Tell me a joke to amuse my girlfriend! ! Urgent need! !

1. Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

2. The joke that makes your girlfriend happy commits fraud: the law department of a university will take the criminal law exam one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?" The student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, it's fraud." The professor was surprised: "How to explain?" The student said: "According to the criminal law, anyone who makes use of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is fraud ..."

3, the old saying, the new humorous quotations: the authorities are fascinated, and the onlookers dare not say it. Mountains will never be too high, water will never be too deep, and money will never be too much. I have a long career in Xiu Yuan, so I will have ups and downs. Looking for her in the crowd, suddenly looking back, the man was next to the luxury car. Wang said in Sichuan: The pollution is so severe! Well water does not invade river water, and river water pollutes well water. Who is the world hero? Don't! Laozi is the first.

4, the vast sky makes you fly high, beautiful stories are played by you, kind children have to chase, and humorous messages are sent to the little turtle!

The tortoise and the rabbit race, and the pig is the referee. Do you think the tortoise runs fast or the rabbit runs fast?

6. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

7, sleeping with beautiful women, excited to death; Sleeping with an ugly girl is worse than dying; Sleeping with hot girls is exhausting; Sleeping with your lover, drunk and dreaming; Sleeping with supermodels is expensive to death; Sleep with your wife and play dead all night. Sleeping with a man hurts like hell.

Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took a photo of him in a pigsty with pigs. The next day, I saw a postscript in the newspaper: the third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

9. Chimpanzees accidentally stepped on a bench pulled by gibbons. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

10, the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

1 1, A: "My wife and I had a big fight last night, and all our food was thrown out of the balcony, and as a result ..." B: "What was the result?" "The building where I live this morning is surrounded by a group of scientists who specialize in flying saucers."

12, marry me, I will flush your toilet with oil, bathe you with Pepsi, and take you to work in Boeing. Promise me?

13 There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that a big pig will fall from the sky. Too bad I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. So many people watch you fly!

14, in the mid-1990s, my family bought a new TV set, which was several times larger than before. Watching big TV, the whole family is of course very happy, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad, "Those two announcers should be able to watch the whole body in this news broadcast, right?"

15, help the old man fall. Master Kangxi said: You are one of us. If you see someone fall, help them! Don't be afraid if he misinterprets you. Laojiu will buy you off, Old Eight will protect you, and Thirteen will give you courage. It doesn't matter if you lose the lawsuit. Old ten and old fourteen will help you beat him. If not, Lao Si will copy their home.

16, crying silly, happy days are gone? I warned you not to be greedy, but you just wouldn't listen. Now you should remember that pigs will be slaughtered when they reach a certain weight.

17. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

18, the blue sky is special to you, but I miss you helplessly; Baiyun lovely you, helpless I miss you; You stay away from the green wind, and I wait for you affectionately; Gentle rain romantic you, lonely I miss you!

19, the wolf came to the pigsty, and the pig mother arranged: the big pig went to block the door! Second pig, block the window! When she saw the pig, Mother Pig got angry and shouted: Third, don't read the news! You are fleshy, go out and draw the wolf away.

20. Wolf cubs are born vegetarian. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

2 1, my husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife, "Don't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. Now there are only two left, and you have to break all the others. " The wife gave her husband a white look and said, "Then don't be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone. "

22. After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. Seeing that there were no pigs in the pigsty, he touched his beard and said, "Empty city plan". When he turned around, he saw a dead pig in the animal trap. He was frightened and suddenly saw you again. He was overjoyed and said, "Oh, there is a honey trap!"

The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" " "(deal with the relationship is about the same)

24. Two spoiled brats got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! (a little ambiguous)

25. The mother called her daughter to get up again: "Good baby, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times. " "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen. "

26, the long road of life, who is not bad! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

27. When you wake up tomorrow, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow. There is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I can't pierce your face, your face.