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Fang Qingping's stand-up comedy "On Stage and Off Stage"
Stand-up crosstalk is a form of crosstalk, which not only has the characteristics of crosstalk, but also inherits the artistic techniques of folk jokes, stories and storytelling. The following are lines from Fang Qingping's stand-up comedy "Up and Down". I hope you like it.
Fang Qingping's stand-up comedy Up and Down is a golden rule. Fat man is the boss here, and we are all in his charge. When he goes out, he snaps, wears a gold necklace and has tattoos. Once in the shower, he was lying in the pool and the gold chain floated. As soon as I took a shower, my tattoo fell off.
Now, do you think this child should give it to the teacher when learning art, singing and dancing? On the drawer? (Give money). When we were young, we didn't have to wear drawers for our teachers. It was cooked when I bought it. Not only do we not use it, but the teacher also cares about our feces? Eat it. Drink wine.
I like drinking. Every time we go (to the teacher's place), the teacher is in charge of drinking. The teacher returned to Singapore for the first time to perform, bought foreign wine and said to me, disciple, look at this wine. It is in the kitchen. Take it and drink it. ? I took this wine, a bottle and drank it. Drink it directly and have diarrhea. I took it by mistake. I took olive oil. My teacher's mother fried a bunch of dishes with XO. I didn't understand foreign languages at that time.
Later, I usually went to the teacher's house. The teacher took a mineral water bottle and gave a handful of change to my teacher's mother. Get the wine, bulk Maotai. ? My teacher's mother speaks like a movie star and asks him: Does this Maotai want Red Star or Niulan Mountain? Red Star Niulan Mountain is Erguotou. ? Does maotai understand? Out of Hengshui. ? I bought a bottle of Hengshui Maotai, and the money was enough for a dozen taels. I went to the water pipe and filled it with water. I didn't think it was spicy enough, so I poured some mustard oil and went shopping. Drink it! ?
I remember watching a model play Shajiabang when I was a child. A Qing Sao has a line? Commander Hu, eat melon seeds. ? Sister-in-law A Qing is from the northeast. Did she accidentally say her hometown dialect? Commander Hu, eat. ? Hu Chuankui doesn't understand what this monk is, eating the toilet? It's a place to relieve myself. Can I eat?
There are many such stage accidents. Look at The Red Lantern. What are Li Nainai's classic lines? Son, dad is not your real dad, and grandma is not your real grandma. Our three generations are not a family. Your surname is Chen, my surname is Li, and your father's surname is Zhang. ?
I don't know what happened to this Li Nainai (that day). He was wrong as soon as he opened his mouth. Son, dad is not your grandmother. ? Hearing this, Tiemei said, isn't this nonsense? Could it be a person? Li Nainai went on to say? Grandma is not your real mother. ? Iron sister follows suit:? Yes, grandma is not Tiemei's biological mother. ? When she got involved, she messed up Li Nainai even more? We are not a family of three generations. ? Even this generation. This Li Tiemei's finger? Your surname is Sun. ? Grandma, my surname is not Sun. ? Your surname is Hou. ? Grandma, please don't make a wild guess. ? Comrade Tiemei, what's your name? I have lived together for eighteen years, and I don't know her last name. Tiemei also forgot her last name. Grandma, I don't want your last name to be Tie. ? Yes, your name is Tie Tiemei. ? And Sasaki. ? Grandma, what's my last name? Now discuss with this granddaughter. Hear this, iron sister? Otherwise, your last name is Tie. ? All right, grandma, suit yourself. ? Grandma takes her granddaughter's surname.
I remember watching this oratorio once, and the actor sang "Raise the Red Lantern"? Have a bright red heart? . Stamp your feet at the end of the song to get applause from the audience. Cantata wears casual clothes and actors wear high heels. Stamp your feet and step under the crack of that board. When the heel landed, the actor bowed down from the stage and couldn't walk any further. In fact, the actress wears low-waisted leather shoes, so she can take her feet out and walk. The problem is that the actor has left and the shoes are still there. People think this program is amazing. In front of these audiences, it is not easy to squat down and pull out these shoes. The hero stands there secretly, trying hard, but can't let the audience see him, wandering there. The audience also wondered why they didn't talk for more than a minute. The actor didn't use his quick wits to come up with a way to pull out his shoes so that the audience couldn't see the flaws. She said:? Shall I sing you another aria by Li Nainai? Blood debt should be paid with blood? Take out your shoes. The audience froze when the actor bowed off the stage. Didn't we agree to sing another song? Rap and leave?
This kind of thing on the stage is nothing new. We went to Shanghai to perform two days ago, and our announcer read a thank-you letter? Thanks to the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee and Municipal Government? Two? City? He was bored, so he omitted one? Thanks to the (pseudo) government of Shanghai Municipal Committee. ? The leaders under the stage were unhappy at that time? We were chosen, too.
Announcers make mistakes. We live upstairs and downstairs and are familiar with each other. When we are free, we will chat and play cards together. We know each other so well that I get a reward (from him)? Please enjoy the stand-up comedy The Performer. He forgot my name. I stood on the side curtain over there, his eyes were fixed on me, and his mind was racing, wondering what my name was. You cannot leave the field blank. Did you say all this about me? Please enjoy, stand-up comedy, performer? His family lives on the sixth floor. His son is Mr. Fu Qiang, and his daughter-in-law is good at braised pork. Once he lost me ten dollars playing mahjong, but he never gave it to me. I'm really anxious. I said, Fang Qingping, what the fuck are you pretending to be? Hey! Performer, Fang Qingping. ? He remembered again!
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