example, now you are like that grass.

Oh, I'm a bundle now.

A: That's right. Let's count, Cao Jun's arrow pierced you. How many arrows can he pierce your face?

B: Well, one eye, including nose, mouth and face, can have six or seven eyes back and forth.

A: Look at you again. There are two on this arm, two on the elbow and one on the wrist.

B: That's five.

A: Both sides count.

B: Ten, then ... Well, I'm a sea urchin.

Let's count down. There are five sticks in the chest.

B: That's right.

A: Three sticks in the lower abdomen. ...

B: That's right.

A: Tie another one two inches below your spine. ...

B: ... Well, I changed to acupuncture.

A: That's what it means anyway. At most, a sokcho will stab 30 arrows, and even if a ship counts 30 sokcho, it will only get 9900, 10 will get 9000, and 20 ships will get 18000. Including curtains and so on, it costs 40 thousand.

B: Yes, there are still 60,000 arrows left.

A: 60,000 arrows. Even if Kong Ming stood alone in the boat, he couldn't count enough.

This is also a fact.

Besides, how much does an arrow weigh?

B: You have to weigh four or two. If it's too light, you can't bear it.

A: One is four taels, so ten are four catties, a hundred are forty catties, a thousand are four hundred catties, and a hundred thousand arrows are forty thousand catties, that is, twenty thousand kilograms and twenty tons.

B: This is a fairly smooth calculation.

A: What ship is Zhuge Liang sailing? This is a canoe. Think about it. Each ship hit more than one ton of arrows. ...

B: Then. ...

A: Even if it is not a sieve, it will sink to the bottom.

Well, this is a Titanic.

Do you think this Kong Ming is illiterate?

B: A little. ...

A: And wow, this Kongming is not only illiterate, but also short of brains. This is the idiot of the three idiots.

B: What does it say?

When do you think Kong Ming and his fleet appeared?

B: It's late at night and foggy.

Heiligudong can't see anything, can he?

B: Yes, otherwise, how could Cao Jun only dare to shoot arrows and dare not go out?

A: Cao Jun's eyes are closed, so he shoots blindly in the dark.

Oh, that won't do either.

A: Nevertheless, people have to come as soon as the sun comes out. There were no flashlights or searchlights in the Three Kingdoms. What do you suggest?

What do you suggest?

A: Install rocket lighting.

That's a good idea.

This is a wonderful rocket launch. Look over there, there are all straw boats. ...

B: ... well, let's take a sauna on the boat without borrowing an arrow. "

A: When I went back, Zhou Yu looked "Hey, Mr. Kong Ming, what happened to your smoky forehead?" What do you think Kong Ming said? Do you want him to answer like this: Governor Zhou, I went to Jiangbei to borrow an arrow last night and forgot about the rocket. As a result, people burned the boat. I swam in the Yangtze River in the middle of the night before I swam up.

B: Oh, it's really hard for him.

Do you think Zhuge Liang is an idiot?

B: Well, tell me about these three monsters. Let's talk about how the flooded Seventh Army became strange.

A: What do you mean by flooding the Seventh Army?

Isn't that? Isn't that the Seventh Army?

A: No!

B: What's the matter?

A: Since he brought so many people, why did he divide them into seven pieces? Why didn't he say how many people he brought?

B: This is ... probably because they happen to have seven armies.

A: Nonsense. Except for this place in the Three Kingdoms, nothing else has said that. Cao Cao went down to the south of the Yangtze River. How can you say that you have 82 troops? Liu Bei attacked Wu with 730 thousand men. How many times have we heard of taking 73 troops?

It's really strange to say.

A: According to my idea,

Oh, you guessed it.

A: According to my thinking, the Seventh Army is actually a number. Think about it, how many people are there in Cao Cao's army of 80,000 to 20,000?

B: What about 820,000?

Yes, it's the same. It's 820 thousand, and the army is 820 thousand So the seventh army is seven people.

B: Seven ... Seven people?

A: That's right.

B: I've never heard such an explanation. How dare you break up with Guan Yu? Isn't this nonsense? !

Who said that? Seven of me have books to prove.

B: Where did you get the certificate?

A: In Chapter 74 of Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Pang Lingming was killed and Guan Yunchang flooded the Seventh Army. Who are the generals under Yu Jin?

B: Pounds.

A: What about the two who are going to surrender?

Oh, yes, Dong Heng and Dong Chao.

A: How many of these are there?

B: Three.

A: Before going to war, Pound said he would fight Guan Yu to the death, didn't he?

Yes, with a coffin.

How many people carry a coffin?

B: Four.

A: You see, there are four small schools carrying coffins. If you count Pound Dong Heng and Dong Chao, that's seven.

B: Well, you really figured it out.

A: what about the experts?

You're welcome. Second strange, what happened to losing Maicheng?

A: Who defeated Maicheng?

B: Master Guan.

A: You said that Master Guan was a hero. Hua Xiong was defeated by Wen Jiu in Sishui Pass, Lu Bu was defeated by Hulao Pass's Sanying War, Yan Liang and Wen Chou were defeated by Guandu, and Sixth Pass was defeated. Cao Renmanchong was too scared to show up by the siege of Fancheng, and Cao Cao was scared by the Seventh Army to move the capital. How could such a hero fail in Maicheng and be arrested by nobody Zhong?

B: It's ... it's not because people are too tired to walk that they won by the horse rope.

A: Wrong again. What kind of horse is Guan Gong riding? Red rabbit. As the saying goes, Lyu3 bu4 is among people and Red Rabbit is among horses. This Guan Yu is Lyu3 bu4 riding a horse, with a dragon crescent moon blade in his hand. How can he be caught? Isn't that strange?

B: That's right ... What do you think is going on?

A: I have to blame the red hare when I think about it.

What's wrong with this red hare?

A: This red rabbit was originally Dong Zhuo's BMW. Later, Dong Zhuo took Marotta's advice and gave it to Lu Bu. Lu Bu was overjoyed, so he killed Ding Yuan and recognized Dong Zhuo as his adoptive father. Later, due to Wang Situ's serial plan, Lu Bu killed Dong Zhuo again, only to be defeated by Li Jue Guo Si and forced to leave Chang 'an. From then on, first vote, then take Yanzhou, fight Puyang, steal Xuzhou, Yuanmen shoot Ji, trapped in Pi. Finally, he was killed by Cao Cao in Baimenlou. This red hare has been following Lu Bu.

What a nice horse.

A: Later, Cao Cao took Guan Yu, and in order to win people's hearts, he gave the horse to Guan Gong. Unexpectedly, Guan Gong was loyal to loyalty and justice. All he knows is that with this horse, if he knows about my brother, he can leave quickly. Later, he went back to his old master and rode this BMW through the meeting of the ancient city, Cao and Battle of Red Cliffs, until he lost Maicheng. The horse was captured by Ma Zhong, but did not eat forage, and finally died a martyr.

B: People have integrity, so do horses.

Did you hear it this time?

What did you hear?

A: Do the math. When did Dong Zhuo receive Lu Bu?

It was the sixth year of Zhong Ping, the emperor of the Han Dynasty, that is, the year of 189.

When did Guan Gong defeat Maicheng?

B: Let me see, it was in 220 AD, the twenty-fifth year of Jian 'an.

A: That is to say, even if Dong Zhuo gave this red rabbit to Lu Bu, the horse was only one year old, and by the time Guan Yu died, it was already thirty-one.

Oh, thirty.

A: What! Man, 30 years old. Anyone who has raised animals knows that horses begin to age after fifteen, and they will die at thirty.

B: Old horse.

A: It's not just an old horse, it's dying. Do you think Guan Gong can ride such an old and weak old horse and run three steps and catch two steps without being caught?

B: why didn't he change it?

A: Yes, even if he went to Zhuge Liang's father-in-law's house to rob a donkey, he would run faster than these animals aged 70 or 80.

Well, Guan Gong rode a donkey.

A: I guess he is unwilling to change, and has already shown his feelings. You see, we have been talking about crosstalk partners for so long, and we have deep feelings. Do you think we are willing to part?

I don't want to go.

A: When you get older, your back will be hunched, your teeth will fall out and you will not be fluent. You think I want to kick you out and find a new partner?

I don't want to go.

A: Do you think I can ride you for so many years without showing any affection?

No ... Wait a minute! Who let you ride for so many years!

A: That's easy to say.

Aren't you happy? Oh, Guan Gong lost because Red Rabbit was too old. There's another strange one? What happened to Zhuge Liang and posthumous title?

I will test you first. Do you know what's going on in posthumous title?

B: Yes, emperors and ministers of ancient feudal dynasties always sent a sentence or two after their death as a lifelong evaluation to show their appreciation or disapproval.

A: Yes, Guan Yu, for example, made a mistake. Zhao Yun, that's Shunping; Zhang Fei, Zhang,, have lost a wing, while Huang Zhong,, is a rigid word.

B: Yes.

But Zhuge Liang, do you know who Shi is?

What did he get?

A: Going back to Chapter 1 15 of Romance of the Three Kingdoms, it is clearly written in the opening tray of Wei Zhu. Zhuge Liang failed to become a star and died in Wuzhangyuan. The dead Zhuge scared away the living Zhong Da, and the army of Western Shu retreated to Hanzhong. Halfway through the rebellion, Wei Yan was beheaded by Ma Dai. Later, all the soldiers helped Zhuge Liang's coffin return to Chengdu. First of all, I cried bitterly and personally sent it to Dingjun Mountain for burial. He made a decree to seal it, and posthumous title was loyal to Wu.

B: Oh.

Look, Liu Chan, the late ruler, gave Zhuge Liang this posthumous title, a loyal soldier.

B: these two words are very appropriate.

A: The word loyalty is easy to explain. It is loyalty. There is nothing to say. He gave his sincerity and Zhuge Liang's loyalty to two generations. This martial word is so strange.

How strange is that?

A: Did Zhuge Liang ever fight with anyone?

B: No.

A: Did you fight anyone in front of the two armies?

not have ...

A: Zhuge Liang hit Ma Chao naked, and Hulao Pass hit Lu Bu before? Have you ever fought 200 rounds of midnight oil with Zhang Fei?

Where did you take a taxi?

A: That's true. Zhuge Liang is a strategist and a counselor, specializing in planning, not a military commander.

B: It's always in the back.

A: You see Zhuge Liang has been wearing strange clothes, holding a Yin-Yang goose feather fan and sitting in four wheelchairs. ...

B: Wait a minute. Is Zhuge Liang disabled in both legs or something? He is still in a wheelchair.

A: Did he sit in those four wheelchairs as soon as he went to war? There is a man pushing behind him.

B: Hey, it's called a four-wheeled wooden cart.

Oh, I thought he had been in Sichuan for a long time. He has rheumatoid arthritis and can't walk.

That's an expert.

A: Anyway, Zhuge Liang never fought in a war or wore a military uniform.

B: Yes.

A: Then why do you think he died?

B: Well ... if you ask me, I don't know.

A: Hehe, it depends on experts, right? According to my thinking.

You're thinking about it again.

A: Zhuge Liang has been trying to revive the Han Dynasty all his life and is still in his old capital.

B: That's right.

A: So he is bent on leading the army of Xishu to the northern expedition of the Central Plains.

Well, it's a reward.

How many times did he call?

B: You don't have to ask. Six out of Qishan.

A: Hey, hey, no!

B: Is there anything wrong with that?

You don't understand. According to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, it was cut down six times.

B: Yes.

A: But according to the Records of the Three Kingdoms written by Chen Shou, the official history, Zhuge Liang attacked five times.

Really?

A: Yes, later, in order to increase Zhuge Liang's deeds, the novelist gave him another expedition to the Central Plains, but in fact he really cut it five times.

I see.

A: Then why did Zhuge Liang give a "five"? That's where he came from.

B: Well, after cutting down the Central Plains by five, it will be five-wow?

A: It was really difficult for Luo Guanzhong to write here later.

What is his dilemma?

A: Think about it. He fabricated Zhuge Liang's Northern Expedition, but posthumous title couldn't move.

B: Why can't this posthumous title be changed?

A: Zhuge Liang attacked the Central Plains five times, and posthumous title was the "five emperors"; What if he comes out of Qishan six times? Doesn't that mean he has to be named "six Hou"

Oh, walking the monkey? ! Fuck you!