What should children do if they lie in order to get praise from others?

When parents suspect that their children are lying, they should first conduct careful investigation and understanding to find out whether the children are really lying, because sometimes parents' judgments are not necessarily correct. If they act rashly without knowing the truth, it may have a bad influence on children's minds and even cause tension between parents and children.

2, first find out the reasons for lying, and find out the reasons for the right medicine.

There are many reasons why children lie: some lie because they are afraid of being punished for doing something wrong, some lie because they want to satisfy their parents' wishes, some lie because they mistakenly imitate adults' behavior, some lie because they don't want to do things they don't like, some lie because they can't distinguish imagination from reality, some lie because they want to attract others' attention, some lie because they want to please their parents, and some lie because they want to cheat freedom.

Among the above-mentioned lying phenomena, some children lie unintentionally, and some children lie intentionally; Some are children's occasional lies, and some are children's frequent lies. Parents should first find out the motivation and nature of their children's lying, and then take effective measures according to different lying behaviors, so that the education of their children can suit the right medicine and be targeted. For example, parents don't have to make a fuss about their children's unconscious lies because of their low level of intelligence and knowledge, just help them distinguish the difference between imagination and reality, because these lying phenomena will naturally disappear as their children grow older; For children who intentionally lie, parents should discover and expose their lies in time, let them understand that lying is subject to criticism and punishment, and resolve their attempts to lie in time; And if it is because parents often lie and children lie, parents must seriously review their behavior and set a good example for their children.

3. Listen more and communicate more with children.

When children lie in anticipation of negative consequences, parents should understand their children's needs and make more practical rules. If a child can do it and is willing to do it, he naturally doesn't have to lie. In addition, some children will lie to attract their parents' attention because they have little contact with their parents. In other words, parents should strengthen communication and interaction with their children on weekdays, learn more about their children's thoughts, and let their children feel the care and attention of their parents.

4. Help children distinguish between reality and imagination.

Not all children intentionally lie, especially young, imaginative and creative children are more likely to lie imaginatively. Parents should pay attention to telling their children what is happening in their daily lives, let them gradually distinguish between reality and imagination, and tell them how to express their imagination, such as "I want to …" and "I hope …". When a child unintentionally tells a lie and brings harm to others, he must let the child know and understand the serious consequences of his behavior.

Don't make up stories. Children who don't tell the truth are considered bad children. It's good for children to tell the truth sometimes. For those who speak impromptu or lie casually (or make up stories), we should point out their mistakes in good faith, hoping that he will speak seriously in the future and praise him if he makes progress.

5. Meet children's reasonable demands and wishes.

For example, toys, books, markers, etc. should be bought for children at the right time. Let children realize that what they need, as long as it is reasonable and what the family can do, will be satisfied. This can avoid the situation that children can take back other people's things casually without telling their parents and children because their needs are not met.

6. Don't "label" your child at will.

Children's lies are often not intended to hurt others on purpose. Parents should not easily equate their children's lying behavior with their children's quality. They should not characterize their children just because of a lie, and label them as "little liars", "liar experts" and "braggadocio". This will not only help children get rid of the problem of lying, but also strengthen their lying behavior, which may prompt them to lie harder in the future. Because if a child feels that he is a dishonest and lying child in the eyes of his parents, his self-esteem will be hurt and his parents will have rebellious psychology. Since both parents think they are liars and liars, I'll help you. In any case, lies will not be told, even when it is time to tell the truth.

7. Don't punish children who admit their mistakes.

In real life, this often happens. The children said that they were criticized or failed in the exam at school today. Parents often criticize their children and even punish them physically, but lying can often let them escape the blame. In this way, children will gradually realize that telling the truth will be punished, but not telling the truth will be safe and even win the appreciation of their parents. If the next exam fails, or something goes wrong, the child will try his best to hide the past to escape punishment. Therefore, the correct way for parents should be that when a child tells you what he did outside or his academic performance is not good for the first time, parents should praise the child's honesty first, and then help the child analyze why he made mistakes and find a good solution to the problem together. In this way, children will not be afraid to tell their parents the truth in the future, and they will be willing to ask their parents for help if they have difficulties.

Some parents are very angry when their children lie, so they severely reprimand, punish and even beat their children in order to make them feel a sense of fear and dare not lie again in the future. However, it is not very effective for parents to try to change their children's violent behavior. Some children are scolded and punished by their parents, and the more serious their lying behavior is.

In fact, many children lie because they are afraid of punishment from adults. They lied because they were afraid to tell the truth. This is a way for children to protect themselves in order to escape the punishment of adults. If parents can't control their emotions at this time and take severe and rude punishment measures, it may have some effects for the time being, but it will only cure the symptoms, and it may also make children make up lies more complete, more ingenious, more advanced and more difficult.

8. Integrity comes from respect.

Comenius pointed out that children should be respected like God. Children are people with independent personality and the subject of self-development. From Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, we can also know that if children's self-esteem is challenged to a certain extent and they are not respected as expected, they may show dishonest words and deeds. Russell also said that a child who has never been intimidated since childhood must be honest, not because of moral constraints, but because he can't think of other ways. Numerous family examples have also proved that arbitrary parents will only use orders, threats, intimidation, irony and even violence to subdue their children, which will easily hurt their self-esteem, make them rebellious, and lead to their words and deeds being different. Democratic, harmonious and equal family atmosphere and pleasant surrounding environment are extremely important objective conditions for effectively educating children's integrity. Parents can respect and understand their children, provide them with an emotional and emotional security foundation, and let them explore the unfamiliar environment with confidence.

Parents should set a good example for their children.

When children are found lying, parents should first check themselves. Children are learning how to deal with problems, which is mainly influenced by their parents. Studies show that children who lie are most likely to come from families where their parents have this behavior. If parents can't set an honest example, it is difficult to persuade their children to be honest. To cultivate honest children, don't tell lies yourself. Parents should set a good example in daily life while asking their children to be honest. Don't inadvertently make promises that you can't make in front of your children, or deceive people. Pay attention to honesty and trustworthiness in daily life and work. Commitments to children or others should be earnestly fulfilled, mistakes should be admitted in time and corrected seriously, so that children can learn good behavior from them. Respect the agreement with the child, think twice before making a promise to the child, and make a promise to the child. Don't talk nonsense and cheat children casually. Secondly, don't cheat others in front of children. Even if you have to tell some white lies sometimes because of social needs, try to avoid children. If you can't avoid it, you should explain it afterwards. Finally, don't let children lie for themselves. They can't lie about not being at home just because they don't want to answer the phone. They can't lie that they have lost or can't find something because they don't want to lend it to their neighbors.

10, adopt appropriate educational methods.

Parents should not only look at the results, but also look at the process, and adopt simple and rude rewards and punishments to educate their children, because this way can easily lead to bad behaviors such as lying. In the process of educating their children, parents should not only see their children's achievements, but also see their efforts, praise their efforts and try not to let them benefit from lying. When punishing a child, tell him clearly that the reason for punishing him is because of his lying behavior, and tell him that making mistakes is inevitable and what to do when making mistakes; When a child makes a mistake and voluntarily admits it, parents should first praise the child for his courage to admit it, and then tell him what to do better. In principle, while punishing children for lying, they should be rewarded more for their honest behavior, so as to strengthen their honest behavior.

Parents should treat their children with a normal heart.

Parents should not blindly compare their children with other people's children and set too high demands on their children, which will not only lead to children lying, but also make them lose confidence. Parents should teach according to their children's actual situation, interests and characteristics. Parents should be happy and proud of their children as long as they can make progress every day and give full play to their advantages and specialties.

12, if necessary, stop children from lying for some purpose.

Trusting children doesn't mean letting them go. When a child lies, parents should promptly and clearly point out the child's lying behavior and tell the child what to do (but try to avoid criticizing the child in public). Some parents know that their children are lying, but they don't stop it because it's a trivial matter. On the contrary, they find it interesting. Parents should avoid this, because this attitude will strengthen their children's lying behavior.

13, timely praise and reward honest children.

To cultivate good behavior habits, reward is more important than punishment. When children tell their parents their mistakes truthfully, parents often ignore their children's honest performance and just scold their children's wrong behavior blindly, and their honest behavior has not been encouraged and strengthened in time. When parents find out that their children have an accident, don't ask angrily, "Did you do this?" Because children are afraid of their parents being angry, they are likely to say "no". This way of asking questions is actually to induce children to lie. Parents can look their children in the eyes and wait for them to tell the truth, or say, "What's the matter?" If a child admits a mistake or asks for forgiveness, tell the child immediately that it is not easy to admit the mistake, and then criticize the child for doing something wrong. Because of children's honest behavior, criticism or punishment should be mitigated accordingly.

14, make some regulations and be strict.

It is necessary to prevent children from lying, educate children to be honest, not just reasonable, and have specific requirements for behavioral norms, so that children can strictly demand themselves according to honest standards from an early age and consciously develop good habits. Therefore, parents should put forward the specific requirements of "what is needed and what is not needed" according to their children's actual situation, such as not telling lies, not making up lies, not talking big, not lying about their grades and so on. It doesn't mean that you can't take your own things home, that you can't take other people's things without permission, that you should return the borrowed things in time, that you should be brave enough to admit your mistakes, and that you must do your best to promise others' requirements. Once these rules are put forward, they must be strictly implemented, and they cannot be done overnight. Attention should be paid to overcoming the problems that appear for the first time. Parents should be firm and strict in the implementation of the rules, and must not accommodate or tolerate them.

15, pay attention to the child's first lie

When a child tells a lie for the first time, parents should take it as a major event and never take it lightly. You know, if there is a first time, there will be a second time and a third time. Generally, children will feel uneasy when they lie for the first time, and even if they get away with it, they will be very worried. However, if this first lie is not corrected in time, the child can taste the sweetness brought by lying and he will have the desire to try lying again. Children will think that their parents are "gullible" and "gullible", and their courage will grow, and more and more lies will be told, more and more like them, and eventually they will lie.

16, appropriate punishment

Some parents take disciplinary measures to correct their children's lies. This "punishment" for "warning" is also one of the basic ways of love. However, it is also the most troublesome and risky love, because children are easy to resist the punisher. But if your punishment is out of love, and it is executed reasonably and skillfully, and the truth can be explained afterwards, the child will benefit a lot and be completely convinced. After careful and patient education, children have double-sided behaviors such as lying, and certain punishment measures can be taken. Bing Xin, a famous writer, once asked to wash his mouth with soap to punish children who lied. We can create some effective measures, such as reciting an honest story, copying a famous saying about honesty, writing a diary or an article to discuss honesty, canceling an arrangement of going out to play, etc. ...

17, cultivate children's strong sense of responsibility

Sense of responsibility refers to the individual's understanding and emotional experience of his social role and obligations in social communication. Responsibility is to cherish one's own life; It depends on the fate of others; It is dignified for social development. It can be seen that the sense of responsibility is a remarkable sign of a sincere person. Be responsible for yourself, don't deceive yourself; Being responsible for others, not deceiving others, keeping promises, matching words with deeds and appearance are the basic conditions for a person to gain respect and trust from others, and are also the driving force for social health and stability. Therefore, paying attention to the cultivation of children's sense of responsibility, starting from the small things that can be done around them, and taking responsibility for the wrong things will help cultivate the quality of honesty.

Although children are small, they are also social people, so it is necessary to cultivate their sense of responsibility. Recognizing, admitting and correcting mistakes is also a responsible performance. Recognizing mistakes, admitting mistakes and correcting them are not only beneficial to individuals, but also to the collective and the country. If someone makes fake and shoddy goods, this behavior will infringe on the rights and interests of others, hurt the general public and damage the reputation of the country, and individuals will be punished by law. It can be seen that small mistakes and misunderstandings lead to bigger mistakes. When I was young, I would tell a little lie, but when I was older, I would tell a big lie. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate children's good habits of not concealing their own shortcomings, not concealing their own mistakes, not shirking their responsibilities, and correcting mistakes when they make mistakes, so as to cultivate children's sense of responsibility and honesty.

Finally, let the child know that even if he tells a lie, you still love him and you can understand his feelings. If the child keeps lying and you don't know how to deal with it, you'd better ask an expert to help you.