Bao Zheng's 100,000 Cold Jokes

1, Little Rabbit said, "I'm a son of a bitch!"

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I'm a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "

No.2.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!"

No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"

No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good to be called sparring partner by outsiders!"

No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"

The cat said to me, "I am your grandmother's cat." Listen! "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "

4. Lang Ke said, "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!"

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

5. Jane Zhang said: "Fans who worship me say my idol is English."

He Jie said: "My fans say: My idol is Jay."

"My fans say: My idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

6. The senior math teacher said: I teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The analog electronics teacher said that I teach analog electronics this semester.

The socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!

8. General Li Zongren said: I am kind!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

9. Minolta users say: We are beautiful women!

Canon users say: we are beautiful!

The user of Huaguang said: We are from China!

Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first!

10. The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

1 1. The students of teachers college said: I am from teachers college.

The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first!

12, in Britain, there is a warning on the wrapping paper of light bulbs-don't put that object in your mouth. It means don't put the light bulb in your mouth.

Who will import this thing? English people are all fools. ...

I tell you, nothing is absolute!

One day I was watching TV at home with an Indian friend, and I talked to him about it. He told me that their primary school textbooks also said that because the light bulb would get stuck after being imported, it could not be taken out under any circumstances. He's pretty sure that's what the book says. ...

But I doubt it. I think the surface of the light bulb is very slippery. If it can be imported, it proves that the mouth is big enough to let it in and out. Theoretically, it can also be taken out. But this Indian idiot said in the book ... and it must be correct. ...

I am annoyed at his ungrateful attitude. I said he was stupid, he said I couldn't speak English and didn't read books ... so we quarreled. ...

I came home in a rage, picked up an ordinary light bulb and lay in bed thinking about it. I always thought I was right, thinking about the ignorance of this Indian friend, and in the spirit of a scientist-make bold assumptions and carefully verify. I decided to prove it. Look at that. Of course, I also took safety measures ... and bought a vegetable oil to go home. If the card is stuck and released, I can't believe it won't slide out!

Everything is ready, without saying that it takes 1 second to put the light bulb in your mouth ... but it's very simple ... so it's no problem to take it out.

I wish this Indian idiot a look at the wisdom and courage of my people in China! Unlike you, a bookworm, I thought China would beat the Indians ... I smiled from the bottom of my heart ... haha!

So I easily pulled down the light bulb. ......................

All right! I will work harder. .....................

All right. I will open my mouth wider. .........................

No, I'll open my mouth as wide as possible and work harder (be careful not to break the light) ........................

It's really stuck inside. .........................

Fortunately, there is a vegetable oil. .........................

(30 minutes later) I poured 3/4 sticks of oil and half of it into my stomach, but the light bulb still didn't move. ........................

At this time, I had to call the police for help. ......................

Just in the middle of my reading, I remembered that there was a light bulb in my mouth. How can ................... talk?

Now I have to ask my neighbor for help. I wrote a note to find the old woman next door. As soon as she saw me, she shouted for help. ....................

I immediately showed her my note: Please call a taxi for me and tell the driver to take me to the hospital. Please call a taxi for me and tell the driver to take me to the hospital. )

She watched it for about 1.75 minutes and then laughed loudly. ..........................

15 minutes later, the taxi came. The driver smiled when he saw me.

He kept asking me why I did it in the taxi ... (... how should I answer him? ) I always said my mouth was too small. If it is his mouth, there will be no problem. ...

I saw his mouth is really big ... but I really want to tell him not to try anyway ... but I can't open it!

I looked at his rearview mirror. There seems to be a goldfish in my mouth. ...

In the hospital, I was scolded by the nurses for more than ten minutes, saying that I wasted their time. I was asked to wait in line for a long time ... I stayed in the crowd for 2.5 hours ... 2.5 hours. ...

Those people who were in great pain seemed to have no pain when they saw me ... everyone secretly laughed. ..

I feel that I still have some role. ...

The doctor put cotton on both sides of my mouth, then broke the light bulb ... took it out one by one ... my mouth was swollen ... Finally, he told me not to try again and told others about my experience. ...

I told him I wouldn't.

When I left the hospital, I was thinking that there must be no stupid creature like me on this earth.

When I opened the door, a man came face to face. That was a taxi driver.

...........................

...........................

He has a light bulb in his mouth.

13. On the bus today, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

This is met by a friend who works in Zhujiang Road.

The bus was so crowded that a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed out of the car from the rear,

Say "sorry, get off" to the woman, and the woman will move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was so fierce that she scolded "You are crazy!" You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to see.

GG was silent for a long time. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! . . . . . B said, "You repeat the machine. " .。 . . .

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM wanted to get off the bus, too, and squeezed over and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!"

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side, "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

14, the prisoner was shot. Because of the poor quality of the bullet, the first shot didn't go off, and then the second shot ... the third shot ... At this moment, the prisoner cried: Brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary! ! !

15, no work, let's make tofu! Tofu is the safest. If it is hard, it is dried tofu; If you are thin, it is tofu brain; If it is very thin, it is tofu skin; What is not sold is stinky tofu!

16, only one week.

Someone was accused of drunk driving and he defended himself in court.

"I just drank some alcoholic drinks, and I was not as drunk as the accusation said."

"Yes, because of what you said, I didn't betray you to jail for seven days, only sentenced you to jail for one week." The judge replied with a smile.

Avoid stealing food.

17. The young lawyer lives in an apartment. There is only one kitchen in the apartment, and he often shares it with other people in the building, so the food he keeps in the refrigerator often disappears. Once, he ordered a roast chicken, which should have been delivered next Monday, but it was delivered on Friday. Just in case, he put the roast chicken in the refrigerator and attached a note that said, "Don't touch the murder evidence!" " ! "