How to waste time?

1 Pretend to be a band in a quiet room

Maybe you are music blind in the standard sense, can't read tadpoles on the staff, and are in a daze in room K, but you have an immortal musical dream. Please put down the curtains, disguise the quiet scene, collect items that can make sounds, an iron pot can pretend to be a drum set, chopsticks can act as a drum hammer, mess up your hair, and light a cigarette to imitate the most handsome band drummer. Note: all this is limited to action, so there is no need to make a sound. It's a shame to be complained and laughed at because you have no sense of music.

2 Calculate the change time of the cloud.

Sitting on the guardrail of the safety island on Binhe Road in Shenzhen, watching the floating clouds, recording that the clouds turn into ice cream or ducks in a few minutes and seconds, and inventing a bunch of formulas to calculate the change time of the clouds. In fact, it encourages you to kill time in a daze. For lazy humans, inventing formulas is just a gorgeous excuse. The method with the same effect is to go to the zoo during the day, compare with Mr. Owl in a daze, don't blink for a long time, press the static button of TV at night, and compare with the width of the mouth when Tang Wei smiles.

The bus line was alive when it reported to the station.

Reciting the phone book in the mobile phone and the station name of each bus line, the arrangement and combination of irregular numbers and place names are always the most patient playmates. Look for the longest bus line in the city, and I can't remember the names of more than 100 stations even on the bus. Please don't believe too much in your sensitivity to numbers. Sending a text message to your girlfriend by mistake has many painful lessons. Don't expect to find a job in the public transport system, because the automatic stop announcement machine has already replaced the "Beijing bus aunt".

4 delay time, write microeconomics

Collect useless waste products with a long history at home, set up a stall at the gate of the community, see who the first fool is, and persuade him not to buy such waste products in the most unyielding tone, and calculate how many times he will be expelled from the urban management before the first transaction is made. Then go home and write a book "New Understanding of Microeconomics" behind closed doors. The new idea should be similar to "the technical term of stall shopping is" please give me a No.4 plastic bag "!

Teach Hong Kong people to speak dialect tongue twisters.

Ask people from different places to consult dialect tongue twisters, go to Tin Shui Wai, Hong Kong and find any Hong Kong resident to fight against his stubborn Hong Kong accent, and take pains to teach him dialect tongue twisters everywhere. For example, this seldom-used Weihai dialect says, "Jian Kang has a book with a label in it, and the label is fried. Take it and fry it, buy it at the club, taste it, and you can't jump, you can't jump. If you can't speak Cantonese, it is recommended to bring a Cantonese translation.

Cut and paste a love letter with ten thousand words.

Find wonderful love stories in the newspaper, cut and paste what you need, and "write" a love letter in 10 thousand words. Of course, the premise of this method is that the recipient of the love letter will not be allergic to ink, and you can't be a virgo with serious cleanliness. If you want to increase the difficulty factor, it's not too late to start learning Tibetan poems. After all, there are many pioneers who only write a love letter all their lives.

Meditate under the tree and write poems.

Go to Huxian Botanical Garden, meditate under a tree that looks most pleasing to the eye, and write down the first poem in my life. In fact, the dialogue between Tony Leung Chiu Wai and Soap in Chongqing Forest is not old-fashioned. You can chat with a discarded plastic bag and trace it back to being wrapped in a stack of RMB and a smelly salted fish before it died. Or, brag to past children, persuade them to talk to the puppy, and expose the secret place where children hide candy and chocolate at any time.

8 "Watch" Hong Kong movies with statistics

Watch old Hong Kong movies day and night, count the times the word "Hong Kong" is mentioned in each movie, count whether the eyes of the hero and heroine are open or slightly closed when kissing, and even count the frequency of the actors who walk on. Even if you don't have the professional ability to uncover the film, you can still use the most basic statistical knowledge, even if you draw countless "positive" words on the wall, you can get the answer mechanically. If you can't even count the word "positive", please see the next method.

9 suffering from obsessive-compulsive picking up garbage

Remove the parts of your favorite doll or model car, throw them in different trash cans, cultivate the habit of picking up garbage, and look forward to meeting you again one day. Huang Bingpei, a famous advertisement creator in Hong Kong, once found the original parts of a doll's body, left hand and right hand in different places. Although this is a zero probability event, it is much more reliable to form a good habit of picking up garbage than to wait for the drift bottle to return to the shore.

10 writing long word reasoning novels

Develop all the knowledge structure and logic in your mind, challenge the world's longest mystery novel "The Terror of Town: Wolf Journey", and write a mystery novel famous for its number of words. I suggest you write down the only mathematical and physical formulas in your mind first. You can also write a TV script by imitating the slow lines and rhythm of Detective Dee Renjie, but you can't stop after one hundred episodes. I want to remind you that writing "masterpieces" is bound to be famous after death, so people who don't have enough time should not go astray.

1 1 Fix yourself with adhesive tape.

Binding yourself to the wall with scotch tape is not the patent of SM or masochism. After binding, I began to fantasize that I was a high-tech 007 or a ninja who would shrink my bones, and a game of getting rid of the tape began to be staged. It is better to fight with others than with yourself. This is a good opportunity for you to know the function of every muscle in your body, and you can even set the Guinness Book of Records for the longest standing sleep. It's just that our question is, how did you get tied to the wall and who was the murderer?

12 Waiting for acquaintances at the train station

Take selfies with different people in the background under the signboard of the railway station until a familiar face hole appears in the background of the human wall, even if it is a distant relative of the landlord 10 years ago, or Xiaomei or swallow whose pigtails you pulled in kindergarten. Friendly reminder: In the social background of selfie, please restrain the high emotions and keep a low profile. In addition, you can also count the annual rings of sleepers on the rails. Of course, if you are not King Kong or Spider-Man, please be on high alert and pay attention to safety.

Write every day to tomorrow.

Cultivate a neurotic writing desire, stick to your pencil, and serve your self-expression desire on the edge of reading and scattered pieces of paper. If you are still afraid of words, please start with the most basic exercise: write a letter to yourself tomorrow every day and give it to yourself 24 hours later. The content can be to ask if the acne on your face has disappeared, pray that it won't rain tomorrow, and bet that the elderly in the residential property will read newspapers or sleep when they get out of the elevator tomorrow. The premise of this quirk is that you must clearly know the flow direction of each record.

14 became a member of the tour group.

Pick an unpleasant target, follow him, try to keep consistent with his pace and walking movements, and the people behind him keep up. Be careful not to let the target find out. Line up in a single file and move fast. The pioneers set a huge example: in March 1, a follow-up collective activity was launched on Chunxi Road in Chengdu. Different from purposeful tracking, the essence of this method lies in: group activities and silent imitation, which are strongly required to be written into the subsequent chapters of actors' self-cultivation!

15 Don't eat carved radish.

In life, we should pursue all possible sense of styling and never eat anything without styling. For example, white radish must be carved into the graceful figure of Lin Chi-ling's sister, and lunch must follow the Korean style. Salted egg superman or Hello Kitty smiles at you in the middle of rice, next to the heart-shaped melons and vegetables. Please don't try this method. It is impossible to calculate how many such lunches are needed to satisfy the hunger.

16 Design the Mars logo

Just like the old man who tidied up the toolbox in "Angels Love Beauty", he can't stand the fact that the scene in front of him today is different from yesterday, and he spends time sorting out clothes, books, CDs and boxes every day. Create your own unique label system, sort the names of computer binders and files with your own labels, and refine them to each picture and MP3. If pictographic Martians are suitable for marking various items, we might as well design labels for some binders in Edison Chen.

17 Go to major bookstores to find faults.

Holding a magnifying glass and various versions of dictionaries, dictionaries, grammar books, lurking in bookstores or newsstands to choose publications, if you see the eye-catching English shoulder joint next to "shoulder joint", your eyes will immediately glow, "It's obviously glenohumeral joint"! Then take the trouble to explain the different meanings in grammar to the boss in detail. Of course, the price of being a bookstore "moth" is that you will become the most unpopular customer in the bookstore.

18 as a human flesh search engine

Please bring your own internet-connected computer, telephone, several fans and a set of ***40-volume Gossip List 16 ... If you can stick to the principle of never giving up on difficult problems, you are welcome to join the ranks of human flesh search volunteers. Starting from the program of "not seeking the best, but seeking the most meat", he has been a hunter lurking after every gossip event, adhering to the most indestructible gossip spirit.

19 Couples can play hide-and-seek games.

Learn from the spirit of "Wandering is a local game" recently launched in Shanghai and Guangzhou, and invent a "hide-and-seek game" between couples. The specific operation method can be: provide a photo and a strange text describing the place in the photo (of course, it must be related to the experience of two people), and at most give the other party a geographical scope and a certain time limit to find it. Of course, the premise of playing this game is to make sure that there are no "forgotten" secret objects that cannot be made public on the "road" sought.

20 Violation of Newton's Law

Challenge Newton and other great scientists against all laws or rules, such as constantly trying to open the door that needs to be pushed in, such as jumping high from the sofa in an attempt to break gravity, such as trying to change the direction of water flow by staring. Don't give up practice and challenge authority because of failure. At least, you will find that no matter Murphy's law or the law of conservation of mass, as long as you enter the entertainment circle, maybe the results of all laws are unruly.

2 1 invent a spell.

If you have Harry Potter complex, please join the spell invention association of Douban, where there are tutorials and methods to invent spells. For example, a popular way to make drinks bigger is to say "the curse of the big cup" silently. Besides joking, the tutors will seriously teach you how to invent spells. For example, the spell that can be used when endorsing is: memoriamagia. It can take an hour to work out the design formula of the spell, perhaps just to make a public toilet appear at the corner of the intersection.

Take the city wall as the battlefield

Don't doubt the unscientific proposition that facing four walls for a long time will make you crazy. Simply change the face of the wall, use the ink and pigments you can find at hand to draw the strange world growing on the wall, the collapsed building ruins, the strange virgin forest, the invisible blue outer space, and then pick up the broom and clothes drying rod, all the "offensive weapons" you can find, so that the bedroom can become a battlefield for you alone! I must remind you that once the battlefield is established, it is difficult to restore the snow-white past.

Learn to play paper music.

Take out all A4 waste paper from home, refer to Danish artist Carleson's art textbook, and turn the paper into various forms, such as standing paper men, floating paper houses on the water, and even put the paper on your face and breathe with it all afternoon. Don't laugh at art, it's really getting boring. You can tell those who are seriously skeptical that my paper world satirizes everything! Spend more time making friends with paper, and maybe you can learn to play Tan Dun's paper songs next.

Blind man number 24, please follow the postman.

Follow a postman, record his itinerary and route, and record the living habits of every household. In fact, the best effect of this method is to let the postman treat your "habitual urban disorientation". If your literature glands are soaring and you can't bear to find a quiet corner, imagine that Miyazaki Hayao's "The Witch's Home Delivery" expressing the warmth between the courier and the recipient and "The Last Year of Malianba" expressing the story between the poet and the postman are staged in real life.

Being a supermodel is the most time-consuming.

In order to combat the arrogance of appearance control, we think that everything related to beauty is a waste of time. Like making yourself a supermodel. If you don't believe me, please practice it yourself. From making up your mind to losing weight to starting to lose weight and then losing weight successfully, what a huge historical project it is, especially the stage of making up your mind, which is long enough to ruin a beautiful love. If you are already a beautiful figure, you will spend more time in front of the camera than Sister Lin frowns in front of the flowers.

Complete all the tests in the world

Nothing destroys time more than the test on the last page of a magazine. People who come to magazines do various tests and calculate the situation and trends of various indicators of life. The degree of piety is no less than kneeling before God and praying for world peace. It's really curious where the head tests like "How many square meters is your heart" and "How many people are you made by God" come from? So, maybe the person who designed the test is wasting his time.

27 Create a new discipline

The world is clear and everything is learned. Eating, drinking, farting, being in a daze, drinking the whole cup … anything that can be summarized has become the subject. If you firmly believe that you have unparalleled academic talent, please devote your spare time to the birth of a new discipline and join the great ranks of creating a new discipline! For example, post-totalitarianism, crab communication, cynicism, amnesia, piracy management ... Of course, please bring a "great man photo" that can be put on the title page of the textbook.

Invent a new personalized language

When human beings invent languages (such as nouns: elephants), the best way is to show others what this animal looks like. In labor and production, human beings have invented more than 6,000 languages. If you think the way language is formed is too clumsy, you might as well invent a language in your own way, even if the audience is only you. For example, you can use the combination of Arabic numerals to compile a new human language, but please don't expect games like 520 13 14 to win applause.

Praise everywhere and do a good deed every day.

"Don't waste time praising others" should be a famous saying. Praise is the ruins of time and space paved with sound after the combination of our oral lips and teeth and the friction of vocal cords, which can easily bury the flowing time. Of course, everyone has their own starting point to praise this matter, but "I envy you because …" How to say it is really a test of the storage capacity of brain cells. Time has always been a good friend of hymns.

Eavesdrop on the barking of dogs next door

If you think watching a spider spin a web is too modern and unreliable, and moving with a group of ants on a cloudy afternoon is too artificial, you might as well move a stool and sit down, stick your ear to the wall and listen to the barking of cocker spaniel next door. From the length, frequency and urgent data of sound, we can sum up the number of times that couples quarrel, leave home and have sex. Anyway, being a zoologist always has to communicate with animals, which is the warmest way.

3 1 Write a memoir every day.

Memories and first love said every word, are recorded in a book, tell yourself that memories have not been taken away by love, and will not become evidence left by age. Only such "memoirs" must be properly collected, otherwise the "memory door" may break out around you at any time. On this basis, the upgraded version is even more exciting: record all the affairs and conversations of the day, and attach all the bills such as invoices, shopping lists and receipts.