Drink less funny jokes.

Someone who can make ghosts speechless (hilarious)

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: What's the QQ number?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Do you want to watch porn? RB has everything in Europe and America. .

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Do you want melatonin? Give you the wholesale price

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Do I need to apply for a permit?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Me: Are you going to take the postgraduate entrance examination?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Watch Super Girl?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Do you have any paper?

Ghost: ...

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Is it Chu?

Ghost: ...

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Twenty cents. Here you are.

Ghost: ...

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Small sample, take this gala to pretend to be our prostitutes in Northeast China!

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Me: Gay?

Ghost: ...

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Me: Have you passed Band 4?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Ghost, if you want to poop, just talk. How do I know you want to poop until you tell me? Although you are sincerely fooling me, you should tell me that you want to poop. Do you really want to poop? Then you should poop first! You don't really want to poop, do you? is that true ........

Ghost: ...

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Why? It's dark. Come to visit Guo Jing God's toilet?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

I: I'll give you a 30% discount ~

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: How much is a gun?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: What's your mother's name?

Ghost: .....

One night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right ~

I asked: Are you a ghost?

The ghost said: Enna

Wu: Did you reply?

Ghost: .....

-34 coldest jokes of all mankind.

1. There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " "

Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door? ..... "Let's go to your house to play ~"

2. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? 」

Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? 」

Xiao Ming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you idiot! 」

The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Make the lunch box blue.

5. One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I will eat whatever I eat."

Guala watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber! "

The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "

6. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?" "

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

7. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

8. There is a loaf of bread. I was hungry when I walked, so I ate by myself.

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables! ~~

10 American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

1 1 Xiaobai+Xiaobai =?

White rabbits (two) ~

12 q: what happens when a fat man falls from 12 floor?

fat person

13. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "In a few decades, it will be the Day of the Elderly."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: ". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

14 When the millionaire drove through a village in a luxury extended "Lincoln" car, he saw two beggars pulling grass at the roadside to eat, and the millionaire stopped immediately.

"Why do you eat grass?"

"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar complained.

"Call 1, and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family. "

"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, all call, go to 1.

In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "

15 one day, at the height of the national war, the guild leader came to the front of the grassland to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer beside the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

16

Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. I can walk for a while.

Can you get there? "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

17

A girls' school is haunted.

One day I was met by Xiaohong.

The ghost said: junior. . . Look at that. . . I have no feet. . . I have no feet. . .

Xiaohong: That's nothing. Listen, senior, I don't have breasts. I have no breasts.

18

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello (assuming they can talk)?

because ....................

because ........................

Because they are strangers ~ ~! Ha ha laugh

20

The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The serpent said, "Why do you ask?" small

The snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now." "

22

The tortoise and the rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly .. and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ..

Then, the snail came up. ..

After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, come up, too. ..

So the ants came up. .

When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him.

Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. ...

26

Every time I see you wearing UU 100 1 ...

There will be an indescribable feeling in my heart,

namely ...

Radish is also wrapped in plastic wrap!

27

One day, a mother-in-law took a bus.

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass.

28

A: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me quickly! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

29

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing." "

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?" "

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them." "

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes." "

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit." "

30

Bad news: A pilot fell off the plane.

Good news: He brought a parachute.

Bad news: the parachute is broken.

Good news: There is a haystack below.

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.

Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.

Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.

3 1

Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

32

One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. The woman, desperate, knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever, but please don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? So now you start chasing me. "

33

A new nurse in a mental hospital, who is new here, saw a patient in the hospital circling around an ancient well and said, "13, 13, ..." The little nurse was quite surprised and couldn't figure out what this "13" meant. It was like this for several days. She always wanted to go forward and ask the truth, but she was afraid of the patient's attack and never dared.

One day, the little nurse finally lost her curiosity, walked slowly to the patient and looked into the well with her probe. Suddenly, the patient hugged the nurse's leg, threw it down and began to read: "14, 14, ..."

34

The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death. ...

Humor in a sentence ` 29

1. The cat greets the cow. The cow teased the cat and said, You have a beard so young! The cat was very angry and said, why don't you wear a bra when you are so old?

2. Why are you so childish? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears? !

3. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

5. Lie on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie prone tomorrow, stay up late the day after tomorrow ... Exercise, sometimes it's as simple as that.

6. I know I'm not a handsome guy, but someone saw my full moon photo and said my left nostril was idolized.

7. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

9. Don't call children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.

10, the real steamed bread is omnipotent. You can eat it when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it. ...

1 1, the inner beauty that men say refers to the inside of the bra, not the heart.

12 However, I read the so-called criteria for contemporary women to choose a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead. Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: the family property is over 100 million yuan, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous, gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer. ...

13. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

14, except for one item, all the other columns are well filled in. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "nervous"

15, I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

16, my father hit me twice today, the first time because I saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

17, my principle is: I won't attack if people don't attack me; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

18, man, to be honest, you really can't drink while driving. Hiccup ... if we hit a telephone pole, the wine will spill. What a pity!

19, a young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "

20. If happiness is a cloud and pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

2 1, man, upper body is cultivation, lower body is essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.

22. On Valentine's Day, I turned around and found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school, and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you drink half first, and I will put the rest in my arms to keep you warm ... A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night.

I am in a bad mood today. Last night's short message let me know that the girl I secretly loved had fallen, and even told me 400 yuan at a time ... At that time, I was very sad and rummaged through my wallet: so I was even sadder, and I didn't even have the capital to fall with her once. ...

24. Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. A few days ago, I saw a sow. I think its eyes are very good. ...

25. I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, but boys want to see girls who don't wear clothes.

26. Two drunks were driving at a gallop. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

27. After dinner, I smoked on the balcony and enjoyed it. Suddenly I saw a flash of light in the night sky, and I was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once ... I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes and threw the cigarette out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish ... "

28. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "

29. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

Interviewee: ┍ Rice flour ┃-Trainee Magician Grade 2-9 18:57

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Respondent: remnant leaves of Feng and Xiao-probation period 1 2-9 23:04

A woman ran into a dead end under the pursuit of cannibals and peed her pants. The cannibal saw it and cursed: it's a pity that the soup was spilled.

4. An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a critically ill patient wearing an oxygen mask: Hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!

5: An ant said to the elephant, "I have it, it's yours!" " "The elephant fainted after hearing this, and when he woke up, he said to the ant," I want another one! " "Hearing this, the ant was scared to death!

6. When the train in Spring Festival travel rush was very crowded, a gentleman took advantage of the parking to fart outside the window. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: Fat man and cigar, take your head back.

7. anonymous is convenient to enter the public toilet, and he is worried about forgetting to bring paper. A pile of toilet paper emerged from a crack in the wall next door. "Thank you, who are you?" "You're welcome, I'm Lei Feng."

8. When the Minister of Family Planning visited the countryside, he met an old farmer and asked, "Hometown, do you know why close relatives can't get married?" The old farmer rubbed his hands and said lightly: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe, relatives, it's too familiar to start.

9. Imperial edict: Bring goods to heaven, and the emperor summoned: Because you don't love me, you are not allowed to shit for three days, and you are not allowed to bring paper to your death! A Cheng, get the newspaper!

10: Once upon a time, there was a girl named Qiao Nina. She fell in love with a girl named Shade. They look at the stars together. When the meteor crossed the sky, they named it Jonina Shading Star.

1 1: The mouse calls the cat: Hello! The meal is ok! Come down, Missy! The cat lay prone on the mouse hole and stretched out its front paws to take the mouse out. I dug all night and continued digging the next day.

12: the little mosquito came home crying, and his mother asked, what's the matter? Mozzie: Dad is dead! Mother Mosquito: He didn't take you to the show? Mosquito: Yes, but when the audience applauded, Dad didn't dodge.

13: bee girl shows off spider boyfriend: at least he has his own personal website.

14: Psychological test: If you race with a bear, you would like to: 1. You run faster than a bear; 2. Run as fast; 3. You run slower than a bear …

Answer: 1. You're not just a beast; 2. You are an animal; You don't look like a bird and beast.

15: This is an eternal story. A long time ago, a young man lost his beloved girl. He went through a lot of hardships and came to the girl. The girl said to him affectionately, "how about ... get out!" "

16: The hunter saw a bird in the sky, but it missed three times, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird patted its chest when it didn't hit the neutron bomb and said, scared to death, scared to death!

17: I saw a penny on the roadside and was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

18: In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

19: The blind and the lame ride together, and the lame watch the road. Suddenly, he saw a deep ditch and shouted: Gougougou! The blind man turned around and sang: Ole Ole Ole! So they fell into the ditch!

20: I miss those days. You wriggled in front of me and walked down the country road with your head down. When the villagers saw you, they all praised you: Oh, it's so beautiful and clean! Also praised me: what a good boy, such a small grade came out to release pigs!

2 1: Another chance encounter. Your big watery eyes look at you with emotion. I tried to avoid your sight in panic, but you followed me. I understand how you feel, so I ran over and shouted, Whose dog is not tied?

This is an ancient legend;

Midnight, 12 o'clock, pick up the phone and press 12 zero, and you will hear it. . .

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. You Dial. Yes Electricity. Words. Yes Empty. Number. . .