Simple and humorous English stories

Original Publisher: Le Tu Data is an easy-to-understand English joke. Part I: Simple English joke Heisreslysomebody-Myunclehas1000 men under him. -Heisrelysomebody。 What does he do? -amamaintenancemaninacemetery。 He is really a big shot-my uncle has 1000 people under his command. -He's really a big shot. What do you do? Graveyard keeper. Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, my dearest dog! * * * Mrs. ith: butyoumustputanadvertisementthenewspapers! Mrs. Brown: It's a snot. My dog can't read. Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog! Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper! Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "Waiter, this lobster has only one paw. -I'm sorry, sir. It must be in battle. -Well, Bryn Maythorne. Give me the winner-waiter, this lobster has only one claw. Sorry, sir, but this one must have been in a fight. Oh, then give me the winner. Good boy, Robert Starkey Jr. * * * Others give a few cents. " What did you do yesterday? ""Igaveittoapooroldwoman, "he replied." You are a good boy, "mother said proudly," Herearecent * * * ore. Buhyareyou Pointer Rested in the Odwoman? ""She is a candy seller. "Good boy, little Robert asked his mother for two cents." What did I do with the money I gave you yesterday? Julie is saying bedtime prayers. "God," she said, "let Naples be the capital of Italy. Let Naples be the capital of Italy. " Her mother interrupted her. "Julie, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" Julie replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography paper!" " -Juliet prayed before going to bed. "God, please," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy." Mother interrupted her and said, "Juliet, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" Juliet replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography exam." Julie is saying bedtime prayers. "God," she said, "let Naples be the capital of Italy. Let Naples be the capital of Italy. " Her mother interrupted her. "Julie, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" Julie replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography paper!" " -Juliet prayed before going to bed. "God, please," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy." Mother interrupted her and said, "Juliet, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" Juliet replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography exam." In high school, I woke up at home at noon and ate two oranges. After eating the yellow on my finger, I went straight to school without washing my hands. When I was with my classmates in the afternoon, one of them said, "Why are you so disgusting? You wipe your fingers with shit! " "I said," it's not shit, it's eating oranges at noon. " Then I shook my finger. Two days later, it was miserable. The whole school knew that a classmate in our school rubbed his fingers after defecating, and kept nagging his fingers when he was dry, saying that it smelled of oranges. One day, he was walking in the street with a beautiful woman and good friend. Suddenly, a vendor who bought porn came to my good friend and said, hey, sister, come and have a look. There is a new movie. My friend is very angry ... What happened? I know him. 6. I'm in a hurry to eat in a hotel, the waiter said enthusiastically; There is no bathroom in our hotel. You can go to the toilet opposite. We have an agreement with them. When you get there, you can say that you are eating! 7. One day, a female friend of mine came to me and said, "I am depressed, my blood is bleeding." "A bloody collapse? "I asked." A lot of menstruation! "answer. Oh, as a man, of course I don't know what a bloody collapse is. There are two flowers, one for each table. A few days later, my boss who hadn't given me a raise for several years suddenly gave me a raise. I sat in my office, smiling with a paycheck, and said, "I feel that I haven't had my period for several months, and today I suddenly have a bloody collapse." "When I looked up, the whole office was staring at me. . . . 8. In the third year of high school, in chemistry class, the teacher talked about organic chemistry polymers or something. Suddenly the teacher gave an example and drew a "phthalein bond" on the blackboard, telling everyone that this is a "eunuch". Let's give him a "methyl" and laugh. Source drifter original: //piaobozhe/read.php? An elephant said to a mouse, "There is no doubt that you are the most useless thing I have ever seen." "Please say that again. Let me take it off. " The mouse said I would tell a flea what I knew. An elephant said to a little mouse, "You are undoubtedly the smallest and most useless thing I have ever seen." "Please say it again and let me write it down." The mouse said I want to tell a flea I know. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, a swallow and a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: Sparrows are the best sparrows, sparrows are the best sparrows. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow? Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer Teacher: Please talk about it. Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow. Fish net "Can you tell me what fish is made of, Ann?" "Many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied. Fishing net "Ann, can you tell me what fishing net is made of?" The teacher asked. "Fishing nets are made of many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied. The new teacher left school on September 1st. "Gee, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked. "Mom, I don't like her because she said that three plus three equals six, and then she said that zero plus four equals six ..." On September 1 day, the new teacher George came home from school. "George, do you like your new teacher? "mom asked." Mom, I don't like it, because she said that three plus three equals six, but later she said that two plus four equals six. In a physics exam, while his classmates were still thinking hard, Nick quickly finished the first question. The question is: when it thunders, why do we see lightning first and then hear thunder? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are in front of our ears. A physics exam In a physics exam, while the students were still thinking hard, Nick quickly answered the first question. The question is: Why do we always see the lightning first and then hear the thunder when it thunders? Nick's answer is: because the eyes are in front and the ears are behind. Once upon a time, a stupid guy went to see a doctor. ""What's the matter with you? "asked the doctor. I'm completely devastated! "A fool said. What does it mean to break everything? " The doctor was surprised. Then, the fool pointed to his head and said, "Ouch! There is something wrong with my head. " After that, he pointed to his back and said, "ouch, my back hurts." Then he touched his nose and said, "Ouch, my nose hurts." ... the doctor thought for a while and said, "Your fingers are not good." Once upon a time, a fool went to see a doctor. The doctor asked him what was wrong. The fool said he was hurt all over. The doctor is confused. Then, the fool pointed to his head and said, "It hurts. I have a headache. "Then, someone pointed to his back and nose and said that he was injured. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Your finger hurts. "A man went to church and started talking to God. He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you? God said, "a penny", and then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "One second", and then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said "in one second", a man walked into the church and talked with God. He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replied, "A penny." . The man asked, "What about a million years?" "God said," one second. Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?" "God replied," Right away. "Four best friends met in the hospital because their wives gave birth to children. The nurse walked up to the first person and said, "Congratulations, you have been admitted. The man said, "It's strange that I am the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse walked up to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." The man said, "Well, strange, I am the director of three musketeers." Finally, the nurse walked up to the third man and said, "Congratulations, you got 2 points." The man was very happy and said, "Ironically, I work for a hotel" for four seasons. "All three of them were happy until they saw their last partner jumping around, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work for 7-up! Four good friends met in the hospital, and their wives were having a baby. The nurse came to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to twins. "The man said," It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins. After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." The man liked it very much: "Well, what a coincidence. I .. You have two pairs of twins. " The man said happily, "That's ridiculous. I work in the Four Seasons Hotel. "All three of them were happy, but the fourth partner was as anxious as a cat on hot bricks, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work in 7-up company! "Ha ha, one is more efficient than the other. Canadian Osama bin Laden and President Bush were walking in the street when they saw a golden lamp. They wiped it, and an elf came out and said, "I will grant everyone three wishes." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will become a farmer, so I hope the soil in Canada will be fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama looked surprised, so he wanted to build a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush said, "Tell me more about this wall, monster." The monster said, "It is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing can come in and nothing can go out. President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! ! Osama bin Laden, Canadians and President Bush were walking down the street and saw a golden lamp. They wiped the lamp and an elf appeared. The genie said, "I want to grant each of you one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I want to make the land in Canada fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama was surprised when he saw it. He wants a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush asked, "Genie, please tell me about this wall." The genie replied, "The wall is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing inside can get out and nothing outside can get in." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! ! "My baby swallowed a bullet. Young mother:" Doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet. What should I do? Doctor: "Don't let him point at anyone. The young mother said, "Doctor, my child has swallowed a bullet." What should I do? "The doctor said," don't let him point at anyone. "Note 1. Swallow a bullet. Point: aim ... once, a hunter went to the forest to hunt. One of them suddenly fell down unexpectedly. He rolled his eyes and seemed to stop breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and called the emergency center for help. The operator said quietly, "First of all, you should make sure that he is dead. Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What should I do next?" "Two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them accidentally fell down and his eyes turned white, as if he had stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly, "The first step is to make sure that your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What's the second step? I am the boss Content: The other day, the boss said bluntly in our staff meeting that he didn't get any respect. He went later that morning. A local card and novelty store bought a sign that said "I am the boss". Then he put it on the door of the office. Later that day, when he came back from lunch, he found that someone had put a note on the sign, which read. Your wife called. She wants her brand back! "Note: Staff meeting: photo of the wife of the staff meeting A company sat down at the bar and ordered a double martini with ice. After drinking, he looked in his shirt pocket and ordered the bartender to prepare another double martini. After drinking that glass, he glanced at his shirt pocket again and told the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender said, "listen, man, I'll bring you martinis all night." But you have to tell me why you look into your shirt pocket before ordering a refill. The customer replied, "I'm peeking at my wife's photo." I knew it was time to go home when she began to look good. "Note: peek/pi； of martinis in pubs and inns; Take a quick look.