Humorous jokes

1, when I smile, my smile is full of bohemian temperament like a poet, but behind this bohemian is a delicate and warm emotion. When I am silent, I look up like a pure and graceful girl in the choir and a noble with a deep and elegant head. Yes, I am such a man who perfectly combines various seemingly irreconcilable qualities.

2. Since ancient times, there has been no charming mother on the Internet, but there are several pairs of mandarin ducks and perverted pheasants.

3, teacher, you wait, the old woman is going to let the Buddha give her marriage!

Don't waste new tears for old sadness!

I don't like sleeping with one woman many times, but I like sleeping with many women only once.

When I left the subway station this morning, the escalator broke down. I was stuck up there for over an hour, so I was late.

7. In order to build a harmonious society, wife, let's do it again.

8. Don't hang yourself from a tree. Try to die several times in a few trees ...-If you die, you will die completely!

9. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

10, the difference between life and existence is heaven and earth. How many people are alive and how many people are alive? Are you alive or alive?

1 1. If a man is fined for illegal parking, he will quarrel with the police and the woman will persuade him. If a woman is fined for parking illegally, she will have an argument with the man around her, and the police will persuade her.

12, a man gives a woman a bra to show that he wants to establish a lover relationship; Women give men * * *, indicating that they have a lover relationship.

13, the wind blows the crotch hair flying …

14, when is the time to hug each other, Yang is watching.

15, taking a shower, please don't disturb, please buy a ticket for voyeurism, 40 for individuals and 20% for groups!

16, falling in love is a feeling. When this feeling is gone, I am still forcing myself. This is called responsibility! Breaking up is courage! When this courage is gone, I am still encouraging myself. This is called tragic!

Live well, because we will die for a long time!

18, I was held by Sichuan University, and the only thing I can do now is to try to straighten my posture!

19, some people say that if you have a baby, you won't have dysmenorrhea. Have one!

20. The female classmate who just returned from an internship in a Japanese company said with emotion: "No matter how high-end meetings are, no matter how high-end people attend, those people have a polite meeting with you on the stage, but there are always people touching your thighs under the stage!"

2 1, urinating is prohibited here, and tools will be confiscated.

22. I made a mistake at the first stroke and had to scribble all the way.

23, the buddy's greatest wish is: beauty * * * clothes!

24, you are the best example of abortion failure!

25. College is the best time for girls to develop.

26. Hands are willing to be rough for women.

27. Fill her emptiness with your surplus!

28. I will be good friends with anyone who says I am white, thin and beautiful.

29, the seminal vesicle is not empty, swear not to be a ghost!

30. I skipped classes too much. One day I wanted to go to class and met a professor. The professor said in surprise, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

3 1, more and more young people begin to get tattoos. Think about the summer after forty or fifty years, the old men and women with tattoos. ...

32, some people are born in the car, others are pregnant in the subway, Beijing is really a vibrant city …

33, I think I am a pervert, I have Oedipus complex, and I love * * *. Why else do I want to fuck her grandmother every time I see her face?

34. Part I: How worrying is the China Men's Olympics? Part two: It's like a group of eunuchs visiting a brothel. Horizontal criticism: no one will shoot.

35, don't * * * earth-shattering, move the world with * * *.

36. The woman outside the umbrella is doomed not to go out in rainy days. ...

37. Why do you get up so early? The bar hasn't opened yet!

38. When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

39. I love you at the same time, which is the beginning of my challenge to moths.

40. My similarities with my father are different.

4 1, as the saying goes: laugh and the whole world laughs with you; You cried. You are the only one crying in the world.

42. Men want to lock the zipper of women's wallets, and women want to lock the zipper of men's pants.

43. You see, there are always so many things that make you sad: full moon and full moon, emotions, impotence and premature ejaculation ...

44. When women comfort women, they often say that they are miserable; When a man comforts a man, he often says that another man is miserable.

45. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

46. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I will resign. Give him two more Chinese before resigning and kill him.

47. Ambiguous is that I asked you for money, but you didn't say it, nor did you say it, only that my husband was not at home. ...

48. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

49. It is not necessarily monks who burn incense, but pandas!

50. Let others smell your fart!

5 1, it is the son who can't control it, and the daughter who can't see it.

52, milk is not necessarily a mother, money must be a grandfather!

We have no intention of sleeping for a long night. What can we pursue besides creating human beings?

54. Who said the teacher was sorry for the abbot? Has anyone considered the feelings of Taoist priests?

55. When we parted, she gave me a kiss, which felt as real as People's Daily …

56. The wife is a big tree, and the lover is a grass. Planting a big tree is good for enjoying the cool, and raising a piece of grass is good for walking birds, which is a harmonious society and environmental protection.

57. Be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!

58. One day, my wife asked me if I had played house. My answer is, my wife slapped me. Burying my face, I said, what's wrong with playing house? Wife: I said Jia Jia. She is my best friend.

59. Wife: "Husband, who is the most authoritative in our family?" Husband: "Of course it's you!" Wife: "Wrong, you are the most authoritative in our family. You are the head of the family. " Husband: "Wife, you are authoritative, you are right!" " "Wife:" Now tell me, who is the authority in our family? "Husband. . .

60. Today, my husband made me angry, coaxed me in every way and asked me what I wanted. . . . I think it's time to throw a box of condoms in front of him and say that unless they are all used up tonight. . . When I came out of the shower, the guy put a bunch of balloons on the ceiling. I said he knows a lot about romance. . .

6 1, a shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: It's very congenial. The boy asked again, but he had to say sadly, why not have a flat head?

62. The boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by the restaurant. Girlfriend praises: It smells good! The cash-strapped boy said very gentlemanly, let's walk in front of the restaurant again if you like. ......

63. When a man takes a bus, a beautiful girl on the bus always looks at him. He thought: the girl may be interested in herself, and she can't help being flattered. When the girl got off at the station, the man immediately followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. He got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, miss, why do you always look at me? Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him: You are sick! Don't wipe it if you know it. ......

64. A woman bought breakfast with counterfeit money. The stall owner was annoyed: Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, at least it is printed. Your money is actually painted! To say the least, forget to draw. You can draw five tens or seven. ......

65. This wolf cub has been a vegetarian since birth. Father and mother wolf racked their brains to train their cubs to hunt. Finally, the machete son, who pleased Sirius's parents, ran after the rabbit crazily. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

Dentist (examining the patient's mouth): "There is a big hole in your tooth! There is a big hole. " Patient (unhappily): "There is a hole, but it goes without saying twice." Dentist: "I only said it once." That's an echo, an echo. "

67. Letters and numbers fight, and the number 1 and 3 form the letter B to penetrate the enemy. Not long after, 1 and 3 came back, with dark eyes and black and blue bodies. Everyone asked them how they did it. 1 and 3 cried and answered: all the letters except the biggest A are lowercase letters. ......

68. There was a man lying opposite the front seat of the theater, and four seats were occupied by one man. The lady with a seat said to him, "Sir, one person can only take one seat." He just snorted and didn't move. The young lady invited the theater manager, who said politely, "Please sit down, sir. One person can only occupy one seat. " He just snorted and didn't act. The manager only invited the police. The policeman said, "Dude, you are very horizontal! Which way are you going? " The man snorted and said, "How about ... the one who fell in the upstairs aisle ..."

The TV newscaster is broadcasting the news. At this moment, a piece of paper was delivered to him. He picked it up and habitually said, "The following is the news we just received ..." Then he opened the note, which read, "Dude, you still have a spinach leaf on your front tooth ..........."

70. Someone rode a bicycle to the street, passed a junction and spread out his hand. When the traffic police saw it, they exclaimed: Good palms! Someone waved happily and replied: comrades have worked hard!

7 1, Grandpa said to his grandson: Jin Yong's works can be linked into couplets. Sun Tzu: Isn't it that the snow is shooting at the White Deer Plain, and the smiling scholar is leaning against the garden? Sun Tzu disdainfully said that J.K. Rowling's seven books can also be linked into one sentence: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ...

72. Do you have a TV over there? Now, hurry up. A central Zhao Benshan was killed, and the police blocked the northeast. 19 people died, 1 1 people were missing, 1 people were fooled!

It is said that on the longest and scariest road in a dark night, a taxi driver drove there and a woman waved to get on the bus at the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Here is an apple for you." It was delicious ... the driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked: Is it delicious? The driver said: delicious! The woman replied: I remember I liked eating apples before my death ... The driver stood up and ate all the apple cores! I saw the woman slowly tilt her head to the front and said to the driver, but I don't like it after giving birth. ......

74. The priest said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage, "This horse can only understand the language of the church. If it is called "Thank God", it will run; I didn't stop until I called "Praise God". " Farmers are skeptical about this. He tried to shout "Thank God" and the horse ran faster and faster at once. A frightened farmer ran to the edge of the cliff and remembered that the password of "Praise God" had stopped him. Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmers who survived the accident breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God ..."

75. Gorbachev visited the United States, and Reagan invited him to enjoy the latest American high-tech product-fully automatic super comfortable toilet. After Gorbachev used it, he admired it from the bottom of his heart and secretly made up his mind that we should also develop it. After returning home, he asked a scientific research department to develop it successfully before Reagan returned. The first thing Reagan did when he arrived in the Soviet Union was to gloat and try their toilets. As a result, he found a more advanced, simulated hand and did it perfectly. Reagan kept trying, hoping to find any shortcomings. As a result, when I tried for the eighth time, a head suddenly emerged from under the toilet: "You are finished, how many times have I wiped it for you!" "

76. The polar bear mother and son were playing when they suddenly saw a panda traveling in the Arctic.

Son: Mom, that bear is really beautiful, black and white. Isn't it a flower bear?

Mother: He is your distant cousin. He went to work in China that year. You said he couldn't do anything well and had to dig coal.

The black line on your body can't be washed away!

Zi: Look how cool the sunglasses he is wearing ~

Mother: What are sunglasses? That was paid by the contractor years ago, and it hasn't been cured yet!

zhl20 16 12