Humorous dialogues in life are all written in classical Chinese.

1. Write the humorous dialogue that happened around you in classical Chinese, and add 20 points to "The Roe and the Deer" within two hours.

One day, an old man pointed to a roe and asked a child, "Who is roe?" Who is the deer? "

The child hasn't seen roe and deer for a long time, saying, "Roe is a deer, and deer is a roe."

This old man is very strange.

People with tails will be beheaded.

The dragon king gave an order in the shade of the river, saying, "Whoever has a tail will be beheaded in the future."

One day, a deer was drinking water beside it. When he heard the sound of crying, he looked down and saw a toad crying in the bushes.

Ask him: "You have no tail, why are you crying?"

Toad said, "I have no tail, but tadpoles have tails."

"How can there be no thief? 》

A thief entered the house late at night and opened the door, only to find that his jar was full of his master's indica rice. Therefore, indica rice is taken in a dark room. When he woke up, he heard all the voices, so he looked. A thief was squatting next to him, pouring his indica rice on his coat. When his master slept, he took his thief's shirt and covered it.

When the wife woke up, she heard her rustling voice and secretly called her husband "thief."

Her husband pretended to be angry and said, "How can a woman be a thief when she is ignorant?"

The thief was angry, too. "How can there be no thief? Why was my coat stolen! "

Hit three more Jin.

A county magistrate is so addicted to alcohol that he never leaves his body when he goes to court. One day in the hall, I was attracted by narcissism and heard a few drums in my ear. I was angry that alcohol was dangerous to people, saying that one of my officials was angry and said, "Who called?" My official said, "the ear of a villain." The magistrate said, "Take your servant to court and have a fight with him before the trial."

As soon as my official went out, the magistrate leaned back, drank all the wine and got drunk in class.

My official sent his king to class and asked, "How much is it?"

The magistrate was drunk and said, "Give me another three pounds."

Go to his house in pain

An old man had frostbite on his foot, and the pain was unbearable. He called his old woman, "You dig a hole in this wall for me, so that I can put this foot in his house."

The old woman was puzzled and asked, "Why?"

The old man said angrily, "Women are ignorant. This foot hurts in someone else's house. Why do you want to bring it to her own house? "

2. Humorous and humorous classical Chinese Shen Defu's "Wan Yeli Supplement" records an interesting custom, which is regarded as a very open entertainment content in the local area.

In ancient times, there were many people in Guangdong, because men and women shared a river and were born lewd.

I wrote to Shen Jishan, Sima Tan and Yu Lingyu about Tongchuan affairs. I didn't know about this at the beginning of Panyu, so I went to my headquarters and disappeared.

The guards guarding the gods live in seclusion. Every time after dinner, the slaves will come out and return at dusk, every day, and then they will say painfully, "My generation is also a traitor. Are you going to abandon me?" However, it's still the same.

One day after lunch, I waited a little, and then I went out of town at a speed. For the sake of my peers, I went to the riverside in the suburbs and saw old men and women undress and get into the water. I'm happy to shoot. I can't stop watching, the audience is blocked, and I'm not shy. I know Cao Ning will refuse to keep her house because of her pain.

I asked, "What are you going to do with it from now on?" Shen Yue said, "From now on, I don't care. Whenever I am full, I will take a group of slaves out first. " I don't know if the wind is still here today, because I smiled when I reached my hand.

Mandarin:

"It is said that there are many strange bugs in Guangdong, because men and women take a bath together.

I didn't believe it at first, but then one day I told Shen Jishan about it.

Shen Jishan said:' When I was demoted, I was in a flurry all day. I found that all my slaves ran out every afternoon and didn't come back until evening. I beat them up for it, but I never changed. Then I followed them secretly once, and then I was shocked. Men, women and children in the river outside the city are playing with water, and people passing by on the shore are not shy at all. Now I understand why these goods have to run out every day even if they are hit. "

I asked Shen Jishan,' What are you going to do with them now?'

Shen Jishan (especially unruly) said,' Now I walk faster than them after eating every day.'

So we clapped our hands and laughed together.

3. Humorous dialogue Women in life: Are you there? Man: I'm everywhere! Woman: Oh … Man: Come on, faint in my arms, come on baby! W: Hehe … What's your name? Man: I didn't scream, and you didn't flirt with me? Woman: I asked your name.

M: Oh yeah ~ My compound surname is Nangong, and my name is Friends Circle, or South Friends Circle for short! Woman: Hehe, friend … Man: OK, please call me my full name boyfriend, ok? Woman: Come on, take advantage of me again ... Man: You are not the food in the market. What should I take advantage of you? Woman: You ... Man: Oh, dry your tears! Actually, that was my stage name just now. My name is Ni, and my name is Lao Gong. What about you? Woman: Er ... My name is Wei! Man: So it's you! Woman: You know me? Man: Well, I hum you every day! W: Why? Man: Wei, do you know how much I love you ... Woman: Hehe, you are so humorous! Man: Everyone says so! Woman: You are really not modest. Man: Wrong! I'm not hypocritical! Woman: You are so narcissistic! Man: Wrong! I have confidence! Female: I'll take you ... Male: I weigh 60 kilograms. Can you take it in? Woman: ... (depressed) How old are you? M: I can't describe it It's huge! W: I mean your age? Man: What's two plus two, four plus forty-six, sixteen plus eight minus four? Female: Twenty … Male: Correct answer, but unfortunately no prize … What about you? Woman: Hehe, I'm eighteen.

Man: eighteen is great! W: Why? M: They all say 188 1 flower! W: So what? Man: I dare choose you. How about you? Woman: I am a rose with thorns. Aren't you scared? M: I can't type the word pa. Woman (changing the subject): Where are you from? Man: Zhongyuan.

Woman: Er ... Where in the Central Plains? M: Shame, I live in the four seas and have no fixed place! Woman: Really? Man: With your wisdom, can I coax you? Woman: That's true … but don't you want to have a real home? M: I don't want to. Just … Woman: Just what? M: It's just that no girl wants to compete with me. Woman: Go find one! M: The current social reality is unbearable. True love is hard to find. How simple is it? Woman: Hey, don't be such a wet blanket, there will be! M: Will it? I am so lonely, I don't know when I can get rid of it. Woman: Are you still lonely when I talk to you now? Man: No, it felt good, but only for a moment ... Woman: Aren't you afraid that you can't type? Man (suddenly coming over): Yes, I want to pick your rose with thorns.

Woman: I have thorns. Take me home, don't let me wither. Can you do it? Man: There are two songs I promise you … Woman: Which two songs? M: Wei He Hua Tong. Woman: Really? Yes, it is. This heart can be learned from the sun and the moon! Woman: Well, boyfriend! Man: Hehe, call me Lao Gong! Woman: Um ... Husband! Man: shh … honey, stop it. Someone is watching our conversation.

4. Classic situational dialogues in life (funny) 1. A foreigner took a ticket from 50 yuan and waved it in front of the conductor: Did you see it? Have you seen it? ..... The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a 100 show: Have you seen it? Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

2. Once I asked for money to go home by bus. When I got on the bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" I didn't explain it clearly in a few words. I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about anything else." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it over. He said sadly, "boss, this is the only money I have." There are many of you. I'm sure. "

Thief A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you!

4. When getting off at the red light, a man shouted, "Driver, open the door, I want to get off." Is this the bus stop? "The driver growled." I'll let you know, because this is not a stop sign. "The driver was speechless.

In the morning, I chased the car to catch the bus. When we got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Bajie, don't chase."

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull a ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" "

5. Funny conversations in life 1. What's the use of being handsome? In the end, it was eaten by a chess piece!

Live well, because we will die for a long time.

3. If you are not afraid of being used, you are afraid of being useless.

There are so many people who look down on me. Who are you?

5. As long as the hoe dances well, where can you dig the foot of the wall?

6. You don't have to study hard, but you must not review well.

7. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

8. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

9. You can make do with life or pay attention to life!

10. Don't call others insane. The premise of mental illness is to have a brain.

1 1. I don't mean not to laugh, but the powder will fall off when you laugh!

12. Only women and English are sad, only wives and jobs are hard to find!

13. Driving is not difficult, but there are new people!

14. after studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!

15. You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

16. Don't be common sense with people on earth.

17. A tailor who doesn't want to be a chef is not a good driver.

18. The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you have been waiting for comes, followed by the wolf.