Ask for the best jokes, don't say what you have heard.

1. I usually forget to scold you. You didn't know you were both civil and military until you hit him.

I draw circles on my calendar every day. It was not until Sunday that I discovered that my life was an ellipsis.

3. Lovers will eventually become house slaves, and those who have houses will eventually become families.

Galvanized coffins are durable, but wooden coffins are good for health.

Xiaoming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiaoming: Dragon! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly that buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed … Xiaoming: Dad, you'd better make a long story short! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, hum, bang!

6. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote a sentence on the billboard: "Self-help hot pot, each 30 yuan, free for children under the height of 1 meter." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. With money from 30 yuan, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

7. A child asked a rich man, Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance. "

8. A loyal party member died. God didn't want to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly. He has trained almost all my children to be young pioneers! " God accepted it, and another month later, the prince gloated and asked God, "Where is party member?" "God said," First of all, please call me Comrade ... "

9. Whose bodyguard is more loyal than the leaders of China and the United States? The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump from the 10 floor, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I still have family." . So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family.

10, there is a tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character.

The answer is: 1, and the monkey is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's disease;

4. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

1 1. Your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ. ....

12 .. once a little girl said to me upstairs: brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

13. Hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead.

14. I heard the clearest sentence in listening comprehension today: Now please take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening.

15. Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

16. A woman asked a man, "Do I look good?" The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister now. The woman said: Really? Who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.

17. It is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, 60 years, 60 years, and finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

18. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gives me money from 3 yuan every day, of which 2.5 yuan is for you to buy snacks.". Do you think I love you or not?

19. I once had an opportunity to add clothes in front of me. I don't cherish it until I catch a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

20. W: I want to find a boyfriend. M: Let me help you. "There is a good one in our dormitory." . Woman: Aren't you distressed that I am with him? . Man: Think too much? Don't worry, I have nothing to do with him.

2 1. Three men went to the woman to propose marriage. Parents: Tell me about their respective situations. A: I have 6.5438+million; B: I have a mansion worth 20 million; The woman's parents are very satisfied and ask C, what do you have at home? C: I have nothing except one child. Now the baby is in your daughter's belly. A and B were speechless and left. This case tells us a simple truth. The core competitiveness is not money and houses, but people who have their own in key positions.

22. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

23. Who does McDull secretly love? Answer: robot cat. Because "McDull advertising song"

When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the damn diligent little man was killed.

25. At Christmas, every blue child who is not accompanied by an aluminum child can only tighten his collar in the corner of the cold wind. In the wind that really resounds through the city, he hears the sad reminder ... "Single boy! ~singleboy！ ~singlealltheway！ ~~~"

26. The most useless sentence in the world: 1. Police: Don't run! 2. National Football Team: Win! 3. Teacher: Students, don't sleep! Patient: Doctor, please be gentle! 5. female: no. 6. Parents: Stop it, son. 7. Criminals: I am wronged! 8. The sentence "Smoking is harmful to health" on the cigarette case is 10, and "God will bless you" is 1 1. I'm sorry when we broke up.

27. Xiaoming was not good at math and was transferred to a missionary school by his parents. Six months later, I got straight A's in math. Mother asked, "Is the nun teaching well? Is it a good textbook? Is it a prayer? " "Neither," Xiao Ming said. On the first day of school, I saw a person nailed to the plus sign, and I knew ... they were serious. "

28. North Korea: ... Brother, I want to fight South Korea! China: Automatic reply! North Korea: Brother ... Then you must help me! China: Automatic reply! North Korea: Brother ... Then I'm leaving! China: Automatic reply! China: Shit, I just went to the bathroom. What did you say? Are you crazy? North Korea: automatically reply hello, I'm not here now, I'll contact you later.

29. KINOMOTO SAKURA said to Xiao Qiang, "If I kick you in the exam today, you should look at me." During the exam, Ruth kicked Xiao Qiang, and Xiao Qiang replied: Meow.

30. A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The names are publicly collected from students outside the school, and many people's slogans coincide-reading is the best for a bird!

3 1. I went to worship Guanyin and asked if I could marry a wife. I saw Guanyin waving his hand and saying yes.