Ask for three jokes. Urgent!

Classic joke: With the deepening of the western development, the scenic spots along the way have become tourist attractions, which makes the workload of Buddhist scripture bureau heavier and heavier. Therefore, Tianyu Emperor purposefully strengthened the construction of the leading group of Buddhist Scripture Bureau, added a deputy director, and ordered Tang Yan, director of the Bureau, to recommend candidates. Tang Priest received the imperial edict, one was happy and the other was puzzled. It's good to add a deputy. I am naturally happy. Who can I recommend? I can't go to all the trouble. I think those men are heroes who accompany them to learn from the scriptures. It is not easy to negotiate who they use and who they don't use. We must consider it comprehensively and deeply from the perspective of guiding people. Especially when choosing your own deputy, the key is to be able to cooperate with yourself.

Is Wukong okay? On merit, this monkey head is the first merit. But he has two fatal weaknesses: first, he has no authority and stands up when he sees the jade emperor, neither "worshipping" nor "thanking"; What's more, he also called Guanyin Bodhisattva "it's her turn to have no husband"; I am even less qualified in his eyes. Second, the method is simple and sloppy. If you catch a demon and blame it, you will be offended by people around the leaders in heaven. It hurts both the face of the monk and the face of the Buddha, which makes it difficult for me as a master to explain to the leaders. People like him can be tools, not leaders.

Where's Friar Sand? Of course not. He is diligent, active, tired and popular. But after all, engaged in logistics work, narrow working face, lack of innovative consciousness. He is content with mediocrity, too honest and inflexible.

It seems that only Bajie is the ideal candidate. Although he is greedy, sleepy, lustful, and sometimes tells lies and plays tricks, his reputation is not very good, but he has his advantages. First of all, he is good at keeping consistent with the leader. He can resolutely carry out whatever I say; You can also whisper to me and reflect the situation of your colleagues in time; More considerate of the leaders, he invited me to go to Gaolaozhuang for vacation many times, including food, accommodation and entertainment, and sent some high-end gifts. I feel from my heart that he is "one of our own". Second, he has a glib tongue. The black can be said to be white, the fake can be said to be true, and the wrong can be said to be right. It is often refreshing and can be compared with small Shenyang. This is very important, especially now, public relations talents are indispensable. Third, he can eat and drink. Don't look at him at his father-in-law's house. He wants to eat hundreds of biscuits for breakfast. He can't afford it, but he can eat and drink with me. There is no problem of unaffordability. In fact, he will resist for me for a while. Fourth, he is rude and straightforward, pig head, and has no ability. An enlightened person is incompetent. But dialectically, this is strength, because he will not pose a threat to me, so I don't have to worry about the tragedy of the deputy killing the chief. Wait, okay, that's him. I am Bajie's immediate superior. If I recommend it, nine times out of ten I will become it.

Sure enough, a few days later, high-level officials sent someone to inspect Bajie. Although most people in the bureau shook their heads at Bajie, Tang Priest's opinions were taken seriously. A few days later, the Jade Emperor's office meeting discussed the appointment of Bajie. Although the principle of "the minority is subordinate to the majority" exists, most of the leaders attending the meeting did not understand the situation and had to nod and agree with the appraisers. Therefore, the Jade Emperor decided to appoint Bajie as the deputy director of the Buddhist Scripture Bureau.

Shortly after Bajie took office, Tang Priest wanted to revisit his hometown-Tianzhu. As a thank you, Bajie said that for the convenience of the master, a rainbow bridge would be built on the Tongtian River in advance, and he volunteered to personally organize the construction. The project progressed rapidly, and a huge bridge was built in less than ten days. Naturally, Tang Priest was overjoyed and took his disciples to the Western Heaven. Unexpectedly, just by the Tongtian River, just waiting to get on the bridge, I heard a loud bang and the whole bridge collapsed. Tang Priest gasped, "Amitabha"! The accident alarmed the sky and soon sent someone to investigate. It has been found out that this is a typical bean curd residue project, which caused 30 deaths and 40 injuries, and the direct economic loss was 6.5438+0.5 million yuan. There are two reasons for the accident: First, Bajie tried to curry favor with the leaders, regardless of quality to catch up with the progress; Second, Bajie accepted a bribe of 2.5 million yuan from the construction unit, and eight escorts waited around the clock, which led to Jerry-building and Jerry-building. As for how to punish and where to pursue responsibility, that is another story. It is said that Wukong and Friar Sand are watching. Classic joke: Guo Jing and Huang Rong's college life. Everyone knows that Guo Jing in the history department is a stupid boy, but he is a bit lucky. When Huang Rong, the beauty queen and computer department, was punished, she bought her a bowl of beef vermicelli soup outside the East Gate, which moved Huang Rong deeply. She fell in love with him at the first sight. Many boys in school are indignant about this.

In fact, it is no wonder that Guo Jing, the situation at that time was like this: Huang Rong was caught cheating in the exam by his father. Actually, Huang Rong didn't have to cheat because of his good grades. She cheated for her classmate Zhou. Zhou is a lovely classmate, but he doesn't know how to offend his tutor Professor Huang. He is always locked up by Professor Huang. He was locked up year after year 15 years. Huang Rong saw that Zhou's classmates were too old to graduate. Poor thing, she wrote the answer on chewing gum paper and handed it to him. As a result, Huang Lao was caught by her father, a famous computer professor with a strange temper and a well-known scholar, and was called "evil". The test paper was confiscated and reported to the Academic Affairs Office.

Ouyang, director of the Academic Affairs Office, didn't expel Huang Rong because of Professor Huang's face, but just remembered it. But Huang Rong hated his father and vowed never to laugh again. She will marry whoever makes her laugh first.

A few days later, Zhou felt embarrassed to run to comfort her, saying that she had been failing in computer because she studied philosophy, and that she was going to get a doctorate in philosophy. Huang Rong said you were going to die, not afraid to be seen by my dad. Zhou shook his head and said it doesn't matter. I have Huang Laoxie's notes in my right hand and a philosophical paper in my left. It's called left-right complementarity, and Huang Laoxie thinks I'm listening attentively. Well, in this way, I wrote a VB program in my right hand and "On Kant's metaphysics about going to the toilet" in my left hand.

Huang Rong "poof-poof" laughed and said that it was no wonder that my dad sighed when he approved photoshop homework last time, saying that some students couldn't make Kant's pee picture without mosaic.

The girl in yellow felt a little wrong after laughing, but considering that Zhou was too old to marry him, she made another vow: she would marry whoever really bought her something first.

The next day, Huang Rong saw the bad luck brought by breaking the oath. First, in the morning, her punishment notice was posted on the window at the school gate, which made Huang Rong feel that all her insides were on display. Then when she was eating in the canteen at noon, her bag was stolen, which contained her wallet, mobile phone, potato chips, channel perfume and so on. In the evening, Huang Rong was depressed and wanted to make a glass of milk, drink it, wash it and sleep. As a result, the milk fell to the ground as soon as it slipped into the cup, and it was still so fragrant.

Huang Rong can't stand it. He shouted "I want to quit school, I want to quit school" in the dormitory, and then ran out of the east campus of his school in sandals and long hair.

Outside the east gate, it is very lively every night. There are more than 20 supper stalls here, and more than 20 people are waiting for supper in front of each stall. Huang Rong went to a stall selling beef vermicelli soup and wonton, and felt hungry. She lost her lunch bag and was in no mood to eat. Now she is penniless. What can she buy to eat?

As we all know, Huang Rong is a wayward student, and now she has made a wayward decision. She thought I was going to drop out of school anyway, and it was not easy to go home, so I had to be a tramp. Homeless people have no food and clothes, and sometimes they have been cheating. I went to eat a bowl of vermicelli soup for free today. Open a card.

After making up her mind, she grabbed a bowl of freshly cooked beef vermicelli soup and bowed her head and left. She heard a voice shouting, "Hey, this ..." She bumped into that voice, and more than half of the vermicelli soup was spilled on that voice, which just finished the rest: "... it's my vermicelli soup. "Huang Rong's toe was scalded by vermicelli soup, and she felt very depressed. She put the empty vermicelli bowl into the voice's hand and said, "I, I am your size." I'll give it all back to you. It doesn't matter. " Thinking of a series of unfortunate experiences these days, I finally couldn't help crying.

Who knows that the voice is surprisingly kind, and even said, "Don't cry, don't cry, you really want to eat another bowl, but I have put down the pepper." I don't know if you want to eat? " Huang Rong finally stopped crying and looked up at the voice. It was a big man, wrapped in a clumsy black coat with soup dripping on it, and some fans and a piece of beef hanging on his chest. He waited for a while with a bowl of red vermicelli soup. Huang Rong grabbed the vermicelli soup and said, "I eat, I eat." Gulp soup, vermicelli soup spicy Huang Rong full head big sweat. The voice was still muttering, "I didn't expect spicy food to be better than me."

Huang Rong wanted to cry again, so she put down the rice noodle soup bowl and cried on her wet chest, telling her heart while crying, "I swear I will marry the first person who really buys me something to eat, and you are the first one."

In this way, Huang Rong fell in love with Guo Jing, making Guo Jing the target of public criticism. Because we all know that Ouyang Ke, president of the Student Union, has always had a crush on Huang Rong. Ouyang Ke is supported by his uncle and director of the Academic Affairs Office, Ouyang Feng. Ouyang Feng, known as "Xi Du", is ruthless. This time, perhaps because of his nephew, Huang Rong was not fired. Everyone thinks that Ouyang Ke is well-connected, and he will definitely give Guo Jing a hard time. Everyone wants to watch the fun, because although everyone refuses to admit that they like Huang Rong, they all say that Guo Jing hates it. It's hard to be jealous when chasing someone.

The telephone rang early in the morning. Guo Jing jumped out of bed with a bang and answered the phone with bare arms. Depressed, he shouted to the opposite hospital bed, "Yang Kang, telephone." Yang Kang turned over in bed and said absently, "No, no, I want to sleep." Guo Jing said, "It's Mu Nianci." Yang Kang climbed out of bed and answered the phone helplessly. "Hey, Yang Kang, Qiu Chuji is going to do classroom exercises in the logic and thinking mode class today. Come to class if you don't want to retake the exam. "

Yang Kang ran to the classroom, and Qiu Chuji was talking about hypothetical reasoning. This guy has a bad temper. As soon as he saw Yang Kang, he shouted, "Yang Kang, you overslept again." Yang Kang said: "Tell the teacher that oversleeping is not a necessary condition for being late." Teacher Qiu is happy. He smiled and said, "Did Mu Nianci call you again?" Yang Kang looked down, slipped to the edge of Mu Nianci and sat down. He knew that he had been taken in by Miss Qiu again. Miss Qiu continued to lecture, and sure enough, doing classroom exercises in three classes was meaningless.

Yang Kang and Guo Jing are sworn brothers, but they are completely different in nature. Guo Jing is all thumbs, but Yang Kang is very good. Yang Kang always says that his eyes are like Tony Leung Chiu Wai, but some people say that his eyes are like Sandy Lam. Nevertheless, Yang Kang is quite beautiful. His nose is straight, and the corners of his mouth rise when he smiles. Most people will be infatuated with his smile, but it is not. Yang Kang is colder than most people think. I have never seen him show his true feelings in front of others, but it is his indifference that fascinates Mu Nianci.

Guo Jing was never absent from class before, but Huang Rong told him that it is very popular to skip class now. Guo Jing thought, then I'll escape from Logic and Way of Thinking. In any case, no matter how hard I try, I can't pass this course. Guo Jing's truancy caused a wave in the dormitory. Yin Zhiping and Zhao Zhijing, both roommates, think that even Guo Jing has skipped classes in this world. Why are we still in class seriously?

Grumpy Qiu Chuji immediately called Guo Jing and others to reprimand him. Guo Jing said, "Miss Qiu, please turn me off. Anyway, you can't understand anything in class. " Miss Qiu was choked to speak.