Humorous stories told to girls.

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. The man fell to the ground crying and said, this is the third piece. It's hard for me to bring a piece of glass home. Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. 62616964757a68696416fe78988e 69d83313333353063 Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?" If you laugh, you should adopt it ~-super funny joke ↘ 1. Ghost: God, next time I want to be as white as an angel and put on a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. God: Then reincarnate as a nurse. -2. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~". -3. The elephant died soon after the ant and the elephant got married. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "-4. Your boy has a crush on a girl, so you have the courage to ask her what kind of boy she likes. -"hit it off" girl answered, even asked several times the answer is the same. -The boy was discouraged and said, "How about a flat head? "-5. One day, I caught the last bus out of breath and shouted: Master! Master, wait for me ~-Suddenly a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, please stop chasing -6. One day, I took a biology exam, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trouser legs and said, "You guess, you guess. "-7. After the performance of that beautiful Mongolian actress, the leader took the stage to receive her. Then her hand asked her if she was cold and warm, and she refused to let go for a long time. She asked kindly, what's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Margaret Matsumoto" -8. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door. -Parrot: Who is it? A: Breather. -Parrot: Who is it? -Answer: Ventilator-There is a man lying at the door of the host's house, and the host wonders who this is-Inside the door: Ventilator -9. A man saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down to smell it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand, licked it in his mouth, and said it was really poop, but fortunately he didn't step on it! ~- 10. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. A: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook them ... Some people thought I was electrocuted, so they picked up a wooden stick and gave me two. -1 1. A professor is teaching in the field: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." . . "Then I poked the cow dung on the ground with my finger and licked it in my mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. . . "-65438+ stop!" The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! " -14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother and the little guy answered the phone. Out of courtesy, I also want to say hello to her. "Honey, where's mom?" "Go to Huaguoshan!" "..." "Honey, what are you doing?" "Aunt, you are so funny. I'm not calling you! " -My colleague's son, 4 years old. A classic saying: "When I was young ..."-15. There was a car accident on the expressway-a turtle trampled a cow to death. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and say, snail: How did the tortoise hit you? The lying cow in plaster recalled sadly: I don't remember, he was too fast! -16. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice, and when she was really bored, she began to pull out her hair, one ... one ... ............-17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty embryo. When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother often asks her, "Beauty, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl sighed: "I guess they see me too much, so they think I'm not beautiful." -18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. When the baby was born, he clenched his fist and kept laughing. The nurse broke his fist and found birth control pills in it. Then the little boy said, "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha ..."-19. Two people went. I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~"-20. I also stood up. A man was riding a bicycle with his hands on his chest. A traffic policeman saw it and said, "Good palms!" " The man replied, hello, comrades! -2 1. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart with a song. The fox said: Ku Kuiji's Ant said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." : when > yes. "-22. The two brothers were chased by the tiger, and the younger brother couldn't run any more, so he said," Brother, let's stop running and kill this beast. "Stop talking nonsense, I can't outrun it, just run past you." "-23. Noodles were beaten by steamed bread, and I asked my cousin for instant noodles for revenge. Instant noodles are hit when they see bean buns. When I came back, I said to the noodles, don't worry, I beat them to pieces. -24. After getting on the bus, a fashionable woman took out a paper towel and wiped it for a while. She was just about to sit down and fart. A man next to her smiled and said, "I'm KAO, * * * clean, and I have to blow after cleaning." "-25. Penguins are bored, so they want to go to the North Pole to play with polar bears. After walking for many years, it was almost time, and suddenly they remembered that the gas at home was not turned off properly. Come out and play! -Polar Bear:-Not anymore. -26. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! -27. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day. The judge said to A, "Did you steal anything?" -B replied, "No"-The judge was furious, "I didn't ask you." -C said, "I didn't say anything either. "-28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water ",and the pig said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water, too! " After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly ~ ~ ~-29. A rabbit walks into a shop and asks the boss, do you have any carrots here? The wife said: no, after a while, the rabbit asked again, do you sell carrots here? The boss impatiently said no! After a while, the rabbit asked again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it: if you make trouble again, I'll cut your ear off with scissors! After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you sell scissors here? The boss said: No. The rabbit asked again: Do you sell carrots here …-30. The devil caught the princess-the devil said: You can scream at your throat, and no one will come to save you! -Princess: Break your throat, break your throat! -Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you! -Devil: Speak of the devil! -Cao Cao: Devil, what's your name? -Devil: Wow, I saw a ghost! -Damn it! Found it. -Shit: Nonsense, who found me? -Who: It's none of my business! Oh, my God! -God: Who called me? ! -Who: Nobody called you! -Nobody: I didn't! ! ! -It is said that the lich king is suffering from schizophrenia. -3 1. A king wanted to marry the princess and put an apple on her head. Whoever took it has a chance to marry the princess. -The first man shot an apple, and he said, "I'm Robin. -The second person also took an apple. He said, "I am Hou Yi. -The third man accidentally shot the princess. He said, "I'm sorry ..."-32 ... Someone was practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned his head and ran until he reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's your knife. It's your turn to chase me. -33. The wolf is just lovelorn. When he was foraging, he passed a hut and heard a man lecturing his child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolves. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When I got up in the morning, the wolf choked and said, men, men are liars! ! ! There are many kinds of humorous stories, including H stories and funny stories. During the winter month, a piece of red pepper tree in the vegetable field is picked once after two or three days of ripening, then picked by the red net, and then picked by the red one. It's all the same. There is water on the surface. Cut off the water of pepper at night, cut off the pedicle of pepper at night and put it in great love. You will never regret it, mine. In a corner of the city, there is a "seven years" bar. The owner is a southern girl, and people here call her "Seven". I like Seven Years and my boss Qi Qi, so I will definitely punch in once a week. Seven years is different from other bars, where travelers come back at night and there are the most touching stories. I dragged my tired body into seven years, and Aqi met me at the bar and let me taste her new wine. That glass of wine is different from the previous ups and downs, like self-salvation, like a relief. Ah Qi called it an "oasis". She said that oasis is the hope of desert, and green is new life. She said she would leave to find her own oasis. When I first met Ah Qi, I was in a dilemma because I was lovelorn. She was radiant. At that time, I thought, how can there be such a good person in this world? I don't know which man is lucky enough to take her home. But later I learned that what she hid under the radiant light was scarred. I like to listen to her story while drinking all the wine. Her story is as mellow and touching as wine. Ah Qi and C met at that party ten years ago, and since then C has launched a strong pursuit of Ah Qi. C appears in front of the bank where Aqi works with breakfast at a fixed time every morning. Seven banks often advertise in shopping malls, and C will also appear. It often buys several cups of milk tea and gives them to Aqi's colleagues. Colleagues also have a good impression on Mr. C, and often secretly discuss C below. And after every activity, I will take the initiative to send Ah Qi home. On weekdays, I will also be caring and attentive to Ah Qi, and understand the dribs and drabs of Ah Qi's life. Over time, Ah Qi fell in love with the girl C, Ah Qi, with the gentleness of Jiangnan women and the generosity of northern girls, it is hard not to be moved. C prepares to decorate one month before Ah Qi's birthday, and intends to give Ah Qi a surprise and take this opportunity to confess to Ah Qi. On his birthday, C booked a luxury box in KTV in advance and arranged a rehearsal with his friends for a day. At about six o'clock in the evening, Meng Qi walked into the box and stared at his best friend. The moment Ah Qi took off the blindfold, the whole room was covered with red balloons, the wall was covered with love stickers, and there was a huge heart-shaped candle on the ground, connected to a red carpet. Seven o see all this is so incredible, so dreamy. C confessed to Ah Qi with a microphone: I don't believe in love at first sight, but when I met you, your smile made me dream, and then I knew that this was my heart. When I can't see you, I think there are only two colors left in the world, black and white. Only you, and only you, have the magic to make my world colorful. So, please promise to be my girlfriend, and I will Qian Qian for you all my life. ? In the atmosphere of love, Ah Qi listened to the emotional confession, left moving tears and accepted it gladly. A month later, in order to be with C every day, A Qi moved out of his home where he had lived with his parents for more than 20 years, and chose to live with C in a rental house. Housing prices in first-tier cities are very high. C's rental house is in a simple private house, the toilet and kitchen are shared by a group of people. Seven said he was not used to it, which was false. Every time he passes the kitchen, he always smells sour. Shoes and socks all over the floor filled the aisle leading to the room, and the air was mixed with strong foot odor. Even when I think of the toilet in bed at night, I have to wrap myself up. When I go to the toilet, it is always easy to change back to the dirty toilet every time, and I have to clean it patiently. All this can be overcome, as long as it is enough to be with C. C is very moved by what Seven has done for him and loves Seven more. C is busy with work and often needs to work overtime. Seven can only buy their own food and take it home. C likes the dishes cooked by Qi very much. Seven saw that he swept away the dishes every time, so he went to wash the dishes contentedly. In fact, Qi can't cook at first! A person at home, watching videos online, practicing. The problems and details of each dish and the finished products made by himself are summarized in the notebook, especially the dishes that C likes to eat, and the notes are more detailed. Ah Qi's devotion to C reminds me of Meng Po Sanqi's love for immortality in the movie The Ferry of the Soul: The only thrill, I really like him, but I wish him well. I am happy when he is good; I am not happy when I am good to him; As long as he is good, I am happy whether I am good or not. If the other person really likes it, it is to really love someone. I think longevity is like this, whether he lied to me or not. I just hope he is good, and I am happy when he is happy. ? With Qi's talk, I can't help wondering that you have done so much for him, which shows that you love him very much. At this rate, you should be very happy! Seven o wry smile way, I was thinking so, but this kind of happiness with the advent of marriage quietly dissipated. Seven and C have been together for three years. Seven parents want them to get married. Seven thought it was almost the same, so I told C, and C agreed after listening. So, C told his parents about his intention to get married. His father had no opinion, but his mother was quite critical of Ah Qi. After meeting Ah Qi for the first time, this future mother-in-law felt that Ah Qi was not suitable to be her son's daughter-in-law. After several meetings, even though Ah Qi was enthusiastic and flattering, she still didn't change her mind and often snubbed Ah Qi. Qin Feng for mother's this kind of behavior, also helpless. I tried to persuade my mother to agree to this marriage every day, but I finally let go. You can get married, but not the engagement fee. Your eldest brother has been married for three years and is going to buy a house recently! You know the situation at home, and you borrow money everywhere to prepare a down payment for your brother. C stopped talking after listening, and told Ah Qi the truth of his conversation with his mother. Although Ah Qi hates that her mother-in-law prefers sons to daughters, she doesn't complain at the thought of marrying C as she wishes. But seven's mother didn't agree. She is distressed that her daughter didn't marry in the past, which is already such an attitude. If she is really married, she can't stand this injustice. For the tough attitude of the two mothers, A Qi and C also racked their brains. At seven o'clock, I want C to discuss it with his mother again. Both sides can take a step back and take less, even if it is a lottery. C's mother insisted on this. I still remember how Ah Qi talked about this past. She looked up at the void. The camellia in her hand seems to burn faster in order to add to the atmosphere. Pale smoke surrounded her, and the crystal in her eyes finally betrayed her. After nearly a month's negotiation, the two families failed, and C and Archie proposed to break up, which Archie never thought of anyway. She said that his sentence "It's over" was the cruelest thing she had ever heard. She tossed and turned for countless nights, crying for his pillow towel. She said that for a period of time, she dreamed about him every night, which made her afraid to close her eyes for fear of waking up without his sense of loss. So that she began to paralyze herself with alcohol and cigarettes, trying to forget him, but in the end she couldn't forget him. She couldn't figure out the warmth of three years, and because of the engagement money, she finally lost not only to her innocence, but also to C's cowardice and determination. Later, A Qi gave up his original high-paying job and opened a bar. Ah Qi said that she made an agreement with herself to spend seven years, not only for her better healing, but also to completely cut off her past life. Only then did we know the origin of "seven years". Every time Ah Qi mentions C, his eyes are full of stars, even though his eyebrows are full of sadness. This year is the seventh year, and it is time for her to fulfill her promise. She said that she would travel and see the outside world. She said it was time to let go of herself. This kind of life is too bitter. She wants to be happy, just like an "oasis" to welcome her new life. And I choose to bless her, even if the years don't give her affection at the end, I think time will not disappoint her, but I will give her affection and heal her wounds in another way. My seven-year-old girl, may you be full of enthusiasm for life, and may you get rid of the shackles and be reborn. You can see more real and touching love stories by searching for "Looking at Deer" on WeChat official account. Our love will never change like fingerprints. She comes from a noble family and is eighteen years old this year. She is as charming as a rose and as lovely as a butterfly. A large group of aristocratic men surrounded her, obsessed with her smile, and she just reached out and took one casually, firmly grasping the wealth and splendor in this life. However, the girl's heart is full of anxious thoughts. Without emotional nourishment, no matter how good the years are, there is only a sigh. It's a pity that none of these young masters can settle down in her heart. I met him when I went to the jewelry store to buy jewelry. I only saw her beauty and elegance and carved it into his heart. Like a goddess, he helped her try it on, packed it and carefully told her what to pay attention to. He is just a craftsman, but his handsomeness, elegance and erudition make her heart tremble as soft as a flower. Since then, she has become a frequent visitor to the jewelry store, and she will sit next to him all day. He held his chin in his hand and smiled in his eyes. He watched patiently as he made a beautiful ring out of a piece of gold, as if he were enjoying the greatest performance in the world. He would stay up for several nights, turn on the oil lamp and meditate under it, just to make a butterfly earring that she liked. Their communication is natural and sweet, just like butterfly lovers, where there are flowers, there are butterflies, and where there are butterflies, you will see flowers. They agreed to hold each other's hands for life and never give up. A noble lady, a poor boy, secular eyes don't allow them to stay together? She held his hand and promised, "No one can separate us. I will show my cards to my family. You must believe me! " "Of course, he believes in her, so he looks at her leaving direction every day, expecting her elegant figure to suddenly appear at the end of the road at the moment, bringing him the joy of" life and death, holding your hand ". Day after day, the peach blossom fell to the ground, but it never appeared again. At this time, she is about to marry another woman. When she was firmly holding the idea of breaking with her family to win her feelings, unfortunately, like a huge wave at the bow, she came over. The cruel war made her family decline overnight, and the family may be displaced from now on. The only person who can save her family is a promising general. In an instant, fate put a heavy burden on her delicate shoulders. Is it selfish and happy to fight for feelings, or to sacrifice yourself to save the family and make it a complete family? Finally, she chose the latter. The wedding date has been set, and the man handed over the task of making the bride's wedding ring to his jewelry store, and the boss gave him this important task. His heart broke into catkins in spring and floated in the air. Many times, fate made people unable to choose. In that case, he can only pray silently and hope that the person he loves will be happy all his life. He decided to make a unique ring for her, just as she is always the only one in his heart. Instead of using the materials brought by the jewelry store, he took out all his savings and asked someone to buy a 3-carat colored diamond from South Africa. Although it is not the biggest, it is pure and flawless, and it is a rare treasure in diamonds, just like the pure feelings between him and her. Building a diamond ring for her became the most important thing in his life. While thinking about the dribs and drabs of two people getting along, thinking about her smile, he paid attention to making a diamond ring carefully. Pour my full thoughts on her into the bright light of diamonds, and often forget to eat or sleep. A few months later, the ring finally took shape. This affectionate ring, with its beautiful appearance and dazzling brilliance, attracted many nobles to buy it. But no matter how much they paid, he shook his head firmly. He is always dissatisfied with those rings that look beautiful to outsiders. There are countless beautiful rings in this world. How can I be unique and let her know his unchanging heart? He holds a diamond ring, pondering during the day and studying at night. By chance, when he was refitting a silver ring for a civilian woman, he accidentally burned his finger with a red-hot silver ring. While the pain was unbearable, he was pleasantly surprised to find that there was a finger fingerprint on the silver ring that could never be erased. Yes! Branding his fingerprints on her diamond ring, his love for her is unique, and so is his fingerprints. After half a year, the ideal diamond ring was finally completed. At this time, his hands are all scarred, his eyes are deep, his appearance is thin, and his head has white hair. She got married as scheduled, and her heart trembled when a pure and dazzling ring was held in front of her eyes. This diamond ring is so beautiful and pure, just like the snow in spring and her previous pink love. She picked up the ring and studied it carefully. At this moment, there is a clear and complete fingerprint on the ring. Watching, she suddenly burst into tears and kissed the ring affectionately. That's his fingerprint. No one but him will endure that burning pain, printed on a small ring. What a terrible pain it was when he reached for the red ring! Since then, this diamond ring has become the most important thing in her life. She often sits in front of the French window and looks at it for a long time. Her eyes are full of tears with a smile. Inadvertently, fate pushed another chance to choose to her. A few years later, her husband died on the battlefield and she became the widow of a martyr. This time, in grief, she chose to live for herself. She refused the arrangement of her family and traveled thousands of miles to find the owner of the fingerprint diamond ring. In a jewelry store with a "fingerprint ring-love is unique because of you", she finally met her lover who had been away for 30 years. At this time, his temples were gray and his face was gaunt. The only constant is that at the moment they looked at each other, their eyes reflected each other's shadow. He was unmarried all his life, and after thirty years, many days and nights, he finally waited for the goddess in his heart. This time, no force can separate them. They should be like fingerprints on a ring and never change their love for each other. Her name is Angelina Jolie, and his name is Saint Plough. They lived in France in the18th century, and their stories convinced more people of their feelings. The fingerprint ring they made has been passed down to this day, and many people in love will buy it. I hope my feelings are as unique as fingerprints, as unique as fingerprints, until death do us part. You can see more real and touching love stories by searching for "Looking at Deer" on WeChat official account. Loving you can do anything for you. Everyone is always not so happy when they are happy, and they are quite happy when they are lost. Two luckiest things in my life: one is that time has finally exhausted my love for you; One was the day a long time ago, when I met you. Boys are very playboy, but girls are very devoted to boys. Girls love rainy days and get wet, whenever girls run out of their umbrellas and get wet. Boys often want to get wet with her, but they are all stopped by girls. The boy always asks with doubts, "Why don't you let me get wet with you?" The girl smiled and replied, "because I'm afraid you'll get sick!" " "Boys often ask her: 3231313353236313032313635358685e5aeb931333436544. But girls always laugh and don't answer. In the end, it is often the boy who can't beat the girl and agrees to her request. Because boys are happy as long as they see girls happy. But the happy time won't last long. Boys like another girl, and they like her better than girls. One day when a boy and a girl were having dinner together, he proposed to break up, and the girl silently accepted it. Because she knows that boys are like the wind, and the wind will not stay for anyone. That night, the girl knew that this was the last time the boy sent her home, so she reluctantly said, "You always drive me, so let me drive you this time!" "The boy agreed guiltily and whispered," I'm sorry to disappoint you! "But the moment when I was in the rain with you was my happiest time! "The girl sobbed after hearing this, and the boy held her behind him. After a long time, the boy said to the girl, "I have long wanted to ask you a question!" "Why don't you let me accompany you every time you get wet?" After a long time, the girl said slowly, "because I don't want you to find out ... I cried!" " "The motorcycle is driving faster and faster, which is simply speeding. Boys think girls vent in this way. He hesitated, leaned into the girl's ear and said, "I know you are uncomfortable, but you shouldn't joke about your life." Slow down! " The girl shouted, "Well, for the last time, you love me ... The boy wanted to satisfy her for the last time, so he said," All right. " ... I love you ... can you slow down now? "The girl heard this sentence as she wished and said with satisfaction," Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? This makes me uncomfortable and interferes with my driving. The boy was puzzled, but he did it anyway. Just as the boy had just put on his helmet, a white car suddenly jumped in front of him. The girl ran into a building on the side of the road to hide. The boy woke up in the hospital the next day, and the police told him, "The girl died on the way to the hospital, but you survived wearing a helmet. The main cause of this traffic accident is that the white car overtakes in reverse. In addition, we also checked your motorcycle. What will hit the building is the brake failure. " The boy burst into tears and fell into endless regret. He whispered to himself, "So that's it, she already knew ..." What kind of feeling is it when a person loves someone so much that he is willing to give everything for him, even willing to die for the other person? The biggest regret in life is that you mistakenly insisted on what you shouldn't have insisted on, and easily gave up what you shouldn't have given up ... Search the official account of WeChat for "Wang Thinking" to see more real and touching love stories. . . . . . . . . . .