A joke that makes people laugh instantly.

1. My mother said the prodigal son would not exchange gold. Who will give me gold? I will change!

Someone asked me which is better, lion or tiger. I think a perm should be worse than a tattoo.

3. The husband scolded: Where are the vegetables you cooked? Waxy yellow. The wife immediately replied: you come home so late every day, of course, you don't know that they were young on my spatula.

When you smell her perfume, you will know that it is not as expensive as mine.

I was your angel before I got married, and I was still bossed around by you every day after I got married.

6. Speaking of small household appliances that are not practical, I think the first one will be a sweeping robot. My dog pulled the rake, and then the sweeping robot wiped it evenly.

Since I learned to talk back, my wife also learned to sharpen the knife.

8. Every time I see a couple carving their names under a tree, I get lost in thought and take a knife to date.

9. I finally know that riding a roller coaster is really scary. I vomited like a bullet when I sat down, and I found a piece of gum in my mouth when I came down. This is not my advantage!

10. Why do so many people say that they are lonely and want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are still single? God replied: Because not only are you ugly, but you also think others are ugly. 1 1. Life experience. Never fight with martial arts. I once met a man who practiced, and he kicked a circle! I dodged. He broke his hip and wronged me by 20,000.

Eight, talking too much is tears. ...

12. There is a great god in the dormitory who orders takeout every day. Finally, after ordering takeout for two years, it has reached a superb level! Roommate: "Hello?" Boss: "Yes." Then the two sides hung up, and 10 minutes later, the takeaway came.

13. I found an expired bottle of toner at home. Baidu searched: "Toner is expired, how can it be a waste product?" Pop up an answer: "keep it for my husband!" "

14. My friend is Wang Yuanji. The first time I went to my father-in-law's house, he greeted me warmly: "You are the foundation!" " "My mother-in-law gave the old man a white look and said," What's your name? Just call it Xiaoji! " At this time, my friend looked at the black line and said, "Call me Xiao Wang! "

15. My roommate bought one.

180cm long teddy bear puppet, empty it, and hide it in the doll every morning exercise to prevent checking the dormitory. Then one day I got caught. He hid in it as usual, and then got up when he heard the door closing. Who knows, before the headmaster left, he suddenly saw a teddy bear get up and almost scared the headmaster to death.

Sixteen years old. A buddy, drunk driving, was found by the police. He ran into the square dance crowd tactfully. Because he was too drunk to follow, the police found him and took him away. The two old people next to me were shocked: "God, I will be taken away if I can't dance well!" " "

Seventeen. Little Ruth went to the aristocratic kindergarten. During the interview, the teacher took out a bill for 10 yuan and asked, "What is this?" Little Ruth quickly replied, "This is the waste paper that Grandma gave to beggars." The teacher said, "well, I won't take the exam." You have been admitted. "

A girl got her boyfriend's engagement ring the night before, but her colleagues didn't notice it, which made her very angry. In the afternoon, when everyone was sitting and chatting, she suddenly stood up and said loudly, Oh, it's really hot in here. I think I'd better take off my ring.

19. There are only two kinds of balls in China, one is table tennis, the other is football, and the other is nobody's opponent.

two

I said to my mother, "I'm going on a diet to lose weight." Mom said nervously, "No, dieting will hurt your health." My heart suddenly warmed up and said, "I'll pay attention." Mom still shook her head: "No, you are getting fatter and fatter now. Others think you eat too much. If you are still fat after dieting, others will say it is genetic! " "

One day, the leader visited our company and saw the fish tank in my office. After reading it for a long time, I didn't see what it was. Ask me. I replied, "Shrimp." The leader paused and turned away. I quickly shouted: "attract shrimp! Shrimp! Leadership. The leader is really a shrimp. " sequence

I was fired two days later.

Twenty-two Quarrel with my wife advised me: "Dad, don't quarrel with mom. Women are used to it. Just have a meal! " "I dare not!" I said. Your daughter said to me coldly, "You can let your mother hit you. Isn't this a common thing? They are all habits. " Alas! In short, in the process of rehabilitation, ...

Twenty-three On the eve of the exam, I made some transparent cheat sheets according to the online tutorial and carefully posted them on the coke bottle. As soon as I entered the examination room, the invigilator asked me: Is there an answer on this coke bottle? I was surprised and said, ah, teacher, can you see this? The teacher was furious: nonsense, who will take the exam?

2.

Five liters of coke!

Twenty-four For the rest of your life, if your husband smokes, you can buy a small earring; If your husband drinks, you can buy a small diamond ring. Don't make trouble when your husband entertains you, buy a small necklace; Many years later, you are rich, you are rich, the diamond ring shows off your wealth, you are rich, he is just a bad old man.