Tell jokes 5 jokes daquan

1, is this the smell? Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. ? But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. ? She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " ? 2. before marriage:? He: Long live, finally! I can't wait! ? She: May I leave? ? He: No! Don't even think about it! ? She: Do you love me? ? He: Of course! ? She: Will you betray me? ? He: No, why do you think so? ? She: Will you kiss me? ? He: Yes! ? She: Will you hit me? ? He: Anyway! ? She: Can I trust you? ? Read from bottom to top after marriage! ? 3. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 4. Motorcyclists like to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle their buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back. Policeman A: Well, I didn't breathe ... 5. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "6. X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there? X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel department." "Friend:" Huh? When did he ... Colleague: "Last week. "Friend:" I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a ride … "Colleague:" Never mind, just go down and find him? "

Friend: Ah, you are really joking. ...

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend: ... this is inconvenient ...

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 7. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 8. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 10, and the two children talked:

A said: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes. 1 1. A customer walks to the front desk.

Customer: "Give me a small bowl."

Me: "Huh?"

I didn't know it was a sundae until the customer pointed to the menu.

Me: "sundaes? What flavor do you want? "

Customer: "Apple's."

Me: "Ah? Sorry, I have never sold apples. "

Customer: "What's that green one?"

Me: "Oh, that's aloe."

Customer: "Aloe? Isn't that a flower! Can you eat? "

Me: "Yes!"

Customer: "Forget it, I never eat blindly." I want coffee. "

Me: (at a loss) "Sorry, I have never sold coffee."

Customer: "What is dark black?"

Me: "That's chocolate."

Customer: "forget it, chocolate is too sweet." I want the red one. " It's strawberries. "

Me: (super happy, I can guess right once. ) "Yes, how many do you want?"

Customer: "one, but I don't eat sesame seeds." Please help me pick out all the strawberry seeds. "

Me:! @~#$%^&； & amp**~! @#$%^&； * 12, last week someone bought an altar of good wine and put it in the corridor. The next day, I found that it was one fifth less, so I posted the words "No stealing wine" on the barrel. On the third day, the wine was two-fifths less. He was very angry and posted the words "heavy punishment for stealing wine" On the fourth day, the wine was still stolen, only one-fifth of it was left, and my lungs were almost mad. When his friend knew it, he said to him, "Idiot! You won't stick the word' urine bucket' on the bucket to see who steals it, will you? " He felt reasonable and did it. On the fifth day, he cried: the bucket was full ... 13, and the interview failed; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland?

Me: 5 yuan.

Examiner: Get out, next.

The word "give up" has never appeared in my dictionary.

I kept throwing and throwing,

Finally got an interview with Google.

However, when I went to google for an interview, I answered a question and was kicked out. ...

Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview?

Me: Baidu

Examiner: Get out, next.

I am depressed, but I still have to support myself first.

Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. .

But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs.

At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child.

So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine!

Examiner: Go out ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

McDonald's failed in the interview.

My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service.

Mom says you don't need technology. You try it first. I agreed without thinking.

The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me:

You are very kind. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work.

Me: "132 ..."

Examiner: Get out. . . .

My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home.

My family looked at me helplessly.

I walked to a shopping mall and saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan.

Me: Just do it.

Examiner: Get out, next.

Repeated failures have not dampened my confidence.

So I settled down to study hard, and finally I was admitted to our local civil servants with excellent results.

Still, there is a fucking interview.

During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job.

When I am happy.

The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best?

I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang!

Examiner: Get out. This failure, I have a very important consideration for life, looking back,

I finally found out that the most important thing is that I have some wrong answers.

However, I have made the best preparation for this interview.

Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work.

Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented.

The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow.

At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". 14. Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, we have become "gentlemen". A gentleman talks but doesn't do it, and of course he's too lazy to move his legs. If anything happens, they would rather spend some phone bills than go out for a walk. There is a young man named Li Lei in our family. He got a job in the summer vacation and worked as a programmer in a website. He went to work yesterday. Someone called him and I answered. I said that Li Lei was not here, and the other party asked him if he had gone back to his hometown? I said no, and the other party said, "Then tell him that I am his classmate and ask him to call me when he comes back. The telephone number is ××××. " I took notes (later I learned that it was actually a phone call diagonally opposite the dormitory, which was unfamiliar with us). When Li Lei came back in the evening, I told him about the phone call. He said it might be from a high school classmate, so he called back the number. Li Lei is from Shaanxi. As soon as the phone rang, he asked, "Do you have any from Shaanxi?" The person who answered the phone said, "we don't have it here, but we do." Wait a minute, I'll call you ... "Immediately, I heard someone shouting in the corridor:" Li Lei, you fellow villager, come and answer the phone! " Li Lei paused and told us in Room 3 that I'm going to take a call, and you are here to watch for me. If you get through, just say I'll be back soon. Li Lei passed and Lao San picked up the phone. Within a few seconds, there came the voice of "Hello". The third child immediately said, "He is out. Wait a minute! " Then he pushed open the door and shouted, "Li Lei, this phone is connected. Come back soon. " Li Lei waited there for a while, but when he saw that there was no response, he hung up. Back in the house, he took the phone from the old man, and only heard the sound of "beep" after hanging up. "Strange!" He said gloomily, "Why didn't anyone answer?" Then he picked up the note recording the number and dialed the number again: "Do you have any from Shaanxi?" 15. Unfortunately, Japanese from four countries traveled by plane and the plane suddenly overloaded. The pilot said: our plane is overweight now, and we must jump off a person. The Americans shouted "Long live the United States of America" and jumped off the plane. The driver said, it's still too heavy, and I have to jump another one. The British people shouted "Long live the Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland" and then jumped off the plane. At this time, the driver said that it was still heavy and he had to jump again. When the China people came out, the Japanese held the hand of the China people affectionately and said, "I will never forget the kindness of the people of China!" At this time, the people of China shouted: "Long live People's Republic of China (PRC)!" ! "Then he kicked the Japanese down. The next day, people from four countries traveled abroad by plane. Unexpectedly, the plane broke down. Americans say there are three parachutes here, and one of us must jump off the plane. The American said, "I'll give you a question, and whoever can't answer it will jump." All three people agreed. Americans ask China people, "How many suns are there in the sky? "China:" One. The American asked the Englishman, "How many moons are there in the sky?" "Englishman:" One. The American asked the Japanese, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Japanese: "…" The Americans kicked him down. On the third day, they traveled by plane again, and the plane broke down again. The American said, "There are only three parachutes here. Someone must get off the plane. As usual, it's my problem. Americans ask China people, "A few years ago, a huge passenger ship crashed. What's its name? China People: Titanic. The American asked the British, "How many people died in that accident?" "Britain:" 1503 people. "The Americans asked the Japanese again," What's the name of 1503? "Japan:" ... "The United States kicked the Japanese in the face and got off the plane. The fourth day, the four of them went on a trip again, and the plane broke down again. At this moment, the Americans came. Before speaking, Japan let out a cry, "Forget it, you don't have to kick me, I'll jump myself. "After that, he jumped off the plane. The American shouted at the door, "Shit, you are sick. There are five parachutes on the plane today! " "16, landlord: Ma Yili gave birth to a daughter. Because she is nine years older than the article, her daughter's nickname is "Jiu-Er".

Reply: Wu Bai's father is really miserable ... 17, Q: Xiaoming did his summer homework himself. The next day, he hung up. Why? A: I can't live because of my homework. 18, abnormal landlord: I really want to go to Korea. then ...

Bao Qiang replied: He died there ...19. A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving, greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake." 20. About the teacher's jingle: When the Chinese teacher turned around, Lu Xun was willing to be a willing cow.

The math teacher can ask for six dollars six times when he looks back.

The English teacher turned around and ran around the world with a mouthful of foreign languages.

The physics teacher turned and levered the earth.

As soon as the chemistry teacher turned around, carbon dioxide turned into gasoline.

As soon as the labor teacher turned around, she came to the catwalk in rags.

As soon as the PE teacher turned around, Daiyu could also play football.

As soon as the political teacher turned around, the whole class sleepwalked.

As soon as the art teacher turned around, Mona Lisa became romantic.