Who said a few funny jokes ~ it should be funny ~ short ~ online, etc ~

1, an astronaut from a country decided to go to Mars, but he was afraid of an accident and sent a monkey up. The monkey came back and made three moves. The first one was to beat his chest, the second one was to walk forward, and the third one was to cover his eyes. The scientist translated for a long time and came to the conclusion that it was too bad that he flew too fast and didn't see anything clearly!

Saddam's team is surrounded by American troops. After a few days, they couldn't hold on any longer, so they sent a guard out to inquire about the situation. When he came back, he made a V-shaped gesture to Saddam. Saddam was very happy: "Great, we won!" " The guard looked sad: "What, just you and me ..."

3. This is a true story ...

In an English class, a boy was suddenly in a hurry and asked the teacher for leave. The teacher said, "Go." The boy endured a class, which was very romantic and Xiu Yuan-style. I think I will go up and down for what I want.

After class, the teacher asked him, "Why don't you go to the toilet when you are so depressed?" The boy replied, "You don't want to talk about it." Teacher: "..."

4. Someone keeps a parrot. No matter how to teach it, it can only say two words: "Who?" . One day this man went out, and a water meter inspector came, knocking. The parrot said, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." The parrot asked again, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." ..... Two hours later, the host came back and found a man lying at the door, foaming at the mouth and fainted. He asked, "Who is this?" The parrot's voice came from the room: "Check the water meter ..."

The prisoner was shot, but the first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullets. Then the second and third shots were fired ... At this time, the prisoner couldn't stand it and cried and said, "Brother, you strangle me!" This is so scary ... "

6. Teacher: "Can you tell me the same characteristics of18th century scientists?"

Student: "Yes, they are all dead."

7. During the Beijing Olympic Games, an African stayed in a hotel. In the middle of the night, a fire broke out for some reason. Africans don't care so much when they see it, and they run out naked. When the fireman saw it, he exclaimed, "Oh, my God! It's burnt, and you can run so fast! "

8. A farmer fed the chicken the night before killing it, and casually said, Eat quickly, this is your last meal! The next day, I saw the chicken lying down, leaving a suicide note: I have taken rat poison, you can't eat me, and I'm not easy to mess with.

9. In a military exercise, the landing position of a shell was far from the expected position. A soldier was sent to inspect and found that the shell landed in the farmland. A man in rags and dark skin stood there with tears in his eyes and said to him, "why not just steal a cabbage?" Is it worth shelling? "

10, someone just learned to ride a bike when he was a child and ran into the street unconsciously. When he saw an old man walking in front of him, he felt he was going to hit him and shouted, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, and as a result, he turned around and ran into it. The old man stood up and said, you aimed.

1 1, on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd. The woman turned back and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered! The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?" The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

12, the boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by the restaurant. Girlfriend praises: It smells good! The cash-strapped boy said very gentlemanly, let's walk in front of the restaurant again if you like. ......

In 13, the wolf cubs are vegetarian from birth. Father and mother wolf racked their brains to train their cubs to hunt. Finally, the machete son who was happy by Sirius's parents ran after the rabbit crazily. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

14, there is a man lying opposite the front seat of the theater, and four seats are occupied by one person. The lady with a seat said to him, "Sir, one person can only take one seat." He just snorted and didn't move. The young lady invited the theater manager, who said politely, "Please sit down, sir. One person can only occupy one seat. " He just snorted and didn't act. The manager only invited the police. The policeman said, "Dude, you are very horizontal! Which way are you going? " The man snorted and said, "How about ... the one who fell in the upstairs aisle ..."

15, grandpa said to grandson: Jin Yong's works can be connected into couplets. Sun Tzu: Isn't it that the snow is shooting at the White Deer Plain, and the smiling scholar is leaning against the garden? Sun Tzu disdainfully said that J.K. Rowling's seven books can also be linked into one sentence: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ...

16, Henan Wa asked Niang: How to make sentences with ABCDEFG? Henan Niang: A, this child B belongs to the C family. He's standing barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, GG is still exposed!

17, a pair of rural mother and son entered the city, and they marveled at the prosperity of the city. This is a young man riding a mountain bike and flying past the mother and son. At this time, the child asked his mother, "Mom, does the steel pipe that mom is sitting on hurt?" The child's mother said, "silly child, can you stop hurting?" Didn't you see that man kicking in pain? "

18, one day in class, the teacher asked Xiao Ming what Li Shizhen's works were. Xiaoming: I don't know his works, but I know what his last words were. The teacher was curious and asked him what he said. Xiao Ming: Wow, this grass is poisonous. ......

19, Xiaoming teases parrot: Speak in a low voice! The parrot didn't make a sound. Xiaoming waved something in front of it: Miss Big, please speak slowly! The parrot has not responded yet. Xiao Ming is a little angry: if you don't talk, you will die! Then the parrot shouted: Down with Japan, Down with the Emperor, Down with the country.

20. The mother said to her four-year-old son: Mom has fed you so much shit, you should be filial to your mother when you grow up. The son cried: how can I have such a dirty thing? ......