Selected jingle jokes

1, realistic humor personality Lei language

Aha ~ Give me a glass of hope light water, because I will never lose weight.

2. Some jokes about salary increase

When will you have money? I don't know how much it can go up. When did you get it? I want to ask in a low voice, but I am afraid that others will laugh. It's really cold to think about it. It seems that it will always be a dream, some people say in He Nai.

If you want to be calm, the waves will rise and you will be annoyed. There should be no cheating. Why do you always write bad checks? People have wives and children, and they need sauce, vinegar, oil and salt at home. This matter is old and difficult. I hope people will last for a long time and add a few more money!

3, funny text messages to welcome the Lantern Festival

Dig a buried soil and plant my thoughts in it. 12345, a long red list with no flowers or grass. Who said that feelings are not taxed? I think it will cost you a dime.

4. Fresh and funny National Day humorous messages

I'm so happy on National Day. Big Wolf was given a holiday by his wife, so I don't have to catch sheep. Take my wife and children to travel and go to Sanya to bask in the sun. I'll tell you the news, eat and sleep, you happy lazy sheep.

5, humorous text messages Mid-Autumn Festival celebrity poems.

Li Bai: There is such bright light at the foot of my bed, and there are some unwrapped cakes. Looking up, I found it was moonlight, and I looked down to smell the cake.

6. What is the hardest part?

The hardest thing to get is the wife; The hardest thing to get rid of is a lover. The most difficult thing to control is the mouth; The hardest thing to lose is weight. The most difficult thing to improve is height; The hardest thing to increase is income. The most difficult thing to unify is caliber; The most difficult thing to achieve is the ideal. The most difficult thing to change is the treatment; The most difficult thing to suppress is hatred for the rich. The most difficult thing to deal with is the relationship; The most difficult thing to serve is leadership.

7.hey ~

Make leaders happy, make fakes, make people happy, put on a show, make lovers happy, make friends happy and be the host; Make your wife happy and cook; Make yourself happy and dream.

8. Room

Houses: ordinary people are worried about housing, developers are worried about selling houses, entrepreneurs are worried about accounting offices, producers are worried about box office, officials are worried about Fannie and Freddie, corrupt classes, men are worried about private houses, women are worried about * * *, the elderly are worried about their hearts, renting a house to work, worrying about hospital wards, worrying about delivery rooms, worrying about getting married in a new house, and worrying about the demolition of houses by ordinary citizens. Hey! Sex is really depressing!

9. Practical work

Views on the company: it looks like heaven from a distance, like a bank from a close distance, and like a prison when you go in. Might as well go home and herd cattle and sheep. Everyone agreed that everyone would go. You earn money here and spend money here. How can you send money home? It is said that the salary here is high and I have no money to buy toothpaste. It is said that the food here is good, with grass added to it; It is said that the environment here is good, and cockroaches and ants run around; It is said that the foreman here is very handsome, and everyone has a flat-headed pot cover. I work every year and worry every year. I work overtime like a monkey every day. I am scolded every day for no reason. I bowed my head to see the boss. Shake your head when you get paid, and you are worried at the end of the month. I don't know when I can get ahead.

10, Degang Guo's classic quotations.

You reason with him, and he plays rascal with you;

You play hooligans with him, and he tells you about the legal system;

You talk to him about the legal system and he talks to you about politics;

You talk to him about politics, and he talks to you about national conditions;

You talk to him about national conditions, and he talks to you about integration;

You talk to him about integration, and he talks to you about culture;

You talk to him about culture and he talks to you about Confucius;

You tell him about Confucius, and he tells you about Laozi;

You tell him Lao Tzu, and he will pretend to be your grandson!

1 1, the four ideals of pigs

Four ideals of pigs: the railings around are rotten, the sky is full of feed, butchers all over the world are dead, and people all over the country believe it.

12, the difference between celebrities and ordinary people

What celebrities use up is called "cultural relics"; What ordinary people use up is called "waste"

Celebrities call drinking "binge drinking"; The wine that ordinary people drink is called gluttony.

Celebrities shake hands with ordinary people and call it "kindness"; Ordinary people shake hands with celebrities, which is called "buttering up".

Celebrities argue "eloquence"; Ordinary people argue for sophistry.

The stupid things that celebrities do are called "anecdotes" and are passed down as anecdotes; Ordinary people are laughed at for doing something wrong and called "stupid".

A celebrity's untidiness is called "artistic temperament"; Ordinary people who are untidy are called "sloppy".

Celebrities lose their temper and call it "personality"; Ordinary people lose their temper and are called "bad roots".

The nonsense of celebrities is called "famous sayings"; Ordinary people's cautious words are called "nonsense"

13, women with different names

When looking at beautiful women: enchanting is called beauty, ugly is called temperament, arrogant is called talented woman, wooden is called lady, thin is called slim, fat is called plump, tall is called slim, and short is called small and exquisite; Fading gentleness, fierce provocation, silly sunshine, hard Leng Yan, local tradition, natural and unrestrained foreign flavor, distinctive bandits, coquettish romance, tender youth and beauty, old and tender charm, spray all over the sky, Niu Aoxue Feng Ling, carefree and single-minded, busy and self-seeking, annoying to persuade romance.

14. Liars can also interpret it this way.

Deceiving others is a legal problem.

Deceiving relatives is a moral problem.

You lied to me, saying that the emperor's kindness is powerful.

I lied to you and told you to do your best.

Liar dad called no regrets.

The son lied to his father that he was a glorious ancestor.

I lied to myself that my future was not a dream.

Liars are not terrible, just afraid of being educated.

15, this life of a man

When a man is tired, he knocks on his back.

When a man is sad, he washes his hair.

Men suffer losses, so they often gamble.

Men are very busy, so they often go to the wrong bed.

It is difficult for men in this life: to be handsome, too spicy, not handsome, can't get it; Be lively, say you are too oily, don't make any noise, say you are too boring; Wear a suit, say you are too serious, wear casually, and say you are a redneck; Will make money, afraid of you * * *; I don't earn money, but I'm afraid to wean my children. I'm afraid I'll regret getting married. Don't get married for fear that she will regret it. Give birth to a child, afraid that she has no money to raise, not to have a child, afraid that she is old and has no one to raise. It is difficult to be a woman these days, and it is even more difficult to be a man. Men should be good to themselves!

16, goods are not afraid of fakes, and rebates are smart; Rice is not afraid of being expensive, but public funds will do; Knowledge is not deep, but you can fight for it; Art is not high, but it is red when it is submerged; It is not beautiful, but it is famous if you dare to take it off; You have money if you are not tall. The ball is not in the skill, and the black whistle wins; It's no big deal, giving a gift is success; A wife is not ugly, but a husband is glorious if he has money.

17, those who have jobs have no right to engage in greening, those who have the courage to engage in culture, those who have money and no right to engage in corruption, those who have self-styled cigarettes and no alcohol, those who have no big goals to liberalize, and those who have no land and no sky are mystifying. Only one child stands up as a mother.

18, men are tired, so they knock on their backs, men are anxious, so they wash their hair, men are bitter, so they often gamble, men are busy, so they often go to the wrong bed, and men have a hard time in their lives: handsome, too spicy, not handsome and unable to get rid of it.

19 There was a lazy man, whose real name was Ruan, carrying a basket to sell eggs and shouting "sell eggs" and "sell eggs". No one came to buy eggs, not because the variety of eggs was chaotic, but because the skin of eggs was too soft. It's hard to buy rice without selling eggs, and it's a long way to go home for dinner. Burn the burnt grass to keep warm, and eat some soft eggs in the basket.

20, cigarettes should be burned to the end, and old wine should be drunk to deny six parents. Mahjong should be rubbed to the waist, and cards should be played to Dai Yue. You have to brag until you don't believe it, and flattery should be filmed in the dark. Dance until you are exhausted and lose weight until you are dying.

2 1, hot oil in copper spoon, cold oil in iron spoon, cold oil in copper spoon and hot oil in iron spoon. Spoon the oil into the frying spoon, and there will be delicious food every month. Stew squid pieces first, then chop mutton strips. The fire burns under the stove, the oil is cooked in the spoon, and the pot is as hot as a copper spoon and an iron spoon.

22, the head can not be broken, how beautiful the dyed hair is; No bleeding, no white head; Shoes should not be worn out. When you visit your girlfriend, you need oil. The car can't be small, you can travel by car.

23, cold test papers, not afraid of getting zero eggs; Lao Tzu has no talent, so he handed in a blank sheet of paper; I can't give up when I see a beautiful girl; It is better to cheat than to hold back; It is better to pass the exam than to pass it. Don't shout for a report when you are late. The class training is like this.

24. There is a paradise above and a casino below; If you don't eat vegetables, go online; Have money to pick up girls, but no money to grab them; Everyone practices boxing, curses and sings; Unique wine rack, healthy smoking; At this rate, it would have collapsed.

25, the beauty turned and scared a cow to death; I can't go with you, just because you are too ugly to ask the ugly girl why. I have money and oil to see if you can go, even if you have everything, you won't bow your head.

26. Laborers are found together with people who watch laborers' labor, and they can't tell who is the laborer and who is watching laborers' labor. As a result, the workers can't move, but they can't see the labor of the workers, so they still don't move!

27. It is better to have a good father than to learn math and physics well. As China people, why should we learn foreign languages? Chinese biology and geography are not as good as novels and cartoons; It is not easy to cheat in the exam, cheating teachers and parents; It's better to seize it now than to deceive yourself.

28. Smoking, drinking, playing mahjong and falling in love with the Internet. Crazy with you, surfing with you, uh-huh until dawn. I patted the powder and kissed it in the middle of the road. Take a shower, blow bubbles, and sleep with your wife.

29, moonlight in front of the window, the original debt collection shortage; Looking up, I saw a big water tank; I wish I didn't work hard when I was a child and played games all day. It's not too late to turn your back!

30, more money to go home less, more beautiful clothes less success, more tired ideas less income, more motivation less time, more lovers less peace, fewer friends more difficulties, more exercise and less illness.

3 1. Mother-in-law and Mammy came to the hillside. Mother-in-law silently picked mushrooms, while Mammy silently pulled out radishes. Mother-in-law took a broken dustpan, Mammy took a thin basket, Mother-in-law picked a small mushroom with a half dustpan, and Mammy pulled out a big radish with a basket. Mother-in-law picks mushrooms to make cakes, and mother sells radishes to make steamed bread.

32. There are forty-four stone lions in front of the stone temple. There are forty-four astringent persimmons on the tree in front of the temple. Forty-four stone lions don't eat forty-four astringent persimmons, and forty-four astringent persimmons eat forty-four stone lions instead.

33. Who says there are no beautiful girls in Peking University? Boys are more like Niu Wangmo. It's not that we are too dissolute, and we can't be frivolous without money. Love painting has never been a pervert! Gentlemen, line up! Occasionally caught a strong J case, but also a female rogue!

34, people have money and time to have a good figure, unparalleled; People have money, no illness, no time, treasure; People have no money, no illness and no time, top grade; People have no money, no illness and no time, and the products are inferior; People have no money, no time, no temper and waste.

35. Since ancient times, there has been no charming mother in Peking University, but there are three pairs of mandarin ducks and perverted pheasants. Peking University has never had a charming mother looking at an airport since ancient times. I happened to see a Mount Fuji, which was also an early apricot.

36. The building foundation should be firmly laid, not afraid of rain or waterlogging, and the living foundation should be firmly laid and improved step by step. Life is like a building. You should use real materials, build it cleanly, mix your own buildings, and finally ruin your life.

37, men are not jealous, and their feelings are not rich; Women are not jealous, and families are not harmonious; Children are not jealous, and their studies are not progressing; Old people are not jealous, and the more they live, the more confused they become; Everyone will be jealous and society will progress; Be a little confused and smart.

I told you not to be infatuated with my brother, because he has wasted his time and can't do such hard work. He also needs to drink often, scold the street when he is drunk, and smoke on credit when he has no money. You said he was angry with his father.

39. You are my favorite, you are my joke, you often rely on me, but I hold you back, let me hug from time to time, you often eat leftovers, and even let me often kick, my dog is so embarrassed.

40. I was born with small eyes and caused a lot of trouble. When I was a student, my teacher criticized me for sleeping. In fact, I am an eye-opener, which makes me more wronged than Dou E! My girlfriend thinks my eyes are small and says I'm Garfield. I tried to open my eyes to show her, "You don't know if there is a god in your little eyes"!

4 1, Dongxi Street, north and south, walking back along the wall, walking to the front of the cave and worrying, the waist circumference is 2.5% more! It's all because of gluttony. After eating watermelon and sweet potato, it is said that sweet potato is a big tonic, and eating too much will cause intestinal obstruction, which is hard for this big mouse!

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