Joke: Idioms that don't steal or rob.

About the end of the Ming Dynasty, I was born in poverty. For various reasons, I gritted my teeth and would rather die than live and went out to be a beggar. In fact, in those days, wars were raging, beggars were normal and there was nothing shameful. I also talked about my noble cause. I don't steal, I don't rob, and I see someone passing by and stretching out a bowl. Although there is no fish, there are always enough leftovers! Whenever I eat those bone leftovers diligently, I always feel a great sense of pride in my heart.

On this day, I was walking in the country when I suddenly saw an old beggar lying on the ground, dying. I am kind-hearted, so I took a steamed bun from my pocket and handed it to him. He finished eating, didn't thank me, threw me a book, and suddenly disappeared. I thought I had met a ghost and I was trembling with fear. After opening the book, after a long time, I saw the four black words "from shameless" on the cover. When I opened it, I didn't even have a P. I thought, Shit, a steamed bread was replaced by this broken book and I was about to throw it away. I thought about it and held it in my arms, thinking that I could make toilet paper to wipe my ass.

I have nothing to do in the evening. I studied the book and tasted those four words. I really feel a little. When a beggar, what face do you want? ! I swear I'll never be shameless again! Take advantage of it!

I suddenly saw an old man coming out of the restaurant after dinner. He may have caught a cold and threw up on the side of the road. A piece of glistening vomit, it is estimated that chicken, duck and fish have been spit out for him. And then I got rid of myself. As soon as I saw it, hey, well, just before I had dinner, I quickly went over and picked some undigested chicken from his dish and ate it. It tastes good, but it's a little weak. I ate some chicken and found it really convenient. Don't even chew. I can only swallow it. How convenient. I was suddenly thirsty, so I bent down and lay down and drank all the soup he vomited. It's fucking delicious. A big restaurant is a big restaurant!

I was eating hard when a little boy walked past me holding his mother's hand. The little boy asked his mother inexplicably, "Mom, what is that man doing?" His mother turned to see me eating and drinking, and suddenly she threw up and spilled it all over me! Drag the child away with nausea. I looked at her back and thought angrily, you have money to lose! Why spit out good things? But it's good. It's cheaper for me. At that time, I buried myself in that woman's vomit, ate some broken fish and rummaged through it. I found an undigested grape. Well, I'm lucky to have fruit to eat. When I put them in my mouth, it's so sweet and sour ~ my mouth is watering.

Lived like this for half a year. I don't worry about eating and drinking all day, but my life is very happy.

But then something happened that completely changed my fate!

I finally have a bright future! !

I wandered the road that day, picked up the rotten steamed bread thrown away by two snack shops and had a hearty meal. Suddenly, I saw a group of beggars running towards the small temple in the north gate. I joined in the fun because of sex. I followed others to the small temple. I saw groups of beggars, big or small, old or young, sitting and discussing something. I leaned down and sat down, too. An elderly beggar and I are very familiar, and we often beg together. He told me in a low voice that the general election of the Beggars' Sect leader will be held soon, which is really exciting! I saw his excited hands rubbing and smiling at himself!

I saw several big beggars' sect leaders come forward and announce to everyone that the general election of beggars' sect leaders will begin now! Then fart, whistle, all kinds of music sounded, and a group of begging MM ran up and danced "enjoy the dance". I saw those beggars MM dressed in rags, their meat was exposed, and they were looking at it excitedly. Suddenly an old man waved, the music stopped, the dance broke up and the election officially began!

As the saying goes, luck is better than luck. I really hit luck!

The old man announced to everyone that beggars' gangs should have the spirit of not being afraid of hardship and pollution, stand up to storms, setbacks and tests, especially Wang. He brought a rice basin, and everyone leaned in to see it. It's a rotten porridge, with a lot of rotten vegetables and rotten meat on it, soaked in the black water soaked in stinky tofu, vaguely with dead flies and messy animal offal. The old man lifted the basin for everyone to look at carefully, then put it on the ground and announced that whoever can finish this basin of rice is the new king!

Just as the voice fell, a little beggar came running, about eighteen years old, with messy hair. As soon as he punches everyone, he picks up chopsticks to eat. Eating, eating, just less than ten seconds, I saw a group of flies, wow, I vomited them all, even the money in his stomach, a pot full of clear water and yellow water. He vomited badly and ran away in despair. At this moment, another beggar came running, looking like he was thirty years old. He didn't take chopsticks, but grabbed them and ate them. He eats slowly, almost selectively. I saw him eat a few rotten leaves first to suppress his nausea, then he went to take a chicken bone to chew, and then he continued to turn it over with his hands. At this time, almost all the good things were eaten by him. He had to take the bloody pig intestines and send them to his mouth. Just as he touched his nose, he spit it out with a whoosh. I vomited all my money again. There was not much in the basin, only more.

In this way, seven or eight people came up one after another, some vomited just after eating, and some generally failed after eating. In the end, no one can finish it. The old man looked up at the sky and sighed, "beggars have no successors!" "

I am not convinced, thinking that the day will be a great task for the Sri Lankan people. I must first suffer their minds and starve their bodies … before I can make a difference! Besides, I'm not hungry now and I won't hit you. It's no big deal to ask you to eat something!

So without saying anything, I ran to get the rice basin. I saw the dark water and yellow bile in it, and the spit sank to the bottom of the basin, and everything else was left on it, which was nearly three times as high as the original. I drank all the porridge first, and it tasted good, because it was mixed with many other dishes, and it was quite fragrant. Then I stirred up a dead fly and swallowed it without chewing it. I heard that this thing is still very high in protein, Bubu! I rummaged it again, and there was a bloody pig intestine in the basin, half cooked, and I saw a lot of blood foam stuck on it. I think it's quite new. Put the intestines in your mouth, suck out bright red blood foam, and then chew them piece by piece. Crispy and delicious. Everyone next to me was shocked and thought I was a god. Why else didn't I move? My heart is beautiful and diligent. Eating and eating, only the spittle, saliva, bile and black water of stinky tofu spit out by others are left in the basin. The taste is very mixed, smelly and fishy. To be honest, it's quite unpleasant. I'm just thirsty. I can't get tired of it. I picked up the washbasin, crooked my neck and drank all the blood, yellow water and saliva. Then wave and say hello to everyone.

I actually became a beggar's sect leader! ! ! !

I actually became a beggar's sect leader! ! ! !

I actually became a beggar's sect leader! ! ! !

……

……

My mood is surging and excited, and my hands and feet are dancing happily. I can't restrain my intense joy and excitement. Beggars threw me high with cheers, grabbed me again, then threw me to the ground and began to spit on me. I sat there still laughing and made them vomit. I know this is a courtesy of beggars to the new leader. An old beggar spit thick phlegm accurately and spit it on my mouth. I can't help but admire the accuracy of his shooting hidden weapons with his mouth. Out of admiration and admiration for him, I swallowed the green sputum and a strong fishy smell went straight to my mouth. I gave a thumbs-up and cried, what a phlegm! Good phlegm!

I took the beggar's century-old treasure "invincible dog stick", put on the "tattered cassock" and held the strength of hundreds of thousands of people. How happy I am! No one dares to grab territory with me anymore. When I squatted in front of any big hotel, other beggars ran farther when they saw my dog coming from a distance. After a long time, people can easily fall under the condition of lack of competitiveness. They are not competing with me, but lonely and embarrassed. The food they eat every day is almost fresh, which makes me very uncomfortable. I'm thinking hard about how to inspire my fighting spirit.

On this day, I came to the door of a clinic and heard a groan of pain from inside. I looked in and saw a doctor treating an old man. The old man is estimated to be sixty years old and has a sarcoma on his thigh, which is the size of an apple. The doctor frowned, anesthetized the old man's leg and gave him a pair of hemp boiling powder. The old man sat in a chair and gradually began to coma. It's too early to say! When the doctor's knife flashed, I saw the sarcoma lying on the ground, bleeding profusely. The doctor kicked the sarcoma out of the door and stopped the bleeding quickly.

Sarcoma rolled under my feet, and I picked it up and saw that it was covered with dust. I quickly wiped the cuff, because there was blood and I couldn't wipe it off, so I stuck out my tongue and licked it. The special smell of blood filled my brain. I slowly parted the broken skin, pulled out a few black hairs on the sarcoma and sucked out the pus inside. ...

I peeled off the skin of sarcoma, and immediately there was a mass of bloody red meat, with some yellow-brown tendons and rotten black carrion in it. I enjoy it, too. First, I want to exercise my ability. Second, as the saying goes, fight poison with poison. I think this tumor must be a little toxic. Maybe it will be good for my toxic body. So I chewed it up in three bites, just like eating peaches, and the juice was DC, so I was very happy!

After a few bites, I finished eating, wiped my mouth, licked the blood left on my fingers, and was ready to leave. Suddenly, the doctor ran out, and when he saw me like this, he was surprised and speechless. I glanced at him and was proudly preparing to hear him say something praising me. Unexpectedly, he stammered, "You ... you ... you ate the cancer of drug abuse."

Drug abuse, European sheep madness? who is it? I haven't heard of it anyway. The doctor shouted to me in a hurry, telling me to spit out the rice at once, and then go to his room to take some medicine, which may still be saved. I want you to treat me like a three-year-old and be fooled by you? Aren't you just fooling me into buying you some medicine to make some money? I can't be fooled by your boy! ? Isn't that laughed at by the whole world? I pushed the doctor away and strutted forward. I seem to feel countless admiring eyes staring at my handsome face in the street, and the torrent of worship for me.

When I went back to my small temple, I saw several elders talking about something. I vaguely heard that Ouyang, a drug addict, had retired from the Jianghu, forcing all the toxins in his life into sarcoma on his thigh, which was cut off. Everyone cheered, and there was no more harm in the Jianghu. It doesn't matter if I don't listen. I almost peed my pants when I heard it ... It seems that the doctor didn't lie to me. I really ate the cancer! ! I wanted to cry at that time. I really wanted to slap myself! When the elders saw that my face was wrong, they all rushed over to ask me what was wrong. I put it simply, they ran away when they saw athel Loren. ...

Everyone is avoiding me, and I dare not open my mouth when I talk to them, as if one of my spit stars is going to kill them. I threw up on the ground, and no one dared to go near that small place ten meters away from Fiona Fang. I breathe at night, and all the mosquitoes around me fall to the ground. Walking in the street, people saw me from a distance, so they fled and fled everywhere. This day is so fucking boring!

After two days, I felt a little uncomfortable and began to have a fever in a daze. I was lying alone in the haystack in the corner of the small temple, and no one dared to visit me. Well, I don't blame them. Who made me toxic? But after all, I am the king, and they are still interested in me. Whenever the morning sun shines on my face through the cracks in the broken wall, I can always see a rice bowl full of meat and vegetables, put it in a basket and put it down for me to eat and drink with the rope on the roof. Sometimes I will be moved to tears, and many ants around me have died ... The answer added that a man wiped his ass with his fingers when he went to the toilet without paper, and he didn't wash his hands when he got out of the toilet. He accidentally fell down on his way home and his fingers bled. He quickly tried to stop the bleeding with his mouth. As soon as he put his finger in his mouth, he felt a bad smell, but he didn't remember that he just wiped his ass with his finger when he went to the toilet.