A joke about a husband becoming a wife.

1, shopping is most afraid of shopping with your wife. She will drag you around without buying anything. "Honey, do I look good in this yellow one?" "Well, very good." "What about the red one?" "Beauty!" "Is the blue one better?" "It's also pretty good." "How do you say yes? Tell the truth, which is better? " "Um ... wife, to be honest, you should choose a bigger size. You seem to have gained weight ... "My wife stared at me eagerly. At this point, I don't want to go shopping with her anymore. My angry wife refused to talk to me when she was angry, so I rented a horror movie. At night, when my wife fell asleep and saw a thrilling place, I quickly woke her up and replayed the horror plot (it doesn't matter if she doesn't watch it, the sound effect is good and it can be scary). My wife throws herself at me every time she is scared and takes the initiative to make peace, hehe. . . . . . . . . 3. Chew chicken feet. My wife and I both love to chew chicken feet. It's not as fast as my wife to sigh. For a time, they chewed chicken feet while watching TV, and my wife held one in each hand. My wife gave me a bad look when I reached for the last one on the plate. I said, "Wife, if you eat too much, you are not afraid of getting fat ..." "XXX, I think you don't want to eat meat this week!" A word makes my scalp numb and my legs weak. I was fined for eating food for a week because I accidentally said that my wife was a little fat. I always feel that people in China don't need to celebrate a foreigner's holiday on Valentine's Day, but my wife is very particular about this exotic atmosphere. Two days before February 14, she alluded intentionally or unintentionally: "Husband, today is 12?" "Honey, restaurants on the street seem to have special programs now." I called my wife at noon on Valentine's Day and told her that she didn't have to go home to cook at night, so she went out to eat directly after work, which made her happy on the other end of the phone. In the evening, after they picked her up, they dragged her to a roadside shop to eat Lamian Noodles. They spent a total of 8 yuan and were beaten. They had nothing to say on the way home. When she came in and saw the roses on the table, she was beaten again. This time, her fist fell gently on her. 5. Smoking Most women hate men's habit of smoking, and my wife is no exception. First, he coaxed others, then stole cigarettes at home, and finally threatened to control the internet. At night, she was lying in bed, and I deliberately walked around the bed like a lost soul. "Husband, what are you doing?" "Oh, nothing, I'll look around, you go to sleep first." "You are always hovering in front of my eyes. How can I sleep?" "I can't sleep without fainting." "I know you want to smoke. Go to the balcony to smoke. Don't delay my sleep! " 6. Although the note is husband and wife, they each keep a small piece of private space. One day, they found two long hairs in their drawers, so they left a note saying, "It's wrong to rummage through other people's drawers. Besides, wife, you have lost your hair. " The next day, I found a note inside, which said, "I didn't look around casually, but your private money has been found." In addition, husband, hair loss is a symptom of malnutrition. Use your private money to improve our meals these two months. "7. Take a deep breath. When my wife is depressed when she comes home from work, she is taught to take a deep breath to adjust her mood. After the first time, she asked, "Are you better? "The wife shook her head." Then do it again. Remember to breathe hard this time. "Words don't say that finish, I put a stuffy * *, I thought it didn't stink, and then take a deep breath with my wife, which backfired. The wife smelled the smell first, and the dark call was not good. She turned and walked to the balcony. Before she reached the door, her back had been hit by slippers. As a result, a bunch of good words and two pounds of chicken feet were accompanied by crime.