Ask for 20 super hilarious jokes! ! ! Urgent need! ! ! Just 20 songs! ! !

1. When Bush visited the Pentagon, he said sadly, "The Pentagon has become a quadrilateral building." Powell replied, "Mr. President, the Pentagon has become a hexagonal building without corners."

2.7. An international student in the United States wants to take an international driver's license. Because I was so nervous during the exam, I saw the marking on the ground turn left. He asked uneasily, Turn left? The invigilator replied: Yes. So he turned right at once. I'm sorry he can only come next time. 10. A: "Is your talking parrot still alive?" B: "Oh, forget it. I didn't expect to die after raising it for a week. " A: "Did you die of illness?" B: "No, it competed with my wife until she was exhausted."

3. 19. There is a painting of Adam and Eve in the art museum. An Englishman saw it and said, "They must be English. Men and women share food. " A Frenchman saw it and said, "They must be French. The couple walked naked. " A Soviet saw it and said, "They must be Soviet. They have no clothes to wear and eat very little, but they still think they are in heaven! " "

4. The mother said to her daughter, "Today, you practice cooking and cook two dishes, and I will teach you. Yellow croaker, you have to burn the straw in your head. Bamboo shoots should be cut into pieces, and each time they are cut, they turn around. " The daughter agreed to go. After a while, my mother went to the kitchen to have a look and was startled. I saw my daughter's head tied with straw. Just spin around on the ground, turn around and cut bamboo shoots. As soon as she saw her mother, she shouted, "Great! Dizzy! " A farmer's daughter is too ugly to marry, so the farmer has to let her go to the cornfield to be a scarecrow. As a result, when she got there, she not only scared away the crows, but even scared three crows to send back the corn they had stolen before.

6. Three ghosts came to God and said with one voice, "I died unjustly and should go to heaven!" God: "I only let the most unjust people go to heaven." Let's talk about how you died. "

A: "I am a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the top of an old building without an anti-theft net and accidentally fell down. I grabbed a sewer pipe, but the sewer pipe was knocked down by some bastard. Because the building is short, I didn't fall to death. As a result, a refrigerator fell on it and crushed me. "

B: "I went to someone else's wife's house to have an affair. As a result, her husband came home and I hid in the refrigerator. As a result, it seems that the refrigerator fell from the window without a security net. I didn't die because of the protection of the refrigerator. As soon as I came out, someone fell from above and killed me. "

C: "When I came home, I saw my wife with another man from my window. When I got home, I was very angry. I knocked down the sewer pipe, threw away the refrigerator and made a scene with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell from the window and hit my head on someone else's head and died. "

God: "You all died unjustly. Go to heaven."

7.

One day, a blind man and a lame man rode out on business. The blind ride a horse, and the lame watch the road. At this time, a deep ditch suddenly appeared on the road. The lame man exclaimed, "ditch, ditch, ditch!" " "As a result, the blind man thought he was singing, so he sang back:" Oh, oh, oh, oh! ""As a result, the blind and the lame fell into the ditch together!

8. The fortune teller said to the frog prince: The beautiful women you will meet will be attracted by you and want to know you better and get close to you. Prince Frog: Where can it be? Amateur: Biology class.

9. One morning, the math teacher got up very late and was anxious to feel the school. Fortunately, the headmaster was not checking, so he hurried to the classroom. The students are already sitting in their seats waiting for him. He said apologetically, "Classmates, as a teacher, I am late. I'm sorry I'm not entitled to everyone's salute. Today, I don't need to say hello. The representative of the math class said, "No, the teacher who knows the mistakes is a good teacher. Only in this way can we salute. We must call. " "Students, stand up. So the students shouted loudly: "Hello, teacher. "Math teacher:" That's it. Now the headmaster must know that I'm late. "

10.

Three brothers, the eldest is called age, the second is called culture, and the third is called joke. Parents are old, and their legs and feet are inconvenient. Three brothers go up the mountain to cut firewood. When they came back from chopping wood, their neighbors saw the fathers of the three brothers and asked, "What's the matter?" Father: "I am old and have no culture at all, but there is a short joke."

1 1. Hey, I have two problems. Can you help me?

Tell me about it.

A: The first one is sleeping naked.

B: That's nothing.

A: But my second worry is sleepwalking.

B: ...

12. Search, look,

Fear, panic, trembling,

When I failed the exam for the first time,

The hardest thing to feel at ease.

Three cheat sheets with two sheets of paper,

How can you compete with it? The examination questions are wide.

If the teacher leaves, I will cheat.

Just caught it in the yard.

The whole volume is piled up with empty questions, so it is impossible to do it.

Who is helping now?

The teacher stared, how can a person do well in the exam?

Look left, look right,

When class is over, keep an eye on it.

How can this paper be a difficult word!

13. One day, three chefs from China, Japan and the United States were better at using knives, so they invited a referee to cut flies.

The first person to appear is a Japanese chef. He saw two knives, two flies were cut in half and the referee gave 80 points.

The second appearance was an American chef. He saw four knives, and the wings of two flies were cut off. The referee scored 90 points.

The last time Chef China appeared, the white light flashed and the flies were still flying. The referee caught the fly and watched it again and again, and scored 100.

Japanese and American chefs were not convinced and went to the referee, who said, "The fly was cut into double eyelids."

14. One day, the mouse proudly said to the cat, "Do you know? My daughter, the bat, may be dry. She can fly. She is the crystallization of my love with the bird! " Hearing this, the cat proudly said to the mouse, "Hey, what's the big deal? My son's owl is in good spirits and active at night! " He is the crystallization of my love with the eagle! "

15. Mr. Zhang and Mr. Hou are good friends.

One day, Mr. Zhang went to Mr. Hou's house, and Mr. Hou was not at home. His wife said to Mr. Zhang, "What's your name?"

"My surname is Zhang."

"Is it a longbow or an early chapter?"

"The bow is very long."

After returning home, Mr. Zhang praised Mr. Hou's wife to his wife. Zhang's wife is very dissatisfied.

One day, Mr. Hou visited Mr. Zhang's house. Mr. Zhang is not here either. His wife asks Mr. Hou, "What's your name?"

"Free of charge, surnamed Hou."

"Are you a male monkey or a female monkey?"

16.

Polonius was fired for cheating.

"What's the matter?"

"In the physical examination, he counted his ribs and was found."

When is the exam?

A Oh, I don't know yet.

B it seems that there are still a few days.

C there will be an exam tomorrow.

Ding is probably next week?

Answer, didn't you go to the exam yesterday?

18. Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

19. God gave me a cornucopia, and it changed when I thought about it. Once I accidentally think of you, I become a you. It won't change when I can't stop thinking about it. In the end, you left it all over the house, so I was worried. How can I feed so many piglets?

20. The little camel asked his father, "What's the use of our hump?"

Dad said, "We can use humps to store food in the desert!" " "

The little camel then asked, "What's the use of our meat pad?"

Dad said, "We are in the desert. If we had a meat pad, we wouldn't sink back into the sand! " "

The little camel asked his father again, "What's the use of our eyelashes?"

Dad said, "This will keep out the wind and sand!" "

The little camel finally asked, "Then why are we in the zoo?"

Dad: "@ # $%&; . "

Give points!