Complete works of healthy humor jokes

The furthest distance in the world: we go out together, you buy four generations of apples, and I buy four bags of apples. You don't have to say warm words after dinner, just tell a joke. Next, I carefully prepared Healthy Humor for you. Welcome to watch!

Healthy and humorous jokes (hot articles)

1. Good friends don't need too many, just two. One is willing to lend you money, he asks you for a debt, and the other is willing to kill him ~

I just had a quarrel with my wife and was about to go to work. When I went out, I found my wallet and key locked in the house. Knowing that it is difficult for my wife to open the door at this time is simply more difficult than going to heaven. Then, I had a brainwave and shouted, "Look, I locked the door so that you can't get out!" " ""How dare you! ! The door suddenly opened and my wife stormed out.

3. When I came home from work the day before yesterday, my daughter-in-law was very excited. She asked me to teach my daughter (1.5 years old, babbling) two things and let me pinch her face. I did it cheerfully, and my daughter slapped me, and then she yelled at me, "Get out!" " "

My grandmother is a lovely old lady. Once she told me that I was most worried about your parents quarreling. You should pay more attention to them at home, and I will be in trouble if they quarrel. I asked: Why? Grandma said: when they quarrel, how can they care what they can say and what they can't say? That's not my bad luck with your grandmother!

Once upon a time, there was an old monster who prepared a cart of gold and silver for his mother's birthday, hoping to choose a reliable confidant to give him. A little demon volunteered: little ones never treat money like dirt. The old monster assigned him to escort the car. I didn't expect this little demon to run away with gold and silver on the way. The old monster was furious and investigated the demon. Later, the younger one will report: Your Majesty, this demon is called dung beetles.

6. The dog is crying in the garden. The cat asked him why he was so sad. The dog said, "Archaeologists found many biological bones in the master's garden, saying that they may have been left by prehistoric creatures!" " Cat: "What does this have to do with you? Why are you so sad? " The dog barked, "Those are my private money!"

7. My buddy's screen name is "Because the egg hurts", and then when he logs off, he reminds me: Your friend is logged off because of the egg pain!

8. When I went out to the restaurant, it was raining heavily outside, and suddenly the door was knocked open. A girl rushed in with a small umbrella and shouted at a waiter, "Mom! I sent you an umbrella! " After the handover, I turned and rushed into the pouring rain. The audience was dumbfounded. A few seconds later, Lori rushed in again, crying, "Mom! I don't have an umbrella! "

9. On the subway, there is a half-blood beauty sitting opposite, feeling deja vu, with big eyes and beautiful legs. The young man next to her probably found out, peeked from time to time, and finally couldn't help it. "Miss, have we met there?" As a result, the beauty got angry, jumped up and shouted: NND, I'm not Maria Ozawa.

10. Yesterday, my friend was on a business trip. My girlfriend suddenly fell ill and accompanied her to the hospital for examination. Nima is pregnant for two months, and her friends have only known each other for one month. . . I'm thinking about telling my friends. She called this morning. If you tell him, I'll say the baby is yours. . .

Healthy Humor Jokes (Classic)

1. Chatting with friends on qq: "Many things in life are out of control." "Like what?" "Look, look, find a friend, find a good friend, salute and shake hands. You are my good friend. " "What do you mean?" "Can you control yourself from singing this lyric in your heart when you read it?"

My son asked me a question that he thought should be simple, but I just couldn't answer it. Then tragedy happened. He looked at me and said with a sigh, "For so many years, I have always felt that although you look careless, you are actually a man of great wisdom, unfathomable and inclusive." It turned out that I was thinking too much. Alas, I regret worrying too much over the years ... "

There is a woman whose husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings. She said: "Husband, don't fight divorce lawsuits in the future. Breaking up the family is a bit immoral. " Her husband: "Split a pair and make two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds."

I went out to play yesterday and got caught in the rain. I went to the hospital for intravenous drip this morning ... a young mother went to the hospital with a shotgun. Naively said, "Ma Ma, what are we doing here?" Mom: "An injection ~" Zheng Tai: "Why an injection? Did the needle do something wrong? Does the needle not hurt? " Five minutes after ............., Zheng Tai began to growl: "This is a needle hitting me ~ this is a needle hitting me …"

My grandfather used to get married on blind date in the countryside. The bridal chamber just met for the first time. The next day, he met his sister, who had a man sitting in the back seat of her bike. He said hello to her and left. Later, when everyone went home, he asked his sister, who did you see on the road just now? His sister replied in horror, "I took ... your wife!" ! ! "

6. The wife cursed her husband: "You are so weak! That gangster robbed your wallet. Why didn't you call for help? " The husband said angrily, "You idiot, have you forgotten that I still have a big gold tooth in my mouth?"

7. One day, I was walking on the road when suddenly it began to rain. I didn't know what to do, but suddenly an umbrella came from behind. It feels good. I said, "Thank you!" He said, "Twenty dollars!"

There are two computers at home, one for my wife and the other for me. If you want to send a message today, you can send it directly by QQ. My wife can't find my QQ on her QQ. Question and answer: look for it on the blacklist. . .

9. When you go out to take a taxi today, ask your brother over there to drive faster. I couldn't see the people on the road clearly and ran four red lights. Then I was worried and asked my brother, don't be in such a hurry, or your driver's license may be revoked. I think my brother is very calm and says, don't worry. . . I don't have a driving license. . .

10. Once my wife took her son to my unit to play, and his son was five years old. The leader grabbed my son: let me ask you a question, little friend, and I'll give you candy if I get it right! How old are you? My son: 5 years old. The leader asked again: How old is your father? My son: The 5-year-old leader laughed his head off: Why is your father like you? My son: He became a father only because of me. The leader was speechless in an instant. . . My son: Where is the sugar?

Healthy Humorous Jokes (Selected Articles)

1. I went to the mall to buy children's clothes for my niece today! I met a beautiful mother with a lovely son in her arms in a maternal and infant shop! I suddenly had a childlike innocence and made a face for him to make him happy! As a result, the child gave me a weird smile, and then his mother's collar was pulled open! So at the moment of passing by, I nodded to him knowingly: where there is a will, there is a way.

2. A student took a shit in the newspaper at home, then wrapped it in several layers of newspapers and took it to the head teacher's door. Put it on the ground, light the newspaper with a lighter, then knock on his door and run away. The class teacher opened the door curiously. What is your first reaction to the burning newspaper in front of your house? That's right! ! Put out the fire with your foot.

3. Are you there? "hmm." "There's something I want to tell you." "hmm." "I like you." "hmm." "Do you like me?" "hmm." "Automatic reply?" "No" Shit, it's not an automatic reply! ! !

4. Go shopping one day and prepare a big bag to go home. Then I took a taxi, but I didn't stop. I'm surprised. Seeing a traffic police uncle in front, I went over and asked, where can I take a taxi? The traffic police uncle calmly said: stay away from me, you can hit it. . .

5. I heard a conversation between two people today: A: Why does a mouse fly? What, a mouse can fly? A: Because the mouse ate the elixir. B: So ... What about you? Why do snakes fly? I took the elixir of life! Because the snake ate the mouse. Why do eagles fly? Because I ate a snake! Fool, eagles can fly.

6. The art teacher asks the students to draw anything they like. Soon, after class, all the students handed their homework to the teacher. After the homework was put away, a student said, "Teacher, can you put my homework on it?" The teacher said, "Why?" The classmate said, "I drew an egg. I'm afraid you will crush it. "

7. A gecko strayed into the crocodile pond, and when he was on the verge of death, he used his quick wits, hugged the crocodile and shouted, "Mom!" The crocodile paused, and after a while, tears rolled down his eyes: "You are so thin, don't go to work again!" " ! Have a holiday! ! "I wish you all a happy May Day!

8. In memory of a fierce teacher in senior one.

9. Zhan Zhao excitedly said to the shouting person, "Don't worry, Lord Bao is a good official who can't find lanterns!" Bao Zheng listened and said angrily, "Zhan Dashuai, is this official that black?"

10. You can't drag your card friend Zhang San to play cards every day and often go out at night. His wife complained unhappily, "If you do that again, I'll take this man home for the night." "Whatever you are! But you should be careful not to pull my card friend. "

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