29 classic jokes

? An irrefutable fact: people with high face value will feel that the world is full of goodwill more than ordinary people. ? Well, I don't see the point anyway. Next, I carefully prepared "29 classic jokes" for you. Welcome to watch!

29 classic jokes (hot articles)

1. There is a couple who are worshipping heaven and earth! When the witness shouted! Worship heaven and earth; The groom said: from now on, I will be angry with my wife; Second, worship Gaotang; The groom said: I knelt on the ground and she slept in the bed; Worship of husband and wife; The groom said: from now on, I will tighten my belt; Into the bridal chamber! The groom said: work hard for her and be busy for her; When his wife helped him to the bridal chamber; The groom said again, alas, I am a sheep and she is a wolf!

2. Wife: Women need men in life, and men also need women. Husband: Why do men need women? Wife: If there are no women in the world, who will button your pants? Husband: If there are no women in this world, who needs pants?

3. I defecated in the toilet in the morning, and my throat suddenly itched, so I couldn't help coughing a few times. The husband in the living room asked with concern, what's wrong? Oh, are you suffocating?

A couple accused each other of their shortcomings, boasted of their abilities and argued endlessly. My wife's soprano is getting louder and louder. My husband was impatient and said, okay, okay, I admit, you are better than me. The wife smiled and said to the resort, which point? The husband said: Your lover is better than my lover.

A noble lady is getting married soon, her mother told her. When sleeping on your honeymoon, don't take off all your clothes at once, but keep a little reserved. ? After the honeymoon, the groom asked his mother-in-law. Is there anyone in your family who is insane? Don't! What happened? Your daughter wore a hat to sleep every day during our honeymoon. ?

6. Husband: My aesthetics are different from others. Generally, everyone thinks it is beautiful, so I think it is ugly. What everyone thinks is ugly, but I think it is beautiful. Wife: Do you think I'm beautiful or ugly? Husband: Of course, in my eyes, you have always been the most beautiful in the world.

7. Husband pushes the bowl after dinner: I'm going to read a book today, so thank you for washing the dishes. When the wife packed her things and entered the room, the husband was already snoring like thunder, and the book did not know when it fell under the bed. The wife picked up the book and said to herself, no wonder her husband is daydreaming. He had read White Night. If I knew this, I should let him read midnight.

Xiao Li is a lottery fan. He spent nearly a thousand dollars on lottery tickets this year, and finally won only two prizes. His wife complained: You buy lottery tickets, right? Aren't crops harvested and sown every year? . ? Xiao Li said: I have something to do, too, just? As you sow, so you reap? . ?

9. The landlord and ex-boyfriend separated because his mother disliked me being too thin and was afraid that I would not have children. At that time, the landlord was uncomfortable in all aspects. Now five years have passed, and the landlord has not fallen behind when he got married and had children. Yesterday, I saw my ex-boyfriend QQ sign that she was seeking medical advice for him and his wife's infertility, which was very distressing. Did the landlord silently order a compliment?

10.Geer？ Sheshka took the dog home from the vet. He sighed and said to his wife, our poor dog barked all the way as if he had something to say to me. The wife looked at the dog and shouted, Idiot! This dog probably wants to tell you that it doesn't know you at all.

29 classic jokes (classics)

1. In the car, I saw a thief trying to touch my bag. I smiled and said: Dude, you're late. Someone can do it faster than you. ? The thief was shocked, and I went on to say, that's my wife! ?

2. Wife: I have always been the center in our family, and I have always been the center in your family. Husband: Then I have always been the center of our family. Wife: But my center is more important than yours. Husband: Why? Wife: Because I am a daughter and you are just a boy.

3. A husband likes crabs very much, but his family recently bought a house and got a loan, so fewer and fewer people eat crabs. One day, the husband accompanied his wife to the supermarket and went to the counter selling crabs. He stared at it affectionately for a long time. The wife says distressfully: What's the matter? Eat if you want! ? The husband said firmly, no, I just want to say goodbye to the crab. ?

I bought a bottle of concealer and found that the effect was really good after using it. It's like a different person after painting. My husband wondered why the effect was so obvious after painting. I told him that the function of concealer cream is to make pores smaller, cover freckles, brighten and whiten. ? After listening to my introduction, my husband suddenly realized: I see, our home decoration is just like blowing white. ?

In winter, my husband and I both like to sleep late. Just before dawn this morning, I was awakened by my husband's slap. When my husband saw that I was awake, he immediately took me into his arms and covered me with a quilt. I asked him why he woke me up. He said:? When I woke up, I saw that you didn't cover the quilt. It was very cold. I thought you were dead.

6. Seeing the dog taking a shit, my husband said to me: You give me a dollar, I dare to lick it. ? So I gave it to my husband Yuan, and then the goods licked Yuan.

7. A person sleeps in his own home until midnight and suddenly gets up. He dressed in a hurry, and his wife asked? Why get up in the middle of the night and get dressed? The man said:? I have to hurry home. ?

8. The wife who just gave birth to a child apologized to her husband: You wanted a boy, but I gave birth to a woman. I'm sorry! The husband kissed his wife and comforted her by saying, "Never mind, dear." This is my second choice.

9. Henry's wife's rambling talk before going to bed made him very unhappy. One night, after chatting for a while, his wife asked Henry: Are all the doors and windows at home closed? Henry replied, honey, everything should be turned off except your chatterbox.

10. A buddy bought a car, but his daughter-in-law wouldn't let him, saying it saved fuel. Let's ride an electric donkey. So this buddy qq made a talk: it's good to ride an electric car, and all the beautiful women in the street can have a look casually. It's nice to see the beautiful woman you like, follow your ass all the way and take a stand. The next day, his wife gave him the car keys and drove to work every day.

29 classic jokes (selected articles)

1. Their marriage life has always been illusory. On this day, the husband suddenly had a whim and felt that he should make up for it. He suggested: How about going out to relax tonight? Ok, the wife replied, but if you come back first, please don't turn off the light in the aisle.

2. male:? I really love you, but a young lady is pregnant, and I have to say I did it. ? Wife:? I absolutely believe it's not you. Take a closer look at our children. What is like you?

3. "I decided to start losing weight today and said to my husband," "From tomorrow on, I will only eat bananas and pineapples for dinner! ! ""As a result, my husband replied faintly: ""Elephants also grew up eating these. ""My tears? "

After quarreling with my wife, she silently went to boil water. After a while, I felt very thirsty. I want to ask her if the water is boiling. Haven't you left yet? ! ? Hearing this, my wife ran away from home in a rage.

I went swimming at the seaside the day before yesterday and didn't go home until noon. My wife stared at me for a long time, then looked at her skin and said innocently, Do you want to have a zebra with me?

6. On the platform of the station, a couple are complaining to each other. The husband looked at the second bus that had left and said to his wife, It's all your fault! If you hadn't dawdled, we could have taken the train. It's all your fault, the wife replied. If you hadn't been urging us, we wouldn't have spent a lot of time waiting for the next train.

7. On a snowy Sunday morning, the couple lay in a soft and warm bed. Wife's suggestion: Let's read the Sunday special issue here! The husband yawned and said, that's a good idea, but which one of us is the man you just mentioned? we?

8. A man must choose one of the three girls to get married. He decided to do a test, so he gave each girl 5000 dollars and observed how they handled the money. The first girl dressed up from head to toe. She went to the beauty salon to design a new hairstyle, painted beautiful makeup, bought new jewelry and dressed herself for the man. She told him that everything she did was to make him feel more attractive, just because she loved him so much, and the man was very moved! The second girl bought many gifts for the man. She bought him a whole set of golf equipment, some computer accessories and some expensive clothes. When she took out these gifts, she told him that she only spent money on them because she loved him so much that the man was very moved! The third girl invested her money in the stock market. She earned 5000 yuan several times, then returned 5000 yuan to the man, and opened a joint account for the rest. She told him that she hoped to lay an economic foundation for their future because she loved him very much. Of course, that man was greatly moved again! He thought about the handling of three girls for a long time, and then he decided! . . . . . . . . . . Marry the girl with the biggest breasts!

9. About a female friend, it's getting hotter and hotter recently. She wore a dress with a big neckline. We were walking in the street together when her shoelaces suddenly came loose. When she bent down to tie her shoelaces, I accidentally saw the inside of her clothes. I kindly reminded her not to wear clothes with big neckline in the future. What a surprise! She stared at me and said, little sister, little sister, I'm not young! Honey, I really didn't mean that.