Decompression joke

Do you know the benefits of learning some jokes? When we meet for the first time, there is always the embarrassment of not knowing what to say. At this time, you need some jokes to ease the atmosphere. Here, I have collected some decompression jokes for you, hoping to help you!

Decompress jokes 1

One day, Aries and a lion walked into the restaurant.

What did the boss say you wanted? The sheep said, a set meal. Thank you. ?

The boss asked again:? Isn't your lion hungry?

The sheep said, no, thanks?

The boss wouldn't give up and asked, really?

The sheep said yes

The boss is a little unwilling to ask: think again. Do you really want it?

The sheep growled impatiently. Do you think I can still be here if it is hungry?

2. A woman disguised as a man went to join the army and had a period on the battlefield. The company commander saw it and asked her to be carried away on a stretcher. She said nothing, and the company commander was in a hurry. He took off her pants and said, What's the matter? JB blew up and said it was okay? ! ?

One night, the mother coaxed 10-year-old son to sleep alone in his room. The little guy just wants his mother to sleep with him, but the helpless mother said? Are you ashamed? Such a big man needs his mother to sleep with him! ?

? Dad is not old, and he wants you to sleep with him every day! ? The son said confidently.

I saw her shy and lovely expression, and I couldn't help but tremble and ask in a low voice: You? Do you really like me? She buried her head: guess! ? Like ~? Her face is redder and her head is lower. Guess again! ?

On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? See that person says nervously only:? The baby is not mine! ! ?

6. A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said:? You really shouldn't threaten him like this! ! ?

7. Is the child thinking? Genetics and environment? problem Mom interjected:? This question is simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like his father, it is hereditary. Like neighbors, that is the environment. ?

8. A couple went to register for marriage. ? Did you have a premarital examination? Yes, his house. These cars are all occupied. ? I mean the hospital. ? The young woman blushed and whispered: Yes, it's a boy. ?

9. Xiao Di MM has a swimming class for the first time. An hour later, she said to the coach. I think that's all for today. Why? I really can't drink any more. ?

10. After the Tang Priest drove Wukong away, he met a monster again and had to spell to call Wukong back for help. Soon a loud voice came from the air: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service, please redial later.

Decompression joke 2

( 1)

On the bus, I heard a mother teaching her son to recite poems. It is noon when weeding, and mother is the hardest; Play mahjong in the afternoon and fight the landlord at night. ?

(2)

A batch of primary school Chinese test papers, which are required? what's up what's up And make sentences. A classmate wrote this: Yesterday I went to my grandma's house and grandma brought me a drumstick. After eating, I asked my grandmother if there was any more. My grandmother replied: Yes, yes, and! ?

(3)

Chatting with my son one day.

Me: Son, did you know that you cried badly when you were born? Your father and I are arguing to death.

My son gave me a white look: well, the first time I saw you, I knew I had the wrong baby. Can I not cry sadly?

Me:?

(4)

Notice from the Meteorological Bureau:

The rainstorm that was originally scheduled to come early this morning was delayed for a little time because of lack of funds halfway, and it may arrive from this afternoon to the evening. If it rains heavily, it will definitely be heavy. If it's small, it won't be heavy. Please wait patiently! When it rains, the weather station will report the details to the public.

Warm reminder from the Meteorological Observatory: If it doesn't rain today and tomorrow, it won't rain these two days, depending on the day after tomorrow. The Meteorological Observatory solemnly advised beautiful women not to wear skirts in recent days, because skirts are easily angered. The rain is good, but the wind is not serious!

(5)

The woman is pregnant and has a bad temper. One day she quarreled with her husband. She thought he didn't love her. She picked up the bottle and drank it hard. Her husband grabbed the bottle and said, you want to get drunk with my son. What if he is drunk and doesn't want to come out? ......

(6)

A student said:? Teacher, I want to shit! ?

Teacher:? Speak politely! ?

The student was silent for a while and said, teacher, my ass wants to vomit! ?

(7)

An old farmer caught some chickens, put them in a coop, and then went to the market to sell them. He walked on his back for a while and felt very tired. He thought, wouldn't it be easy for me to let them out and go to the fair at once? ?

So, he let the chicken out of the cage, and the chicken immediately ran around. He picked up a stick and shouted at it. These damn chickens, it's dark in the middle of the night, and you can announce the dawn on time, and people don't know the way in broad daylight. ?

(8)

Man:? Male single. Do you know his name?

Woman:? I know, single dog. ?

Man:? What's the name of that single woman?

Woman:? I don't know ...

Man:? The dog ignored it. ?

(9)

Dad was furious when he saw Xiaoming doing something wrong, and wanted to beat him up. Mother pleaded, give him a break this time! It's not too late to punish him next time! ?

Dad asked:? That's easy for you to say. What if he doesn't succeed next time

( 10)

A county magistrate was dismissed, became a vegetable and was sent to the hospital. After the doctor diagnosed, he said: it may be good to read him a notice of reinstatement. The wife thinks that since she wants to study, she should simply learn from the director to make him happy. When the magistrate heard this, he stood up and stopped laughing. The doctor lamented that if he did not follow the doctor's advice and increased the dose without authorization, the consequences would be at his own risk!

Decompression joke 3

1, lure

An English gentleman and a French lady share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. After she took off her clothes and lay down, she complained that she was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold. ? How else can I help you? Mr. Wang asked in dismay. ? When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm. ? Miss, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I?

Me: A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.

Step 2 wear it wrong

In the restaurant, an extremely humble person timidly touched another customer wearing a coat. ? Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre? No I don't. ? The man replied. ? Huh? He breathed a sigh of relief. Then I am not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. ?

Learn to think about me: self-confidence is not easy. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people, heroes are like cattle.

3. Sad stories

Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel. One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby. After discussion, they decided to walk back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories in turn to reduce the fatigue of going upstairs. After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted. ? All right, Peter, tell a humorous story. ? Peter said that the story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the lobby. ?

Me: We are miserable, so we are humorous; We are humorous, so we are happy.

Step 4 help

In the lobby of the post office, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely, Sir, would you please write my address on the postcard for me? Of course. ? The middle-aged man did as the old man asked. The old lady said again:? Write me a short paragraph, will you? Thank you? All right. ? After the middle-aged man finished writing according to the old lady's words, he smiled and asked, Is there anything else? Well, there's one little thing. ? The old lady looked at the postcard and said, help me add another sentence below: please forgive me for the scrawl?

Me: If you refuse to help, people will hate you for a week; If it's not perfect, why not?

Step 5 sell books

A famous writer is coming to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with writers' books. When the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy to ask, does your store only sell my own books? Of course not. ? The bookstore owner replied,? Other books sell well, they are all sold out. ?

Me:? Kiss up? This is a strange word: you seem to flatter him and insult him.

Step 6 take it back

A Scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend, but he forgot his address, so he sent a telegram to my father. Do you know Thomas' address? On the day of the quick report, he received an urgent call back: I see. ?

Me: When we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless.

7. spoon

Mike went into the restaurant and ordered a soup. The waiter brought it to him right away. As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, sorry, I can't drink this soup. ? The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said, sorry, I can't drink this soup. ? The waiter had to call the manager. The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, Sir, this dish is our specialty and is very popular with customers. You mean, where is the spoon?

Me: Of course, correcting mistakes is a good thing. But we often remove the right ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is wrong and wrong.

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