Requesting a very funny joke

Why are all the people upstairs making jokes? Let me tell you a pure joke

1. I have always been restless in school. When I was a freshman, I went to self-study for the first time. I would sit in the classroom and feel depressed, and then I would go to the corridor to smoke. Not long after I lit my cigarette, a PL girl came and asked: "We are studying in self-study now! Why did you run out?" I said: "You came out to smoke out of boredom, mm, which class are you in? Why did you run out too? "PLMM pointed at our classroom and said: "That class!" I said excitedly: "We are in the same class?" She said, "Well, a new student in our class is doing self-study. I'm going to come out and look for him." Ou Xiaoxiao said, "It seems that he still can't sit still. Why are you looking for him? You're not his mother!" MM: "I can't help it, I'm his class teacher!"

I was confused at the time...

A minute later, I held back a sentence: Teacher, you look so young...

2. There is one The woman is so ugly that men avoid her when they see her. The woman's biggest wish is to be kidnapped by traffickers, and then. So, whenever night falls, she wanders on the sparsely populated country roads, waiting for that moment to come.

Hard work paid off. Late that night, she was finally kidnapped by a kidnapper and put into a car. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "fruits of victory", ready to claim credit and receive the reward. However, when the kidnapper leader saw the woman's appearance, he couldn't help but cursed the kidnapper for his lack of vision and ordered him to let the woman leave the car immediately. The kidnappers asked the woman to get out of the car according to the leader's order, but the woman had no intention of getting out of the car. There was a stalemate for a long time. The kidnappers used coercion, threats, beatings and other means to get the woman out of the car, but the woman never gave in. She just refused to get out of the car. Seeing this, the kidnapper leader shouted helplessly: "Forget it! I don't want the car!"

2. Female: Did you have a girlfriend before?

Male: Ten years of life and death The two are boundless, without thinking, and unforgettable.

Female: Dead? How did you die?

Male: Mountain and Tianling, the river is exhausted, there are thunders in winter and rain and snow in summer.

Female: Oh, it’s a natural disaster. Then how did you get here all these years?

Male: His face is dusty and smoky, and his hands are gray and black.

Female; Alas, it’s not easy. Then what was your first feeling when you saw me?

Male: Suddenly, the spring breeze comes at night, and thousands of pear trees bloom.

Female: (blushing) How good is it?

Male: What is conveyed by dross is not pure beauty, but what is hard to describe is the spirit.

Female: Flatterer - do you have ideals?

Male: He is so young and ambitious, yet he dares to laugh at Huang Chao for not being a husband.

Female: What do you think of love?

Male: Only in this mountain, where is the depth of the clouds?

Female: Do you like reading?

Male: There are twelve volumes of military books, and each volume has my father’s name!

Female: This is too much to brag about. Right? You are so talented, why are you still single?

Male: My sister-in-law is unmarried, and she knows how miserable she is.

Female: (laughing) If, I mean if, I agree to marry you, how do you plan to treat me?

Male: I am completely frozen. In the jade pot!

Female: Do you promise that you will not be tempted by other women?

Male: I can't afford to make trouble, I have a heart as old as a well.

Female: I’ll believe you for now, but I’m planning to go to the United States to study.

Can you wait for me?

Male: It’s been a long time. , should be a false display of beautiful scenery at a good time.

Female: But...

Male: Standing on the railing alone, the world is unlimited, it is easy to say goodbye and difficult to see!

Female: But...

Male: When I look at my husband, Jiang Youyou will turn into stone and never look back!

Female: Okay, okay, I’m afraid of you...

After marriage< /p>

Female: After being married for so long, do you still think about your former girlfriend?

Male: Once upon a time, everything was difficult, except for Wushan.

Female: Then why did you marry me back then?

Male: I didn’t realize I was a guest in my dream, and I was just having fun for a while.

Female: That’s too much. We are a couple after all.

Male: Husband and wife are originally birds of the same forest, and they fly separately when disaster strikes.

Female: What do you think of our marriage?

Male: When I woke up, I looked at Chu Jin, but my dream was still chilling!

Female: Is it that miserable? Are you talking about your first impression of me...

Male: Beautiful women fill the spring palace like flowers, with only partridges flying around.

Female: Isn’t that what you said? Could it be that you actually...

Male: I couldn’t boast that I was so dirty in the past, but now I have no limits to my dissolute thoughts.

Female: I haven’t believed it when my friends wrote to me, but I didn’t expect

It’s true!

Male: I finally realized it on paper. Qian, I definitely know that I have to do this.

Female: Where have your original ideals gone?

Male: Let’s change the name to a low-pitched song.

Female: (with tears in her eyes) You, didn’t you promise a heart of ice?

Male: I can’t bear to see this thing, burn it to ashes.

Female: Aren’t you afraid of being laughed at by your relatives and friends, and being reviled by future generations?

Male: I would rather die holding a fragrant branch than blow it down in the north wind.

Female: Do I disagree with the breakup?

Male: Even if we break up, we are still brothers, so why do we need to be close to each other?

Female: Okay, that’s great!

3. A teacher took his students to play and saw two people getting married. He said to the students: "This is a happy reunion." He also saw a person selling turtles and said: "This is a ground-grabbing dragon. Suddenly just now Two people were getting married. The groom died, and the teacher said: "This is going to heaven." Then he pointed to the crying bride and said, "This is the guard's house." "That day, the teacher asked everyone to go back and compose poems.

The poem made the teacher smoke. The content of the poem: "The teacher and his wife were happy to meet each other, and they gave birth to a son who caught the earth dragon. One day, the teacher passed away, leaving his wife to guard the house. "

4. The ant and the elephant will get divorced if they don't get married for two days.

The judge asked the reason, and the ant said: "Can we not divorce? It takes 20 minutes to crawl just to get a kiss! "

The elephant was so angry: "Lili! I had to look for a long time with a magnifying glass to get a kiss, and I didn’t dare to breathe."

5. One day the devil kidnapped the princess, and she kept screaming.

The devil: "You can break your throat by screaming. ...No one will come to save you..."

Princess: "Broken throat...Broken throat..."

No one: "Princess...I will come. I saved you..."

Demon King: "Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here..."

Cao Cao: "Devil King...what did you call me for..."

Devil: "Wow...I saw a ghost"

Ghost: "*! I was discovered..."

*: "A ghost, you can see it I..."

Devil: "Oh, My God!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: "No one called me You..."

No one: "How can I? I'm pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "Me again? Are you looking for trouble?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I'm not... Hey, here There are so many people."

A lot of people said, "I just arrived...who are you?"

Which one said, "I am not that person."

Who: "He is not me."

Princess: "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I am not here to save you, I am here Just for fun."

Excitement: "What do I have to see?"

God: "It's none of my business, let's go now."

Demon King: "You answer one question before leaving. Why do so many people save the princess? How can I continue to act as the Demon King?"

Go on: "If you don't want to be a good Demon King, why do you play me?"< /p>

Princess: "If no one plays the role of the devil, I can leave."

No one: "If I play the role of the devil, how can I let you go..."

How could it be: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Excitement: "Look what I am doing?"

What: "You actually want to "Fuck" me? "Rogue!"

You actually said: "How can I?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

Devil: "*!I'm going crazy....

"

*: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "What do you want me to do?"

You want me: "I I don’t know anything!”

I don’t know anything: “I didn’t know!”

I didn’t know: “I’m here! Is someone calling me?”

Someone said: "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?"

Someone said: "It's unfair... I didn't..."

I didn't: "I didn't accuse you wrongly..."

You: "I'm sorry you don't dare either."

Forgive you: "Who said I dare not!?"

Who: "Please...I didn't say anything"

I didn't say anything: "You want What did I say?"

I said nothing: "...you...aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother : "Copy... Even if I have such a long name... I will be called..."

Who: "...I want to leave this place of right and wrong as soon as possible"

Right and wrong: "So this is my territory..."

I don't have anything: "Don't make noise, we are talking..."

Don't bother us: "I'm not talking..."

I'm not: "I'm not talking!..."

I'm not saying anything: " -_-"...Let's go...let's go outside and talk..."

Go: "I'm sorry...(cowardly)"

What am I doing? None of it: "It's none of your business... flash..." (The two brothers walked out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Ugh... why did you drive me away..." ”

Why: “I didn’t drive you away...be good...don’t cry”

I didn’t: “Oh...it’s none of my business anymore.”

What does it have to do with me: "What? Is someone calling me?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Who: " I really have to leave...T.T"

Leave: "I'm really sorry...*V.V*" ("Who" collapsed)

Close It’s none of your business: “…Aren’t you my cousin?”

What’s none of my business: “…Cousin…Long time no see…”

For a long time: "I'm not here..."

Devil King: "Are you done?"

Ended: "He doesn't have me"

You: "I don't have him"

I: "Who said that?"

Who: "What do you want me to do?"

Is: " You actually want to fuck me?”

You: “I can’t fuck him”

I: “Who said I can’t?”

Who : "It's unfair! I didn't say..."

Said: "Why did you ask me? "

You two: "You two are so shameless!"

You two: "I want it! I want it!"

Face: "Who wants me?" ”

Who: “I don’t want it”

Devil King: “Hurry up, I’m going to chase you out”

People: “Kick me out” ? Looking for K"

K: "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, I will K him again!"

Him: "Don't kill me"

Me: "Who wants to kill me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch one, kill him..."< /p>

One: "Don't catch me"

Me: "I've had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!"

< p>Who: "Look at my Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms!"

Me: "Look at my Nine Yin White Bone Claws!"

Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms: "I have What’s good to see?”

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: “What’s good to see about me?”

What’s good to see: “Brother, I finally found you!”

What’s cool: “Brother, let’s go out and talk.

”

Devil: “Damn it...this is a marriage recognition meeting...”

6. There is a classmate who is short-sighted, and all the classmates love to joke with him. When they met, they shouted at him: "Blind man! Blind man!" One day, he was visiting a friend's house and forgot to wear his glasses. When he went home at night, he had to borrow a lantern from a friend's house. That night, with a bright moon hanging in the sky, he returned home smoothly. The second time, a group of friends came to his house to visit, and he immediately boasted: "Humph! You always call me blind. In fact, my eyes are very good. Last night, I only borrowed a small lantern from my friend's house. , came back smoothly." At this time, a neighbor's child sent him a letter, which read: "Dear friend, you mistakenly took the bird cage as a lantern last night, please. Return quickly."