Joke sketch

My name is Zhao Pangpang.

A: Pangpang, you are a freshman. If there is anything I can do for you in the future, please let me know. I will try my best to learn from children.

Oh, of course. Did you get good grades?

A: Mom Hu Hu.

B: Then why are your grades so good?

A: Because I was honed from the bitter experience of "frying shredded pork with bamboo board", I have deeply realized that I will be beaten if I fall behind.

B: Well, heroes have the same experience.

Can you be more specific?

B: Women's singles score below 80, men's singles score below 70 and mixed doubles score below 60.

What do you mean?

B: Mom under b:80 hit me, Dad under 70 hit me, and Mom and Dad under 60 hit me together.

Did you grow up in this environment?

B: Who cares how bitter my heart is?

Oh, my poor child, but it doesn't matter. Sooner or later, your body will be honed into an indestructible body, and then you will live forever.

B: Well, I've heard that you stand out from the crowd and monopolize the glans penis. Please tell me about your study method.

A: I couldn't stop singing last night, and my dream of winning the championship was shaken back. It's already midnight. I got up and washed my face with cold water, and then I desperately picked up the window lamp and concentrated on becoming famous. White leaves fall in front of the window, blocking the way. I want to talk to Yao Qin. It's impossible. I have no time at all.

But I just can't learn well, even if I stay up late.

A: You study during the day, study at night, eat and go to the toilet. Study hard before you study.

B: That won't do. If you study all night, you have to sleep during the day. Reading while eating, twice stuffing rice into nostrils, three times stuffing it into ears and four times stuffing it into other people's mouths. I'm afraid to read in the toilet.

What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of falling in. I won't swim there.

What do you do at school?

B: I am at school, jumping, crying, laughing, hitting, hanging against the wall, sleeping during the day and shooting at night. I got under the bed and bit the mouse.

A: If you don't study hard, you might as well go home and sell sweet potatoes. If you don't study hard, you might as well go home and farm. Forget it, stop suffering here and go home. Hey ... What are you talking about? What's so great about you? Just study hard. I want to make your family restless.

What do you want?

I'll call your home. Hello, is this Guo Liangliang's mother? I have some sad news for you. My lovely classmate Guo Liangliang was hit by a car yesterday morning, hit by a stone, kicked by a donkey and bitten by a dog. Now she is being rescued in the hospital.

A: Where is it?

B: Urumqi, Heilongjiang.

Why do you say so far?

B: Let her take her time to find it by car. The fare is all inclusive.

Well, you are cruel. Look, everyone, that's him calling anyone with a phone number like this.

To tell the truth, I do have difficulties in my study.

A: What's the difficulty?

B: Reading makes me sleepy, thirsty and hungry, and I want to go to the toilet.

That's easy to handle.

B: What shall we do?

Answer: Drink red bull when you are thirsty and hungry, red bull when you are sleepy and tired, and red bull when you have frequent urination and urgency. Red bull, red bull, neither red nor cow.

B: But we only have yellow cattle, not red cattle.

A: Forget it. I'd better tell you a few stories to stimulate your interest in learning.

I like stories.

Have you ever heard of Che Yin Capsule Firefly, Sun Kang Xue Ying and Kuang Heng?

I haven't heard of it. What happened to us?

A: As for Che Yin, when he was a child, he loved reading very much, but his family was poor and had no money to buy lamps. So he caught a lot of fireflies, put them in bags and read books at night.

B: Then let's catch fireflies.

What do you want fireflies for when you have electric lights and sticks?

B: Only in this way can I show that I study hard.

A: Please, fireflies will glow. Can it shine? Fireflies can fly. Can you fly?

What about Sun Kang Xue Ying?

A: Sun Kang wants to study at night, but his family is poor and there is no light, so he studies in the snow by the light of the snow.

B: I don't think it's snowy either, but how cold it is outside. Studying outside is not sleepwalking, but also mental derangement. Let's listen to the people who steal from the wall. I also want to learn.

A: It was Kuang Heng who stole the light from the wall, and Kuang Heng's family was poor, and there was no light to study at night, so he dug a hole in his wall and studied by the light of his neighbor.

But there is a pigsty next door to my house. Besides, what if the pig next door peeks at me taking a bath?

I introduced them to you because I want you to learn their hard-working spirit. That's how genius is born.

B: Geniuses make money every day.

Why do you care so much about money? Well, since you can't learn from China, learn from a foreign country. Newton.

B: Cows like elephants are slow to react.

A: ostrovsky.

B: You're going home to marry an old hen?

A: Dalton, the father of modern chemistry.

B: I've never heard of chemistry since I was a child. I have a father. Who the fuck is that?

A: OK, OK, then don't study. Tell me about your life.

Ah, my life here is so wonderful. I think I live in sweet happiness.

Yo, be specific.

One day I went to the canteen to eat. After dinner, I put my rice bowl in the canteen and it was gone the next day.

What about you?

B: So I posted a notice at the entrance of the canteen: Dear classmate, you accidentally took my job. I am deeply sorry for this, because I have hepatitis A, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, liver cirrhosis, myocardial infarction and meningitis. I hope I can put my job back.

Is this still alive?

A: what happened later?

B: I went to the canteen door the next morning and saw more than 200 rice bowls piled up at the door.

A: More than 200? So what do you do?

B: I chose three of the most beautiful ones for rice bowls, two for urinals, one for washbasins, and the rest were sold to waste collectors. They sold for more than 65,438+000 yuan, enough for me to eat for a day.

A: Great. Then try again.

B: But I have sold all the jobs in our dormitory. Otherwise, you can try.

I am not as kind as you.

Oh, I'm flattered.