Chinese jokes hurt the stomach.

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Most of them reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different tastes. The following is the complete works of China jokes that I have compiled for you. It hurts your stomach for reference only. Welcome to reading.

China jokes hurt his stomach. 1 1. crowd: three to many means more.

2. Ridge: Three soils are the ridge (yáo), and the mountain is high.

3. Miao: Sanshui is Miao (Mi 'ao), which means the water is big.

4. Ben: three cows are the foundation (bēn), which is the same as Ben.

5. Flame: The three kinds of fire are flame, spark and flame.

6. Thunder: Three stones are thunder, which means there are many stones.

7. Crystal: crystal clear after three days.

8. Foundation: based on three straight lines (chù), upright and towering.

9. Products: Three products and three articles.

10. Turn: Sanma is biāo, and many horses are running.

1 1. Sen: Three trees are forests, which means there are many trees.

12. Yi: Three dogs are Yi (biāo), quick.

13.Bae: Three North is Bae, Bae (b √ x √), which describes exertion. Legend has it that there was an animal in ancient times, like a turtle, carved the base of a large stone tablet into a slender shape.

14. Xin: three gold is Xin, and wealth is prosperous.

15. Hair: Sanmao is hair, the fine hair of birds and animals.

China jokes hurt his stomach. 2 1. "Jing" said to "Pin": "Your home is not decorated? 」

2. "Husband" said to "Heaven": "I finally look forward to my future! 」

3. "Bear" said to "Neng": "Why are you so poor? All four bear paws are sold! 」

4. "C" said to "II": "When did you marry another person in your family? 」

5. "Ping" said to "Ping": "You are like me, a first-class disabled soldier. 」

6. "Bing" said to "Qiu": "Brother, you stepped on a mine and your leg was blown off? 」

7. The "king" said to the "emperor": "What are the benefits of being an emperor? Look, my hair is all white! 」

8. "Mouth" said to "Hui": "Baby, you have been pregnant for so long and didn't say anything! 」

9. "Ye" said to "She": "Be the boss? Take a secretary when you go out! 」

10. Tian said to Dan, "When did you learn to skate? 」

1 1. "Guo" said to "Naked": "Dude, you'd better not wear clothes! 」

12. You said to A: When did you learn to stand on your head? 」

A new interpretation of the word "laugh your belly out"

Son: "Dad, how do you spell the simplified word" Hui "?"

Father: "There is a cloud under the herringbone."

Son: "Why?"

Father: "At the meeting, just say what others say. This is called' conformity'. "

Change the word "big"

Jigong wanted to do something, but the old monk refused to let him go. So Jigong said, "If you don't let me go, I'll turn you into a big word!" "

The old monk asked, "How?"

Jigong knocked the old monk to the ground with one punch, and the old monk was lying on the ground, looking like a "big".

The old man lost his tooth.

The couple took their grandfather to the hospital. The husband saw that the word "age" on the registration form was wrongly printed as "order" and said to the doctor, "the word" order "is missing a tooth."

"It's' tooth', the doctor said, because this is an elderly clinic!"

Art of calligraphy

A pair of fashionable young men and women walked into a newspaper office arm in arm. The young man pointed to a popular flower and said to the clerk, "buy a popular flower."

The clerk smiled at him and handed it to him. Next to the young woman took off the frog mirror, took a look at the title of the magazine and asked; "Why is there more verticality in this opening?"

The young man replied, "Is this the art of calligraphy?"

"Oh." The young woman nodded.

better late than never

A teacher's interpretation of books is quite new. One day, I said, "It's not too late to mend." I said, "Death is also the name of the sheep, the name of the animal, compensation, supply, prison, prison. Together, even if the sheep is dead, it's not too late to offer it again. This means that the world does not have to slaughter live sheep for sacrifice. "

A huge gap in numbers.

There is a man who is ignorant, but always likes to show off in front of his children. One day, his son came back from school and did his Chinese homework at home. When he wrote "there is a great disparity among people", he didn't know what it meant, so he asked his father. When his father saw it, he reprimanded him in a lecture tone: "What's the matter, you are in middle school and still can't read?" That is to describe the sufferings of the poor in the old society. Many widows could not live any longer and had to hang themselves. This is the so-called "gap between more and less". You should use your head more in the future. "

Old composition scale

Chinese teacher: "where is the idiom' half a catty and five liang'?"

Student: "In the math exam, I got zero for half a catty."

Chinese teacher: "Remember, you can't write with the old scale."

Chinese jokes hurt the stomach. 4 1, ten bamboos and one leaf.

There was a poet named Wang in the Northern Song Dynasty. He was very arrogant when he was young. I'm a little ignorant. I always feel capable. One day, he went to a garden to play and saw a bamboo forest. Bamboo is green and looks good. Wang Qi saw it and immediately thought of a joint sentence. I began to write: Ye Feng has a thousand swords; I am so angry. Wang Qi compared drooping bamboo leaves to swords and straight bamboo poles to spears, which is an image. He showed this couplet to his friends, and everyone praised him for his good writing. Wang Qi happily posted couplets on the wall of the house. He also boasted: "If anyone can change a word, I will give him twelve taels of gold for free!" " "How crazy. A few days later, Su Dongpo, a college student, visited him and saw the couplets. He didn't say anything. Pretend to say to Sue, "I wrote these two sentences. Please give me your advice. Su Dongpo smiled and said to Wang Qi, "This couplet is good, but it takes ten bamboos to spell a Ye Er!" ! "Come to think of it, Wang Qi, yes! I wrote Chiba and Wan Gan. There are fewer bamboos in Ye Er, and an average of ten bamboos can grow a piece of Ye Er. What is this called bamboo? Wang Qi's face looks like a big red cloth. She thanked Su Dongpo assiduously and said, "Well said, well said. "From now on, Wang Qi is no longer crazy, she is learning honestly. Since then, he has become a poet with real talent and learning. According to Wei Songqing's Poet Jade Scrap, Volume 11.

2. Kou Zhun, Prime Minister Kou, was a famous prime minister in the Northern Song Dynasty.

One day, he chatted with several senior officials and wrote a couplet for them to come: underwater day is the sky day; The sun in the water is just the shadow of the sun in the sky. Hearing this, these big officials stared at each other with small eyes, and no one could compare with them. It happened that day that Yang Danian came to see the Prime Minister Kou. Kou Zhun talked with Yang Danian about business and told him the first part just now. Yang Danian stared at Kou Zhun's eyes. After a little thinking, he immediately replied: the person in the eye is the person in front of him. Kou Zhun is talking about the shadow of the sun, and Yang Danian is talking about the figure. When I stand in front of your eyes, your eyes will definitely reflect my figure. This is called "the person in the eyes is the person in front of you". Readers, if you don't believe me, just stare into other people's eyes and try! According to Ouyang Xiu's Record of Returning to the Field, Song Zengmin published Du Xing Magazine.

3. Yang Danian correctly scolded the treacherous court official Yang Danian, became an academician and worked as an assistant minister of the Ministry of Industry in the imperial court.

Yang Danian looks very energetic, especially when his beard is thick and long, which is over his chest. It's really beautiful. It was early in the morning. Yang Danian came out of the palace and happened to meet Ding Weisong. Ding Wei looked at Yang Danian's long beard in the Song Dynasty and joked with him: the worship of Neihan must sweep the floor; Neihan is Hanlin. It means that when you, a bearded academician, kowtow to the emperor [Tiá o zhǒ u], your beard sweeps the floor like a broom. Who is this Ding Wei of the Song Dynasty? This is a big shot! Ding Wei and treacherous court official Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty pushed out Kou Zhun, the prime minister of Northern Liao Dynasty, and finally he became prime minister and Jin Wengong. Ding Wei and Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty, as well as three bad guys, were called "Five Ghosts of the Imperial Court". Yang Danian hated GREAT GHOST in Five Ghosts for a long time. Song took a look and replied coldly: "xianggong is sitting in the sky!" "xianggong" refers to Ding Wei, the prime minister of the Song Dynasty: the "curtain" is a big tent. Yang Danian is saying that you, the prime minister, crowd out good people and monopolize the court. You can really dominate the world! When Song Dynasty heard that Yang Danian turned to scold himself, he was very angry. But on second thought, I confessed it myself, and I couldn't be angry, so I had to laugh a few times. According to Song Ouyang Xiu's Return to the Field.

China jokes hurt his stomach. 5 1. In a small county, due to development problems, even the teacher's Mandarin is not standard. Go to physical education class one day. The PE teacher shouted, "It's all soybean oil. Pay attention to stew wonton neatly! . "(Attention, all teammates, line up.

2. In a busy market, a fish seller shouted, "Fresh fish!" At this moment, a bubble gum seller immediately shouted:

"bubble sugar! Hearing this, the fish seller said to the sugar seller, "Hey, why did you say my fish was ruined? "They are more noisy more fierce. Just then, a seller of bean sprouts shouted again: "bean sprouts!" " A security guard came up and asked, "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an avocado seller shouted "avocado!" After listening to this, the security guard said, "All right, let's take you four with us! "

3. The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

In ancient times, there was a newly appointed county magistrate who asked his housekeeper to buy a bamboo pole. Because the county magistrate is a foreigner and his accent is different from that of the locals, the housekeeper went to the market to buy pig liver as soon as he heard that the bamboo pole was pig liver, and blackmailed two pig ears into his pocket. After coming back, the county magistrate was furious and said, "Who told you to buy pig liver? Where are your ears? " ? ! "Hearing this, the housekeeper got a fright. She took two pig ears out of her pocket and said, "These are two ears. "

5. A foreign girl married to China. At breakfast, she was told, "Dip it."

She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!" Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "

Priest: The young monk is practicing calligraphy so early.

Little monk: Yes. Master only taught me four words.

Father: Then why did you only write the word "Wang"? There are three more words.

Little monk: I wrote four words together.

Father: Why didn't I see the other three words?

Little monk: The other three words are "one", "two" and "three", and if you add a vertical, it is the word "Wang".

Father: Chinese characters are amazing. Four strokes are four words. The words "one", "two" and "three" are clear at a glance, but how to add a vertical column to the word "three" to make it a "king" and a king?

Little monk: Master said that the top horizontal plane is the sky, and the bottom horizontal plane is the earth. A horizontal plane represents people, and people are between heaven and earth, right?

Father: Yes, that makes sense. So, what does that vertical bar stand for?

Little monk: Master said that the one who represents heaven and earth and can connect them is the "king".

Priest: Oh, my God. Chinese characters are really mysterious. No wonder you call' God' Lord.

Little monk, do you also have a sentence?

Father: Yes, look at the word "Lord", which means adding a little bit to the word "king". It turns out that your ancestors have long known that the big "king" can't connect heaven and earth, but our "Lord" is above heaven and earth! You'd better believe in God.

The old monk rushed out: nonsense!

Father: Oh, why are you here? It gives me goose bumps.

Old monk: Don't pretend to be exquisite. You have a thick skin. Let's call it what you call "goose bumps"-goose bumps. Do you think our ancestors wrote the word "Lord" like this?

Priest: What did they write?

Old monk: Look at our "explanation".

Priest: What is this?

Old monk: This is the "master", with the lampstand at the bottom and the rotor in the middle. Our ancestors said, "Lord, the fire in the lamp is also Lord." Your little foreign ink is not enough to be a character test teacher, and you want to accept an apprentice?

In ancient times, there was a landlord who didn't read much. He spent money to buy a county magistrate and went to court for questioning on his first day in office. The master handed over the prisoner's book and took the prisoner to court. The first prisoner's name is Jae Wang Jun. When the magistrate saw it, he wondered: Why is this prisoner's name ZaiWang Jun? But in order to show his official prestige, he clapped his hands and shouted, "In the future!" ! When I heard from you again, I was puzzled: "In the past, county officials always called their names first. Why did they call me first and then call me? " But he took a step back. When the magistrate saw it, he said to himself, Why did you take a step back when you called your name? So the gavel struck and shouted, "Further back!" After listening to you again, I took a step back. The magistrate looked at him and said to himself, Why did you give me trouble on the first day? So he shouted, "Further back!" Look at you again and know that he is serious, and say, "Sir, you can't retire any more. There is a wall behind you. " The county magistrate said, "I will call you by your name." "I won't call you anymore, I'll call you Jun." Hearing this, the county magistrate blushed and said, "handsome fart, pockmarked face!" " "

China jokes break your stomach 8 1 A foreigner came to China and gave himself a China name, Mao Wei. He is looking for a job in China. He came to a company and a man asked him, "What's your last name?" He replied, "My last name is Wei." "Wei what?" "Why? Why am I surnamed Wei? Needless to say? "

One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend.

The beautiful service lady came to ask. Friends always miss any opportunity to practice Chinese and say, "How much is it to sleep?"

The young lady was very embarrassed, so she was very angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.

3. There is a Mr. Huang, whose son is Huang Jun. He often takes the No.8 bus with his son, so there are often such funny scenes: Mr. Huang takes his son to the station and sees a No.8 bus entering the bus station in the distance, and immediately shouts to his son around him: Huang Jun, run, No.8 is coming!

There was a man named Shuang, and one day he died. His family burst into tears at home: "Cool! Cool! " Their neighbors saw it and asked them what was going on. They said, "Great, great."

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said, "My door is made of plastic." The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said, "My door is a wooden door." The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said, "My door is a brick door." The door of the Liu family is made of steel. Liu said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

5. The students in Teachers College said: I am from Teachers College. The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute". The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges. The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.

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