Classic funny jokes, don’t blame me

1. My leader and I went on an inspection trip to Europe. After dinner, I was about to smoke. Occasionally, I felt something in the corner of my mouth. I touched the handkerchief and wiped it. Then I spit out the habit. on the ground. I suddenly remembered that I was abroad, and the strange looks from many foreigners around me made me feel uncomfortable. At this critical moment, the leader blurted out, "Baga!"

2. Last night I dreamed that I had a flash marriage. , and also went on a trip with her. During the trip, we participated in an adventure activity together. She slipped and fell off the cliff. I caught her at the beginning and tried my best to catch her up, but I still couldn't pull her up. When I came up, I was very sad that she was gone. When I woke up in the morning, I found that the quilt had fallen off. The bunk bed we slept on was 1.9 meters high. No wonder it couldn't be pulled up.

3. At the entrance of the community in the morning. , a car was about to leave the door, and in front of it was a 70-year-old man walking slowly in front of the car with a cane? The car couldn't pass, so the old man just walked slowly, very slowly? I also thought that the driver had a good temper and did not honk the horn. , and he didn’t scream either. At this time, a bald middle-aged man in his forties stuck his head out and said, “Dad, can you please stop playing? I’m going to be late.” Then the old man walked away neatly?

4. Two doctors were preparing to operate on a patient. One of them asked the other whether the lungs were on the left or the right side of the heart. The other replied: "It should be on the right side!" When the patient heard this, he stood up and said :? It seems that I should be discharged from the hospital! ?

5. I carried a heavy load on the subway, and a young couple was joking. When the man saw me, he stood up and offered his seat. I declined, but he insisted. I said thank you and sat down. Later, the girl stood up and stood with the boy. Girl: There were so many people standing in the car and you chose to give up your seat to a girl. Aren’t you afraid that I would be jealous? Boy: I knew you were petty, so you picked the taller one.

6. When I was studying, I always left the class temporarily and suddenly the classroom exploded. A classmate who had been practicing martial arts since he was a child did a backflip on the podium. Just when the teacher came back, everyone was quiet. Only he looked at the podium stupidly. The last teacher asked you what you are doing so happy. The classmate didn't know what to do and had to say: I picked up ten yuan and I was so excited. Teacher: I handed it over to the public. !

7. A woman didn’t come home one night and the next day she told her husband that he slept with a female friend. Her husband called her 10 best friends, but no one knew about it. ! A man didn’t go home to sleep one night, and the next day he told his wife that he was sleeping with a brother. Her wife called his 10 best friends, and eight of his best friends confirmed that his husband was sleeping at their house? Two people said: "His husband is still there

8. Yesterday, I saw a car accident on the road. I saw an old woman driving an Audi A4 yelling at people, and she called her husband and said: "Husband? , I was hit by a Volkswagen on the road. At this time, the Volkswagen next to me got angry. I walked up to the old woman and yelled: "It's a Phaeton, a 12-cylinder one. Can you see clearly?"

9. A strange aunt. The phone rang. The aunt answered the phone and said cheerfully: "Ah, I am not free this morning! I have to accompany Huihui to the hospital for an abortion!" The crowded car suddenly became quiet. I glanced at the aunt beside me, and when I turned back, I found that everyone in the car was staring at me. But I’m really not Huihui?! ?

10. I often make an analogy: if you are a poor person and someone scolds you, you will get angry; if you are a billionaire, you will laugh it off. If you have the same channel and the same magnetic field, you will not be able to stand it. The reason why other people's words ignite is because you happen to be firewood. Emotions are influenced by the external realm because there is such a flammable thing in our hearts.

11. I took a taxi today and told the driver to hurry up because there was something urgent. The driver cut off the music without saying anything and remembered the two heavy engine roars.

I was shocked at that time! Damn it, could this old master be a racing expert who has been hiding for many years? Or a great god like Takumi’s father? Next I cried, What a touching Kart Racing theme song?

12. Not long after I got married, my wife and her best friend went shopping on the weekend, and I went home to eat by myself. I got a call when I was halfway through eating. ?Hello, kid, I’m your dad. ? I was furious when I heard that, grandson! My dad is eating right across from me. Who are you kidding? ? Hang up the phone angrily and continue eating. After a while, my dad raised his head and asked me: Could it be your father-in-law?

13. Just now while eating, a young couple had an argument. The woman said: I hate you more and more. bother. The man replied: Me too. This is what the woman said with a touch of her sleeve: If you have the guts to say it again, the man replied: I also hate myself more and more. Almost spitting out rice. . .

14. A man must know how to exercise control! ?Seeing that my boyfriend was almost finished drinking a bottle of wine, I couldn't help but talk about him. My boyfriend tilted his head and glanced at me, then picked up the glass: "I just made a bet with myself that if you don't say anything after drinking this glass, I won't drink it. In the end, I lost. After talking, I drank it all in one gulp and poured it back." Had a drink.

15. Once while eating in the cafeteria, a couple sat next to each other and fed each other. I couldn't bear the nausea anymore, so I went over and said, "Can you stop showing affection in public?" ?The man said: ?Why, the food is so unpalatable, can you eat it without feeding? ?

16. When I was on the bus, I saw a beautiful woman carrying big and small bags. It was dangerous to hold the handrails without extra hands, so I stood up decisively and offered my seat to the beautiful woman. The beautiful woman accepted it happily. , I didn’t expect that the beauty and I got off at the same stop. When we got off the bus, the beauty said to me: Can you help me carry my things home with you? . ? I agreed without hesitation. . . I want to say that good people are rewarded!

17. Mom, I have diarrhea. That’s great. Can we add vegetables tonight? said the dung beetle’s mother.

18. Weibo will soon start talking about the divisive Gemini, the chicken-blooded Aries, the procrastinating Taurus, the sensitive Cancer, the vain Leo, the sinister Scorpio, and the hands-on Sagittarius. Zodiac sign, the dull Capricorn, the self-righteous Aquarius, and the sentimental Pisces.

19. I am hungry, you have a piece of bread, you share half of it with me, this is a friend; you give it all to me, this is love; you hide the bread and tell me that you are also hungry, this is It's society.

20. Women are so thoughtful that they are divided into queens, tomboys, green tea bitches, country bumpkins, and bitches; in the eyes of men, there are two types: beautiful women and ugly women.

21. I am a university teacher. When I was grading papers at the end of last semester, I found a strange paper. There were only a few lines written on the first page? Teacher, I don’t know how. I don’t need to read it later. What? Didn’t write?, when I turned to the second page, I was fertilized, and there was a line: "Teacher, you don’t believe me, do you?" ?