The old joke is quick! ! ! ! ! !

Qi Jinggong said to Yan Zi, "There is bronzed water in the East China Sea. In this red water, there are jujube trees that only bloom,

but don't bear fruit. What's the reason? "

Yan Zi replied, "Once upon a time, Duke Miao of Qin toured the world in a dragon boat and wrapped steamed dates in yellow cloth. When the dragon boat swam to the East China Sea, Duke Miao of Qin abandoned the yellow cloth wrapped in dates, which made the yellow cloth red, so the sea water was bronzed. Because the jujube has been steamed, it only blooms after planting < P >, but it does not bear fruit. "

Jing Gong said discontentedly, "I pretend to ask, why are you making this up to me?"

Yan Zi said, "I heard that people who pretend to ask questions can also give false answers."

Yan Zi laughs

When Qi Jinggong visited Niu Shan and landed in the capital of Qi, he suddenly cried:

"How can life be like roaring water, leaving this beautiful mountain and river and dying!"

Hearing this, Iacon and Liang Qiu also began to cry. Yan zi is laughing. Qi Jinggong angrily asked him why he laughed.

Yan Zi replied, "If a virtuous monarch is allowed to stay in Qi for a long time, then Taigong and Huangong will stay in Qi for a long time.": If the brave monarch is allowed to occupy Qi for a long time, then Zhuang Gong and Ling Gong will enjoy Qi for a long time! Then

, how can you get the throne of the king and stand in the world? And you just shed tears because of this alone, which is not in line with

benevolence and morality. I saw one heartless monarch and two flattering ministers, which is why I laughed privately. "

Yan Zi counts several crimes

Qi Jinggong likes to catch birds for fun, so he sent Zhu Zou to take care of the birds, but Zhu Zou accidentally let the birds fly away. Jing Gong was furious with

and ordered to kill him. Yan Zi said, "Zhu Zou has three charges, so let me reprimand him. Then kill him and let him die. "

Qi Jinggong said happily, "Good." So I called Candle Zou in.

Yan Zi said solemnly, "Candle Zou! Do you know the crime? You take care of the bird for the king but let it escape, which is the first sin < P >; Making the king kill for birds is the second crime; The news of this incident has made people think that our country values birds and despises people, which has tarnished the reputation of our king. This is the third crime. You really deserve to die! "

After that, he immediately asked Jing Gong to order the beheading.

But Jing Gong said, "Don't kill him, I accept it.'

Huazi loves illness

There was a man named Huazi in Song Guoyang, who got amnesia in middle age, and his family asked the historian for divination, but the historian didn't give him divination; Pray to

witches, who give no hope; Ask a doctor for treatment, but the doctor won't give treatment.

A Confucian scholar in Lu said, "This disease could not have been removed by divination, but by prayer and medicine.

I'm trying to change his mind, so maybe he can recover. " So, let Hanako sleep in the open air, and the patient will ask for clothes; Let

Hanako starve, and the patient will ask for food; Let Hanako live in a dark room, and the patient will ask for sunshine. Confucian scholars happily said to Hanako's son, "Your father's illness can be cured. But my prescription is secret and I can't tell anyone. Please let me stay alone with

patients for seven days. " The son agreed. As a result, Hanako's forgetfulness for many years was cured at once.

However, when Hanako became a wise man, he was furious and said, "I was forgetful before, and I was so empty that I didn't know what was going on in the world.

. Now I suddenly remember the past, and decades of survival, gains and losses, sorrows and sorrows, good and bad, have stirred my heart up. I'm worried about the future survival, gains and losses, sorrows and joys, good or bad, and disturbing my mind. Can I get that precious forgetfulness disease again, even if it's only for a short time? "

children argue about Japan

Confucius traveled to the east and saw two children arguing. Confucius asked them what they were fighting for.

A child said, "I think the sun is close to people when it just comes out, and it is far away at noon."

child b said, "I think the sun is far away from people when it comes out, but it is near at noon."

A child said, "The sun just came out as big as a parasol on a carriage and as small as a plate at noon. Doesn't this mean:

Is the big because it is near, and the small because it is far? "

Child B said, "People feel very cool when the sun just comes out, and they feel very hot at noon. Isn't it cold when you are far away and hot when you are near? "

Confucius was stunned and could not answer. The two children laughed and said, "Who said you were a learned man? ！”

I saw gold

There was a man in Qi who dreamed of getting gold day and night. One morning, he dressed neatly and went straight to the gold shop. < P > He saw Huang Chengcheng's gold, reached for it and left.

The officers arrested him and asked, "Many people were present. Why did you openly rob others of their gold?"

The man replied, "When I took it, I only saw gold, but no one."

Yang Bu hits the dog

Yang Bu goes out in a white jacket. It was raining, so he took off his coat and went home wearing only black clothes. His dog thought it was a stranger and barked. If Yang Bu gets angry, he will hit the dog. Brother Yang Zhu came out and grabbed his brother and said, "Don't fight, don't fight. How can you < P > blame the dog? If you let the dog go out with white hair and come back with black hair, I'm afraid you won't recognize it at once. "

King Sunlight

There was a farmer in Song State, with little knowledge. He just spent his whole life in rags. One spring, he went to work in the East Village, and he was very warm by himself in the sun. After returning home, he said to his wife, "The sun is so warm on his back that others probably don't know it yet. If you give it to the monarch, you will definitely get a great reward."

The spell doesn't work

A man said that he mastered the immortal spell. When the king of Yan heard this, he sent messengers to learn from him. The man died before he learned

. The prince was very angry with the messenger and planned to kill him. A minion advised, "Everyone is afraid of dying and loving life. The man who claimed to have mastered the immortal spell died first, how can he guarantee that your king will not die? " Yan didn't

kill the messenger who was sent to learn magic.

Learn to steal

A poor man in Song asked a rich man in Qi for advice on how to get rich. The rich man said, "I used to be poor, too, but now I live a rich life, because I work hard to steal and rob every day." Life can be maintained in the first year, and in the second year, I have enough to eat and wear. In the third year, my family is full of Man Cang. "

Hearing this, the poor man went back to his hometown without asking how he stole it. Every night, he climbed over the wall to dig a hole,

wantonly stealing, and his family actually became rich. Unexpectedly, the government caught the stolen goods and convicted him, and even the original shabby things in the family were not collected. After the thief was released from prison, he went to Qi State and really complained about the rich man.

the rich man laughed, "alas! You misunderstood my meaning. I am the season of grabbing the sky and stealing the resources of the land. Planting crops, building houses, catching wild animals and shrimps, I stole and robbed them from nature, which is aboveboard! Those private wealth

things are obtained by people with labor and belong to themselves only. Of course you committed a crime by stealing and robbing. Who do you blame? "