Joke: ... What? ! Are you out of your mind? ……

Husband: Honey, I'm going to invite a colleague to dinner tomorrow night. Wife: What? ! Are you out of your mind? The house hasn't been cleaned for a long time, and I haven't been to the supermarket for a long time. I haven't washed 30 dishes at home, and I don't want to cook anything decent in the kitchen! Husband: I know, dear. Wife: Then why did you invite your colleagues to dinner? Husband: Because that silly boy is full of thoughts of getting married.

2. A young woman with swollen eyes was treated by a family doctor. Doctor: "Oh dear! What the hell is going on? " The doctor got a fright and asked. Young woman: "Wow ... it's my husband." Doctor: "Hey! Isn't your husband on a business trip? " Young woman: "I think so too."

We need one player to play mahjong, so we have to let our wife who has never played mahjong take a place. As a result, my wife swept away and all three of us were involved! I was surprised and asked, "Wife! When can I play mahjong? "

She said, "To tell you the truth, I beat you from your ex-girlfriend with mahjong eight years ago!" " "

Me. . .

When taking a bath, my ears are not small, my heart is full of water, my ears are wet, and my head falls when I tilt.

My husband saw it, frowned and dragged me to lie on the sofa, and wiped it with a cotton swab. He also said with concern: Wife, I can help you with water, but I really can't help the water in your head!

At work, my wife sent me two selfies of different clothes and asked me which one looked good.

As an experienced person, I understand that no beautiful picture is right, so I answer: they are all beautiful.

Wife: Do you think so? Then I'll buy both.

6. When eating, my mother didn't want to eat half a bowl and said to my father, honey, I can't eat any more. My dad immediately brought the bowl and ate it clean ~

I also said, dad, I can't eat any more.

My dad glared at me: you can't eat, so much? The prodigal child! Eat up, or there will be no food in the future! Me. . .

7. My boyfriend proposed to me in front of my family, knelt down with roses in his hand, made a sweet vow and proposed to me.

When I said yes excitedly, I found there was no ring. I asked him about the ring.

My brother said beside me: it's good that people are willing to suffer and marry you. Why do you remember the diamond ring? Stop dreaming and wake up.

Then I woke up. . .

8. I opened the door to put the garbage last night and found my husband squatting at the door to eat chicken legs. . .

I was surprised, puzzled, sad and wronged. I looked at my husband and he hurriedly explained: Aren't you losing weight recently? I'm afraid it will affect you and become a stumbling block on your way to lose weight.

Me, me, me. . . Thank you, bah! ! !

9. Say to your wife, "If I give you 10 million to die, will you die?"

"Go to hell!" The wife said. "

"That you this ten million?

Wife: "Give three million to my parents, five million to my son and one million to your parents."

"What about the remaining one million dollars?" I asked.

"Buy your life!"

10. Last night, I dreamed that my mother gave me 1000 yuan to buy clothes. I am very excited.

Then I called my mother this morning, and I said, "I dreamed of you last night!" " "

My mother asked, "What did you dream?"

I said, "I dreamed that you gave me two thousand yuan to buy clothes at will."

My mother said directly, "Then you have a wrong dream, and it is definitely not your real mother!" " "

Me. . .