[August. I'm afraid I'll forget what you look like.

I'm afraid that with the passage of time and trivial life, I will gradually forget what you look like-I went to heaven's father.

You have been away for five years, and you have been with me for 19 years. As far as I can remember, you don't like to talk and can't express your love, but you have a stubborn temper that ordinary people can't understand.

In other words, you started smoking when you were seventeen or eighteen. Listen to grandma, your family has a heavy burden. Grandpa died a long time ago. Grandma is a little girl. There are three brothers and sisters in your family. The burden of family falls on your shoulders, and you have been worried about anxiety, that is, at that time you got into the habit of smoking.

When my mother said it was serious, you had to smoke two boxes of cigarettes every day. When I was a child, as long as I can remember, you would smoke a cigarette before eating every day, and you would smoke one in the middle of a bowl of rice. Every day, your cigarette smoke will be at home, accompanied by the trembling sound of your cough Your nails are all yellow, especially with smoke between your index finger and middle finger.

I remember when I was in the third grade of primary school, I secretly took your cigarette and lit it. I took a puff, but I was afraid that others would see it. I just cough, and I feel very uncomfortable. I wonder why you like it.

There was a time when my sister and I left home for school and knew that smoking was particularly bad for our health. My sister wrote you a letter to advise you to quit smoking, and you were angry about it. You said, "I didn't raise you to take care of me. I can do whatever I like. " You made your sister cry. You really don't understand.

However, every time we come back from school, we will buy some snacks in front of the booth at the school gate and bring them back for you to eat. Sometimes candy, sometimes melon seeds. Do you remember how you did it? Put a candy in your mouth and smoke another cigarette. You also said: "So many national leaders smoke and have never seen anyone else get sick. Longevity and short life have nothing to do with smoking or not. " Now that I think about it, it is really sophistry.

Maybe this has become a habit of your life. It was not until lung cancer was diagnosed later that I really began to worry about my health and slowly quit smoking. Although you gave up smoking several times when you were young, you didn't succeed. This is the only time you quit smoking voluntarily and succeeded.

I like winter best all year round. When I was a child, it was particularly cold at home in winter. Every winter, you pick up some roots from the outside and burn them in the kitchen, but because of this, the whole room is full of dust. Mom is angry and scolds you, so you have to run to the pigsty to keep warm. You always put sweet potatoes and peanuts in the fire, and then when they are almost ripe, you run out and call my sister and me.

The two of us can't help wanting to keep warm with you. The peanuts cooked with a bang and were delicious. You will peel it for us to eat. Your hands are all black and gray. Sometimes we can't wait to peel it ourselves, and then get some on our clothes and some on our faces, just like a big cat.

Because it's cold outside, the white cat at home will come and lie at your feet warmly. The white cat always follows you when you eat every day. You always like to send some noodles to the white cat with your rice bowl, sometimes on leaves, sometimes in plastic bags. The white cat always looks at the hot air steadily, and when the noodles stop smoking, it eats them carefully. After eating for three or two minutes, I will give it again, as if I were playing a game. It was not until the white cat left without eating that you hurriedly finished your meal, packed a cigarette and went to work.

You also have a nickname "Stubborn". I don't know who helped you, but as long as I can remember, your workmates haven't called you by your name, and your neighbors have called you "stubborn". It is estimated that you are persistent in doing things so that others can't understand them.

I still remember that my uncle's house was built, and my uncle asked you to lead his workmates to help them build it.

Judging from your face, the workmates will finish all the work soon. The original two-month work was completed in more than a month under your supervision and the capable work of the workers.

It was a lucky thing, but my aunt didn't appreciate it. Instead, she shouted near our door that you should take more money from them. Finally, my uncle took my aunt home. My uncle has always been afraid of my aunt. I heard that they were married by your father. So my uncle has been very grateful to you, but I don't want to meet an unreasonable aunt.

According to common sense, you won't help your uncle's family anymore. Your aunt doesn't appreciate your efforts. But later, when my uncle's son reached marriageable age, you were busy again. Can be said by menstruation: "Are you afraid that our children can't find a wife?" So nosy, are you here to see a joke? "Mom also advised you to leave your uncle's house alone, but what do you think of it is your brother's child after all, and you are always worried.

I remember you were in good health before you got sick. Get up for work in the morning, come back at six or seven, have breakfast, and then go to work. Come back for dinner at noon and work until dark in the afternoon. Help others build houses.

My body has been hard and bright, and I am almost sick. Just coughing because of smoking. It was a weekend. You go to work and then suddenly come back. My mother and I are having dinner. You called your mother's name in a hurry and told us that you were coughing and bleeding.

I'll accompany you to the nearby hospital and follow you by bike. I was a sophomore, 18 years old. The doctor told me it was lung cancer after the examination. Although I don't know what the situation is, when I heard the word "cancer", I was helpless and couldn't help crying.

Do you remember how you did it? You had a big fight with the doctor, saying that the doctor bullied me because he thought I was young and didn't know anything, which scared me badly. You are sick, and the first thing that comes to mind is not yourself, but your little daughter, who is afraid of being cheated. Perhaps this is the first reaction of parents, fearing that their children will be hurt.

I don't understand why you have been so strong. Why do you get this disease? I can't believe it. If you leave, what will happen to our family, my mother and me?

Just when you were about to be diagnosed, your relatives told you to give up farming. I even said to you, "Dad, let's stop farming! Rent the land to others. " You are angry: "What are we going to eat without farming? I am too old to go out to work, so I can only support your sisters by farming. Unless I leave, we will never farm again. "

What you said left me speechless. Silent war with disease, you fight to the end.

I still can't remember the day when you were ill, so I can only bury it in my heart.

I am afraid that one day I will forget what you look like-my father.