Tell a joke that my wife is not a guest at home.

Xiao X goes to Bird Market. Found a parrot with a price tag of 3 yuan money. So he asked the seller: Why is your parrot so cheap?

Vendor: My parrot is stupid! Shit, I've been teaching for a long time. Up to now, I can only say one thing: who is it?

Xiao X thought it was cheap anyway, so he bought it.

When I get home at night, he thinks I won't believe in religion or you! So little x taught him to say something else all night.

But in the morning, parrot a still only talks; Who is it? So little X got angry, locked the door and went to work. After a while, a gas collector (Z for short) came.

Little z: dong, dong ... (knocking at the door)

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: gas inspector.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: gas inspector.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: gas inspector.

……

In the evening, little X came back. I saw a man lying on the ground in front of my house, foaming at the mouth.

Little x: yo ~! Who is this?

I heard the house say, gas inspector.

2. Little X especially likes parrots. One day he went to the bird walking market and found a parrot with a price of 30,000 yuan.

Curious, he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive? Buyer: My parrot is very clever! I'll say anything.

Little X bought it as soon as he heard that he was so clever.

He was very happy when he came home at night. Just play with this parrot.

X: I can walk.

Parrot: I can walk.

X: I can run.

Parrot: I can run.

X: I can fly.

Parrot: You are bragging B!

3. A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that all the other birds in it were killed by it.

Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage.

The host said: Don't be awesome this time.

But when you look closely, the eagle is already dead. The parrot said naked, this grandson is really amazing. I really can't beat him without taking off my arm.

He has been very angry since the rabbit lost to the tortoise. Once, he met a turtle and asked to compete with him. The tortoise agreed. The rabbit lost the first race. It turned out that he was in a hurry and ran in the wrong direction. When he reached the finish line, the tortoise had won, and the rabbit refused to give up.

In the second game, the rabbit recognized the direction and ran and ran. When he approached the finish line, he wanted to see where the tortoise was, so he turned to look. He was secretly happy when he saw that the tortoise was gone, thinking, I won this time. Who is the tortoise? When he turned around, the tortoise was already at the finish line. The rabbit was very strange and asked the tortoise, "How did you beat me?" The tortoise said to the rabbit, "I've been biting your tail." As soon as you turned your head, you left me here! " The rabbit was angry: "No, the tortoise cheated! " "

In the last race, the rabbit was extra careful for fear that the tortoise would take advantage again. When the rabbit is near the finish line, it looks like a turtle from a distance. When it walks in, it is really a turtle. The rabbit gave up. It asked the tortoise, "Brother Tortoise, I give up, but you have to tell me how you beat me." The tortoise said to him, "Brother Rabbit, what age is it now? I came by taxi! " "

A female crab wants to find a companion in estrus. But it wants to find a different one. One day, he saw a crab go straight. He thought it was him and stayed with him. The next day, the mother crab asked the male crab, shall we go out for a walk They went out, but the mother crab found out how the male crab walked sideways today and asked the male crab, why did you walk differently from yesterday? The male crab is angry; I drink too much every fucking day! . . . . . .

There is a bird lover who likes parrots very much. One day, he passed by a bird shop and found a parrot being auctioned inside. He decided to buy it because of its beautiful fur, so he shouted, "I am willing to pay 10 dollars for this parrot!" " Then someone bid: "I am willing to pay 20 yuan dollars!" "

The bird lover didn't want to give the parrot away, so he called 30 yuan ... but another voice seemed to be against him, and it didn't stop until the bird lover called to 200 yuan ... The man was very happy to buy a parrot, but it suddenly occurred to him: I spent so much money on this parrot. If it can't talk, wouldn't I lose a lot? So he took the birdcage and asked the boss, "boss ... can you talk?"

Then he heard the parrot shout, "Can't talk? ! ? ! Who do you think was bidding to you just now? ! ? ! "

A raised a parrot, taught it to talk, and taught it to hold its left foot to say thank you and its right foot to say hello. One day, B visited A's house and found a parrot, clutching its left foot. The parrot said, thank you. The parrot raised his right foot again and said, Hello. B it feels good. I thought, what will happen to it if I catch both its feet at the same time? He stretched out his hands and hugged the parrot's feet, only to hear the parrot shout, Are you going to fucking knock me down?

Two proud dogs met unexpectedly in the park. In order to show their superb knowledge, they decided to say an idiom about dogs in the competition.

Dog A proudly said, "A chicken flies and a dog jumps."

Not wanting to be weak, dog B said, "Stealing chickens and touching dogs."

A dog: "A dog jumped over a wall."

Dog B: "Dogs fight with people."

A dog: "Dogs look down on people."

Dog B: "A good dog is out of the way."

At this time, dog A began to stop. He tried his best to think about it. Suddenly, he saw a couple coming, so dog A immediately shouted "dog man and woman" with a big smile on his face.

Dog b: "... that's bullshit."

One dark night in a month, a vampire bat flew back with blood all over his face. The companion in the cave asked him where he had gone and how there was so much blood.

Tired of being asked, the bat said, "Do you want to know? Then come with me! "

Fly, fly, the bat flies in front of a tree.

Then the bat asked, "Do you see this tree?" All the companions present replied that they saw it.

"But I just didn't see this tree just now!"

Mrs Carter's kitten is running around outside, running from the roof to the cellar. The uneasy neighbor knocked on Mrs Carter's door. "Why does your cat run so crazy?"

"Well," Mrs. Carter explained, "I just had it operated on by the vet, and I'm busy canceling my original marriage everywhere recently."

At night, I was awakened by mosquitoes.

"Bite her, not me." I recommend my sleeping wife to Mozzie.

"I want to bite who bite. Do you care? " Mosquitoes buzz.

"To bite her, I'll give you a dime. How about it? "

Mozzie thought about it and agreed.

When I got up the next morning, I counted, one dollar was missing, and my wife counted, adding ten bags. Fortunately, my wife slept soundly. She didn't know when she was bitten, so it didn't hurt much when she knew. The next night, the mosquito came to see me again, and I did business with him again, paying him to bite his wife to keep himself safe, and so it lasted for a whole week.

By the second week, mosquitoes came and I had no change. So I said, "bite whoever you want. I have no change."

"Who does without money?" Mosquito is angry. By the next morning, I found it had starved to death.