Urgent! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! The script of cross talk on primary school campus should be funny!

Answer: (hands in sleeves, arm in arm, frowning, worried)

B: Hey, the audience is full today. Thank you so many friends for joining us. Today, the two of us are here to tell you a crosstalk. The name of crosstalk is ........

A: (I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't listen to B's lines at all)

Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing here? Say cross talk, don't think about anything else.

A: (gives B a hateful look)

I will tell you a cross talk today. The name of crosstalk is. ......

A: (Looking up at the sky, I don't know what I'm thinking, I'm sad)

I said, what's wrong with you? It is said that cross talk is between us. What are you doing? Bitter gourd face You have to say it. (Angry)

I feel terrible. I don't care if I love it or not.

B: I don't feel well going to the hospital. You will feel uncomfortable in the future. Put the program in the cross talk first.

A: (glancing at B again and turning to look at the sky)

I said, what's wrong with you? What's wrong? If you feel uncomfortable, you should say cross talk. Everyone bought tickets, and you are responsible. Fifty cents a ticket. You feel terrible. You're sick. Go to the hospital quickly. Don't get upset here.

A: I'm not sick. I feel uncomfortable.

Why do you still have heart disease? Then see a psychiatrist.

Yes, I do.

What did the doctor say?

A: Is it useful to tell you? I can tell you, so I won't be sad?

B: What do you want? Say it. Don't hide it. Even if I can't solve it, there will still be so many audience friends here. You say it and everyone will help you solve it. It's solved, so we can talk about cross talk quickly.

A: (looking at B, the thief looks at the audience) Then let me make it simple?

B: Say, say, say quickly, and then say cross talk. Don't delay. (helpless)

A: Actually, nothing. It's just that there are some things I can't figure out, and I can't figure it out no matter how much I think about it. I am bored.

B: What's wrong?

A: Well, if you don't pick it when you go out, you will lose it if you don't take it.

B: Stop, stop, what day is it today? Is there such a saying?

Would you mind not interrupting me? Otherwise, I won't say it. You can perform your own stereo for everyone.

B: (I can't perform the program, so I'm in a hurry) Oh, hey, well, you said I was listening.

A: Just a player who graduated from kindergarten and hasn't got a diploma. Don't argue with me about literature here.

B: (looking at A with speechless, helpless and contemptuous eyes)

A: Well, if you don't pick it when you go out, you will lose it if you don't take it. Self-protection is the first law of nature. My son also said that people die for money and birds die for food.

B: It's not that you don't have brains. Don't you say it briefly? Concise and to the point.

A: A little shorter?

Be brief.

A: Isn't this the other day? I went out for a walk and met something on the way. That's what happened when I got home.

B: (After waiting for a long time, A didn't speak) Go ahead.

A: That's it.

B: That's it?

A: Don't you want to be concise?

B: conciseness can't be so concise. Forget it. I really can't help being with you. You'd better be more specific. If you speak concisely, we can't understand you.

A: Well, if you don't pick it when you go out, you will lose it if you don't take it. Self-preservation is the first law of nature. Ah, people die for money and birds die for food.

Oh, my God. (helplessly waving sleeves)

I went out for a walk the other day. Not far from the door, I found something not far ahead. Oh, this thing is shiny and gives off a unique light. The little white light sparkled and stung my eyes.

B: What's this? So bright?

A: Then I quickly turned my head back.

B: Why don't you turn your head if you don't pick up your things quickly?

Take your sunglasses, or you'll hurt your eyes.

Welding, and it will sting your eyes.

A: I do two steps in three steps, and I quickly rush to the luminous body. I squatted on the ground and looked at it carefully.

Diamonds?

A: The new version is a dime steel jump.

B: (dumbfounding) A dime just stabbed you in the eye?

A: at that time, I thought, I once said, if you don't pick it out, you will lose it. If you don't take advantage, you will lose it. If people don't do it for themselves, the devil takes the hindmost, people die for money, and birds die for food.

B: I can't chew my ass.

A: So I naturally reached for it, just as my trembling right hand was about to touch this dime.

What are you shaking about?

A: Excited. I stopped when my trembling right hand was about to touch this dime.

Why did you stop? Pick it up quickly, pick it up and leave. Do what you have to do.

A: Great. Good thing I didn't pick it. If I do this, something terrible will happen.

B: What's the big deal about a dime? Did the master come back to get it?

If you lose a dime, can you find it?

B: Then since the owner hasn't returned, what are you afraid of?

A: Fortunately, I didn't choose. Otherwise, my life will be over, and I will be ruined on this small dime.

B: Huh? As for it? A dime will ruin you? Then you are too worthless.

What do you know? Have you ever picked up money?

B: No, if I'm unlucky, I haven't found the money yet. If I really like a dime, I'm too lazy to pick it up.

A: So you don't understand. You have learned a lot here.

B: How can such a trivial matter as picking up a dime be learned?

A: a small matter? This is no small matter.

B: Then tell me what knowledge you have.

If I choose this dime, I'm finished.

B: Why?

A: Think about it. I'll pick a dime this time, and I want a piece next time. I'll pick one hundred, ten thousand, one hundred thousand and one million next time.

Stop talking nonsense. Do you want to choose as much as possible?

A: This is the problem. Ever since I picked up this dime, I have been knocked down by the temptation of money. Greed has the upper hand of my reason. I won't work if I don't talk cross talk. I'll pick up the money.

B: Can a dime tempt you like this?

A: Don't be petty. What do you suggest I do after a long time?

B: Then you can't find the money, can you?

A: Yes, if I can always find money, I won't study it. I thought, what if I can't get the money in the future? Maybe you have to steal, rob and cheat.

B: It's very serious.

Yes, I'm telling you something very serious.

So what have you finally decided to do?

A: I thought about it and decided to give it to the police and the public.

Yes, good idea, so you don't have to study.

A: Then I squatted down again and stretched out my trembling right hand to pick up the money. When my finger was about to touch the steel jump, I stopped again (lost)

B: Why did it stop again? (in a hurry)

A: I won't lie. I'm sure I won't lie. I am a good person.

B: I don't think you look like a good man, but like an idiot! Besides, who did you lie to? Who did you cheat? Pick it up and give it to the police. No one can get into the pit.

A: Nonsense, I remembered a song when I picked up the money.

B: What song?

A: (Singing, I found a dime by the roadside) I found a dime by the roadside and handed it to the police uncle. The policeman laughed. When the police told me to pull over.

B: I sang it. Where did you learn this song? Is that how you sing?

Why not? I've never sung like this. How could I?

B: (helplessly looking at a)

A: If I give the money to the police, and if the police really keep this dime for themselves, as the song says, then I am deceiving the people. I am guilty. Deceiving the police is a piece of cake for me. How many people do you think I cheated indirectly if the police can't resist the temptation of money and start taking bribes and robbing people of their money?

No, that's impossible.

A: how is that possible? Aren't cops people? He wants to take one dollar and ten cents, and then one hundred, one thousand, ten thousand, one hundred thousand. .......

B: Here we go again.

A: How can he work normally in this development? If you had more money, you would spend more. If you spend more than your income, you will have to accept bribes and violate the law. If you change the law to get money, you will have to take bribes, embezzle and be fined.

If you say so, that's all right.

A: Certainly not. You said that if this policeman went bad, it would drive other policemen. If other policemen learn from him, that's too bad. (annoying stamp)

B: Then tell yourself what to do with this dime.

A: I don't know what to do. If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be upset. I've been thinking about it for a day and three nights.

B: Wait, I've heard of one day and one night, but I've never heard of one day and three nights.

A: On the day I saw that dime, I stood there and thought about it until the next morning. I went home, slept all day, and came out at night to think about it. Then I slept for another day in the morning and thought about it at night. Isn't that a day and three nights?

B: Hey, do you think it's interesting to do this for ten cents? I mean, dimes can't be there all the time. Just sweep the street.

A: It can't be swept away.

Don't you have a cleaner?

No, I kicked a dime on the corner brick the first day I left.

B: I'll tell you something. If you don't pick it yourself, won't someone else pick it?

I'm afraid of cheating people. In case someone else picks it, just like you. You pick a dime, you want to pick one, ten, fifty, one hundred, one thousand. ....

Can you try something new? This will never end. Tell me.

A: If you can't figure it out, keep thinking. When will it end?

B: That's it. Now you are really ruined by that dime.

A: On the third night, I stayed there for about five hours. Suddenly, around three o'clock in the morning.

B: you've thought it over.

A: No.

B: Then how? Tell me.

A: Because of poor rest and excessive brain use, the brain fainted due to lack of oxygen.

You spend too much time on bigger things. Look what this has done. Very serious.

A: That's right. Just when I fainted, a kind old man saved me and took me to the hospital.

B: I met a kind person.

A: Yes, when I woke up in the hospital and opened my eyes, I saw the old man taking care of me by my side. The nurse said that the old man saved me, and I was very grateful.

B: Then thank them quickly.

Thank you so much, grandpa. If you didn't save me, the consequences would be unimaginable. I'm lucky to meet you.

Yes, I'm lucky. It's three o'clock in the morning, and it's hard to meet good people.

A: Yes, the old man said that he came out for morning exercise at three o'clock every day, and he saw me fall not far after going out.

B: That's too early for morning exercises.

A: I talked to the old man about this speculation.

B: What are you talking about, so speculative?

Answer: To tell you the truth, Mr. Zhang, the father of Lao Liu (B), saved me.

B: Don't talk nonsense. My name is Liu. Why is my father called Zhang?

A: Oh? So your father has your last name?

B: Let's go! How to speak? I take my father's surname, Liu. Don't talk nonsense in the future.

A: Oh, misunderstanding, misunderstanding. Maybe I'm crazy.

B: pay attention in the future. Hey? No, my father does morning exercises too early. It will be dark at three in the morning.

Really go to morning exercise?

A: I don't know. I'm not your father.

B: What do you mean?

A: It reads smoothly.

B: Who? My father saved your life, and you don't know how to repay me and take advantage of me.

A: Repay kindness with kindness? I hate your father to death. Your father ruined me. (tone of hatred)

B: I don't understand this. My father is your benefactor. How can you hate my father?

Listen to me. Your father and I are talking about speculation. I just look familiar when I say that your father took a dime out of his pocket. It is also a new version.

B: It's all the same in the new version. It's all 10 cent. Which one doesn't look familiar to you?

A: At that time, my mind was in a mess and I began to feel contradictory again. I still have a headache and a little dizziness.

B: It's a reflex.

A: Your father said something at that time, and I smoked directly.

Yes

What did my father say?

A: Your father said earnestly, Brother, you dropped this dime.

B: Hey, it's not like you said my dad has such good eyes. Didn't you kick a dime into the corner brick?

Yes, I think so too. Your father has a pair of good eyes.

Then what happened?

A: Before I pulled it out, I thought, Oh, it's over. My whole life has been ruined by this steel.

B: Relax. It's okay. Don't think about him. It will be all right in a few days.

I stayed in the hospital for two days. I see the medical expenses are too expensive. I spent more than 1000 in two days and was discharged soon. How much do I have to pick to earn my medical expenses back?

B: Well, don't study collecting money, and pay close attention to heart disease. By the way, didn't you see a psychiatrist? What did the doctor say?

A: You're welcome. After listening to the doctor, I'm dying.

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. What did the doctor say? (Care and worry)

He asked me to take my luggage to a mental hospital.

Hello!

Keep cool

[Party A and Party B took the stage and the audience applauded.

A: The applause from the audience was very enthusiastic. I am flattered. Look at the young people in the back, clapping not only with their hands but also with their feet.

Yes, there are many people here today. Men, women and children get together.

This is a big forest. There are all kinds of birds!

B: What do you mean? What do you mean, the Woods are big and there are all kinds of birds? We are all birds! Can you talk?

A: Sorry! I didn't mean that. With so many friends praising us, we should work harder. We must be worthy of our parents' food, clothing, housing and transportation, and we must also be worthy of everyone's 20 cents a ticket.

B: Yes, we say that a cross talk doesn't even make money from a steamed bun. No way, who told us to do this!

A: Then let's talk about it!

B: Yes.

What are you talking about? Do you know what I'm going to say? That's right. I'll buy you a popsicle.

B: Fuck you, I don't know, and neither does the audience.

A: None of you know! Then I said, what's the point! Stop talking.

I want to go down as soon as I finish talking.

B: Come back, come back, ok, we know what you are going to say, ok!

Understand?

I see.

I see. What am I talking about?

Hey, what's wrong with you? Come on, I'm the only one here who knows, and none of the audience friends know. See what you say this time!

You know, but no one knows! Well, now that you know, you can tell everyone!

Say that finish Xia Jia.

B: Come back! You say cross talk like this!

A: Hehe, we are just joking with you. Now let's get started!

Well, my brothers and I are going to tell you a cross talk today. I hope you like it.

A: Well, crosstalk is the art of a language, and it pays attention to speaking, learning and teasing.

B: Yes!

A: Crosstalk is different from other industries. Some industries eat by hand.

B: That's right!

Look at that thief. He lives by his hands. His competitors in that industry are particularly demanding. Otherwise, how can we outsiders be praised as three hands?

B: Also called, what's your relationship with the thief?

A: There are other occupations that have particularly high requirements for legs. People live by their legs.

B: Yes.

Look at those street vendors. They all have Liu Xiang's legs, or they will be finished if they touch the chengguan.

A: There are other occupations that live on their asses.

B: Ass? This is a bit outrageous.

Look at those ladies dancing in the ballroom of karaoke bars. Isn't their job to stand on the stage and twist their hips?

Twisted ass, exaggerated movements.

All right, you have a rest first. You have too much meat. Maybe someone will watch it if you leave it at the meat market.

A: Let's just say that cross talk means eating by mouth.

Yes, with one mouth.

A: learn to tease, ah! It's all because of this mouth

B: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why are you still cheating?

A: Huh? Am I wrong?

B: Of course it's wrong!

A: Oh, it's really wrong. You should add the word "steal". It's all about one mouth.

B: That's not right either. These words don't exist. What you said is against the law and discipline. We won't do it!

A: Oh! Looks like I let it slip! I said I performed in the public security system last time. No sooner had I made my opening remarks on the stage than several people came up and tied me up.

What did you say?/Sorry?

A: You don't know. At that time, all the people sitting under the stage were PLA soldiers. It's a green ocean and green ~ ~ ~

B: Don't be lyrical here. If you have a bathroom backstage, go there! Don't avoid the important, but confess your sins honestly.

A: I stood on the stage and looked at so many PLA soldiers. I am so excited. I say hello to the leaders. I cheated everywhere and got good performance results. Please allow me to kidnap the broad masses of people's soldiers today to ensure your happiness.

B: Look at what you said. What kind of occasion is that? You must be measured in suffocation. No wonder people tied you up.

But I didn't mean that!

B: Yes.

I mean, I have performed cross talk very successfully all over the world. Today, I will tell you a cross talk and talk about learning to make everyone happy.

B: you're full and full, and you're looking for trouble. Let's talk properly in cross talk, pay attention to occasions, pay attention to discretion, and don't talk nonsense.

A: Yes, I said that the history of cross talk is roughly calculated ~ ~ ~

A began to count his fingers.

You've been here for years!

A: Not much, only three hours and five minutes.

This is history for you. What a pity!

A: During my long crosstalk career, I deeply realized the profoundness and mystery of the motherland's language. You have to say whatever you meet on any occasion.

B: That's right!

Answer: Talk to people, cut the crap and don't talk when you see the devil.

B: Look at what you said, the same old habit.

A: Take today's audience as an example.

B: Yes.

A: I will bow to everyone as soon as I take the stage. All the guests are here. You should pay tribute. After bowing, you have to say hello to everyone. You should take care of all the seven aunts, three uncles, five aunts and four uncles.

Here's the thing.

A: If you don't do it well and speak inappropriately, regardless of age or occasion, it is easy to make people feel disgusted.

B: That's right!

I can learn from you.

B: Yes.

A walked off the stage, and after a while, A swaggered over with a cigarette in his mouth, looking cocky.

A (smoking): Is everyone here? 、

B: Here we are ~ ~ ~ Can you stand firm before talking to us?

A: What should not have come is coming!

What do you mean you shouldn't have come? All the guests are guests.

A: There are many people coming today, just like the vegetable market.

B: Hmm!

A: It's time to start the performance!

B: It's time to start. I'll wait for you alone.

A: Let's talk about cross talk today. On the third day of the Tang Dynasty, Jianghu people called it Monkey Jump. Say hello to all brothers and sisters present! (Salute with fist)

B: I'm still a monkey. I'm still kicking my feet. I'm talking about setting off firecrackers soon.

I'm new here and I don't know the rules. I hope you can forgive me. Today, I told this page a cross talk. Everyone present, if you have money, you can hold a money field. If you have no money, you can hold a personal field. One hundred dollars is not much, and there are not a few jumps. I feel very comfortable when you applaud. Hold it down ~ ~ ~

B: Why?

A: Then don't blame me for denying people. Last time I beat you up, you couldn't even take care of yourself.

B: Brother, just wait!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? How about performing arts on the streets of Tianqiao?

A: I just said that I don't pay attention to occasions. If I say these words at the performer's place on the overpass, that's fine! But it's not appropriate to say it here. All the people who come to listen are people of status, right Look at the audience in the back. They prepared rotten tomatoes and rotten eggs. You throw them here (A points to B's head).

Fuck you. Whatever. It's easy for others to hit you.

Have you read it? In other words, you don't pay attention to occasions, regardless of people, just ask. Let me give you another bloody example.

Why are you still carrying blood?

A: This is a real example that happened to me.

B: That's called being alive!

A: Yo! Look at you, you didn't know your last name after studying in kindergarten for a year! Still alive!

B: Yes!

Do you know that the famous Jay Chou came to our place for a concert the other day? I took my son to see it.

Really?

A: The scene was very lively. Everyone present was very excited, especially his fans, who were going crazy. "Jay, I love you." I am very happy, too. When I was happy, I almost let my fans eat me because I said the wrong thing.

What did you say?/Sorry?

A: I said, "I love Wilber Pan and I love Wilber Pan."

B: Good! You are looking for a fight!

A: So my son came back and told me that my voice was so sudden that it almost killed us both.

You have only yourself to blame.

A: And last time at my father-in-law's house, it was Lao Taishan's birthday. It was supposed to be a big day. How nice it is for the family to sit together and have fun! It was because I said something wrong that a birthday party broke up.

Oh?

A: First of all, my disappointing son made a mistake when he made a toast to my old Mount Tai. This makes me very unhappy.

Say what?

A: My son brought a glass of wine and said to his grandfather heroically, Grandpa, I propose a toast to you. I wish you an early and happy ride a crane in the clouds.

B: Your son's mouth is really bad. Who taught him?

A: I was angry at that time, so I slapped him with a big mouth and told him how he could talk to the old man like that. Then I told my old Taishan, don't take it to heart, he was just teasing you. What he means is to let you die early and take care of your life early, so as to save you from being so old and having a miserable life.

B: You're not human either. You can't have the same virtue. It is a good thing that he is not angry.

A: Yes, the old man died the next day. Why didn't you say I was so accurate when buying lottery tickets?

B: You are really good! Children are not sensible, and neither are you.

A: Therefore, it is very important to look at the occasion. Although many words are said unintentionally, it is easy to hurt people invisibly, right? Speak with respect to the elderly; Speak kindly to children; Speak politely to outsiders and equally to insiders.

B: That's right!

Do you know that China people still have many taboos on one occasion?

B: I don't know!

A: I really doubt that your brain was kicked by a donkey and you don't know anything.

What occasion did you say?

There are many taboos at weddings.

In China, there are many taboos in our wedding. For example, at the wedding, you can't say goodbye, you can't say goodbye!

A: Yes, something happened to my brother-in-law's wedding that day because of an inappropriate remark.

B: What's the matter? Tell me about it.

A: The chief culprit of this incident is my disappointing son.

B: Then your son is really worried.

A: My son belongs to the kind who doesn't smash the house and pick up tiles for three days and feels uncomfortable for two days. What he said that day didn't kill anyone

What did he say?

Everyone made a toast to the bride and groom. My son likes to join in the fun and propose a toast to the young couple. If you propose a toast, don't talk. He doesn't want to say anything.

B: What did the child say?

A: Uncle and aunt, I wish you all find new lovers in the coming new life so that you can have a good reunion.

B: Oh, what's the name of this unlucky child? It's really worrying. Not trouble!

A: As soon as I heard the fire, I rolled up my arm and slapped him in the face. My son cried and said at least let us hear him out.

Does he have anything else to say?

He never stopped talking. He said, "Uncle and aunt, I hope you will live and die together. If you don't stop cutting, you'll leave before it's too late. " .

B: I'd better not say it. There are no such children. He made trouble on purpose!

A: I'll teach this boy a lesson when I go back. He has received so many years of higher education for nothing.

B: The child is still young. Just scare him. He is not sensible.

He's not sensible? He is earlier than me, and he has been holding children's hands since kindergarten. In elementary school, he cheated the little girl in his class with a piece of white rabbit toffee. In junior high school, he had changed three girlfriends. In high school, he directly brought my daughter-in-law back and asked me if I could get married.

You have such a son. Don't worry all your life.

A: My son follows me and can't talk, especially when he doesn't pay attention to the occasion. Sometimes he will pick up his words without thinking.

B: educate slowly!

A: Last time I had dinner at my colleague's house, he left someone with me again.

Tell me.

A: They said it was a shame not to publish it. I am not afraid to lose it today.

Everyone, talk to everyone.

B: We'll see.

A: Last time, one of my better colleagues invited us to dinner. This is a delicious meal, and his boy didn't eat well.

B: What's the matter?

A: Halfway through the meal, the boy said that he wanted to go to the toilet.

B: Then go!

Yes, I said you just fasten your seat belt. You don't have to report to us.

B: Yes.

A: No, he still has to explain to us that he probably has loose bowels and ate too much ice cream at noon.

People are eating. Why did he explain this?

A: My son felt something was wrong, too, so he winked.

B: Yes.

He's gone. Let's go on eating. My colleague has a problem. He eats fast, and people choke easily when they eat fast. My colleague choked that day, and my meal got stuck in my throat. I couldn't swallow it and spit it out. Everyone was busy coaxing him, watering him and rubbing his back, but it didn't work.

B: What shall we do?

A: My son came out of the toilet at this time, but he didn't have any trouble. After saying a word, my colleague threw up everything he ate that day.

What did he say?

A: He told my colleague, Uncle, it seems that your toilet is blocked, so my things can't be flushed down and can't get up. I've tried everything, and I'm still stuck there! What should I do? When my colleague heard this. Wow, I've already vomited. I threw up. I shouldn't have.

Your son is really great.

A: Well, you must pay attention to the occasion, pay attention to the sense of proportion, and use civilized language. Our country has always been called an ancient civilization, especially in today's increasingly powerful.

B: Yes!

A: So, everyone here, let's work together to create a good social environment, stress civilization, cultivate a new style, and welcome the upcoming Olympic Games with a brand-new look.

Yes, what do you say?

A: I'm here to pay my respects to all the ladies and gentlemen. You are very lucky!

B: Fuck you, you are not serious.