35 classic funny sentences and quotations, super funny

1. I fell in love with you at first sight and fell in love with you at second sight.

2. My sister is a civilized person, and all swear words have been disinfected with saliva

3. I went to ask for Buddhist beads in the afternoon, and the young monk told me: The abbot has gone to purchase some.

4. The first guy who knew that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

5. As long as you are thin, you can do anything. If you are fat, everything is useless.

6. Men are strong-willed, but women are confused when they cheat.

7. Life is like a pressure cooker. You'll get used to it when you're under too much pressure.

8. Both time and marriage will make a man mature, but time simmers slowly, while marriage stirs up quickly.

9. The so-called perfect marriage is: the man is finished and the woman is beautiful.

10. Some people look much better when wearing facial masks than in real life.

11. The most valuable thing for a person is to know how much you weigh. If you don’t know how much you weigh, would you try to stand on the big scale? The weight doesn't move.

12. I swore that I would cut off my hands if I went online again, but I found out that I was the Thousand-Armed Guanyin.

13. Whoever delays me for a while, I will make him regret it for the rest of his life.

14. Wen Hui! Wenhui! Listen! I'm peeing.

15. The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.

16. You said that ice is like sleeping water, but I only remember sighing that farts are like shit...

17. Cannonball’s head was also combed with lightning strikes.

18. Life is like poop, and we are intoxicated in it like dung beetles.

19. You insist on making Audrey Hepburn into a street girl.

20. The Smurf sings to Avatar: "When I grow up, I will become you."

21. If I die, my first words will be: I finally don’t have to be afraid of ghosts.

22. I drink to drown the pain, but this damn pain has learned to swim.

23. If my life were a movie, you would be the advertisement that pops up.

24. The success of a person’s life depends on the memorial service.

25. Pretending is only for a moment, being shameless is eternity

26. The three idols of my childhood: Lei Feng, Zhang Haidi, Xiaobing Zhang Ga. Referred to as "Reddy Gaga".

27. Others laugh at me for being too lewd, but I laugh at others for not being open-minded.

28. Women become more and more casual as they age.

29. Some people have nothing to do with me even if they die. There are some people that I can’t let go of even if they kill me.

30. When I get angry, I want to buy something. When I buy something, I have to spend money. When I spend money, I get less money. When I get less money, I get angry.

31. If people are not mean, I will not be mean. If people are mean, I will be even meaner.

32. Raise your head at 45° just to prevent the nose from leaving, lower your head at 45° just to Wipe your nose without being seen.

33. I saw a penny on the side of the road. Just as I was about to bend down to pick it up, it turned out to be phlegm. Holy shit... who could spit so roundly?

34. If I could Forgive you for being vulgar, but can you forgive me for being pretentious?

35. The so-called difference in values ????is: given a candle, some people will feel that a cake is missing, and some people will feel that a whip is missing. 35 super classic love quotes

1. The best time of love is the stage of worrying about gains and losses. You know he likes you and you like him too. Every day of flirting and ambiguity is sweet. When I woke up in the morning, I had a smile on my face. I really wanted to hear his voice and see him.

2. What kind of emotion is love? The less likely it is that love will be reciprocated, the stronger the desire. According to this point of view, love is only a direction, not a place. Once the goal is achieved, it will be destroyed by itself after having the loved one.

3. Don’t think that there will be something better later, because what you have now is the best; don’t think that you can get married later when you are still young, love does not vary by age; don’t give up because the distance is too far , love can take the train with you; don't give up because the other person is not rich, as long as they are not incompetent, encouraging each other can make you rich; don't give up because of the opposition of outsiders, happiness is felt within your own heart.

4. How many people are still in love even though they have broken up. How many people are obviously still in love, but say they have given up. How many people are obviously sad, but still smile and say I am fine.

5. The cruelest thing in the world is not not meeting the person you love, but meeting and missing the person in the end; the saddest thing in the world is not that the person you love doesn’t love you, but that the person you love doesn’t love you. After he loved you, he ended up not loving you anymore. "We were in love, and it makes me sad to think about it."

6. To love, find someone who can endure hardship together, rather than enjoy it together; find someone who can bear it together, rather than escape together; find someone who can Responsible for you, not for love. Love is not a matter of one person, it is the effort of two people and the joint creation of two people.

7. Love is the most shining part of life. To use a cheesy metaphor, it is the half spoonful of salt on a table of dishes. Without salt, nothing tastes good, and over time, you will get sick. But if there really are some days without salt, we still have to live through the dull days.

8. When two people are together, don’t think about whether the other person loves you or not, because love cannot withstand thinking. The more you think about it, the more painful the injury will be. One day you will find that love is really not that important. You will be hurt along the way, and some love will become painful memories.

9. Love is not a business, if you fail, you will lose everything; love is not a bet, if you lose, you will become a pauper. Love is the collision and mutual agreement of two hearts, like the notes of a harmonious musical score, composing the holiness of the world and accompanying each other for a lifetime.

10. Love and hate have never existed alone, but have always existed together. It is just that at a certain stage, love is a little more than hate, and when love is seen, hate is blurred; Maybe there is a little more hate than love, and seeing hate blurs love, and we all blur ourselves in these blurred emotions.

11. Without love, you are destined not to squeeze into his life. When he doesn’t love you, please don’t cry in front of him. Don’t tell him when you are sick that he cannot give you care and attention. , at most just sympathy. Please be proud of yourself and don’t give up your pride.

12. If you have someone who cherishes you, then you are lucky. Cherish the person who cherishes you, and love her well. This is the best love in the era of revelry. If you lose him, it will be difficult for you to find someone who is so suitable for you.

13. True love is to make yourself a better person. Finding someone who makes you happy for a lifetime is the goal of love. The best ones are often the ones that stay with you the longest. So you don’t need too many criteria to choose a lover, as long as they don’t lie to you and stay with you.

14. Falling in love with someone is an insecure thing. The more you love someone, the more you will worry about him leaving, worry about gains and losses, and think more. There are many possibilities for love, but there is only one possibility for marriage, and that is companionship. Being by your side is a sense of security.

15. There is a person who once you fall in love with, it ends; there is a saying that you regret once you say it; a love that is too deep will end; some things will deteriorate if left for a long time. ; some feelings depreciate due to time distance; love is so short, but forgetting is so long.

16. People who understand you will love you the way you need. People who don't understand you will love you in the way they need.

Therefore, people who understand you often get twice the result with half the effort. He loves you freely and you are happy. People who don't understand you often get twice the result with half the effort. He loves you hard and you suffer hard. In a world of two people, understanding is more difficult than loving. If a person cannot truly understand you, then the deeper his love becomes, the more painful it will be...

17. The more you care about someone, the more you will want to win their favor, and the more you will suppress your own feelings. Feelings in the heart, staying away from wanton laughter while being forbearing, and not daring to cry loudly while being reserved. No matter how beautiful love is, it is first of all a kind of reality. If you give up your original self for it, what you will gain in the end will definitely be a love without an ending. Don't care too much about someone, because you care, you have expectations; because you expect, you are disappointed.

18. No matter how nice a person is, but if he doesn’t want to accompany you, then he is just a passerby. No matter how many shortcomings a person has, he may tolerate you in everything and stay with you until the end, and that is the end. Because companionship and understanding are more important than love. There will be many loves in your life, but there will always be only one person who will accompany you to the end. Find someone you are willing to put up with and stay with you until the end. Love means tolerating each other, being true to each other, and living a life together.

19. Many times, I want to love you, but find that I cannot love you; many times, I want to forget you, but find that you occupy too important a position in my heart; many times, Sometimes, I want to tell you that I am really tired of loving you, but you don't care. Many times, I want to give up loving you. It's not that I don't love you anymore, but that I love you too much, so I am willing. let you go.

20. Sometimes, the person who advises you to leave may be the person who loves you the most. The person who wants you to give up may be the one who cares about you the most. A person who longs for no more contact may miss you the most. A person who leaves silently may be the most reluctant to leave you. Our lives are spent in such contradictions and entanglements. Love is not a game of being together, love is precisely the pain of missing you and having to leave.

21. In the world of love, no one is sorry to anyone, only those who do not know how to cherish others. People always cherish what they don’t get and forget what they have. Those who leave most quickly are always the most beautiful scenery; those who are hurt the most are always the most true feelings.

22. Even if you lose weight, become prettier, and everything is better for you, people who don’t love you still don’t love you; no matter how fat you are, no matter how ugly you are, no matter how bad you are, those who love you will still not love you. People will never dislike you.

23. Because of you, I fall asleep very late every day just to wait for you and talk to you; because of you, I will pick up my phone from time to time to see if there are any missed calls or text messages from you; because of you With you, I get inexplicably angry and unreasonable; because of you, I become very entangled and don’t know what to do. One word from you can change my mood for the day, and one text message from you can affect my mood for the day... It's all just because of you.

24. In fact, I miss the past very much. Regarding those people and those things, it does not mean that I can forget them. I miss our unbridled laughter. Missing the joys and sorrows we had. I miss our innocent vows. Missing everything we once had. But, now I am relieved. No one will be who's who. No one will stay with anyone for the rest of their lives. I just hope we are all okay. Smile well, live well, and have a good life.

25. If you have money, it is impossible to support you for a lifetime. You can't show off your handsomeness forever. Men are meant to live, not to compare. Living a good life is truly a good life. So don't look for handsome people, don't look for rich people, look for someone who can tolerate you. If he can't tolerate your emotions and shortcomings, what's the use of having good conditions? In fact, the best days are just when you are making trouble and he is laughing, which makes you live a lifetime of warmth.

26. You can make a woman cry, you can make her feel wronged, but don’t make her silent, because silence is the deepest pain, and silence is the saddest cry of a woman. You have to know that women love to talk the most. No matter how much hardship there is in life, no matter whether she is worried or not, she wants to tell you everything about herself. This is the best way for her to love you. If one day, she suddenly becomes quiet, you will be on the verge of regret.

27. Love at first sight is romantic but may not last long. It's hard to be in love for a long time, but it's even harder to break up. Love at first sight is always related to appearance, and love over time is always related to habits. The slower you fall in love with someone, the longer you will love them. Love can last for a moment, but true love takes time to grow. Because how long it takes to fall in love, how long it takes to forget...it takes a lifetime to love, and how long it takes to never forget.

28. If there is a person who loves you, put away his stubborn temper. Make your interests his interests too. I won’t say many words to love you but I will do many things to love you. I subconsciously hold your hand when I cross the street. I still can’t bear to make you sad when we quarrel, even if the fault is yours. I am often touched by your small thoughtfulness. Please, you must cherish it. If you miss this person, you may never find him again.

29. As long as you love someone, you will be willing to change for him. If a person goes his own way in front of you and ignores behaviors you don't like, he doesn't love you. So if you don't care about him enough or he doesn't care about you enough, then you don't love him or he doesn't love you.

30. In this life, it is good to be able to stay together, but it is not possible to stay together just because it is not suitable. Some people you have loved are indeed just a process. They appear in your life to make you strong and make you finally know what you want in this life and what you have always been pursuing.

31. My love for you has nothing to do with you. Even the endless thoughts at night only belong to me and will not be brought to dawn. I love you and it has nothing to do with you. Even if I stand next to you now, I still hide my eyes and don't want you to see me. I love you, it belongs only to my heart.

32. Those touching, joyful and even overwhelmed feelings are best interpreted in a small movement. No matter how hard your heart is or how narrow your thoughts are, they will all melt into memory. A touch of sweetness. Youth is still there, I have listened to a few songs, loved a few people, and time has passed slowly.

33. Once a person loves, he becomes extremely fragile: there is no such thing as being in love and thinking about whether to love at the same time, that's it. The love that hurts the least is not the best love. When we love, we must bear the risk of hurt and loss.

34. Companionship and understanding are more important than love. When a relationship lasts for a long time, it is no longer love, but dependence. Then when you lose it, it is not pain, but reluctance. Living alone can be very happy, but living alone cannot be said to be happiness.

35. The more someone swears to you, the more he is lying to you, because the truth does not need proof. In the same way, the more I love you crazily and love you to the extreme, the less it is love, because love is plain and long-lasting...the more true it is, the quieter it is. The longer it goes on, the duller it becomes. 35 classic funny quotes

1. God said there should be light, but I said I opposed it, so there was darkness in the world.

2. Every awesome life has a period of 2B youth.

3. The rich are all uncles! But it’s even worse if you don’t pay back the money you owe!

4. The one who can fly may not be Superman or Birdman, it may be a plane!

5. People are not afraid of death, but they are most afraid of not knowing how to live!

6. My future is not a dream, my future is a nightmare!

7. An old friend left the Yellow Crane Tower in the west and gave a barrel of oil as a gift before leaving. As he left, the old friend kept thinking, this guy is really stingy.

8. The peacock tried its best to open its tail, but its butthole was exposed!

9. From heaven to hell, I passed through the world!

10. For people who don’t understand, nothing you say is incomprehensible...

11. I have done a lot of stupid things, but I don’t care. Friends call it confidence.

12. If you are desperate, why should you walk? Just take a bus.

13. When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

14. When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me...

15. Grandpas are descended from grandsons. Come here...

16. Men conquer women by conquering the world! Women conquer the world by conquering men!

17. It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, but it only takes a bottle of wine to change from a human to a monkey.

18. A hero does not care about the way out, and a rogue does not care about his age!

19. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.

20. I am not afraid of brothers who are like gods, but I am afraid of friends who are like dogs

21. I come quietly, leave quietly, wave my dagger, and leave no one alive.

22. One cannot lower his noble head, except when picking up money.

23. We had a little disagreement: she wanted me to turn dirt into gold, and I wanted her to treat gold like dirt!

24. A good dog doesn’t block the road, everything that blocks the road is a roadblock!

25. If you love me, please raise your left hand; if you love others, please raise your middle finger.

26. Celebrities can become more famous if they take off a little more, but I was arrested even though I took off all my clothes!

27. You must look carefully when looking for a partner now, because there are too many people who are neither men nor women!

28. When I was in school, I thought about a vacation every day. Now that I have a complete vacation, I want to go to school again!

29. If you can’t poop, you can’t blame the earth’s gravity. It may be because you are constipated!

30. Zhu Yuanzhang is my uncle. If you don’t believe me, call him out and ask!

31. Fake baby milk powder is not as nutritious as grass, so you might as well have eaten grass!

32. Baby urine can ward off evil spirits, so I decided to sell baby urine to make money. My son is a cash cow!

33. In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married!

34. Princes all like princesses, and so does the frog prince!

35. The sky is vast and the fields are vast, and the grass is blown by the wind and you can see cow and sheep excrement! 35 super classic life quotes, very philosophical

1 The problems you encounter in life are all tailor-made for you. When encountering small things, you can count on others; when encountering big things, you must not tie your own destiny to others.

2 Everyone has potential energy, but it is easy: covered by habits, blurred by time, and consumed by inertia.

3. What attitude you have, what attitude you have; what you have attitude, what behavior you have; what behavior you have, what result you have. If you want the results to be good, you must choose good beliefs.

4 It is true that the truth is in the hands of a few people, but don’t ignore the theory that existence is reasonable. Unless you have a strong determination to change the world, you have to adapt to life.

5. Work hard in the morning light and don’t fantasize about the sunset.

6 If you pay, you must pay back, and you must do so confidently.

7. Don’t lose your temper when your mistakes are revealed. Don’t think that being willful or noisy can hide or overcome your shortcomings.

8 It is better for you to accept than to complain. For the unchangeable facts, you have no better way except to accept them.

9 No matter what you do or who you associate with, once it is derailed from your spiritual core, all your endless efforts will ultimately be the most superficial teasing and the cruelest abandonment of yourself.

35 super classic life quotes, very philosophical

10 Be a strong person, don’t show weakness and ask for sympathy from anyone.

It's okay to be envied, but don't be pitied. We don't need any form of sympathy.

11 Some opportunities pass by due to momentary hesitation, and some fate slips from the fingers due to momentary willfulness. Many feelings are distant, indifferent, and irretrievable, just due to a difference in thought; many gratitudes are too shy to express, buried deep in my heart, and become a lifelong regret. So, when you are indecisive, ask yourself, will you regret it in the future? Please use your efforts today so that there will be no regrets tomorrow!

12 To admit your own greatness is to admit your own doubts.

13. When you are used to living one kind of life, then your life will only last one day; if you live a new life, then you will live a wonderful life every day.

14 Life needs games, but not life; life needs singing and dancing, but not drunkenness; life needs art, but not opportunism; life needs courage, but not recklessness; life needs repetition, but not repeating the same mistakes .

15 You must have your own opinions when analyzing people and things. If you do not conduct research, you have no right to speak. In particular, you must have the courage to challenge authority. I predict that authority will be synonymous with awesomeness in ten years.

16. Happiness gives people comfort, but it also gives people early death; hard work gives people temper, but it gives people longevity.

17 Those who praise us and praise us are not famous teachers. Those who can speak to us and instruct us are good teachers. Only with them can we make progress.

18 Being tired is not a sign of incompetence, but a sign of responsibility. No one is seventeen forever, but some people are always seventeen. I have grown up relying on a memory that only I remember. Long enough to bravely face all the ups and downs in the world.

19 Time may not prove many things, but it can certainly reveal many things.

20 If you have seen through everything, others will not be able to see through you.

21 Instead of rejecting the fact that it has become a fact, you might as well accept it.

22. Without the habit of studying, you are doomed. There seems to be no difference between those who study and those who do not study every day; the difference seems to be minimal every month; although the difference every year is obvious, it seems nothing remarkable; but when you look at it every 5 years, it is wealth. huge divide. When we look at it 10 years later, it may be that there is an unreachable gap between one kind of life and another kind of life.

23 Silence is the best answer to slander.

24 Some things can be changed, and we should try our best to change them for the better; some things, we cannot change, but we can accept the facts calmly, at least we will not be exhausted mentally and physically.

25 A positive life sees the world as sunshine, a negative life sees a world of darkness; a positive life feels life as extremely happy, while a negative life feels only a trace of sadness.

26 Dreams are the starting line for our actions, knowledge is the accelerator for our progress, persistence is our non-stop pace, and wisdom is the magic weapon for our success.

27 To understand a person, you only need to see whether his starting point and destination are the same, and you can know whether he is sincere.

28 Feelings are not equal. You care about the other person and you don’t have to ask the other person whether they care about you. Your giving shows that you are happy, so you don’t have to feel wronged.

29 If you have a selfless love, you have everything.

30 There are both smooth roads and muddy roads on the road of life; there are both beautiful scenery and traps. Only those who have firm faith and move forward bravely can reach the end of victory.

31 It only takes one sentence to destroy a person, but it takes a thousand words to cultivate a person. Please be more lenient with your words.

32 What is happiness? The absence of pain is happiness. What is happiness? Inner joy is happiness. What is success? Relentless pursuit is success. What is moving forward? There is no stopping but moving forward. What is sincerity? Seeking truth from facts means sincerity.

What is a friend? Friends help each other in times of crisis. What is greatness? Being able to give people happiness is great.

33 Those who are vertically inclined are likely to be satisfied, while those who are horizontally inclined are easy to feel disappointed; those who are satisfied are easy to stop moving forward, while those who are disappointed are easy to choose to rise up.

34 We must live for happiness, move forward for self-confidence, climb for glory, strive for ideals, do our best for our career, and dedicate ourselves to our motherland, so that this life will not be in vain.

35 Every choice in life is like a gamble, winning or losing is yours. The difference is the size of the bet. Once you choose, there is no chance of regret.