Tell me a joke, 100.

1. After the physiology class, a boy pushed the girl down and kissed her. Afterwards, the boy said to the girl, "I just want to practice, that's all." Hearing this, the girl pushed the boy down, kissed him and said, "Fail, make-up exam."

2. Teacher: "What is the difference between avoiding clouds and skydiving?" Boy: "A top guard and a bottom guard." The girl then replied, "One person was missing when the parachute broke, and one person was missing when Yuntao broke."

3. A man went to see a psychiatrist: "I really can't stand it! My wife is lying to me! " Psychologist: "Relax, how could I cheat on you?" Man: "She goes to the bar every night and is interested in almost all men. I am going crazy! " "Psychologist:" Don't get too excited! Tell me, where is this bar? "

4. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

Before the wedding, the groom asked the host, "How much is it to host a wedding?" The host said, "The more beautiful the bride is, the more expensive it is!" The groom is embarrassed to give his master a dollar. The host paused, looked back at the bride, and then got back fifty cents.

6. The young couple shared a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple secretly made out and suddenly found that their son was gone! After searching for a long time, it turned out that my son was hiding behind the door with his knees. The husband and wife shouted: "Come back quickly, it's windy behind the door!" "The son said angrily," Don't lie, it's windy in bed! " !"

7. The Academy of Fine Arts is taking a human body class. A girl was drawing when she suddenly dropped her pen on the ground! The girl yelled at the male model: "I will get older and older, but I am still TM!" "

8. There is a MM with a particularly flat chest, and I am afraid that my boyfriend will know that I dislike myself, so I will avoid my boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights and got into bed. . When her boyfriend touched MM's chest, she said, "Honey, don't sleep on your stomach!" " "

9. That man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked, "I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in?" The beauty was silent for a while and said in a low-key way, "Big price, rough equipment."

10. One day, a school is having a tense exam! The exam topic is "Similarities between Bad-hearted Radish and Pregnant Women"! Only three students passed! The answer of these three students is: "It's all caused by bugs." Only one student got full marks! The answer is: "It's too late!"

1 1. It is your duty to sleep with your wife; Sleep comfortably and happily with mistresses; Sleeping with classmates is an old love; Sleeping with rich women is to get more money; Sleeping with a young lady is a contribution to foreign aid; Sleeping with widows is the contemporary Lei Feng spirit!

12. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

13. Miss was taken away by the criminal police for questioning. The young lady faltered: "I just sold two yuan of Yuntao to 200 yuan!" "Criminal police asked him angrily," how dare you chicanery! What happened later? " The young lady explained: "Later ~ later, I taught him how to use the after-sales service. "

14. After the tsunami, there was a rotting male corpse floating in the village, and only the lower body could argue! A village woman looked at it and said, "This is not my man, nor the village head, nor the accountant." The village girl looked at it and said, "This is not my brother-in-law, nor is it my brother-in-law!" At this time, a widow came over and touched it and said, "Go home, it's not from our village."

15. A foreigner traveled to the Forbidden City, but he didn't know how to get there, so he asked others for directions. Because foreigners confuse the Forbidden City with the Forbidden City, they ask, "How can I get to the Purple Palace?" Passers-by glared at the foreigner and replied, "* * *, go to the end."

16. The wife and husband were shopping when the wife's skirt was suddenly blown up by the strong wind! The wife pressed her skirt in panic and shouted, "Oh, my God! Spring leak! " The husband gave her a white look and said, "Please! It's really a dirty laundry! "

17. In the bar, this man is complaining to his friend. The man complained: "I just shook hands with MM a while ago and she got pregnant!" " The friend was startled: "Are you kidding? Can you get pregnant by shaking hands? " The man tangled and said, "hey, I don't like washing my hands." I didn't expect her to be like this. " Just think about it.

18. A: "Dude, why do you look so sad?" B: "I accidentally posted my wife's photo of Luo on the internet!" " "A:" Then it's too early for you to be sad now. If that post sinks, you will be sad again! ""think about it.

19. When my husband was bored in the car, he sent a text message to joke with his wife: "Little girl, give me a smile!" After a while, my wife replied, "Please respect yourself, my little girl!" "

20. A man is outside the delivery room, anxiously waiting for his wife to give birth. After a long time, a female nurse came out with a stroller with three babies in it. The man ran over to look at the three babies carefully and said solemnly to the nurse, "I want the one in the middle."

2 1. After the husband cheated, the wife found out! The wife said sadly to her husband, "Why did you betray me? Am I inferior to that fox? " The husband said earnestly: "There is no husband and wife who can't live without it, only a mistress who doesn't work hard."

22. The wife went out to collect debts and returned empty-handed a few months later. Husband scolds: "You are really incompetent!" The wife said disapprovingly, "although I didn't get the money, the boss's child was taken hostage by me!" " The husband was overjoyed and asked, "Where are you?" The wife patted her belly and said, "It's locked in! "

At the party, a beautiful woman hung a small plane ornament on her chest. When the man saw it, he was greatly appreciated and stared at the beautiful woman! A little embarrassed to see the beautiful woman, she asked him, "Do you think my little plane looks good?" The man praised: "the small plane is really beautiful, but the airport is more beautiful!" " "

24. My mother took two daughters and grandmother by plane and unfortunately fell into the sea. The four of them were lucky enough to float to an island. On the island, I found a group of strong men on the island! At this moment, a strong man forcibly took his mother away! The youngest daughter hugged his leg and said, "Don't take my mother!" " "The strong man kicked her away and said," What do children know! "At this moment, another strong man came to take my sister away, and the little girl hugged his leg and said," Don't take my sister away! ""The strong man kicked her away and said, "What do children know!" At this moment, another strong man came and the little girl was about to rush over. Grandma kicked the little girl away and said, "What do children know!" "

25. The wolf knocked at the door and said, "Little Rabbit, open the door!" " Hearing this, Little Rabbit quickly opened the door: "Coming!" " Mother rabbit shouted to Little Rabbit, "Don't drive! It's a wolf! " The wolf sighed at the door: "Hey, it's easier to cheat girls than women!" " "

26. A boy has three balls, but he doesn't know if he is normal! Because he was embarrassed to ask his classmates, he decided to ask his brother. At dinner the next morning, he asked his brother, "Brother, would it be strange if we had five balls together?" His brother was shocked and asked him, "huh?" Four? ! "

27. A group of young people are chatting and guessing riddles in a bar. Someone asked, "Ten men peeked at five women taking a bath and made an idiom." In fact, many people know this idiom, which is rich and colorful. But a MM pondered for a long time, and suddenly her eyes lit up and she asked shyly, "Is it a two-pronged approach?" (This MM's thought is evil! )

28. The beautiful woman was making out with a man in the room when suddenly she heard the footsteps of her husband coming back. In desperation, the beauty quickly opened the window in the room and said to the man, "Quick, quick, jump out from here!" " ! "The man looked out of the window and shouted in a hoarse voice," This is 14 floor! " The beauty was furious and said, "Jump! What superstition is there at this time! " (It seems that 14 floor jump is not a superstitious problem, but a life problem. )

29. A beautiful woman participated in a dating activity and filled in her personal information as required. After returning to the dormitory, the beauty complained: "Oh, I wrote the occupation and the zodiac backwards!" " "A friend comforted him:" What's the big deal? Most people can understand. " The beauty said with a little tears: "The key is that I am a chicken! ! "

30. The man has a crush on a female colleague of the company. But his female colleagues disagree with him. The man got up the courage to send a message to his female colleague: "Are you free tonight?" After receiving the text message, the female colleague replied warily: "What do you want?" After a while, the female colleague received a short message from the man: "Yes!" If you look carefully, you will know where the joke is. )

3 1. The prince in the palace went to play among the people! There was a beggar in Lu Yu who found himself very much alike! The prince asked the beggar very contemptuously, "Did your mother ever work as a maid in the palace?" The beggar replied angrily, "no, my mother has never been to the palace, but my father used to be a coachman in the palace!" " "(if you look carefully, you will know where the punch line is. )

32. A woman had an accident, and her boyfriend gave her a lot of blood to save him! But not long after, this ungrateful woman broke up with her boyfriend! Boyfriend shouted angrily: "Want to break up? Then give me my blood first! ! "The woman threw the sanitary towel in the boy's face and scolded," Come on! I will pay you back in installments every month! "

33. A man rushed to take a taxi to meet a female netizen! When it was almost time, the man saw from the car that the female netizen in the distance was ugly! The man pointed to the ugly female netizen and said to the driver, "See that woman?" The driver said, "Look, where are you parked?" The man replied, "No, kill her! ! ! "