Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Main classical Chinese
Main classical Chinese
Tasting and shooting in the garden at home, some oil sellers put down their burdens and stood up for a long time. See its arrow nine times out of ten, but a little clumsy.
Kang Su asked, "Do you know how to shoot? I'm not good at shooting, am I? " Weng said, "Nothing else, just familiarity." Kang Su said angrily, "Er 'an dares to shoot lightly!" Weng said, "I know it by my oil. "
Instead, put a gourd on the ground, cover its mouth with money, put oil and let the money in, but the money is not wet. Because: "I have nothing else, but my hands are familiar."
Kang Su laughed and disagreed. Chen Yaozi is good at archery. At that time, no one in the world could compare with him, and he boasted about it.
Once, he shot an arrow in his garden. An old man selling oil put down the burden he was carrying, stood aside and looked at him casually, never leaving. The old man saw that Chen Yaozi could shoot eight or nine of the ten arrows, but he nodded slightly in agreement.
Kang Su Gong asked, "Can you shoot arrows, too? Isn't my archery also superb? " The old man said, "There is no other mystery, but familiarity." Kang Sugong said angrily, "How dare you despise my archery!" The old man said, "I can understand this truth from my experience in pouring oil."
So the old man put a gourd on the ground, covered its mouth with copper coins, and slowly poured oil into the gourd with a spoon. Oil was injected from the hole of the copper coin, but the copper coin was not wet. The old man said, "I have no other secrets about this skill, but I am familiar with it."
Seeing this, Chen Yaozi had to send the old man away with a smile. Explain militarily; Throw the pen into the army: throw it away.
Refers to abandoning literature to join the army, joining the battlefield, serving the country and displaying one's ambition. Original: Biography of Ban Chao in the Later Han Dynasty: People have great ambitions, but not solid details. However, I am very filial, always on duty at home, and I am not ashamed of my work.
Have a mouth to argue, but dabble in book biography. Yongping five years.
My brother Gu was called the school book lang, and Chao went to Luoyang with his mother. Poor family, often supported by official and servant books.
After studying hard for a long time, he dropped out of school and sighed, "A gentleman has no ambition. He should still win the championship in Fu Jiezi and Zhang Qian in foreign countries. Can he stay in the fence for a long time? " Laugh at it in two ways. Chao said, "I know the ambition of a strong man!" Ban Chao is a man with lofty aspirations and doesn't care about trifles.
But filial piety and diligence at home often lead a hard life, and labor is not shameful. He is eloquent and has read a lot of historical classics.
In 62 AD (the fifth year of Yongping), my brother Ban Gu was recruited as a school bookboy, and Ban Chao and his mother also took their classmates to Luoyang. Because his family was poor, Ban Chaochang copied books for the government to earn money to support his family.
He copied for a long time and worked hard. On one occasion, he stopped his work, threw a pen and sighed: "If a gentleman has no better ambition, he should make great achievements in a foreign land like Fu Jiezi in Zhao Di's time and Zhang Qian in Liang Wudi's time, so as to get a seal. How can he be busy between pens and inkstones for a long time? " People around him laughed at him. Ban Chao said: "How can a teenager understand the ambition of a strong man!" Some people in Qi are worried about the collapse of heaven and earth, the death of people, and forgetting to eat and sleep. Those who are worried about others, because they know it, say, "God, gas accumulates in the ears and grieves at the place of death.
Bend down and stretch, stop in the sky all day, why worry about falling. "The man said," the sky is full of gas, and the sun, the moon and the stars are everywhere. Why not fall into evil? "People who are reasonable say that the sun, the moon and the stars are all glorious, so they can only fall and cannot be slandered." The man said, "What happened to Naidi? "Dawn says," One ear on the ground will make up for the four deficiencies, and you will die everywhere.
If you step on the ground all day, why worry? "The man gave up but rejoiced. People who know are also happy.
There was a man in the state of Qi who was worried all day that the sky was falling, and he had no place to live. He was so anxious that he couldn't sleep and eat. A man saw that he was so sad and worried about him, so he went to enlighten him and said, "The sky is just a thick accumulation of gas, and there is no place where there is no gas."
Your every move, breath and breath from morning till night live in the center of the sky. Why worry about the sky falling? "The man worried about the sky said again." If the sky is thick, won't the sun, moon and stars fall? The person who came to enlighten him said, "The sun, the moon and the stars are all accumulated by luminous gases. Even if it falls, it can't hurt people. The worried man asked again, "What if the ground collapses?" The person who enlightened him replied, "The earth is made of clods." It is full of all fields and everywhere. You can just walk and jump on it and live on it all day. Why are you worried that it will collapse? "The man listened to his friend, relieved and very happy; The person who came to persuade him was relieved and happy.
Yang Zhu's younger brother called Bu and went out in plain clothes. It began to rain, and Yang Bu took off his white clothes and went home in black.
His dog didn't recognize him and rushed forward to call him. Yang Bu was very angry and was about to hit the dog.
Yang Zhu said, "I can't jump, but I'm still alive. Is it any wonder that your dog came in the dark for nothing? " Note: (zι): black.
Commentary: This fable shows that if you change, you can't blame others for treating you differently. If others think differently about themselves, we should first find the reason from ourselves. Otherwise, they will be like Yang Bu: their clothes have changed, but they blame the dog for not knowing him.
Yang Zhu has a younger brother named Yang Bu, who goes out in white. It happened to rain, so he took off his white clothes and put on black clothes to go home.
His dog didn't know that he had changed his clothes, so he came and barked. Yang Bu was about to hit the dog angrily when Yang Zhu said to him, "Stop hitting, you may make this mistake.
Isn't it strange if your dog goes out white and comes back black? "Guizhou donkey original: there are no donkeys in Guizhou, and there are people who are good at it. At best, it's useless Let it go down the mountain.
When the tiger saw it, he thought it was a monster and a god, hiding in the forest. Come any closer, you are so angry that you don't even know each other.
One day, the donkey will bark and the tiger will be frightened and far away; I thought I ate myself. I was scared. However, when you watch it, you will feel that you are omnipotent; I learned its sound, and I was close to it, but I was afraid to fight.
Closer, favorable, swaying, rushing. The donkey won't get angry, but it can walk.
The tiger was very happy and said, "Stop it!" " Because she jumped off the building, she broke her throat and tried her best. Translation: money.
2. I heard that loyalty will not go unrewarded, and honesty will not be doubted. I used to think so, but it was just empty talk.
Once upon a time, Jing Ke's loyalty to Yan Taizi Dan was so admired that he even moved to see Bai Hong crossing the day, but Taizi Dan didn't trust him. Mr. Wei planned a plan for the state of Qin to use Changping's victory to destroy Zhao. God presented the auspicious situation that Taibai star entered the Pleiades, but Qin really doubted him. Sincerity has changed the world, but faithfulness has not been understood by the two masters. Aren't you sad? Courtiers nowadays are loyal and dedicated. They want you to know all their opinions, but people around the king don't understand. As a result, I was questioned by prison officials and suspected by the world.
This is the rebirth of Jing Ke and Mr. Wei, but Yan Taizi Dan and Qin Zhao Wang have not realized it. I hope your majesty will think carefully and think clearly.
Once upon a time, Bian He presented a treasure, and the king of Chu cut off his foot; Reese was loyal and Qin Ershi executed him. Therefore, Ji Zi pretended to be crazy and lived in seclusion because he was afraid of this scourge.
I hope the King can see clearly the true intentions of Bian He and Reese, ignore the partiality of Chu and Qin Ershi, and don't let courtiers laugh at Ji Zi and Jieyu. Detained Bigan was disembowelled, and Wu Zixu was wrapped in a horse skin and thrown into Qiantang River after his death. The detained people didn't believe it at first, but they realized it today.
I hope your majesty will think deeply and have a little compassion. As the saying goes: "Some people get along with each other until they are old or unfamiliar, and some people stop to talk and hit it off at first sight."
Why? The key is to understand. So Fan fled from the State of Qin to the State of Yan and gave his head to Jing Ke to help Taizi Dan's career. The king snake left the State of Qi and went to the State of Wei. In order to save the State of Wei, he committed suicide on the tower and retired the Qi army.
He Fan is not aligned with Qin, but has a long relationship with Yan and Wei. They left the first two countries and died for the last two monarchs because their actions and ambitions were consistent, and they admired loyalty infinitely. Therefore, Su Qin did not gain the trust of all countries in the world, but died for Yan's trustworthiness; Bai Gui fought for Sun Yat-sen and lost six cities in a row. When he arrived in Wei, he captured Sun Yat-sen for Wei.
Why? It is really because of the mutual understanding between the monarch and the minister. When Su Qin was a swallow, someone spoke ill of him in front of the prince. Prince was so angry that he drew his sword and gave Su Qin valuable horse meat.
After Bai Gui captured Zhongshan State, he made outstanding contributions. Someone spoke ill of Wei Wenhou in front of him, so Wei Wenhou gave Bai Gui a shining jewel. Why? Two princes and two ministers, open their hearts to each other and treat each other sincerely, can it be changed by false words! Therefore, whether a woman is beautiful or not, she will be jealous as soon as she enters the palace; Scholars, whether virtuous or not, are excluded as soon as they enter the court.
Sima Xi used to be whipped in Song State, and later he came to Zhongshan State to take photos. In Wei, his ribs were broken and his teeth were broken. Later, he came to the state of Qin, but he was awarded the title of Won Hou. These two people, both confident of their success, abandoned the matter of cliques and relied on single-handed communication, so they will inevitably be envied by others.
So, Shen Tudi drifted into the Yellow River, while Yan Xu jumped into the sea carrying a stone. They were out of tune with the secular world, insisted on integrity in the court and refused to change the monarch's mind. So Prissy begged on the road, and Qin Mugong entrusted the national government to him; Qi fed the cows under the car and appointed him to govern the country.
Have these two men always been officials in the imperial court, relying on their cronies to say good things, and then the two monarchs reuse them? Heart to heart, concerted action, is better than glue. Brothers cannot alienate them. Can people's mouths confuse them? Therefore, partial listening will produce evil, and arbitrariness will cause disaster and chaos. Once upon a time, Lu listened to the evil words and drove Confucius away, while Song used natural tricks to check it out.
With the eloquence of Sun Tzu and Mo Zhai, it is inevitable to be slandered by slanderers, while Lu Song is in danger. Why? Everyone's mouth is enough to melt gold, and years of slander have eroded bones.
The State of Qin appointed Rong Hong to dominate the Central Plains, while the State of Qi used Wang Wei, the son of Yue Zang, and Wang Xuanqiang for a while. Are these two countries bound by the world, led by the nose, and influenced by strange and biased false statements? Listening to various opinions and looking at all aspects left a wise example for that time.
Therefore, Hu people and Yue people can also be regarded as brothers, such as Yu Yu and Zi Zang. If you don't agree, even your own flesh and blood can become enemies. , Xiang and Cai Shu are examples. Nowadays, people can really take the position of Chyi Chin, regardless of Song Luzhi's partiality, so it's hard to compare the five tyrants and the three kings.
Therefore, a wise king can realize that he has abandoned his son's loyalty and disliked Tian Chang's talent. Like Zhou Wuwang, he raised Bigan's descendants and restored the tomb of pregnant women destroyed by Zhou Wang, so his achievements spread all over the world. Why? The desire to do good is never enough.
Jin Wengong got close to his former enemies and finally dominated the princes; Qi Huangong appointed his former enemy, thus achieving the hegemony of the whole world. Why? Charity, love and affection are sincere and cannot be replaced by false words.
As for Qin's adoption of Shang Yang's political reform, the East weakened Korea and Wei, and was stronger than the world at once, but Shang Yang was dismembered as a result. The King of Yue adopted the strategy of planting doctors, conquered the powerful State of Wu and dominated the Central Plains, but eventually forced the doctor to commit suicide.
Therefore, Sun Shuai did not regret leaving Chu for three times, and Yu Lingzi Zhong declined the appointment of Sangong to water the vegetable garden. Today's monarch really wants to get rid of his pride, show his heart with sincerity that makes him willing to serve, show his true feelings, be generous, and share joys and sorrows with others forever, so his dog can bark at Yao, and his followers who steal his feet can also ask him to assassinate him, not to mention relying on the power of the monarch and the status of the holy king! So, then Jing Ke destroyed seven families and burned his wife and children. Is it worth telling the king in detail? Courtiers heard that the bright moon beads and luminous jade were secretly thrown at people on the road, and people didn't look at the hilt.
Why? Because I came to the front for no reason. Curved wood and old stumps are strangely bent, but they can become the vessels of the monarch because the people around him whitewashed them first.
Therefore, if you come to the front and don't help, even if you give it to Hou Zhu and He Shibi, you will only be jealous and get no return; Someone said yes first, and the dead branches will make contributions unforgettable. Today.
3. Classical Chinese Zhou Zhuzi Tongzhi Jian
19 1 1 year, and entered Pingyang in the week. When Liang Shiyan met Duke Zhou, he grabbed Duke Zhou's beard and cried, "I have hardly seen your majesty!" " Zhou Zhu also shed tears for it.
Duke Zhou was tired of his soldiers and wanted to bring them back. Shi Yan kowtowed to the horse and said, "Today, all the strategists fled, and people's hearts moved. Attacking it because of its fear will inevitably move. " Zhou took his hand and said, "I have Jinzhou, which is the foundation of peace and order." Nothing will happen if I don't insist. I used to have no worries, but I was worried about changes in the future. Please keep it for me! " That's why the generals chased Qi Shi. The generals insisted on returning to the west, and Lord Zhou said, "Let the enemy suffer. If you have any questions, I will go alone. " The generals dare not speak. To the domain, to fenshuiguan. Zhu Qi entered Jinyang, worried that he didn't know what to do. Jia Yin, Qi Amnesty. When the Lord of Qi asked the courtiers, they all said, "It is advisable to save tax service to comfort the people's hearts; Gather all the soldiers and fight against the city to protect the country. " Zhu Qi wants to stay in Jinyang, the king of Guangning, and go north to Shuozhou. If Jinyang didn't keep it, he went to Turkey. His ministers thought it was impossible, and the emperor wouldn't follow.
More than 30 officials, including Fu Yi and Fu En, the third secretary of the government, went west to Zhou Jun's place, and Zhou Zhu was adopted by others.
I have a master in my heart. Classical Chinese is selected from Xu Hengchuan in Yuan Dynasty. There is no teacher in Xu Heng who doesn't eat pears.
Xu Heng "tasted the summer heat and crossed the river. He is very thirsty. There are pears on the road, and many people are holding them. It is dangerous to sit under the tree, or ask him and say, you can't take them unless you have them. " People say that the world is in chaos and there is no owner. Yue, pears have no owner, but my heart has no owner? Any funeral should be based on ceremony, and its villagers are flourishing. If the fruit is ripe and rotten, boys will pass by and will not ignore it. His family has changed so much that the emperor wants to talk to each other and say something about the disease. After death, all the people gathered in tears and came thousands of miles to sacrifice the people under the tomb. Stone. "("Yuan Xu Shi Hengchuan ")
Xu Heng was a native of Hanoi in Yuan Dynasty (now zhongzhan district, Jiaozuo City, Henan Province). He is well read, knowledgeable and well educated. Many people came to study with him. They wrote their own study tablet, named "Luzhai".
Xu Heng fled with many people in his early years, passing through Heyang (now mengzhou city, Henan Province). His throat was dry and thirsty because of the long journey and hot weather. People in the same trade found a pear tree on the roadside, which was full of pears. Everyone scrambled to pick pears to quench their thirst. Only Xu Heng sat upright under the tree, motionless. Everyone thinks it's strange. Someone asked Xu Heng, "Why don't you go?" Xu Heng replied, "That pear tree is not mine. How can I just pick it and eat it? " The man said, "The situation is so chaotic now that everyone has fled separately. I'm afraid this pear tree has no owner. Why bother? " Xu Heng said; "Even if the pear tree has no owner, doesn't my heart have no owner?"
Weddings at funerals on weekdays, Xu Heng must follow the customs and etiquette, and the whole town is affected, and the reading atmosphere in the village is gradually flourishing. Whenever fruit trees in rural areas mature and fall to the ground, children in rural areas pass by without looking. The villagers all taught their children not to be greedy. Xu Heng's virtue spread all over the world, and it was said that Xu Heng would be appointed as prime minister, but Xu Heng did not appreciate Li Rong, and fell ill after politely declining.
After Xu Heng's death, people from all over the country gathered in front of the memorial and wept bitterly. Some people came from thousands of miles away to pay homage and wept bitterly under the tomb. Emperor posthumous title "Zheng Wen".
5. Find 8 short classical Chinese 1. Boya Juexian.
Boya is good at playing drums, but Zhong Ziqi is good at listening. Boya Guqin, looking at the mountains in the distance, Zhong Ziqi said, "Well, I am like Mount Tai!" Determined to run water, Zhong Ziqi said, "Good, like a river!" Zhong Ziqi will understand what Boya said. When he died as a child, Boya said that there was no bosom friend in the world, but he broke the piano and never played drums all his life.
play chess
Let Qiu Yi teach two people to play chess, one to concentrate on playing chess, and Qiu Yi listens; Although one person thought it was a swan, he tried to shoot it with his bow. Although I learned chess from the previous one, chess is still not as good as the previous one. Is it because his intelligence is not as good as the former? That's not true.
3. Squid pursues perfection
The fish in the sea, named squid, ring 1, the water is black. Playing on the shore, afraid to see yourself, just circle the water to cover yourself. Seabirds became suspicious of it and caught it when they knew its fish. Alas! I only know how to cover myself up, but I don't know how to disappear. I was peeped by a peeping Tom. Alas!
mourn (for/over the dead)
Always self-sufficient and good at traveling. One day, the water was so fierce that five or six people left Hunan by boat. Zhongji, if the ship is broken, it will do. One is to do your best and not be different. His companion said, "You are the best swimmer. What are you going to do now? " Yue: "I have 1000 yuan, which is heavy. Let's talk about it later. " He said, "Why not go there?" No, shake its head. Every coin has its two sides. The man who saved himself stood on the shore and shouted, "You are so stupid and secretive, you are dead. How can you afford it? " Shook his head again. Drowned.
5. Linjiang Elk
People who place names in Linjiang get moose. Cattle, young deer, livestock, livestock. At first, the dogs coveted them, and they all came. Their people were angry and threatening. Naturally, I hug the dog every day, learn to show off, and make a noise with it. After a long time, all dogs are satisfied. Elk is a little old, and I forgot my own elk. I think dogs are good and my friends are good: really, it is good for suppressing servants and retreating. Dogs are afraid of their owners and throw the ball with them. However, when the tongue spits out. In three years, elk went out, and there were many dogs on the road, all of whom wanted to play. When the foreign dogs saw it, they were happy and angry, and * * * was killed, which was a mess. The elk died before they knew it.
6. Children are not afraid of tigers
Zhongyi, Wan, Yun and An (place names) are all along the Yangtze River in Sichuan. ) Many tigers. Some women spend a day on the beach of their second child in Kaya Hioki and wash clothes in the water. Tigers come from the mountains, women squat in the water, and the second child plays on the beach. The tiger is familiar with it, and it is the first to arrive. Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch. ) One is scared, and the child is stupid, but somehow, the tiger is dead. People who eat tigers must be threatened first, and people who are not afraid can't do anything?
7. More (1) to cross.
Once upon a time, someone got a turtle and wanted to cook it and eat it, but he couldn't bear to be named a killer. It was the raging fire that made the kettle boil and the bridge became a bridge. He made an appointment with the tortoise and said, "If you can cross this place, you can survive." Knowing the master's plan to take it away, the tortoise struggled to climb up the sand and had to cross it. The master said, "It's very kind of you to cross the bridge. I want to see it, too."
8. Zhongshan steals bad food
Lu people can't make wine, while Zhongshan people are good at making wine for thousands of days. Lu people seek happiness. Some officials in the main restaurant in Zhongshan, take its dregs and stain it with Lu wine, which is what people call' Zhongshan wine'. People in Shandong think Zhongshan wine is the same after drinking it.
One day, the restaurant owner came to smell the wine, asked for it, vomited and laughed, and said,' It's the leftover dregs.' Today, I praise the Buddha, but I am afraid that the real Buddha's smile will be stolen. "
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