A collection of funny quotes from lazy people

1. Don’t say you’re lazy compared to me, or say you’re too lazy to compare yourself to me. Tsk! I don’t even bother to think about this kind of irresponsibility and the same thoughts all the time.

2. Brothers are like brothers, and wives are like clothes! I haven’t washed clothes for many years. Who told me to be a loyal and affectionate person!

4. Am I lazy? Is it easy for me? I’m too lazy to blink when I see a beautiful woman!

5. I have my own smelly socks and my wife washes my clothes! Don’t show off to me how happy you are, it’s not that I’m too lazy to marry a wife, it’s that I’m Waiting for my wife to come and marry me.

6. Lazy people poop more! Lazy people argue more! Boss, when you get tired of scolding, drink a glass of water before scolding you. Remember to save your breath and pay me your salary.

7. I rarely speak. If I don’t speak, no one will doubt me, because I have never brushed my teeth!

8. Don’t mention taking a shower with me! I am a national first-class no-wash type!

9. I like black! Black is more tempting. The most important thing is that it has a strong hiding ability and is not afraid of getting dirty!

11. I am a person with noble moral character. I am too lazy to pick up money when I see it on the ground. I'm just waiting for others to stuff RMB into my pocket! You know, being a beggar is also a noble profession!

12. A true warrior dares to look at a beautiful girl and faces the bleak single life.

13. How are you doing now? If you are not doing well, I will feel relieved.

14. Don’t be afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs!

15. Will it hurt if you bleed?

16. When you are cornered, you can still Why should I walk? Just take a car

17. When I see a beautiful woman, I first touch my pocket to see if I have any money!

18. When I see a beautiful woman on the street, The higher one is appreciation; the lower one is rogue.

19. If you are a ghost, don’t pretend to be a human being. If you are a human being, don’t pretend to be a god. If you are a B, don’t pretend to be a tight person. If you are a commodity, don’t pretend to be pure.

20. In the beginning, human beings are inherently good. Money, I eat.

21. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you have to pretend to be jealous and don’t let others look down on you.

22. You insist on making Audrey Hepburn into a street girl.

23. If the teacher hadn’t told you not to litter, I would have thrown you out earlier.

24. People who hang out on QQ all day these days have nothing to do except go to work, and they are people who are not loved by anyone after get off work.

25. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are alive and should have died long ago.

26. Rich girl: Have you ever seen any famous brands? My bag says LV! Me: I’ve learned Pinyin, and read donkey, right?

27. Damn me I've been waiting for news from you for a long time, and all I got was a haha, you thought I was telling a joke. Super awesome and personalized funny quotes - For a lazy person, walking through life, every step is very tiring. Super awesome and personalized funny quotes - For a lazy person, walking through life, every step is very tiring.

28. I wear a gas mask every day for fear of being smoked to death by you, a bastard. How much courage did your mother have to have to get you out?

29. Love is as pitiful as the money in a bank card, but loneliness and desire are like loans that keep flowing automatically.

30. Dude, look at your IQ, you got it from Caledon’s home in the physics room of the university, right?

31. Tell me, do you want to die or not live anymore? ?

32. When will the bright moon bring wine? The blue sky said: Get lost. I’m so busy. How can I have time to read the weather forecast?

33. I’ll give you my mobile phone number. Why don't you understand what I'm thinking? If you have nothing to do, please give me a few dozen yuan to spend.

34. I read time-travel novels every day, and the toilet I read looks like a hole in time-travel

35. Driving is easy, I’m just afraid of newcomers! Cheating in exams, let’s work together. The main thing is to copy, and the disadvantage is to use deception.

If you pass the combination of cheating and protection, whoever dares to tell the truth will be violent after class

36. By this year, girls born in the 90s can legally marry, and my sister’s dick is even bigger!!!!!!

37. If eating more fish can replenish the brain and make people smarter, then you have to eat at least a pair of whales

38. When you fall asleep, you will sleep out your ideals and saliva.

39. It is not childishness that hinders growth, but the belief that one is mature.

40. Do you still remember the little Bin Laden on the shore of Daming Lake?

41. Yesterday, I went to the city to participate in a pigeon-flying competition, but I went alone.

42. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are still alive, but they should have died long ago!

43. When I say I can’t afford to be hurt, that’s the day your house will be burned down.

44. Carve loneliness on the wine bottle, drink it into your bladder, pee it out, and let loneliness spread all over the floor!

45. The bed is full of people coming and going, and there is no one there. But don't stop.

46. Today my mother asked me why I smoke, and I said I like to eat cigarette ashes!

47. I also want to buy an iPad. College students know how to donate sperm, and high school students only know how to sell it. Meat, it’s terrible to be uneducated!

48. Who will control your life? Damn it!

49. Don’t ask me why I don’t agree to you, Baidu will definitely satisfy you

50. If you can’t be astonishingly beautiful, then be so ugly that you can’t help but be attracted by it! Summary of funny classroom quotations

1: When I was in school, I was assigned to the first row of seats because of my naughtiness. Geometry, my deskmate was sleeping. The teacher silently worked on the blackboard for twenty minutes with various graphics and explanations. Then he was about to start talking. I whispered in my deskmate’s ear, the teacher asked you to erase the blackboard. Brother, please stand. When I woke up dizzy and rushed to the podium, I was met with swords and swords. The teacher wanted to stop me, but in desperation, he kicked me to the side with a gorgeous kick

2: The swimming class teacher asked that everyone must enter the water for swimming today. A student complained: But I haven’t learned to swim yet. The teacher glanced at him and said calmly: If you don't do it, all the names will be crossed out in the sign-in book! The student replied pitifully: If you do, my household registration book will cross me out. . .

3: Learn to organize physical examinations. To check stool, a toilet box is distributed to students in advance. A student asked: Teacher, I am constipated and what should I do if I can’t poop? The teacher said: Use a stick to do it. Another teacher was even more outrageous and said: Prepare the toilet box and pick it up on the day you have it. Then put it in the refrigerator and take it with you on the day of the physical examination. .

4: Once in the criminal law, the teacher said: Today we will talk about the principal criminal. The principal criminal can be cooked in a rice cooker or an iron pot. . . Okay, stop making trouble, what is the main culprit? The main culprit is to put the rice in the pot and then add some water. . . Hahaha~ Then he went to enjoy himself against the wall, leaving us in a mess below. . .

5: A student’s QQ status: There are too many homeworks, and you can use them to play cards. A pair of Chinese papers! No! I want it! Four English papers exploded! I can’t afford it, so keep walking. Three history papers and one political paper. Otherwise. A pair of math papers, submitted

6: The eve of graduation of a student with poor homework. She said to her English teacher: Thank you, teacher. Thank you very much. Although I have graduated, you will always be my teacher. If you want me to do something, don't be polite. The teacher said: OK, please do something for me. You must never tell anyone that I taught you English.

7: The math teacher in high school was so awesome that he brought a deck of cards into the classroom for the first time, gave one to each person, and asked everyone to remember their own cards. From then on, he brought them with him every day in class. Holding that deck of cards, I was shuffling the cards on the podium while teaching!!! From time to time, I would throw out two cards and say Club J Diamond 4 to do the questions...

8: Once the teacher was giving a lecture On the family genetic map, the teacher asked: If his daughter is sick, what is the probability of her daughter getting a genetic disease if she marries a normal man and has children? The weird student answered: Probably zero! The teacher asked why! He: Don’t forget There is a disease in the world called infertility! Teacher: Get out of here!!!

9: When I was cracking melon seeds today, I suddenly thought of the self-study in elementary school, where I peeled them silently for a while. During class time, prepare to eat it in one go after class. As a result, our class teacher walked in and immediately grabbed the melon seeds I had hidden under the textbook and swallowed them. Yes, he swallowed them. I also said something to HLL, I have been watching you stripping for a long time outside the window, and I am waiting for you to strip more!

10: One time, the Chinese teacher left a semi-open essay topic "I admire me the most" "Mother's". When commenting on the results, the teacher said helplessly, "I know what you think about writing. I admire my mother's hard work the most. The hardships and the like are a bit overused. I want to bring out the old and bring out the new, but no matter what, I can't write " I admire my mother’s son the most!

11: During the lunch break, a petite beauty in the class was wiping the blackboard. Because I am not tall, there is a large area that cannot be rubbed even when I stand on tiptoe. The way she tried so hard aroused my protective desire! Without saying anything, I walked up to her and said to her kindly: Let me help you. She looked very touched and said: Thank you. Then I put my arms around her waist and lifted her up

12: One time in English class, I was half asleep. The teacher asked me: Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? I'm confused. How do I know? I have to guess. , fruit...the teacher's voice was an octave higher? Fortunately, I was smart and quickly realized that it was vegetables, vegetables! The teacher finally couldn't bear it anymore: I want you to translate this sentence!

13: When the Chinese teacher was talking about Li Qingzhao's poems in class, he said that the sentence "Looking for the words" is deserted and miserable. Who else can write such good refrains now? I laughed and said: Memorize silently, learn to sleep, wake up and do it tiredly. It is most difficult to fall asleep when reviewing before exams. How can three cups and two bowls of coffee compete with it? Papers are flying all over the place? Failing an exam is sad, but it makes people collapse.

14: When I was a sophomore in high school, the whole grade went to the school branch to do some comprehensive practice, and they all lived on campus. One day, the school leader gave a lecture, talking about discipline issues: Once a boy is found entering the girls' dormitory, the school will deal with it seriously. Someone asked below: What about girls? The leader said cheerfully: Girls, if a girl is caught entering the boys' dormitory, she will bear the consequences.

15: During class in elementary school, I was playing with a freshly picked gourd. While we were playing enthusiastically, the teacher said: So-and-so, stand up for me and tell me what I just said? As a result, I didn’t know which muscle was cramped, so I directly raised the gourd and said to the teacher : I called your name, do you dare to agree? Later, my parents came to school to take me away

16: I am a sophomore girl with an unrestrained personality and a big body. I escaped from the experimental class this afternoon and asked my roommate to help me. When I handed in the leave note, there were less than 20 people in one laboratory. The teacher read the note and said: Oh, it’s that fat girl, no wonder I think there are a few people missing. The lab was hilarious

17: A girl is taking English in New Oriental On the first day of class, the English teacher asked all the students: What career do you want to do after graduating from college? The girl was excited when she heard it. She knew that her answer must be different, so she blurted out: I want to be a cook (I want to be a cook) After she finished speaking, a brother sitting next to her sighed and patted her shoulder and said quietly: Sister, you have found the wrong New Oriental

18: The male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and the others If a person stays still, he will not move.

19: One day it was raining heavily outside. The teacher walked into the classroom with a face full of rain. He didn’t know what he was looking for in front of the desk. After searching for a while, he asked the classmates in the front row: I wiped the paper. Where is the face?

20: Line segment a is half of line segment b, so how much of line segment b is line segment a? (The whole class is silent, waiting for the discussion, after a while) Line segment b is half of line segment a. Half.

(Halo)

21: In junior high school, a certain mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Students, pay attention! I am going to transform!

22: A classmate When they were making trouble below, our teacher said: Stand on the blackboard!! It’s very difficult.

23: My junior high school teacher likes to use the word "immerse" when talking about topics. My base radius is CM and my height is CM. Then someone below me calls me a loser and the whole class bursts into laughter

24: The junior high school English teacher was a bald man. One day in class, he asked a classmate: what day is today? (Is my head bald?) The classmate thought for a while and answered: Yes

25: A boy asked in the third year of high school mathematics. :Teacher, I don’t have a pencil for drawing. Should I borrow one or use a pen? Teacher (elderly woman) replied: Just do whatever you want.

26: High school algebra teacher: Don’t make any noise.

27: A high school chemistry teacher and dean deliberately made mistakes when answering questions, and then asked a classmate to find the mistakes. After the student answered with difficulty, the teacher applauded and said seriously: "Very good, you have seen the teacher's flaws." Everyone was dumbfounded. After class, the teacher just walked out and the whole class burst into laughter.

28: One day, when our high school mathematics teacher was telling us about the periodic table of functions, when he mentioned the word period, he walked down the stage excitedly and said to the whole class: You don’t understand period yet? It's true that pigs are smarter than you. Then he pointed to a girl in the first row and said: Do you know what a cycle is? Explain it to them. The whole class fainted.

29: When we were in junior high school, we stipulated that school uniforms should be worn when raising the national flag. As a result, there were always some people who did not wear school uniforms or only wore pants or clothes. Then every time before the flag was raised, the principal held a loudspeaker and said: Some students don't wear clothes, some don't wear pants, and some don't wear clothes at all

30: Chinese The teacher taught Chibi's text, talking about Cao's soldiers trampling each other on Huarong Road, and lamented: Abortion is terrible

31: One day when I was in mathematics, I saw a green leaf on my mathematics teacher's tooth (teacher I probably ate dumplings filled with chives at noon) After a while, I found that the leaves were gone. When I got out of class, I found them on the neck of a girl in our class

32: The female teacher of the junior high school Chinese class just graduated from the Normal University. , good at everything, except that he likes to make students go to the blackboard to write explanations of nouns silently on the blackboard. The method is that the teacher dictates a certain word, and the students write it silently and add explanations. I remember once, I got a boy who didn’t like to listen. The teacher repeated it over and over again, and the boy scratched his scalp and stayed in front of the blackboard for several minutes, and suddenly wrote down: Bitch: Dirty, not a good thing. The whole class burst into laughter, and the female teacher was so angry that she couldn't say a word. Collection of classic funny quotes

1: I am not your little raccoon, and I can’t play with you as much as you want.

2: Waiting for your concern, waiting until I close my heart.

3: It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as having loved each other.

4: The world is so wonderful, but you are so irritable. This is not good, not good.

5: God said there should be light, but I said I opposed it, so there was darkness in the world.

6: What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy

7: The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, while humans are sometimes not humans. !

8: Other people’s money is my personal belongings.

9: How far is eternity? Just get away as far as you can!

10: A first-class man has a home outside his home; a second-class man has flowers outside his home; a third-class man has flowers outside his home. A man is looking for a home among flowers; a fourth-class man’s family comes home from get off work; a fifth-class man’s wife is not at home; a sixth-class man has no wife and no home.

11: No one is born who is afraid of death, and no one who is afraid of death is born, so no one should pretend to be arrogant.

12: Everything is rising in price, which means people are getting cheaper.

13: I face the cruelty of the world with ridiculous happiness

14: Men are Pentium at 20, Microsoft at 30, Panasonic at 40, and Lenovo at 50< /p>

15: I think "Can't afford to be hurt" is scarier than "Uneasy".

16: They say the Internet is fake, but I laugh as if reality is real.

17: Some people put blue eye shadow on me, which is an insult to my dark circles!

18: Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art. Footsteps!

19: God saw you were thirsty and created water;

20: What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? One has big curly hair and the other has small hair. roll.

21: I went to a pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me if I wanted it cut into pieces or chunks? I thought about it and said: Let’s stick to chunks! I can’t finish the chunks!

22: I am not a superman because I wear my pants outside my underwear.

23: Protect yourself, love others, and please don’t come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

24: People who have a crush on me, how can you be so calm?

25: China has one of the largest legal profiteering societies, Deyun Society.

26: Tomorrow comes tomorrow, there are so many tomorrows! Since there are so many, you might as well put it off any longer.

27: Men are most afraid of empty guns. Leave more bullets for the enemy.

28: You are the sun in the sky, and I am the mountain on the earth; you are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the earth; you are the crow flying in the sky, and I am the earthly dog ??chasing after you. Chasing

29: All men in the world are liars. Both beautiful and not beautiful women will be deceived. The difference is that the lucky woman found a big liar who deceived her for the rest of her life. The unfortunate woman found a little liar who deceived her

30: Time is for wandering, the body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and the soul is for singing .

31: The soft wind caresses the willow branches, and the bees are diligently picking flowers. I want to write a perfect poem, but I have to wait until there is no frog croaking.

32: Never mention it not because you forget, but because you remember it

33: There are not many ladies in the world, but there are many who pretend to be.

34: When will the bright moon come, look up yourself

35: Ever since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on my head.

36: Your age is written on your reproductive organs.

37: When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

38: The lost happiness is your chrysanthemum, and you often only feel it when you have diarrhea. It blooms particularly brilliantly -

39: No doubt, I am the poor man in your dream.

40: My advantage is that I have no disadvantages, and my disadvantage is of course that I have no advantages~

41: I feel that I am special. I have watched the Journey to the West version for many years. I have always thought that there are more episodes and fewer episodes. As a result, I wanted to watch it today, Nima, Caiji. Why did I always feel like I couldn’t finish it when I was a kid? Do you still think Journey to the West is a long children’s book?

42: It’s easy to hide when you are exposed, but hard to prevent when you are undercover

43: I don’t tidy up the room, I am the beauty in a messy room. There is one in every forest

44: If you are desperate, why not walk? Just take a car.

45: You are the wind and I am the sand, you are the toothpaste and I am the brush, you are the Hami and I am the melon, if you don’t love me I will commit suicide

46: The tongue is more beautiful than the teeth Longevity, software lasts longer than hardware.

47: Life is really fun, because life is so fun for me.

48: Life is like Super Girl, and those who survive to the end are pure men.

49: The tongue lasts longer than the teeth, and the software lasts longer than the hardware.

50: During the exam, I originally wanted to stir-fry the salted fish from his grandma, but unexpectedly it stuck to the pan.

51: If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.

52: Don’t talk about feelings with me. Talking about feelings will hurt your money.

53: Sorry, please speak Mandarin. I can’t understand Cantonese.

54: The most useless thing in the world is the real-time salary slip. It looks angry and wipes the butt too thinly.

55: A good horse never eats grass that turns back, so a good horse always goes hungry.

56: If you are polite to some people, they will treat you like garbage.

57: Who are you making that expression with? . The loan I owe you is about to expire or something.

58: I laugh at the sky with my sword across my shoulder, and go to sleep after laughing!

59: There must be a road in front of the mountain, and even if there is a road, I can't stop.

60: As a typical failure, you are too successful.

61: When we are together for a long time, we will break up, and when we are apart for a long time, we will be together; if you drink, you will go crazy, and when you drink, you will drink.

62: What is cruel? For a man, I will break his three legs; for a man, I will break his three legs; Dog, I will break all five of its legs.

63: If I become the emperor, I will make you the prince!

64: Family affairs and state affairs are world affairs, and having no money to eat is a big deal!

65: I only trust two people in the world, one is me and the other is not you.

66: The customer is just a fart, just let it go and it will go smoothly

67: If my friends can sell them, and each one is worth five yuan, I can also make a small fortune.

68: My waist is broken, and the trouble is not youth, but stress.

69: How to reasonably tax, the boss is thinking about how to reasonably avoid taxes, and I am thinking about how to reasonably get more sleep! Summary of Song Xiaobao’s classic funny quotes

1. Haiyan! Please be careful! 2. The big girl was so frightened at the sight that she became excited! 3. Shameless! 4. I owe you money. Did I write you an IOU? 5. Life is like making a phone call. Either you hang up first or I hang up first. 6. Oh, I’ll go. 7. (Talk to Erya) We are good sisters! 8. Wife! Go up! 9. Wearing glasses makes you look like you have a diploma! 10. (Hold the tree and call daddy) Dad! Daddy! I haven’t seen you for such a long time and I’m so tired of looking at you! 11. If I could swipe my credit card, what else would I want? 12. (Tell the big guy) You can see clearly just by looking at these pulses: Infertility ~ Infertility ~ Infertility ~ Infertility 13. Those three strings will poke us both The number 14 is in my nostrils. Last year I believed in the horoscope, this year I believe in the five elements. Just say it! 15. (Talk about yourself) You are naturally beautiful, and you look like a beggar. 16. You just don’t care. 17. Come and kiss me! 18. I do! 19.Alas! The mouth is full of fangs, the hooves are turned and the palms are bright! 20. Is it short-sighted? What is it called: Oh my god, call me baby! 21. Believe it or not, I will kill you. 22. You are useless at all. 23. I wonder if this is the end of my life? Do you want to go back? Can I still go back? 24. Not to mention pretending to be a beggar, I will even pretend to be a grandchild! 25. Is the red rabbit a horse? I thought it was Bunny! 26. Oh, let me go and look at your shame. 27. Where is it small? Besides being small, what is the reason for being small? Where are the smaller shoes if they are three to five? 28. My hungry stomach is a bit special. 29. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt, it’s a monkey, a monkey! 30. It’s unconscionable to say that! 31.Don’t make any noise! 32. Chicken feet! 33. Rolling calf system! 34. You give me money. Your money is rimmed with gold. 35. Should I give it to you? 36. On the vast sea! The blue sky is covered with dark clouds! Between the dark clouds and the sea, there is a petrel, who is here to match the two of us, so that we can meet here and fall in love at dusk, whether it's a joke or not! 37. Stop! ! ! 38. I am born in wood and you are born in earth. Brother, you gave birth to me! 39. Oh my god, you scared me to death! 40. Where is Haiyan? Can you please have some snacks? 41. I’m worried, I’m vomiting milk! 42. The heaven is full, the earth is square, and the eyes are foreskin! 43. What are you doing? What are you doing? 44. Yes or no, I will give you a drop. 45. I am not a little old man, I am a little hanging silk! 46. ??Almost put me on the wall as a mural. . 47. Look at your shame~ (sai three times) 48. Director! Just find one for me! 49.Why are you being fooled by me?