The reason for breaking up is mostly the same: you were punished by the other party for not teaching.

In the process of falling in love, many brothers will encounter such an embarrassing situation: she says she doesn't love me if she doesn't love me, and she is quite happy to mow the grass. As long as she says the breakup is real, nothing can make her stay. What's going on here?

It seems that she has a ledger in her heart and grades you every day. When all the scores are deducted and the ledger begins to appear negative, she will throw the ledger in front of you and tell you, "Break up, I really can't go on with you."

At this time, several buddies drank wine all night and felt that it was meaningless to live. Some people stood in front of the girl's house all night in the heavy rain, begging her for another chance. Some swore and complained that they didn't want to leave, so they didn't say it earlier. Others began to reflect on how naive and immature they are.

In fact, apart from the extreme case of love rat cheating with the other party, most of the buddies who broke up were punished for the same reason: you were scolded by the other party for not teaching.

1. What is punishment if you don't teach?

This means that the other party will not tell you in advance what mistakes you can't make, and when you touch the minefield, she will directly declare you out.

Let me tell you a story. I don't know if you have seen the hit TV series "Going West" in previous years.

There is a character named Liang Mantun, who is a small apprentice in a leather factory. Many people don't like him because of his poor image, but he has a strict master.

Once the master punished him in front of everyone and made him kneel in the yard in the middle of the dyehouse with a big pot of dye on his head.

The master asked Liang Mantun, "Honestly, do you hate me for punishing you like this?"

At this time, Liang Mantun was very embarrassed, because the dye on his head was too heavy, and he was shaking all the time. His face was covered with smelly dye, but when the master asked him, he stood up straight, his eyes sparkled and said:

"No, the master beat me and scolded me because he looked up to me."

At that time, there was only one sentence in my heart: "It's really worthless, I'm a coward."

But looking back, I realized that Liang Mantun was not afraid of his master at all, but wanted to be the owner of the whole leather factory. He tried to please his master by selling his dignity.

But in fact, there are many situations in life that are in line with the sentence "I respect you when I beat you and scold you".

No pun intended, just literally.

You must have met such a person when you were a student. No matter how hard the teacher tries, he never repents.

The teachers used both carrot and stick, said a lot of nice things, talked a lot of truth and scolded him, but he still didn't make progress, and nothing could inspire his initiative.

At this time, someone will always say: there is no need to dispute with him. As far as he is concerned, he will be told how to be a man sooner or later when he enters the society. But I'm sorry, society didn't teach such people how to behave.

"Society", what a great name B, how can he teach others with a pleasant countenance?

This boss named "Society" has always been highly effective, and there is only one way to deal with the disobedient younger brother-stop talking nonsense and fuck him.

Only the younger brother who is willing to go on the road has the opportunity to follow the boss, and those who are not on the road are directly eliminated.

Don't expect seniors to guide you when you first enter the workplace, help you analyze workplace mistakes and remind you to be alert to workplace traps.

It is usually after you see that everyone else has been promoted and paid that Milla realizes that he may have been exploited by a small business.

The same is true of love. Not every time someone tells you what you did wrong and what you didn't mature enough.

Television is full of lies. There are not so many military advisers to advise you. You think you are training her and making her your ideal girlfriend.

When she sends the word "break up" to your mobile phone, you will wake up from a dream and know that you have never grasped the dominant position, so you can only tell each other with a runny nose that you must repent.

But you may not think so in your heart. You will swear and complain, "Why didn't you say something before?"? Didn't you say I had changed a long time ago? " Who has no shortcomings? Can't you just put up with it and give me some time to get better? "

I have to reveal a cruel fact to you. Most people who are put into the teaching circle without punishment are dead wood and turn a deaf ear to everything they say. Why do girls waste their breath?

Do you think you are really capable of following good advice?

Second, stop fooling yourself.

Now I like to ask a man with a bad relationship such a question: What do you want?

I found that there are really too many liars, not only deceiving others, but also deceiving themselves and even refusing to tell the truth. Why should I give you substantive advice?

You have your value orientation, and I won't judge you at will. If you don't want to pay for what you want, you don't care so much. Do not make excuses for yourself. It's not that I don't help you, it's that you don't listen and don't want to change.

A buddy told me that he liked Bai Fumei and asked me if I had a play.

I told him there was still a chance. But first of all, the image should be greatly changed, the career should be promoted, and we should stop fooling around like before and improve our manners in all aspects.

Hearing this, he lost his temper with me and thought I was talking nonsense. He thought I was as snobbish as those gold diggers, and I was just taking advantage of him.

A buddy said that he wanted to talk about a long-term and stable love. I hope that when two people get along, no one will feel uncomfortable, have respect, understand and have space. Can you ask me?

I said yes, but not too masculine. I ask my girlfriend to report everything to myself, and I can't force her to reply every second.

He was unconvinced and argued with me:

"How busy is she? She didn't even have time to return a message? "

"She doesn't report to me. Is she hiding something from me? "

You see, you can't do whatever you want. You are not as good as you think. Actually, you don't want to keep her. You're just imagining a beautiful emotional state and a perfect girlfriend image. You don't want to make any changes.

But it doesn't matter, you don't want to. Don't change, don't change. Not everyone is capable of getting the best. It's no big deal that you broke up. I won't laugh at you.

In fact, most men are just like you. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Only a few people deserve the best. You are just the most common one in the vast sea of people.

It's natural that you don't deserve the best feelings. After all, you haven't paid enough, and that little effort is really inappropriate.

But I have to kindly remind you that it's nothing to delay my time and it's not worth wasting my feelings.

Third, how to avoid punishment without teaching?

As a man who was punished by his girlfriend for not teaching, it was very sad to be judged. I still can't help but kindly teach you how to do it.

I have said so much before, in order to stimulate your nerves and ensure that you have a clear understanding, otherwise it is futile to use the best method on you.

In fact, the best way to avoid teaching without punishment is to make yourself an obedient person.

Here you have to understand two questions, one is what you really want to say, and the other is that you have to show that you are a reasonable person.

Respect is not the first prerequisite for getting along with your girlfriend. The first premise is that you can speak human words.

To put it bluntly, just tell her how you feel now and what you want.

Don't think it's easy. I've met too many friends who don't talk. They are not friendly at all, just venting and complaining endlessly. I hope I can echo him and agree with him after I finish.

I don't think she loves me anymore.

"She doesn't know how I feel now."

"I'm really tired."

"How can she be so selfish?"

"Does she have a better choice?"

All these people have one voice: great, today I finally have a chance to vent my pent-up dissatisfaction.

Do you think I am your punching bag?

Aren't you here to change the status quo?

Since you want to change, talk it over, say what you really want to change, and make clear the cause and effect of the matter.

If you just want me to respond with "Dude, you're miserable, she's really out of line", or let me give you a loving hug, well, it's only for a second or two anyway.

You have to explain your feelings and thoughts clearly so that she can understand you, then you can continue to talk, then she can know where she is not doing well enough, and then she can know what she misunderstood you or ignored your feelings.

Why did she break up with you? Nine times out of ten, it's because she thinks she can't communicate with you at all.

When she complains that you are not good to her at all, you will only say "no" and "I am not" one after another. Of course, she would say, "You don't understand me at all".

Are you ashamed to accuse her of being too hard on you? At least the game has strategies to refer to. Where's your instruction manual?

You have to admit that you have a problem.

No matter whether you blame others or others accuse you, you should unify the standards. You can't say that you are calm and objective when you accuse others, and you will be anxious when others accuse you, right?

There is a common sense that you should know. Many times, she said that you did something wrong, not completely denying your behavior, but that your improper operation made her feel uncomfortable.

She is not mentally retarded, so you really don't need to reason with her repeatedly to show your rational mind.

You just told the truth ten thousand times. To put it bluntly, you are emphasizing three words: "I am right." But the other person cares that your behavior makes her feel unhappy, and you have never communicated on the same channel.

Many people can't wait to jump up and refute when they hear others say that they are doing something wrong. In fact, there is no need to prove whether what they do is right or wrong.

If you really want to solve the problem, you should ask her first.

"Why do you think it's wrong?"

The core content of your communication with her is where your behavior conflicts with her needs, so that you can find the points that need to be adjusted and not argue about things that are not in conflict at all.

This is what people say, and it is well founded.

Some people may be born masochists and always like to look for face from their girlfriends.

Why is it so difficult? It's all your women. Why don't you bow your head and admit your mistake? Can she embarrass you more than outsiders?

Ma Weiwei has a particularly correct sentence:

"When you were naked, you didn't tell me to be proud. Now you must admit your mistake. You call me proud? "

You think she said the breakup was sudden, but it is inextricably linked with your daily performance.

Don't shut up. Your previous performance left her speechless and made her feel that you are a person who teaches without punishing.

Every time she wants to point out your mistake, you always put on a posture of "this is my virtue" and "I don't listen, I don't listen". Why does she care about you again?

After a long time, she will think that she can't understand you and you don't understand her enough. In order to maintain your feelings, she is constantly trying to make up for it, and the accumulation of negative emotions every day is waiting for the final outbreak.

The water overflowed when it was full. Don't say you can't see it. You just selectively don't look.

So, she has nothing to say to you. What can she do if she says to break up and punish her without teaching?

Aren't you the same For those who don't listen to you and keep complaining about you, I feel hopeless.

So, it's not that she won't punish you if she doesn't teach, but that you are too thick-skinned to cook in boiling water and make her give up chewing.

If you don't want to be suddenly announced, remember to speak human words and be reasonable.

Today's sharing is over. I congratulate Li on taking off the bill, and I wish love less regret.