What jokes have you heard several times and still want to laugh?

1. I just started work on the sixth day of this year and said hello to each other. Suddenly, there was a "poof". I don't know who farted. It was loud. Xiao Li's face turned red in an instant, and everyone knew.

At this time, Liu gave a wry smile. "Don't you miss the locals by listening to your accent?" The scene was embarrassing in an instant, and I thought, Xiao Li is miserable. This bastard Liu usually bullies this and calculates that.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Li replied unhurriedly: "Yes, it's from Shanxi (among colleagues, only Liu himself is from Shanxi, and he didn't mean to insult his fellow Shanxi people, don't get me wrong)."

Shit, the plot reversed so fast that others couldn't help it and laughed. Liu's face is like a monkey in an instant. ......

2. Colleague Xiao Wang doesn't work hard, often forgets things, and often recruits people, but an iron tooth has helped him through many embarrassing situations many times.

Today, Xiao Wang made another small mistake and was complained by his colleague Xiao Li that "if you don't forget this, forget that." You are really an uncle (Qingdao dialect, used to describe people who are informal, arrogant, or stupid. )"

Unexpectedly, Xiao Wang replied strongly, "Please, be pragmatic?" Even if you want to be my little nephew, you have to start at the grassroots level. The probation period is three months, and the contract will be signed after three months! But first, I have a little nephew at home who just turned 3. You have to call him brother. This is the rule. Is it a surname? Don't change it yet! "

Several of our other colleagues have been laughing their heads off!

1. Pay New Year greetings to your parents-in-law's mother-in-law. Unexpectedly, my sister-in-law just celebrated her 20th birthday. No way, shed some blood! So I turned on my mobile phone and sent a red envelope! But when I look at WeChat, there are only 20 pieces. There is no way, but it is a little less! I thought about it and sent it to my sister-in-law.

After about 20 seconds, a harsh voice came from behind: "Brother-in-law, you are too stingy. Please send me 20 yuan for my birthday! " ! Even the traffic fee for opening red envelopes is not enough, so dig, dig, dig $ @ ... "

I scratched my head and turned to look at her and smiled. Just as I was about to explain, my mother-in-law said, "Your brother-in-law is stingy because he is poor, he is poor because he has no money, and he has no money because of your sister!"

……

2. Once I went to my neighbor's house to play, it happened that the neighbor was educating Xiao Ming.

Neighbor: "Why did the teacher leave you at school today?"

Xiao Ming: "Today, when physical education class was practicing freely, I lifted my classmate's skirt."

Neighbor: "well, you started to learn bad at such a young age." In a few years, you won't want to tease the teacher's skirt. "

Xiaoming: "All teachers wear skirts."

Neighbor: "..."

This is not a joke, it's true.

1 When we were in college, there were seven girls in our class. All live in the same dormitory.

So, the girls arranged the order, elder sister, second sister, third sister ... seventh sister.

Later, I heard that the three boys' dormitories in the class were nicknamed "Big Brother-in-law, Second Brother-in-law, Third Brother-in-law ... Seventh Brother-in-law".

The girls laughed angrily, and later the girls canceled their nicknames.

The boys looked worried, so they all got another nickname "Big stick, two sticks, three sticks ..."

When I was in college, there was a lady who made vegetables. Every time she cooks, her hands shake for a long time, and the food she serves falls off for a long time, so everyone calls her "the shaking hero".

When I was in college, once, a boy put candles downstairs to propose marriage. He was busy taking them alive for a long time, and when he found that he didn't have a lighter, he went back to get it. He came panting and saw the aunt sweeping the floor really quickly and cleaned it up!

1. A local tyrant went to Shenzhen to take a taxi and said that the master sent me to the highest and fastest place in Shenzhen.

The master sent the local tyrant to the Shenzhen Stock Exchange with one foot throttle.

Only two of the ten telephones in the school telephone booth can be used. There are always so many people waiting in line and no one is going to fix it. What should I do? After hearing my classmates' complaints, I tactfully broke the remaining two good mobile phones and repaired ten in a few days.

3. A girlfriend, with very small breasts, we bury her every day. One day, she finally couldn't bear it anymore and shouted at us, "What about my little breasts? I will follow my dad, how about it! " !

4. Me: "Why are my five senses so flat?" Mom: "Because you always slept on your stomach when you were young." I am dissatisfied: "Why don't you turn me around?" Dad said, "You were ugly when you were a child, and your mother was scared!" " "

Recently, my girlfriend practiced driving, but she worried the coach to death. She stepped on the accelerator and didn't remember to put on the brakes. On this day, the coach was very calm, didn't scold her, didn't help her step on the brakes, and her girlfriend was shaking. After a sudden braking, my girlfriend looked at the coach next to her in horror. "Coach, what's on your mind?" The coach said calmly, "Nothing, I just don't want to live."

6. A friend called for dinner, chose a restaurant and said good AA. After dinner, I took out half the money, and my friend took out a 50% discount card for this restaurant.

7. Hello, is this the freight girl?

Yes, what do you want to play?

Do you Labrador Labrador?

Whether we play Labrador or not depends on how many Labradors we play when we are in Labrador.

8. My newborn nephew still has a heart rate monitor. My 5-year-old nephew looked at it for a while and asked me quietly, "How long will it take for my brother to charge before he can come home with us?"

9. Social Tips: Because girls have to wash their hair and make up with clothes before going out, they should finally ask her for homework five years in advance.

10. I invited a part-time aunt the other day. My aunt told me that scholars are smarter than those who don't study, and those who don't study are single-minded. I don't know. Aunt said: Why not? Look at me, I don't study, I accomplish nothing, and I only blame myself for not studying. You are different. You study and accomplish nothing, but you don't blame yourself. You said you were born unlucky. You blame society, life and others. ...

1 1. Going to a friend's wedding at the weekend, the master of ceremonies asked his friend, "Will you love the bride for life, whether she is poor or rich, healthy or sick?" The friend replied affirmatively, "I do!" " "But the MC asked his friend," If you have nothing in the future, will you let the bride live? "Friends are stupid.

12. A man and a woman are in contact, male; "Excuse me, are you an only child?"

Woman: "No, why?"

Man: "Oh, then we are not suitable."

Woman: "Why?"

Man: "because I don't like having brothers and sisters very much."

Woman: "I don't like the mother-in-law relationship. Do you have a mother? "

13. I just walked to the door of the Internet cafe today. I saw a girl running over and holding a man next to me, so I started kissing. I kissed my mouth and shouted, I'm in, I'm in! She suddenly froze. She mistook me for someone else. Her boyfriend looked at her at the door and froze. The man who was kissed looked puzzled. Suddenly, the man closed his eyes, rushed over to hug the girl's boyfriend and started kissing, screaming while kissing, giving it back to you, giving it back to you, giving it back to you.

14. This unit has a leader who always likes to take the lead. Once, the leader wanted to keep pace with the times and keep up with the pace of young people, so he proposed to go to the haunted house. As usual, the leaders still walked ahead, and everyone followed, and then all kinds of organs were triggered by the leaders along the way. Coming out of the haunted house, the leader's face turned white, but what can he do? We dare not move forward.

15. My wife is too slow to help her move things. I said gloomily, "I'm exhausted." If you praise me, I will be strong. "

Wife: "Husband! Husband! Your wife is really beautiful. "

1, Li Birthday: "Hulan came to my house to drink. As soon as he came in, he said, I've never been drunk in my life. I said, come on, you sit next to me. He sat next to me and drank for a while, and Hulan fell there and lay there. I drank a lot, too. I couldn't find the blanket, so I covered Hulan with the velvet red cloth on the mahjong table. Then we continue to drink. After more than half an hour, Hulan suddenly woke up and touched her body. I said, Hulan, are you awake? Where are you? Hulan said, wake up, I'm at Leidayin Temple. "

2.LAY: "In junior high school, in a very powerful class, my deskmate cried beside me every day. I was so sad that I cried. I thought something was wrong, to comfort him. Then he said that I really tried my best and got the second place. I didn't really want to comfort him at that time. "

Bo Huang: "If it were me, I would hit him."

3. Lu Yu: "What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding of the outside world?"

Lei Jiayin: "The head is big."

Lu Yu: "Don't you have a big head?"

Lei Jiayin: "The head is not as big as they say. The headgear says 59 thunder, but people all over the country still think I am 6 1. "

Tong Liya: "In fact, the head circumference of Liu Haoran is the same as that of Lei Jiayin, which is 6 1."

Liu Haoran: "Although we both have a head circumference of 6 1, we are divided into length and width. My head is long from top to bottom, but your head width is 6 1. "

3. Mm-hmm: "My classmate gave me a nickname, calling me belly button."

Moderator: "Are you uncomfortable?"

Mm-hmm: "No, I told them I didn't like it, and they still called it that."

Moderator: "Does Mom know about this?"

Huo Siyan: "I just know, you know?"

Du Jiang: "I don't know."

Huo Siyan: "What was your nickname when you were a child?"

Du Jiang: "navel."

Huo Siyan: "You are also called belly button eye."

Moderator: "Inherited the nickname."

Mm-hmm: "Because his surname is Du, too."

Du Jiang: "My surname must be Du, too. What a coincidence, no. "

4. Jason Wu: "Life must be bumpy."

Moderator: "If you really marry a martial arts star, if you quarrel, we really think you will fall."

Jason Wu: "Because she can't beat me."

Iola: "I really can't beat him at home. He is a man who speaks the truth eloquently, and I have a bad memory. He often tells a fallacy, and I have forgotten what the original intention of our quarrel was. " Then I was led by his nose, and the more I talked, the more unreasonable I felt. Then I lost, and after I lost, I began to get angry. Then at this time, he will generously come over and tell me that my daughter-in-law is fine. Just now, my attitude may be a little bad. Don't worry about it. Then I'll have to borrow a donkey to go down the mountain. I always felt that something was wrong, but I couldn't say it, so I was completely framed by him. "

5. David Wang: "My son was scared when he took the 1 needle. He asked me if he would die. I said that no one has died since ancient times, but we must leave our hearts in history. "

6. Li Birthday: "I am a very economical person. The single biggest expense is to invite people to dinner. I go out to eat with these people, and whether it is my group's bureau or not, everyone will invite me to dinner by default. One day I didn't go, so I could see that the waiter still understood. She chose Yang Li, and Yang Li was also very decent. She sent the receipt code to my home. "

7. Meng: "When I was practicing on the playground that day, everyone did somersaults. I turned over 360 and it was empty. I think I can do it. When I stretched my legs, my face fell to the ground. They grabbed my hair and picked me up. My nose is bleeding. At that time, my classmates ran outside the school behind my back, but they couldn't get a taxi outside the school, and then ran straight ahead behind my back. You said how strong you could be. After a few steps, you just fell there and threw me out. The man then picked me up, kept running and fell down again. The man picked me up and ran on. Actually, my injury is worse than that. I went to the hospital and went up the steps. His door is the old-fashioned door that is pulled back and forth. They slammed the door open and ran in. The door slammed me back, not hitting me in the face, but pulling me directly down the steps. "

8. Doug: "Do you know what it's like to fly with Eddie Peng Yuyan Yu Yan? I just can't help wanting to see him. It has nothing to do with gender. Mr. Peng is a little too handsome. I've been watching him, even the plane safety video. Then in the level flight stage, Teacher Peng said to his friends. I called the stewardess and said, why can he surf the Internet? The flight attendant said, in fact, you can also surf the Internet and scan the QR code on your seat. I said I have no net. How do I scan the QR code? She said, yes, scan the QR code before taking off. I didn't scan the QR code before taking off. I'm watching Eddie Peng Yuyan Rosa. I didn't even watch the surveillance video. I only have one thought in my mind. Do you want Mr. Peng to give me a hot spot? "

I'm not kidding. I've experienced it myself.

When I was in college, I went home for the Spring Festival during the winter vacation. The train tickets that the school bought for us were called hard sleeper seats, and two hard sleeper cars were full of classmates. It happened that after the last exam that day, everyone did not change their casual clothes and got on the bus directly in police uniforms. Our hard berth is connected to the dining car. When the bus arrived at the next stop, several big men came from the dining car. It is estimated that they drank too much, and they were all brave and heroic, and they insisted on getting on the sleeper car regardless of the conductor's stop. When we got into our car, several big brothers saw a whole car full of policemen, standing, sitting and lying down ... The atmosphere was very embarrassing. Fortunately, several bosses still have a tacit understanding, and immediately turned to walk back. One of them walked and said, guys, that end is still cold.

There is a true story that I have to tell: I have a female classmate who went to the toilet upstairs in an unfamiliar campus because of something urgent. She is still a little nearsighted. I walked in when I saw a door. Inside, a man squatted down to face the door and took off his pants. After entering, she quickly stood up and lifted her pants. The girl hurried out. I walked three or five steps and saw another door. I thought this was the ladies' room. Go in and have a look, it is another door of the toilet just now. The man squatted down again. Seeing the girl go in, the man was surprised, angry and scared. He stood up and shouted, "Who are you?" What are you doing? "The girl ran back to the dormitory in one breath, hardly angry again. ...

Third son-in-law writes poems:

In the Qing Dynasty, a rich man had three daughters. The eldest daughter is Taihō, and the second daughter is Erfeng and Sanfeng. The eldest daughter found a juren, the second daughter a scholar, and the third daughter a farmer. One day, the father-in-law celebrated his eightieth birthday, and the three daughters brought their husbands to celebrate their birthdays. The old father-in-law showed the seat to the eldest son-in-law and the second son-in-law, and poured water with a pipe. The third son-in-law doesn't make any noise when she comes, and she never looks down on her. But Sanfeng and her husband are very loving and always take her husband with them when they go out. Juren and scholar look down on the third child even more. After the banquet, he raised his hand and said, "Sit down and write a poem." . The seats are delicious, and there is a table in the direction, which is convenient for guests to enjoy. It is said that big, small, more, less and better are the topics, and no one can eat in the mill. The old father-in-law said: Good! Seeing that my father-in-law was wearing a cotton robe, I said: My father-in-law's cotton robe is good, but it is a little big and small. I wear more in winter and less in summer. The old father-in-law said: Good! Please sit down. It's the second son-in-law's turn to learn. Seeing an umbrella, the scholar said, "The old man's umbrella is good. Hold it big and put it away small. It is used more when it rains and less when it is sunny. " The old father-in-law said yes! Please sit down. It is the third son-in-law's turn. He scratched his head for a while and looked at Sanfeng winking at him. She said, my wife is fine. At home, she treats her like a big girl and she treats her like a little girl. She sleeps more with me and less with others. Hearing this, the old father-in-law scolded you for getting out. Third son-in-law slipped away. Sanfeng grabbed her husband's ear and said with a smile, why can't you teach him in the first place? The third son-in-law replied: I saw you wink at me and thought you were flirting with me! So I want to make a joke.

1、

Stay in a hotel on business, at 12 pm. Someone knocked at the door and shouted "check the night". The waiter and the policeman came in to have a look and left.

When I went to my colleague's house, I knocked on the door as usual and called to check the night. My colleague just fell asleep after drinking wine and asked, "What?"

The policeman said "tea" and the colleague said "Oh, put it on the windowsill"

I was trapped by the police. What's on the windowsill? Get up!

2、

You must admit several facts:

1。 You can't blink for five minutes.

2 。 You can't breathe with your tongue out.

3 。 You are trying the second one.

4 。 The second is actually possible, but you are like a dog.

5 。 You're laughing because you've been played.

3、

Q: "There were three sheep on the subway, and a wolf came halfway. The wolf got off at the station. How many sheep are there on the train? "

"No sheep, eaten by wolves"

"Wrong, three sheep, because you can't eat on the subway."

4、

I talked with my wife for four months, and her father was not very satisfied with me. He found out that he was pregnant the day before yesterday, and he wanted to take this opportunity to let me.

His father agrees with us.

Say to the old father-in-law in fear: uncle, you see, your daughter is pregnant, too. Let's get married.

My father-in-law gave me a faint look: ah, karma, even what I said was exactly the same as that of my year!

5、

When eating peaches in hot weather, the one who eats the left hand first sees a bug.

If you are too lazy to use your hands, just bite off the peach and spit it out, and the rest will be solved.

I looked at the vomit on the ground while eating, and I didn't react until I swallowed it-why didn't I see the vomit! ! !

6、

Just chatting with the goddess, the goddess asked me why I was so kind to her.

I sighed with emotion: "A chicken is rare in life!" In an instant, the goddess' head is gloomy. Hey, come back, don't go, let me explain, the evil input method, the word I want to type is confidant!

7、

There were too many people on the bus, and suddenly a fart came. Everyone covered their noses and looked around for the source of the fart. No one claimed responsibility for the incident. ...

As soon as I stand down, it smells like fart again. An aunt was angry and said, "Who is it? It's not over yet! "

At this time, a word came from the corner of the car: "It's still the original formula, or the familiar smell!"

8、

I just asked my sister out of curiosity: Why do you want to get down on one knee when you propose?

Sister is very calm: kneeling on the ground is the grave! !

9、

I said to my brother, "Brother, I just got hooked up",

The brother looks confused and disappointed.

I thought for a long time and said solemnly, "How could I be beaten by a dog?"

10、

I go home with a couple every day, and the man silently gives me a box of fish every time. ....

When I received the fourth box, I seemed to know something ... a lot of fish, unnecessary ... I left silently. ...

1 1、

Once on the train, I performed magic tricks for the children across the street.

Take out a box of cards, take out a heart, throw it out of the window, and then take out a prepared heart.

The children clapped and came to me. I thought he would praise me greatly.

Unexpectedly, he threw the watch on my desk out of the window and said, "Brother, perform another one."

12、

I am late.

When I went to work in the morning, a junior high school student rode his bike like lightning. Suddenly, he braked suddenly, stopped at the side of the road, and then lay on the road and rolled.

My in the mind a shock, not epilepsy crazy!

I quickly stepped forward and slapped him a few times, shouting, hey! Wake up, wake up, what's wrong with you!

I saw him say excitedly: Brother, stop fighting, stop fighting! I just want to get my clothes dirty. I'm gonna be fucking late. ……

13、

Today, I saw a child standing in an Internet cafe watching others play DOTA.

With a lollipop in his mouth! Nobody cares about such a discordant scene?

I couldn't sit still, so I went behind the child and patted him.

Handed a cigarette: "Little brother, spit in your mouth and change one." . "

1. In Lu Xun's social drama, several children stole edamame, and Afa said, stealing from my family is a big deal.

2. Four people play mahjong, and someone gives a card of 30,000. Xiao Yang said to Xiao Liu, Don't touch me unless you touch me.

Da Li swam in the river with a 50-catty gold chain and didn't come up.

4. The best short story of the year in a certain year is that there are grievances between the three factions in the rivers and lakes and lingering between men and women. There is only one sentence in the full text. "Bald donkey, dare to challenge the original class teacher!"

5. How to describe a person as poor? Answer: "I dare not shit, I am afraid of being hungry."

6. A graduate tutor who graduated from undergraduate course passed the postgraduate entrance examination and became his tutor.

7. fart in bed, you can smell it and cover it.

8. A girl was in a hurry to deliver the courier and asked her classmates how long it would take. The classmate replied, "If you take SF, you can get there in two days." .

"If it is against the wind, how many days will it take?"

Students laugh and spray!