Who knows the most classic joke?

1 Topic: What would you say if you saw Meng Po at Naiheqiao after your death and gave you Meng Po Tang?

Don't let me forget my family, okay?

B: No coriander and chopped green onion, thanks!

2

The teacher asked Xiaoming, "Is there any way to protect the environment from being cut down?"

Xiao Ming replied: "If you send a piece of paper less every day, there will be no killing without buying and selling."

three

The master of the canteen is probably lovelorn, because I found that the newly changed menu has a different scenery:

Charming lotus root slices, heartbroken people patting cucumbers, chubby face lifting, reminiscing about lentils, dim bean curd, pure moo Shu pork.

four

I am playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter. The cell phone rang. When I saw the number, it was my friend Lao Hou, so I said hello: "Hello, Brother Hou!" " "I chatted with him enthusiastically.

At this moment, my daughter came running and stared at me reverently without saying a word.

After chatting with Lao Hou, I put down the phone and asked my daughter, "What's the matter with you? Why are you looking at me like that? "

The daughter whispered, "Dad, how did you and the Monkey King meet?"

five

Why did I put my phone in flight mode, throw it downstairs or break it?

A: Because you didn't adjust to the landing mode when the phone was grounded.

six

The captain flattered the new flight attendant: "Ask each other questions, you won't, you give me 5 dollars;" I won't. I'll give you $65,438+000. "

The stewardess said, "OK."

The captain asked, "What is the cruising speed of the 747?"

The stewardess lost 5 dollars.

It's the flight attendant's turn to ask, "What are three eyes, six noses, nine legs and a tail?"

The captain paid the stewardess 100 dollars.

The captain asked unconvinced, "What's the answer?"

The stewardess gave the captain another $5.

seven

Today, on a date with my boyfriend, he texted me: "I'll be there in 5 minutes." If not, please read this message again ... "

eight

A science student cursed: "You are simply the solution set of X+2 > 4!" It took me a long time to realize that the answer is "2 to positive infinity"

One day, Xiaozhen's mother saw Xiaozhen's father rummaging through things.

He asked Xiaozhen, "What is your father looking for?"

Xiaozhen said doubtfully, "I don't know. Maybe I'm looking for you, or maybe I'm looking for grandma."

Mom is very confused.

Xiaozhen went on to say, "because he said grandma's while looking, it's really fucking hard to find."

Everyone knows that 10 IT people work overtime every day, it is normal to stay up late, and it is even more impossible to rest. One weekend, everyone was busy all morning. At eleven o'clock, a colleague suddenly got up, dropped a word and rushed out. He said: You are busy. I'll be back when I get married. . .

A young man sat at the door of the bird's nest, looking depressed.

The policeman came over and asked, "Didn't you get the ticket for Rolling Stone for 30 years today?" The young man took out two tickets. The policeman was surprised and asked him why he didn't go in.

The young man said, "I want to call the girl I secretly love." The girl asked what concert it was, but as soon as I said' get out', the phone died. "

12 The boss asked me, "Can you come to work this Saturday? I know you like to play on weekends, but I really need you here. "

"Yes, no problem. But as you know, the bus on the weekend is so bad that it is estimated to be a little late. "

"Well, when do you think you can come?"

"Monday."

13

Husband asked: What should I do if I am going to have an affair?

The wife smiled: I am very gentle, and I will maim you at most, but I won't kill you!

The husband was moved and said, that's very kind of you!

The wife smiled and said, if we can't be husband and wife, we can still be sisters!

14

A dating website has a quiz question: If a poor boy pretends to be rich and falls in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of the candidates: Resolutely sever the relationship, honesty is one of the most important qualities.

A month later, the website asked another question: If a rich man pretends to be poor and falls in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of candidates: continue dating. I love his people, not his money.

Xiaoming's father hit him twice yesterday. Xiaoming was first seen by his father holding a test paper with only 20 points. Then I beat him up. Later, Xiaoming's father found that the paper belonged to him when he was a child, so he beat Xiaoming again. ...

16 One day, a friend went to the supermarket, and he was robbed with a knife on his way home. He calmly looked at the knife in the young man's hand and took out the watermelon knife he had just bought from his bag. ...

My friend said that he could never forget the young man's face when he saw the watermelon knife. ...

17 a classmate wrote in an exam: Qian Shan Wanshui is always in love, can you give some points?

The teacher took it seriously and replied: there is love in the world, and giving 0 points is also love.

18 A classmate went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his mobile phone while playing with it.

Then, I went back and got a pair of chopsticks and took them out. Just as he was about to fish with chopsticks, a buddy went into the toilet.

Seeing this scene, the man asked with concern, "Dude, you haven't eaten yet."

19 q: what is the most self-deceiving thing in the world?

A: I have read the first step of website registration and agree to accept the above terms.

I remember this year's Lantern Festival, someone sent a picture.

There are six glutinous rice balls in the bowl, which are written respectively: making a fortune, happiness, success, wishful thinking, health and happiness.

It's a pity that such a good thing is ruined.