Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - 2020-09- 14
2020-09- 14
19821Friday, October 22nd, the sixth day of the ninth lunar month. This day is an unforgettable day for me. This day is not only the day when the Hager family and the second brother WuErlang family were killed, but also the day when the Sixth World Cup Gymnastics Competition was held in Zagreb, Croatian capital and China.
In the competition, Li Ning, an athlete from China, miraculously won six championships after fierce competition, becoming the athlete who won the most gold medals in a world gymnastics competition and was recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records. Li Ning, born in 1963, is a Zhuang nationality from Liuzhou, Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region. I began to participate in the small gymnastics team from the first grade of primary school, and then participated in systematic training in the Guangxi team. 1973, Li Ning won the national junior floor exercise championship, 1980 participated in the national gymnastics championship and won the second place in individual all-around. After entering the national team, he won the floor exercise, pommel horse and rings at the World University Games in July 198 1. 1984, Li Ning won the floor exercise, pommel horse and rings at the 23rd Olympic Games. 1982 and 1984 were rated as "Top Ten Mobilizations" in China twice. 1983 was elected as the representative of the Sixth National People's Congress. 1984, he was awarded as an excellent athlete in the 35th anniversary of the founding of People's Republic of China (PRC).
I was on duty at Haige's house that night. Since WuErlang was almost killed, Hagrid has always said that the family area of the Public Security Bureau is unsafe, and vacated three bungalows that used to be warehouses. After the renovation, the WuErlang family had to move to their own small yard to let the two brothers have a care. "Takejiro" couldn't beat "Hagrid" and had to move in. Since then, the two housewives have come and gone, and they get along very well. Coincidentally, Hagrid's daughter and Takejiro's son were born on the same day of the same year, and they had a good time together, basically inseparable. Sister-in-law Shu Zhen of WuErlang's family joked with Sister-in-law Hui Min, "Sister-in-law, you see how congenial these two children are. Let's have a "small marriage" between our two families, and let your daughter Feifei be my wife in the future. ……"
In the spirit of heaven, Hui Min's sister-in-law vowed, "Well, my daughter will be blessed by such a good old woman in the future. ……"
Sister-in-law Shu Zhen said happily, "Really? ..... Sister-in-law, you can keep your word, but you cannot regret it. ..... "See sister-in-law Hui Min nodded with a smile, she went on to say:" Sister-in-law, you wait a moment. ……"
Soon, my sister-in-law Shu Zhen came back with a sandalwood gift box in her hand. After opening it, there is a pair of ancient jade bracelets inside. Sister-in-law Shu Zhen said shyly, "My mother-in-law gave it to me the day before friendship and I got married. This is not a good thing. Is for Feifei ... "
Sister-in-law Hui Min doesn't want to accept Chingmy Yau's gift for no reason. She smiled and said, "Oh, hey ... this dowry is also expensive. How can our family Feifei afford it? " ..... Sister in law, please wait a moment. ……"
Later, Hui Min took out a beautiful coffin made of pure gold, which was fourteen or fifteen centimeters long, four or five centimeters wide and five or six centimeters high. She handed it to Shu Zhen's sister-in-law in both hands and said, "Sister-in-law, this is for my uncle. I hope he can be both official and profitable in the future. ……"
For the safety of Hagrid and Wu Erlang's family, I have made arrangements with Ziggy's "four poles". Every night, he and I need someone to lead his two "Twelve Taibao" to work the night shift in the yard of Hagrid and WuErlang's house, even if they are "shock" killers and become "bodyguards".
Before lunch, "Wu Erlang" called and said that there had been new progress in the case that the mother of Bai Yuyu, the second daughter of Yang's family, was killed. However, considering that the case is more complicated and involves the internal personnel of their bureau, it is not convenient to say it on the phone. But this matter is very important. I need to verify some details before I can report to Director Bao Min 'an. And specifically told me that he was at home tonight and wanted to talk to me in detail.
"Has anything to do with the people inside the public security bureau? Who could it be? Wow! ...... "Honey, stir-fry onions with lard!" ..... did this son of a bitch Sun Xiangdong do it? ..... "I doubt it in my heart, preconceived.
After class in the afternoon, I pushed the Japanese original Yamaha DX 100 motorcycle that my fourth brother "Lao Gaoli" gave me a few days ago, ready to wash the car, and then went to the home of "Haig" and "Wu Erlang" for duty.
Yamaha DX 100 is a two-stroke air-cooled engine motorcycle produced by Yamaha Engine Co., Ltd. in Japan. This kind of motorcycle was an absolute rarity in China in the early days of reform and opening up, and it suddenly became a fashion symbol sought after by some people who got rich first. And those wage earners with a miserable monthly salary of "368 Mao (38.6 yuan)" can only sigh at the "car" and have nothing to envy. It is said that the first batch of Yamaha DX 100 motorcycles were only imported to Harbin. Do you have money to buy? Don't even think about it without a considerable "relationship". "Lao Han" knew that I was in a bad mood and went to a commercial bureau director, Wu Baoshan, to buy it.
For this, I am very grateful to "old Korea", and I am once again famous as DX 100. I remember cleaning the car that day. It has been more than a month since Ji Jiejing and Shi's memorial service, and my mood is still very low, even eating in the canteen. This afternoon, after the end of self-study, I went to the canteen in the stream of people.
"Hey ... there is no good aisle, and there is something on the ground! ..... "Suddenly, a figure stopped my way.
I was startled and looked up. It turned out to be "red pepper" Wang Xiaowen. I can't help but think of Jiubao Band and Rourou in Red Pepper, and Rourou's Chicken Are Good Friends and Shit smells good. Sadness, regret, disappointment, mixed feelings in my heart. My eyes were moist, and I murmured, "It's seven o'clock ... Seventh Sister-in-law, I ... I don't want to eat in the canteen ..."
"Hum! ..... Jiubao band is still eating steamed buns in the' fence'. Are you still in the mood to eat? Well ... men have no good things, only my fourth brother is affectionate and righteous ....... "Red pepper" is endless.
"Nine treasures band still eat steamed corn-bread in the fence and I have a dime relationship zha? ..... I can't even eat rice ... "My heart is dissatisfied. Suddenly, I found two people standing behind the "red pepper", impressively two little beauties, Li Meina and Park Yinji, who were "spinning in the same place".
I was so surprised that I couldn't close my mouth, and then I said, "Huh? ..... How did you get to my school? ……"
"Hum! ..... I thought you had left the two of us behind ... "Li Meina lost her footing, lifted her head back and said with great disdain.
"Poor honk once in a while, Ani Asser! ..... "PiaoYinJi mouth a sip, said with a smile.
"Hey hey ... where can! ..... forget who also can't forget you ... "I cheekily said here, suddenly remembered that in" Red Pepper ",the band Jiubao entered the" fence "and teased two little beauties in front of her, which seemed really heartless.
So, I quickly turned my eyes to "red pepper" and put on a bitter face and said to her, "Seven ... Seven sisters-in-law, I'm really sorry! ..... I'm also thinking about Jiubao. ... But Jiubao Band ... Jiubao Band ... "
"Ha ha ... old eight you say I'm sorry? ..... Then, please the three of us go to Wu Dage's pile of "dead gas and white" for a meal. As for me, for the sake of fourth brother's face, let bygones be bygones, and spare you, you big idiot. ..... ""Red pepper "said with a smile.
"hmm? ..... Jiubao band is still eating steamed bread in the fence. You two sisters-in-law get along so well. How could you have the heart to joke the other day? You also called me heartless ... "Thinking of this, I said coldly," I don't invite you guys to have a meal on Brother Wu's stack. But Jiubao Band ... Jiubao Band still stays in the' fence', and I'm not in the mood ... "
Although Park Yin-hee is young, she understands that I am in a bad mood. So, she giggled and said charmingly, "I'm afraid not, myna, don't be fooled by Sister Wenwen!" Sister Jiubao is on medical parole, and Sister Wenwen is going to see her, so I don't have time to have dinner with you. ……"
Although Jiubao Band was released on bail for medical treatment, Jiubao Band was still sentenced to death by the court for hooliganism, with a two-year suspension. Of course, this is another story. I can't help feeling sorry in my heart, and I have the cheek to say to "red pepper" with a smile: "Hehe ... I seem to have lost my soul these days, and I don't think through my head. Seven sister-in-law, excuse me brothers ... "
"wow! ..... it's really' not funny' to see your' color decline'. Who are you worried about all day? Why don't you soak your urine to death! ..... "After" Red Pepper "scolded me, she seemed better, and sighed and said," Alas ... in recent months, Rourou has always been angry and lost her temper, and no one dared to persuade her. ..... The seven fairies left her and her property. Can the mood be good? Even your seventh brother is too scared to meet each other. ……"
Listening to the sadness of "red pepper", I can't help but feel sad. "Red pepper" seemed to feel a little depressed, so he forced a smile and said, "Hum ... your fourth brother, who is also your brother, bought you an original Japanese motorcycle. ..... But the price of our fourth brother is still in a "heap" with him all day, and he doesn't have a penny ... "
"ah? ..... Japanese original motorcycle? ..... "I was taken aback when I heard that. You know, although the living conditions improved at that time, the supply of materials was still quite scarce. Buy me an original Japanese motorcycle, which shows how much effort fourth brother has to spend.
"Red pepper" rolled his eyelids and said, "What are you doing? ..... Your fourth brother asked you to go to his house to get a motorcycle ticket, and go to the municipal electric power company to get a motorcycle tomorrow afternoon! ..... I have to come if your seventh brother doesn't come. Hmm ... it's really' lazy, lazy and supercilious'. Do you think I am willing to come to see you' be a two-foot-long donkey face' and' fade' ... "
When Li Meina saw a passing teacher or classmate looking at us in surprise, she quickly changed the subject and said, "I'm sorry, don't arrange anything else after you ride your motorcycle tomorrow." Second brother is scheduled to eat dog meat in Taiping tomorrow night. I've made an appointment with my sister. She's going with Brother Qi and my sister. ……"
"Eat dog meat? ..... I haven't eaten dog meat for a long time. The greedy' saliva' came out. Haha ..... "I may be really heartless, and I have just been scolded by" red pepper ",but I am happy when I hear that there will be dog meat to eat tomorrow. I can't help thinking of eating dog meat, drinking soju and dancing with five beautiful women by the Songhua River.
That's how I cleaned my Yamaha DX 100 motorcycle the day I rode back. After washing the car, I am going to Taiping to eat dog meat. While cleaning the car, I chatted with Master Cheng, the new teacher who saw the mailroom in the dormitory. Master Cheng is very talkative and has a very speculative chat with me. However, when I asked Master Sa, who was used to the mailroom, why the "black mouse" had disappeared, Master Cheng was very passive and evasive, and did not tell me why for a long time. I know he doesn't want to talk, so I'm not forced.
After chatting for a while, Yamaha DX 100 motorcycle is also spotless. I wiped a sweat, walked on DX 100, plugged in the key and twisted it. DX 100 immediately gave a "chug chug" pleasant engine sound. Needless to say, this engine sound is more dynamic and has a high rate of turning around! I pinched the clutch, moved the pedal slightly with my toes, refueled and released the clutch. DX 100, like a sharp arrow, suddenly jumped out.
"ZhanZhiZhan ... big brother ... you stop! ..... What are you doing? Wait for me ... "I just want to refuel, make it faster, and attract the envy of male students and the love of female students. Suddenly, a voice called me from behind. Don't look back, I know it's Zheng Shuang calling me. I stopped DX 100 with a crunch, put my feet on the ground and turned around.
Sure enough, Zheng Shuang came running to me from a distance: "Big Brother ... whose motorcycle are you riding ..."
I deliberately talked about him from left to right and quipped, "Look at you! Look at you! ..... can't be gentle, why are you' hairy' and' panting' when you run? ..... If' gnash your teeth, Che Geller's companion', you will let Big Brother die of love! ……"
"People are in a hurry ..." Zheng Shuang ran up to me, turned around DX 100, looked up and down for a long time, and said, "God ... this motorcycle is really beautiful! ..... Who did you steal from? ……"
I stared at a pair of strange eyes and said, "What do you mean by stealing? ..... This is what Brother Four bought for me. Serious is my motorcycle ... "
"You? ..... not' fool' me? ..... "See my triumphant appearance, Zheng Shuang was overjoyed. He grabbed the handlebar with one hand and pulled me down with the other: "Get down! Come down! Come down! ..... Let me ride a circle and have fun ... "
I said with a sad face, "what is a big sister riding a motorcycle?" ..... But ... "
Zheng Shuang interrupted me and said, "But what? ..... Just saw five girls in my cousin's dormitory whispering for you. They are coming, so at least they have to ride alone. You don't know which head is lighter or heavier, do you? ……"
I said with a wry smile, "Be a good boy and fry green onions with lard!" " ..... I'm not afraid of you riding, motorcycle is riding. ..... Eldest brother is anxious to go to Taiping North Korea to eat dog meat. ……"
"Eat dog meat? ..... "Zheng Shuang's beautiful eyes immediately opened:" When the dog meat is cooked, the Buddha jumps over the wall, and the dog meat rolls three towers, the gods can't stand still. " ..... I also want to eat dog meat! ……"
I am very grateful to "Old Koryo" for giving me a motorcycle, and when I got my motorcycle ticket, I tried to persuade him to drive to pick him up and eat dog meat together. I think he is also a Korean, and he must have the same language as those villagers in North Korea. My hospitality was difficult, and "Lao Han" smiled and agreed. But the departure of "Old Korea" and "Four Chopsticks" is a great face for "Two Chopsticks". Therefore, it's best to bring Zheng Shuang to cover yourself up.
I generously patted the back seat of DX 100 and said, "Come on up, for the sake of my sister! ..... Let's eat dog meat together. ……"
It seems that the temptation to eat dog meat has overcome the desire to ride a motorcycle. Anyway, the motorcycle is mine, and I can ride it sooner or later. But dog meat is different. After today, you may not be able to eat. Zheng Shuang will still calculate such a small account.
Zheng Shuang was naturally happy to sit in the back seat. I said, "Hold my waist tight and sit down ..."
My voice did not fall, DX 100 was already falling in the screams of Zheng Shuang, such as the left arrow "whoosh".
I cleaned my beloved Yamaha DX 100 motorcycle in a hurry, sent the bucket and rag back to the dormitory, and went to Hagrid's house for duty as agreed.
Sister-in-law Hui Min knows that I love her noodles with gravy, so she often cooks in person. I love "noodles with gravy" made by Huimin's sister-in-law, and I can never get enough. The noodles she rolled are delicious, which is different from the noodles in my hometown, but it is also a rare food. Sister-in-law Huimin's "Zhajiang Noodles" is made of yellow mushrooms, fungus and diced meat. I can eat three bowls at a time with a mouthful of fragrance and a little shredded cucumber and garlic.
Brother Hai's home is not far from our school, and it takes less than ten minutes by motorcycle. When I rode to the railway crossing of Daoan Street and was about to turn the corner, suddenly, a girl behind me called me: "Hi ... Zhan Zhizhan! ……"
I wonder, where do the girls here know about themselves? Listen to the voice is not Yin Rongrong, even Yin Rongrong would never call me "Zhan Zhizhan". I stopped the car and looked inside. It turned out to be my alumnus Wei. I couldn't help laughing: "Hehe ..." Guardian ",so it's you. ……"
The "guardian" ran to me, his face flushed, just like Haitang, and he was permeated with the innocence of a girl and the elegance of youth: "War … war and wisdom, you treat your comrades as warm as spring. ..... I ... I thank you for saving me last time. ……"
Actually, I have no ill feelings towards The Guardian. I smiled faintly and said, "Nothing! Maybe you are not destined to be "whipped" by hooligans. You met me by chance. Even if you don't meet me, you will meet someone else to save you. Maybe, I was born really is "king kong" ... "
The Guardian lowered its head and said in several inaudible voices, "Live in a world without you.
More painful than any punishment. You know what?
A person can take your place in my heart? Living in a world without you is more painful than any punishment. You know, you are irreplaceable to me. )"
I thought this "guardian" clearly expressed his love to me. I can't help laughing at myself: "Be a good boy and fry green onions with lard!" " ..... Why didn't the Guardian use the buzzword "special period of ten years" instead of English? Hehe ... it must be this "love" for me, so I'm embarrassed to say it. ……"
To tell the truth, I never thought I could spark with the Guardian and have love. So, I smiled and said, "Well ... but ... but we may not be meant to be each other. I ... I have a" date ". ……"
"Guardian" looked into the distance, sighed and said, "In this life, you will.
Regret two things: one is that you didn't get the person you love, and the other is that.
It is the person you love who is unhappy. There are two regrets in a person's life: one is that you can't get the person you love; Second, the beloved can't be happy. )……"
I felt a little sick and said, "Why? You have a date. ..... I can't stay in the dark, and I can't find it in the coal pile. Your date is much more handsome than me. ……"
The Guardian said faintly with red eyes: "He lost ... he lost the proletarian revolutionary position, defected to his revolutionary comrades and became a shameful traitor' Zhigao Pu'. ……"
Seeing the "guardian" crying, I was a little sorry and quickly persuaded: "No one is worth it.
No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. )……"
The Guardian looked at me eagerly and said, "The Revolutionary Party feels that Beijing is near, and when it wakes up, it feels that the President is very close! Hope and trust are the tails of happiness.
Lizards can reproduce even if they are cut off. ) Hope and trust are the tails of lizards. Even if they are cut off, they will grow back. Can you come to my house and talk to me? ……"
I am most afraid of being begged by others in my life, especially beautiful women. I looked at the door of Hagrid's house close at hand and said awkwardly, "I really have something to do today." Will I come to your house one day? " ……"
The Guardian said eagerly, "Ten thousand years is too long, so seize the day. ..... Just for a while ... "
My heart softened in the face of the beautiful woman's gentle words.
I deliberately teased the Guardian and pretended to be serious. I said, "Brother Wei, the revolution is not about inviting guests to dinner, writing articles, painting and embroidering, so it can't be so elegant ..."
The Guardian blushed and whispered, "I know I was wrong before. You are a pure person, a moral person, and a person who is free from vulgar tastes. Do not laugh at me. I will never say that again. Will you forgive me? ……"
Say yes or no, this is another string. I was too embarrassed to refuse, so I first put DX 100 at Hagrid's, explained the reason, and came to her house with a cheerful "guardian".
The home of "Guardian" is in a new five-story residential building. The two-bedroom apartment is clean and concise, which shows that the hostess is a clean and tasteful person. To my surprise, the photo frame on the wall is not inlaid with photos, but with "advanced producer" awards issued by male owners over the years and a large number of Chairman Mao's badges produced in the "special period of ten years". The only photo is of three girls. I guess these three girls must be the "guardian" sisters. I had nothing to say, so I asked the Guardian with a smile: "Hey ... are you three sisters?" ……"
The Guardian replied with a smile: "Yes, there are three sons of Ya Dan in our family. Guess which one is me. ……"
To tell the truth, the three girls in the photo are all beautiful and look alike, just like triplets. It is really not easy to recognize who is the "guardian" at once. I rolled my eyes and asked, "Who are you? ……"
While busy in the kitchen, the "guardian" replied: "I have a sister who is studying medicine at the Fourth Military Medical University and is a classmate of martyr Zhang Hua. ..... and a younger sister in Harbin Normal University, a freshman in English. ……"
I sighed deliberately and said to the Guardian, "Alas … Look at this, you and your sister respect your sister very much. Do you always surround your sister in the middle? " ……"
Naturally, I didn't have foresight, and I never thought that two years later, Wei Daoyuan, the sister of the Guardian, and I would have such a special experience. It was Wei Daoyuan who abandoned the secular world and snatched me back from the hand of death with his sweet milk, and became my sister who was respected all my life and was closer than my own sister.
The Guardian said with beautiful eyes, "Oh, my God ... you are a ghost. How can you be so smart?" ……
"Guardian" must be an excellent housewife in the future. Soon, she cooked four side dishes. Stir-fried peanuts, fried cabbage with fungus, a plate of shallots mixed with tofu, and a plate of scrambled eggs. Although it is not big fish and big meat, it is also delicious.
The Guardian took out another bottle of Yanghe Daqu and said with a smile, "My dad didn't want to drink this bottle of wine. All reactionaries are paper tigers. Today, we will completely eliminate it. ……"
"Can you iron it? ..... "I smile Mimi.
The Guardian smiled: "Good! ..... Spending dirty money on iced wine is a disease sooner or later. Hehe ... My father taught me this. ..... So, I also like to drink hot wine. ……"
After three glasses of wine, the "guardian" blushed and looked good. She threw a peanut into her mouth, chewing it, and mysteriously approached me and said, "Hey … Zhan Zhizhan, you know, those two want the public security bureau to catch me as a rogue! ……"
I pretended not to understand and asked, "What's that? ……"
The Guardian naturally understands that I have no good intentions. She blushed, ignored my question, and then said, "But the Public Security Bureau is also very strange. They were arrested the day before yesterday. These two hooligans were broken. They cut ... cut that thing off. You got it? ..... Did you do it? ……"
I shook my head, but I knew it. Look at this technique, it must be led by the "four ribs" of the seventh brother. The Guardian sat up straight and said bitterly, "Hum! ..... It's really' not failing to report, it's not the right time. At that time, report immediately! "What a suck! ..... Come on, show your wisdom, you are worthy of the title of "King Kong", you are a real soldier! I propose a toast to you. ……"
- Previous article:Classic funny jokes, don’t blame me
- Next article:I don't have the courage to continue to listen to your vows of eternal love.
- Related articles
- Amara Kingdom: Punishment-Newcomer User Experience
- Full version of cold jokes in mental hospital
- Motto of Anti-drug Poetry (20 Famous Anti-drug Words)
- The anti-terrorist elite is named after this.
- Mulan attacking the mountain: a clever trick
- Definition of folk songs
- What was the main purpose of Germany's occupation of Norway at the beginning of World War II? Did Germany occupy Norway by navy or army?
- Are there any English jokes about four people talking? Or an English essay in a few sentences? Urgent ~ ~ ~
- What is the funniest way to show off your wealth?
- cold joke