Interesting short sentences

1. Humorous phrases tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the side. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone! I called you just now and answered that the user streaked and couldn't get through; Call again, reply: the user has rushed out of the service area.

Cold remedies: lean your head against the door frame and close the door hard until you feel dizzy and have a slight congestion, and the cold can be cured. How painful it is to be apart. Your leaving will make me beat my chest. I really want you to live with me, but.

Mom said, "There are no pigs at home!" " "Tips for self-test of vital capacity: After farting, lower your head and inhale fiercely, and then observe whether people around you smell strange smell.

If so, you must strengthen your exercise according to this method; If not, then prove that you are superman! When I was down and out, you were by my side; You were by my side when I was sick and injured; When I am frustrated in love, you are still by my side ... It's really unlucky to be with you. When you walk into a deep and narrow canyon with a bow and arrow on your back, you find a wolf in front and a ghost behind. Excuse me: Do you shoot wolves or ghosts? The first ray of sunshine in the morning is my deep blessing to you.

The last blush of the sunset is my heartfelt greeting to you: "How are you, fool?" Don't think that I have forgotten you. At critical times, such as today, you are my first thought.

Miss you, always in such a time and place will be so strong, you always pay everything silently, and I always abandon you like garbage after I finish ... toilet paper, you are a little aura, I am a little stupid; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You have a little aroma, I have a little smoke; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper. There are many women around, all of whom are elder sisters; Occasionally there are exceptions, and it's also a bad date.

There are too many bachelors around me, and I am hungry all day; I want to say a few words of comfort, but I don't know what to say. Love you for10,000 years, keep your eyes on money; If you want to see me, remit 10 thousand yuan quickly

Report commander, your wife is in Taiwan Province Province, and once Taiwan Province Province is liberated, your wife will wet the kang! Commander, your wife will be born as soon as she develops in Taiwan Province and Taiwan Province provinces! A fat man weighed himself, but the scale didn't respond. He came down disappointed. The scale suddenly said, to maintain the machinery, please don't stand two people at a time. Thank you for your cooperation. No matter where you go, your colleagues will follow you, but this is purely out of strong curiosity.

It annoys me to think that my beloved girl is married, her doll is as tall as a dog, and I am still single. When you made a little money, you gambled all your money. When you see a beautiful girl, your eyes shine, and your wife is reluctant to slap you.

[Skill expert] I have such a bright line at the foot of my bed that you have no money to hold back. Look up at the beauty, bow down and be sad.

0.08 Your smile is sweet, your anger is lovely, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig 0.08 [Unique Expert] Congratulations, this short message you just received will be recorded in the history of world communication, because it is the first short message paid by the receiver, and the price is 654.38+00,000 RMB! 0.08 [Deception expert] Part I: Fake cigarettes, fake wine and fake friends; Bottom line: false feelings, false feelings, false gentleness.

Horizontal batch: money is real. 0.08 [trick expert] People can't fall, and they have to draw a million dollars to borrow money. Fainting is better than fainting.

Whether a person is beautiful or not depends on his thighs; Whether he can do it or not depends on his head shape. 0.08 [trick expert] You paid all your wages, including those that were not planned; All leftovers are contracted, including spoilage; Kill all housework, including mother-in-law's; Thoughts are reported every day.

0.08 [Unique Skill Expert] You have been short of calcium and love since childhood, wearing a sack, a lid on your head, shorts, a belt, shirtless and a tie. Who dares to love such a glorious image! 0.08 [Unique Expert] Four little pigs are sitting on the ground, and suddenly one is missing. And that little pig, reading the text message! 0.08 [Unique Skill Expert] When a donkey meets a tiger, it turns around and runs.

The donkey ran very slowly, and the horse shouted, "Stupid donkey! How can you run fast with a mobile phone in your hand! Throw away the phone quickly! " 0.08 [trick expert] A found that B had a new watch: Where did you buy it? This is a prize. How did it come about? Race with two people? Who are those two people? Police and a watchmaker. You have three seconds to show up for me, or you will know the date of my shoes. 0.08 [Unique Skill Expert] Urgent reminder: There may be lightning recently. Please put your mobile phone on your head and plug in the charger and drag it behind you when you go out. Remember that 0.08 [trick expert] is a great news: the one-way charging of the mobile phone has been opened. How to operate: put the mobile phone into the pot and boil it with low heat until the words "One-way charging has been successfully started" appear on the mobile phone. 0.08 That day, I stared at your sexy body, twisted naked in front of me and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I can't resist your temptation.

0.08 [Skill Expert] You are very virtuous-you can't do anything at home, you are a beautiful girl-a moldy girl, and you have an affair with me-an unshakable friendship! [trick expert] Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless ... Don't forget, even if people all over the world don't like you and ignore you, at least there are us ... Animal Protection Association 0.08 [trick expert] I live like this every day: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tai Sen, playing chess with Wei Ping, chatting with Clinton, bombing buildings with bin Laden, and texting pigs 0.08 [trick expert]. If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers? 0.08 [Unique Skill Expert] It is said that after the Tang Priest and his disciples learned the scriptures, Sanzang was reincarnated as the underworld boss, Wukong became a fashion model, Friar Sand became a university professor, and Bajie became a mobile phone messenger.

0.08 Emergency reminder: There will be a tornado in the southeast of the city at 9: 00 tomorrow morning. It is expected that there will be mobile phones, banknotes, gold coins and other money. Please be prepared to make a fortune. 0.08 [trick expert] Men's love is love, women's love is duty, men's playboy is talent, and women's playboy is nameless. 0.08 [trick expert] I took Ekin Cheng in my hand, pushed Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, Rosamund Kwan and Pan Changjiang, and came to Stephen Chow ... 0.08 [trick expert] A man will not admit that he is drinking "Hua San", but will only say that he is "spending" money and "drinking" wine.

0.08 [trick expert] My left side.

2. The rabbit said, "I am a son of a bitch!" The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "The chicken said," I'm a son of a bitch! "The dog said," You talk, I'll go first! " No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" " No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!" No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good to be called sparring partner by outsiders!" No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!" The cat said to me, "I am your grandmother's cat." Listen! " The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "The fish said to me," I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice! "The bear said," You talk, I'll go first! " Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!" The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!" The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!" Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying." He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay." Said, "My fans say my idol is Chang." Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!" The senior math teacher said: I teach senior math this semester, and the college physics teacher said: I teach big things this semester. The analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electricity this semester, and the socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University. Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college. Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first! General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man! General fu said to him: I am just! General Zuo Quan said: I have this right! General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first! Minolta users say: we are beautiful women! Canon users say: we are beautiful! The user of Huaguang said: We are from China! Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first! Lao Zhang's door is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is made of wood. Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said: My door is made of plastic. Lao Wang's door is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is made of bricks. Lao Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first! The students of teachers' college said: I am a student of railway institute. The students of teachers' college said: I am a student of vocational college of iron institute. I am a student of technical college of vocational college and said: You.

You are handsome, you are handsome, you are the most handsome in the world, with a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp on your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are a second-generation fool.

When laughing, the wolf hangs himself, when barking, the chicken flies and the dog jumps, and when it stops, the smell is pervasive. Lice is a disaster when you sweat. Uglier than a ghost when you're not dressed. As soon as you dress up, the ghost becomes paralyzed.

I have a request: invite me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate. Invite me to have a good meal, or write: marriage, male or female, unlimited conditions.

4. Love is empty, and I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy without money to charge your mobile phone-everything is empty in short.

In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and you stood in the field, dressed in rags, with dark skin and tears in your eyes, saying, is it worth shelling to steal a cabbage?

Six days is blue, the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

One day, Cao Cao went to visit Jiang Gan. He held Jiang Gan's hand and said enthusiastically, Fuck, how is your mother? Jiang Gan fainted, and it took him a while to wake up. He grabbed Cao Cao's collar excitedly and said, Fuck, how is your family? Cao Cao immediately vomited blood and died.

8. In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet. You go to relieve yourself, fall into the toilet, fight with maggots, fight with shit, and no one saves you. You die heroically, live great and die silently. In memory of you, the toilet is equipped with lights.

9. The fool stole the beggar's wallet and the blind man saw it. The mute gave a loud roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, look at my face. The madman said that people should be rational.

10 .. I like Teresa Teng, dead; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Anita Mui, dead; I like Ka Kui Wong, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you. It's up to you.

The funny sentence of the whole person is 1. Planting grass won't make people lie down. It's better to replant cactus! 2. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it! 3. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people! It turns out that as long as people are separated, people who are familiar with each other will gradually alienate.

5, go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat! 6, men fool women, called flirting; Women fool men, called * *; Men and women fool each other, which is called love. 7. The government thinks about how to tax reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably! 8. Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

9. Love is like a ghost. Many people believe, but some people see 10. How far is forever? Get out, boy! 1 1, met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

12, no one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit. 13, I want to puppy love, but it's already late ... 14, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

The important task after 15 and 80 is to manufacture 08. 16, people have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back ~ ~.

17, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am. 18, reminding everyone that it is very important to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ... and everyone knows what happened afterwards.

19, I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't say so much as you like. 20. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story! 2 1, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously. 23. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously. 25. Even if you believe it, there are lies hidden in the middle.

26. Real good friends are not together with endless topics, but together, even if they don't talk, they won't feel embarrassed. 27, no other half 100 points, only two people 50 points! 28. The people who are willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you! 29. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

30. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but I am poor. 3 1, only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

32. After seeing me, you will suddenly find-ah, handsome can be so single-minded! 33. Ask a colleague: "Did you buy PetroChina?" Colleagues said, "Bah! You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec! " 34. I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon.

After eating the first one, I was shocked. "Is there anything worse in the world?" I cried after eating the second one. "There really is." . When a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat.

36. Life is like a coffee table. Although it is not big, it is full of tragedy. 37. Take your advice and leave me ten books! 38 years old and 0 years old, 10 years old is improving every day.

20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity.

Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall! 39, boss, first come to two pounds of true love, take it back to feed the dog! 40. "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant for ... three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, and you're not responsible for it ..." 41. We have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

42. After reading the language of 10 years, it is better to talk about QQ for half a year. 43. Being lazy in bed in the morning, I took out six coins from my pocket: If all six are heads, I will go to class! After thinking for a long time, forget it, I won't take the risk ... 44. I bought a pottery jar from the Western Zhou Dynasty for 80,000 yuan, and went to the Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "45. I can tolerate that my figure is fake, my face is fake, my chest is fake and my ass is fake! ! ! But I just don't tolerate money. Yes! ! ! ! 46. Scholars play dead for their confidants, while women have plastic surgery for those who please themselves.

47. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to discover that you are really ugly. 48. personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

49. Give me a little sunshine, and I will rot. You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

5 1, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge. 52. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me! Come back quickly, I can't fool you alone! 54. Life is Song Like Zude's mouth, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~~~ 55. If you fall down, get up and cry again ~~~ 56. The world is hard to extricate itself, except for teeth, and there is love.

57. A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I will never get married …" 58. Life is simple. Live, relax.

Life is not easy. 59. How much sadness can you have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel ... 60. When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

6 1, if something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first, and don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated. 62. clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to ensure that you leave.

63, we walk too fast, the soul can't keep up with ... 64, don't be as knowledgeable as the earth people ~ ~ 65, come out to mix, the wife will change sooner or later! When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up, but when I grew up, I found that the whole world couldn't save me ... 67. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my toad mother. 68. Why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die? A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

70. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back, I'm sorry, I was rolled away by 7 1. After you ignored me, I became a dog ~ ~! 72. The bus I caught in the morning had already left when I got to the platform.

Yu.

5. Collect 8 super funny sentences 1. You're crazy, I'm stupid. You are so wrapped up that you have no teeth!

2. Affectionate is stupid, heartless is the coolest, infatuation is stupid, and unfeeling is knowing the world.

3. Do you know Song Ci? Please read this poem out loud for five times: black traces of spring, stepping to scare the spring moth away, black eyebrows posing like gauze hanging, black songs and dances. You got it? If you don't understand, read it to others. Don't pretend to understand.

4.~ ~ ~ This is the blessing with the most "shit" since "shit"! ~

I thought I was evil, but I didn't know it until I met you. There are few people better than me.

You don't have the image of a pig, but you have the temperament of a pig

7. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant; Give you a little flood, and you will flood. I'll make the old lady wear a red mouth and give you some color to see see.

8. Your wife is expensive and your son is expensive; If you are lovers, you can throw them both.

6. Brother (pain): Little sister, I am lovelorn, alas ... Little sister (serious): Brother, don't be sad, you are not a Scorpio. If they are lovelorn, they will suffer a thousand times more than you! Big brother (helpless): She abandoned me and ran away with others ... Little sister (thinking): Then she is probably Sagittarius, and everyone in that constellation is a radish-playboy! Big Brother (unhappy): What's so good about that man? He dyed his hair red, but he still beat Tai Ji Chuan.

Little sister (shaking her head): Aquarius people are like this. They won't listen to any advice. There is nothing they can do! Big Brother (gnashing his teeth): I really want to kill him with one knife, and everything is over! Little sister (worried): Don't be so impulsive as Aries. The book says that they are all responsible for raising the social crime rate! Big Brother (thoughtfully): Why am I so unlucky? Little sister (smiling): "Why" is Gemini's mantra. You'd better not be like them Big Brother (suddenly): Actually, I think I am handsome, right? Little sister (frowning): Well ... your narcissism is very similar to Leo's father. Do you know that mom turned white because of this? Big Brother (unconvinced): At least I am gentle, aren't I? Little sister (pie pie): I want to compare with a good man like Cancer. People are more careful than you and save money than you! Big Brother (eyes wide open): Are you listening to me carefully? Little sister (seriously): Yes, I listened carefully with the unique endurance of Taurus! Big Brother (a little angry): Don't you feel sorry for me at all? Little sister (naive): I don't want to be as compassionate as Pisces! Big Brother (speechless with anger): ... Little Sister (eyes lit up): By the way, I think most people who love silence are Capricorn, which is very tasty! Big brother (want to cry without tears): pour.

Little sister (anxious): No, brother, you are a Libra, so pay great attention to your image! Constellation lover (keen): How can there be such a little sister? Too many bananas, oranges, apples and pears come one after another ... Little sister (suddenly mysterious): Shh, don't smash it. If you smash it again, our neighbor aunt downstairs will come up-she is a Virgo! Never flirt with a good woman.

7. If you ask for a joke, who are you? I accidentally lost my phone book. I guess you are Sheng Jinbin or Ai Wu Bai? Otherwise, it's not Mei Renxing. If not, then I conclude that you are Bian Tai.

Said You Zhu was fat, lazy and stupid. Why do people always blame pigs for things they don't want to admit? You are furious: stop insulting me. Don't eat pigs if you can. I beg the Buddha for a long-lasting blooming rose every day. When it reaches 999, I will give it to you together and say emotionally, "I don't believe that the attracted bees can't sting you!" " "Do you have a TV there? Watch CCTV 1. The White House was bombed and the whole building collapsed. The police have sealed off the whole of Washington, 19 people were killed, 32 people were injured, 1 1 people were missing.

1 person cheated! Do n't move Robbery! Hands up. Men stand on the left, women stand on the right, perverts stand in the middle, hey! I'm talking about you, pretending to look at your mobile phone! The first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are my goal in this life, I want to pursue you, I want to hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB! Want to see the sea with you but can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you but I can't reach the paradise of happiness; I wanted to go shopping with you, but the police refused. He said, don't walk the dog! Urgent reminder: look at the left first, then look at the right.

Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone. I told my mother that I like you very much and want you to accompany me day and night.

Do you know that?/You know what? Through this period of communication, I found that I can't live without you now. But my mother refused. She said, "Pigs are not allowed at home." Frankly speaking, I like you very much. Your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquetry and even the way you sleep fascinate me! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice and you keep losing your hair! One day, we came to a wishing pool. I bent down and made a wish, and then threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but when you bent down, you accidentally fell into the well. I was startled and muttered, How clever! When we were young, we didn't guess. I sing and you dance. I can sing 200 songs and you can dance 200 dances, so people affectionately call me 200 songs and you 200 dances.

Do you know why you and I are meant to be in this life? In fact, we met thousands of years ago, and it was also spring. You chased me for a long time and left your teeth marks on me, which made an eternal story. My name was Lv Dongbin at that time.

I thought there was something better. I found the best around me again and again, just like you. At first, I didn't think much of your appearance, but as time went on, I found that you were the most bullied! Now that I have changed my job, I have some rights. In the future, if you miss me and want to see me, give me a call and I'll send a car to pick you up. The phone number is 1 10.

Dreaming of God, he said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult. Let's change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted to make this look good. He thought deeply and said, take the globe and I'll look at it again! When I woke up, there was a mosquito lying on the pillow, and there was a suicide note beside me, which read: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky that I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

Last night, I had a dream that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife. The pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy, saying, we are born from the same root, so why fry each other! I said, "You are a pig!" You said: I am a pig. "

From then on, I will call you' Pig Monster'. One day, you finally couldn't help shouting "I'm not a pig!" " In front of everyone. You are over 20, there are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove how great human beings are. And you are used to stew vermicelli.

Tortoise: If I hadn't been surfing the Internet, my face wouldn't be as green as a screensaver! Squidward Tentacles: If I hadn't been smoking, I wouldn't be in a hurry to spit out the smoke ring! Frog: I wouldn't be so happy if I hadn't been reading short messages! Now there are several big fools: those who like to be aggrieved, those who do good deeds without leaving a name, those who lose everything to win favoritism, and those who read short messages and snicker! You see my infatuation, my hospitality, my true love and my doubts in your eyes. What a big piece of shit! According to a survey conducted by the National Bureau of Statistics, more than 90% of "mental patients and mentally retarded people" (commonly known as 250) use their thumbs to check messages! -Don't change it, it's too late! Seriously ill people giggle. Now please touch your face and look at the mirror with a smile. If your skin is pink and your face is soft, it means you are healthy.

Ok, this lecture on pig raising is over. You look very abstract! You look hazy! You look fuzzy! You look very ... strange! Give me a break. I really can't describe you. I have never seen a ghost.

At midnight, the pendulum strikes again, and my endless loneliness overflows like darkness. I miss you so much, but where did I leave you mercilessly? My sleeping pills! Honey. When I ride my bike uphill, what I miss most is the motivation you gave me. I have you in the back seat of my car, and going uphill is full of pleasure, as long as you fart! I want to say goodbye to you. I am sad to see innocent written on your face. Why did I choose deeply, but I had to give up in a hurry? I want to keep you around forever, but my mother said "pigs are not allowed in the city"! On a cold winter morning, you struggled to paddle in the pool, breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly, freestyle and amazing diving! The old man on the shore was anxious: "I'm going to have an exam!" You drank up the cesspool and didn't let me farm! " What happened? Call the mobile phone, voice prompt: you dialed a lazy pig from other places, please dial the pigsty area code before dialing the number. I can't believe it, I dialed it again, and the voice prompt: the owner was killed! Before, I only knew that pigs could not talk, so I knew hum. Later, when I met you, I realized that you could hum better than pigs. I was just talking about you, and you were humming.