A man always asks if you are divorced (a man sent a circle of friends in the morning saying that I really want a divorce)

I have wine and tea. If you have a story, come to me.

I once envied the sweet love of others when I saw them show their love.

I have attended other people's weddings, and I envy other people's happy marriages.

Later, I was lucky enough to be a bridesmaid and decided to get married, so I got married later.

Although this marriage didn't come to the end, what happened in it made me unforgettable. I paid for marriage for three years, thinking it would be as sweet as other people's marriage, only to find that:

Wrong marriage, the harder you work, the farther you want.

0 1

Thanks to my previous marriage, I am very cautious about everything now. I will not only be prepared before doing something, but also refer to what others will do in the face of the same thing in advance.

Unconsciously, I formed the habit of caution. Some people say that if I am too cautious, I will lose a lot of color in my life. Some people envy my rationality. I don't know these two States, but once bitten, twice shy, life can't go wrong, and I try not to let it happen.

When I mention my previous marriage, I always tell others that my marriage was disintegrated by my ex-husband's circle of friends, because he once sent a circle of friends in the early morning and said, "I really want a divorce." Although he deleted it seconds after sending it, I still saw it and saved the screenshot.

Can friends circle break up marriage? Of course not realistic! It is never a circle of friends, nor something, nor the quarrel itself, but the long-term accumulation behind it.

A person's patience, tolerance and other things are limited, and the capacity is also limited. Within a limited capacity, it can be digested, but beyond the capacity range, it will overflow. If it is a balloon, it will explode. This is the case with my ex-husband.

I said earlier that I really wanted to get married. At this stage, in addition to fantasy and longing for the beauty of marriage, there is still a hidden key that I have not found, that is, I am too blind and anxious, which is largely a mentality of "everything will be fine as long as I get married".

My ex-husband, although slightly different from my mentality, is similar. Although he is not in a hurry, he has a mentality of "getting married for the sake of getting married", thinking that everything will be fine as long as he gets married.

It would be nice if we got married, but in fact, it is often impossible to get married in a hurry without making any preparations.

The first question: We either have nothing to say or have a chat.

Looking back now, we had a short chat before we got married. All we can talk about is the topic of marriage, how to spend money, how to do the wedding, and who should attend the wedding. Other than that, there is no other topic.

After marriage, even the only topics have been discussed, and there is nothing to say. Maybe I don't want to be cold and want to be farther away from each other, so I try my best to find a topic. As a result, we have nothing to say in less than a few words.

On the surface, we live in peace and respect each other. In fact, when we get along, we are depressed in each other's hearts. The whole family is always quiet and scary, as if time is still and the air is condensed.

The second question: The worse the relationship, the less I want to have children.

The only reason I have left is that since we can't talk about it, we must not rush to have children, otherwise he will treat me and my children as strangers, and I can't stand it.

He knew it, so he didn't rush me. However, his mother-in-law didn't want to. She gave birth again and again, and she said that after so long marriage, she still didn't have children, and outsiders were watching jokes.

I care about other people's eyes, but I care more about whether my life is happy or not. If having a baby can't increase my happiness, why should I go this way?

As a result, there is a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law because of disagreement with her mother-in-law.

The third question: I am very dissatisfied with his poor management of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

The problems between me and him are enough for me. With the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, life is simply impossible.

Although our family is no longer in a terrible state of silence when my mother-in-law is looking for trouble, it is not the state full of laughter and laughter that I want, but more like falling from one quagmire to another. I can clearly feel myself struggling and getting deeper and deeper.

And he, always watching all this happen, never asks, seems to have a good temper, but in fact he is timid and has no opinion.

In this case, he sent a circle of friends and said, "I really want a divorce", which is exactly what I want. I dare not say the word divorce, and finally found a breakthrough.

When I confronted him with a screenshot of his circle of friends, he breathed a sigh of relief and said that since we both want a divorce, let's divorce!

But her mother-in-law doesn't like it. First, she asked me why I wanted a divorce. After I showed her a screenshot of her ex-husband's circle of friends, her ex-husband was silent and her mother-in-law began to shift the object of her anger. She hates slapping her son when iron does not produce steel. "Why send this circle of friends?" Why divorce? What a beautiful day! Why not? You are divorced, what do outsiders think of us! Do you know how much I care about your marriage? Do you deserve me? "

I used to take advantage of my ex-husband's reticence. I thought it would be good to put the blame on him, but after listening to my mother-in-law, I felt a little sorry and told the truth:

"Mother-in-law, our divorce has nothing to do with him saying" I really want a divorce "in a circle of friends. Not only he but also I want a divorce. The reason why we have come this far is because we really have no feelings, no topics, and no life that normal couples should have. Just like strangers, the longer we spend together, the more annoying we are. It's better to divorce each other than both of us are tortured and insist on it, so that we can pursue our own happiness.

Finally, I advise you to talk to your son more after divorce, teach him more experience, and don't let him get married for the sake of marriage, otherwise he may get divorced! It is more appropriate to pave the way before getting married! 』

02

On the one hand, I advised my mother-in-law to listen to her mother-in-law and ex-husband, on the other hand, I reminded myself that in the face of marriage, I can no longer worry about it and can't get married for the sake of marriage. Choose the right one, make a careful investigation, and make good preparations to ensure that it is not too late to start again.

After that, I treated marriage cautiously and referred to other people's marriages, only to understand that a good relationship between husband and wife often has these three "characteristics".

The first feature: the minimum feelings are not absent.

There is no affection between husband and wife, which means that there is neither love nor appropriateness. Such a relationship between husband and wife is certainly not much better. A truly good relationship between husband and wife, respect, tolerance and understanding of each other's feelings, these minimum feelings will exist. Only in this way can we always realize that two people are family.

As Gu Cheng said: "The grass is bearing seeds, the wind is shaking the leaves, and it is beautiful when we stand without talking."

This is the state that two people should have at the very least. It won't make me uncomfortable when I don't talk. I feel like I'm in a vacuum, like my ex-husband.

The second feature: the most basic communication will be online.

Husband and wife have a good relationship and will always have the most basic communication on the Internet. The most basic communication is not to have something to say, not to talk about many topics, but to talk about why there is nothing to say, how to say it, whether it will be embarrassing when there is nothing to say, and how to eliminate this embarrassment.

Just like a couple quarreling, one of them will stop and stay out of it. It is the consciousness that happy couples should have, to see why they quarrel, how to stop quarreling and how to solve problems.

The third feature: know how to keep your distance.

Couples have a good relationship and never take it for granted that some people stick together all day. They will keep their distance, especially when both of them feel tired, especially after the quarrel stops. If the problem can't be solved at that time, then keep their distance, let both of them calm down and reconnect, so that they can continue to live together and not leave a knot in each other's hearts.

In retrospect, if I had referred to other people's marriages earlier, if I had understood these truths earlier, I might not have experienced the previous marriage tragedy.

But on the other hand, it's not bad to have been divorced. At least through that marriage, I learned to be cautious and let me deeply understand what a good marriage should have. I won't be so blind when I face marriage in the future.

In fact, it is also good to spend more time "trying to get married" before marriage. In the process of trial marriage, while testing each other, we should learn more from other people's marriages, so as to know what the marriage we need is like, and naturally we can start our own marriage with peace of mind.