Even if you retreat thousands of times, you must move forward bravely.

Text/Tang Xiaoxiao

The question I have received the most recently is this:

I want to take the accounting exam, but I am very scared, afraid of myself Didn't do well in the exam. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but still can’t make up my mind, what should I do?

I’m going for an interview, but I’m so worried and scared. I wish the world would end. Am I cowardly and useless? Is it true that people like me can’t do anything well?

I want to do a lot of things, but I am always afraid and never dare to take a step forward. I think about many things over and over again, but in the end I give them nothing. Am I worthless?

……

When I see these problems, I feel the same way, because I have had countless such moments.

I remember the first time I did training was at the invitation of a friend. I had never done any training before, and I didn’t know how to do it. But because the other person was a trustworthy friend who I had known for many years, I wanted to get involved in this area, so I agreed without hesitation. Then I was worried about all kinds of things while preparing. I was afraid that if I didn’t speak well, I would be left in the cold. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to cope with students’ questions. I was afraid that there would be various emergencies.

Backing off sounded loudly in my heart: Forget it, I’d better write the manuscript well and don’t go out and embarrass myself. I’m not good at this kind of thing; forget it, this matter takes up a lot of energy. , and I can’t get much money; forget it, if I don’t speak well, make people laugh and make friends difficult, it will ruin my reputation forever; forget it...

Want to go home I thought, but I knew that it was very necessary to do this, so even though I was scared and worried, in the end, I sat down in front of the computer at the appointed time.

In fact, it was a very simple training, and the whole process was interactive using text. But when I typed the first line, my fingers were stiff, my heart was beating fast, and my legs were shaking. But this process only lasted a few minutes, and soon I got better. The training that day was very successful. Not only did I give a complete lecture, but I also did not disappoint the students in the question and answer section.

Naturally, I received more and more invitations to give lectures. I have given lectures in many groups and trained many students. From the initial nervousness and fear to complete relaxation, I regard the training as a kind of enjoyment. I feel like I am chatting with a group of like-minded friends without any pressure. , without any burden, chatting very happily.

Many people have told me that I particularly like your classes, which are very practical and down-to-earth. You are my role model. But they didn't know how cowardly their role model was the first time he did the training. They didn't know that I would pass them by just a little bit.

When I did voice sharing for the first time, I was actually very nervous. My voice is not good, and my Mandarin is not standard. I am used to speaking freely in words, so if I was asked to use voice, I was really repulsed. So when I received the invitation to share online for the first time, I was very nervous. I had to retreat a lot and beat it in my heart a million times. Finally, I typed out a line to the other party: Yes.

Although I am scared and nervous, I know that I cannot retreat, I cannot shrink my position smaller and smaller, and I need to try many different things.

It doesn’t matter if my Mandarin is not standard, I will practice hard; it doesn’t matter if my voice is not good, but the big problem is that it can’t add points to my image. I will try my best to speak better, and maybe I can make up for it a little bit.

So, after accepting the invitation, I started practicing Mandarin and pronunciation, asking good friends to give me advice, and asking friends who were studying broadcasting for advice.

During this process, I was still retreating in my mind: Forget it, my voice is so ugly, what if I die in the presence of light? Forget it, there are so many people sharing it now, why should I join in the fun? Forget it, it would be embarrassing if I stumbled during the Q&A section. Forget it...

But they all agreed, even if they back down, they can’t really back out.

So at the appointed time, I sat down in front of the computer again, picked up my phone, and turned on voice. Although it has changed to a different form, I found that it is not a big deal, and I can still cope with everything.

Whatever happens for the first time, the rest will become smooth and smooth. Now, whether I am sharing or giving lectures in groups, I am accustomed to using voice. Although the voice is still not pleasant and Mandarin is still not very standard, at least everyone can understand it and at least what I say is useful.

If I had really given up when I gave up for the first time, then I would not have a training instructor in my profile now, and I would have missed a lot of excitement and opportunities for growth.

Including the first time I went to Beijing to attend a PEN conference and the first time I attended a party, I would give up countless times in my heart. I’m afraid that it’s not safe to go out alone, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to cope with crowds of people, and I’m afraid that I’ll leave a bad impression on others. I even found a good excuse for this fear and worry, thinking that I had social phobia.

But I know that there are some things that I have to face sooner or later, and I can’t really stay at home all my life. So, although I was scared, worried, and backed out countless times, I finally decided to buy a ticket, pack my luggage, and hit the road alone. Even, in order not to give myself a chance to regret it, I will tell the organizer my itinerary as soon as possible.

After you really go out, you will find that it is not as scary as you thought. Many times, we are frightened by the various worries in our hearts.

Last time, a reader left me a message, saying that she was going to have an interview and was very scared, worried, nervous, and didn’t want to go. I gave her some encouragement, and she said, "Actually, I know that I have to go, but I just want to talk about it, so that I will feel better."

A few days later, she messaged me again, saying that the interview had passed. She actually defeated those graduate students and successfully got the position she wanted. She said she would be more confident in the future and no longer afraid.

I think this reader is so inspiring. We are all ordinary people, and it is normal for us to be afraid, worried and nervous when encountering things. But remember, no matter how many times you retreat, never really retreat.

If you are sure that something is good for you and you are sure that it is what you want to do, then move forward bravely with worry and fear. We must cross the river of habitual self-denial before we can reach the other side, grow, gain, and become more mature and better.