Who has humorous jokes and brain teasers?

Joke: 1 In class, a man is playing with his mobile phone. Unfortunately, the class teacher found it outside the window. The class teacher didn't want to interrupt the class, so she sent a short message to remind her classmates. Unfortunately, the students didn't save the phone number of the class teacher, so they sent back a text message: Who is in class? The class teacher replied: Look out of the window! The buddy replied: Thank you, the class teacher is watching. We'll talk after class.

At three o'clock in the middle of the night, a couple fell asleep in bed, and their wedding photos were hung on the wall. Suddenly a wife exclaimed, "My husband is back! ! "The man immediately got up and jumped out of the window. . .

3. The professor said ... today's class is in good order, the only drawback is that if the students chatting behind can be as quiet as the students playing cards in the middle, they will not disturb the students sleeping in front.

3. Thanks 10086~ Only 10086 will reply to my message immediately ~ Only 10086 will care about how much phone bill I have left ~ Only 10086 will send me a text message after the call ~ Only 10086 will be available for 24 hours.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this point, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, then tell me where the little white rabbit is.

One day, I parked my bike in the garage. When I came back, my bike was gone. I only saw the lock thrown aside. The lock is not broken, but it can still be used. I felt it was a pity to throw it away, so I locked it on someone else's bike and left. . . "

6. Zorro has a tryst at his mistress's house. Mistress: What if my husband comes back? Zorro: If he comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will catch me. Mistress: If he hears a knock at the door, he will come back. After a while, it rained heavily. Suddenly someone knocked at the door. Just then, Zorro jumped out of bed and jumped out of the window. The hostess opened the door and saw a horse standing in front of it. Ma said, tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor.

7. A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old man in rags. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

8. A child's diary: On Monday, February 30th, it was sunny. It's too bad there is no sun today. My father bought a goldfish and drowned it in the water tank. I am very sad ... Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. In February, I have never met the 30th in my life. I have never seen a sunny day without the sun. I have never seen a goldfish drowned in the water. .....

9. A loyal party member died, and God didn't want to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he was sent to hell for a month. The prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly, he almost developed my children into young pioneers!" God accepted, and a month later, the prince gloated and asked God, "Where is party member?" God said, "Please call me comrade first."

10, the robber robbed the bank, and when he entered the door, he swore: "Money belongs to the country, life is his own, hand over the money!" In an instant, everything is done! On the way home, the little criminal said, count how much money he robbed. The criminal leader shook his head: "No, just watch the news at night!" -Conclusion: Professional!

165438+ The foreigner patted his thigh and said, "Damn, English is so fucking hard to learn! ! ! "

12, one day, Party A and Party B were stranded on a desert island and starved for several days. So Party A wants to eat his fingers to satisfy his hunger. When he saw Party A raise his knife and cut his hand, just then, Party B rushed to stop him and shouted, "How could you do such a stupid thing!" " His eyes sparkled with wisdom. "Cut it when it's swollen, it's too fleshy."

13. When driving, a taxi driver found a crazy motorcycle in front and quickly threw the child sitting in the back out. The taxi driver caught up with the motorcycle and shouted, "Dude, your child is going to fall out of the back seat." Hearing this, the motorcyclist turned back in surprise and asked, "Where's your mother, son?"

14, instant noodles have gone up in price, gasoline has gone up in price, down jackets have gone up in price, rice, oil and salt have gone up in price, rice and eggs have gone up in price, tourist attractions have gone up in price, even tobacco and alcohol have gone up in price ... Everything around us has gone up in salary, but we still have to be strong, because the cemetery has gone up now.

15, he never had a girlfriend, so everyone asked him why he didn't find one. He said earnestly: My love died as early as kindergarten. At that time, I fell in love with a girl One day, I bought some sweets. She came up to me as if she really wanted to eat them. I said I'd give you one and let me kiss you. She said yes, so I gave her one, but she ran away with the candy! I no longer believe in love.

16. There is a very tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character. The answer is: 1, and the monkey is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's disease; 4. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

17, the child asked a rich man: How come you are so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance.

18, one day, my sister said maliciously in the dormitory: "When I find a boyfriend, the first thing I do is slap them in the mouth! ! "Everyone was surprised and asked why. Sister replied: "I have to ask, where have you been hiding all these years?" ! "

19, the homework may not be handed in, but it may not be written by yourself. If you do this, you may not be able to take the exam. If you pass the exam, you may not graduate. If you graduate, you may not find a job. Finding a job may not necessarily lead to finding a wife. If you have a wife, you may not have children. If you have children, it may not be your own. Oh, my God! Why did you hand in your homework? !

20. Xiaoming did something wrong. His mother told him to kneel in front of Guanyin and confess, saying: If Guanyin forgives you, you can eat. Five minutes later, Xiao Ming sat down at the dinner table and his mother asked strangely, didn't I say that Guanyin forgave you before you could eat? Xiao Ming said: Yes, I knelt there and said, Sister Guanyin, I was wrong. I want to eat, and then sister Guanyin told me with her right hand, ok!

2 1, brother, don't buy those black stockings.

22. Quotations: ① Every time I find the key to success, someone changes the lock; I can't reach it. Try stepping on my left foot; Don't waste new tears for old sadness; 4 give yourself an English name, called Pressure Mountain; ⑤ Don't fall in love with me, be hypocritical and dare to get married; 8 Other people's money and wealth are my possessions; I love cans, but they are filled with coke.

23. The final exam is not far away. I hope the students will take surprise attack as the main task, supplemented by cheating: take the policy of teachers entering Tibet, teachers withdrawing their copies, and fighting in a roundabout way! Send you a couplet: If you don't cheat in the exam, you'd rather fail in your junior year next year than fail without personality. Horizontal criticism: I have to die. Exam skills: three long and one short, the shortest choice; Three short and one long choose the longest; Choose b for different lengths; If it is not uniform, choose d. Mainly copying, supplemented by Mongolia, combined with copying, Mongolia will definitely pass!

24. Woman: "I need a boyfriend." Man: "I'll help you find it. It's good to have a brother in my dormitory. " Woman: "won't you feel bad when I'm with him?" Man: "Have you read too many micro-novels? I have nothing to do with him, don't worry. " Female: ￥%&; *……

25. Cousin jokingly asked her 4-year-old daughter, "We are going to raise a pig, but we need to arrange work. We need to choose one person to feed the pig delicious food every day, one person to clean the room for the pig every day, one person to bathe the pig every day and one person to play with the pig every day. What are you going to do? " Her daughter answered without hesitation: "Be a pig".

26. The nurse is changing the medicine bottle for the patient. Seeing that the patient was dying, she asked, What's the matter with you? The patient was speechless with pain, so the nurse gave him a pen and paper and motioned for him to write it out. After the patient finished writing, he died. The nurse took the paper, which read: You stepped on my oxygen tube! "

27. A man said to a lawyer, "I want a divorce. I can't stand my wife running into the ballroom at night 12. " "Are you? That's unforgivable. What did she do? " Asked the lawyer. "Go and get me back!"

Brain teaser: 1. Question: Why don't polar bears eat penguins? Answer: Because polar bears are in the North Pole and penguins are in the South Pole.

2. Question: If Ceng Xiaoxian climbs a tree to pick melons, he can pick one every minute, but if he doesn't pick ten, two will fall. How many can he pick a day? Answer: 0, cantaloupe doesn't grow on trees, and Ceng Xiaoxian has short legs and can't climb trees.

3. Question: If there is a car, Xiaoming is driving, and Xiaohong and Xiaohua are sitting behind, then who is the owner of the car? Answer: If

Question: There are four fingers sticking out, so what are these four fingers called bending? Answer: Wonderful.

5. Question: What turtle walks on two legs? Answer: Ninja Turtles

6. Question: What kind of dog walks on two feet? Answer: Snoopy.

7. Question: What cat walks on two feet? Answer: Hello Kitty.

8. Question: What duck walks on two feet? Answer: Every duck walks on two legs.

1. Question: Who is a person who always uses you to be responsible for him but he is not responsible for you? Answer: banks.

2. Question: When a sow crosses the river, the river can bear 500 kilograms. The sow weighed 300 kilograms, but when she reached the middle of the bridge, the bridge collapsed. Why? Answer: Because she drove across the bridge.

3. Q: Why didn't Hu Yifei die when he dropped from 6000m to1000m? A: Because she is a shareholder of China.

4. Question: What are the four lines that Friar Sand said the most in Journey to the West?

Answer: (1) Brother, the master was taken away by the monster. (2) Brother, the second brother was taken away by the monster.

(3) Second brother, the master was taken away by the devil.

(4) Big Brother, Master and Second Brother were all taken away by monsters.

5. Q: There are twelve kinds of medical pain. The first is the pain of mosquito bites, and the twelfth is the pain of pregnant women giving birth. So what is the thirteenth kind of pain? Answer: The pain of pregnant women being bitten by mosquitoes during childbirth.

6. Question: What animals can be attached to the wall? Answer: sealed

7. Question: The tortoise built a house in its shell and got in. Answer the name of a health care product? Answer: cover the middle cover.

8. Question: The tortoise tore down the house and built another house, then got in and answered the name of a health care product? A: The new cover is in the middle.

9. Question: It's the same turtle. He tore down the house, built another house, and then got in and got the name of a health care product. Answer: Super calcium.

10. Question: What is always relevant to you, but you can't see or find it when you need it? A: Relevant departments.

1 1. Question: There were four people playing mahjong in the room, and the police came and took five people away. Why? Answer: Because the person they play is called Mahjong.

12. Question: 26 letters. How many lETters are left after et left? Answer: 2 1, ET is an alien, they took the UFO away.