32-year-old leftover woman: I have been on blind dates no less than 30 times, and I have never been successful. Is it because I never take the initiative?

01

Now, many people are beginning to think about a question: Do people have to get married in this life? If you don't get married, can't you live a wonderful life?

This question can never be answered. Because everyone's life experience is different, there is no so-called empathy at all. It's just a matter of standing on one's own side and expounding what one thinks is a reasonable point of view.

It is possible that this view is not practical at all in the eyes of others.

Just like I heard a girl say that she believes that people must get married in this life because they want to find someone who can join hands with them in this long life, and the two of them can resist the wind and rain of life together. It's always easier than going alone.

The most important thing is that she likes children and believes that children are the continuation of life and the future support. Therefore, marriage will become an inevitable choice.

Some people immediately retorted: "In this world, there are many partners who only bring you misfortune, and they still resist the wind and moon together. I think those storms are obviously brought by the other party."

Another person said: "I don't think children are necessary, and my genes are not good enough to be passed on. I don't like children, and I don't think children can be relied upon. I have seen too many old people. There is no story to rely on, so I would rather believe in myself.”

These different views are two groups of people who cannot convince each other at all. They both have their own reasons, but the other person's reasons cannot enter their hearts.

Everyone has their own reasons for choosing to be single.

Later, I also met an older leftover woman. She was 32 years old and not yet married. Her parents were very anxious about it and kept telling her not to choose, not to choose, it would be enough, that’s fine. get married.

When faced with the urging of her parents, especially her mother, she generally remained silent. Because she said: "They won't listen to me even if I say it. They will also say that I am just thinking nonsense and will be laughed at if I tell it. In their eyes, marriage is an inevitable choice in life, but I don't think so."

At least, in her current opinion, life without marriage is very comfortable, better than the three married sisters in the family.

02

This kind of comfort, in her opinion, is an unrestricted restriction.

When she is not at work, she can sleep until any time before getting up, or she can stay in bed and watch TV all day while eating snacks. No one will use the various methods of being a wife and mother. Conditions to restrict her and require her.

When she saves enough money, she can leave whenever she wants, carry her bag and go out, go wherever she wants to go, and see the scenery she wants to see. The sky is huge, and her dream can be as big as one One to achieve.

When she was tired from work sometimes, she even said she would quit her job for a while. Anyway, she said she usually spent money by herself, and she had saved a lot of money, even if she did not work for two or three years. , there is no need to worry.

Of course, she will not rest for so long. Saving money is her hobby.

She said that she didn’t like children either, just that kind of indifference from the bottom of her heart. Her sister's child is over 4 years old, and she doesn't like her as an aunt very much. Although she still often buys things for her child, the child may feel her alienation, so she doesn't get close to her.

She didn't care, just do what you have to do.

After listening to what she said, I felt that she was really a very Buddhist person, and she spoke slowly, as if nothing in the world could disturb her mind.

When it comes to blind dates, she is even more Buddhist.

She said that in fact, so far, her family has introduced her to no less than 30 blind dates. Naturally, she has also been on no less than 30 blind dates. The partners are almost the same age as her, and their family conditions are also good. Several conditions were so good that she was surprised, and she didn't understand why they were still like this.

This made her sigh. It turns out that there are really many single people now, not just girls, but boys too.

Because she is tall, with a net height of nearly 175cm, every time she meets a boy who is not too tall during a blind date, he is quite satisfied with her. Especially the boy's parents, seeing her size, almost tried their best to bring her together, sometimes even more actively than their son.

One boy’s mother told her directly that their son was short and wanted to find a tall girl. If she wanted, she could get married immediately. She didn’t have to worry about the garage, as she had already bought it. The man's side can also provide another 500,000 yuan as a bride price.

03

At that time, her mother thought it was very good, saying that boys are just shorter, but they are nice people, and there was no need to pick on her height since she was tall. She was a little speechless because she said that her mother thought that almost every blind date was very good and advised her to try to contact them.

In the final analysis, it was the age of the two of them that made her mother anxious. The mother's anxiety was in sharp contrast to her calmness.

I asked her, after so many blind dates, had she ever met a weird introducer?

She said: "Actually, I forget, there were two or three people who introduced me to divorced people. The others were all unmarried people of the same age, so they weren't very weird. But my mother has always been there. What pushed me was that she thought that if I were over 35, I would definitely have to find a divorcee, and it was not unusual for me to have children. "

Ask me again. ：Have you never met someone who made your heart beat?

She said: "There are two people I feel good about. One is a university teacher, the kind of college teacher. He is good-looking and has a good temperament. He is half a head taller than me. The second one is a teacher from a college. Our eyes lit up once we met; there was another person who started his own business, had great ideas and achieved some success, but we only had one meal and we haven’t contacted each other since we went back.”

She said. , so many blind dates, but none of them were successful because she didn't take the initiative.

When she meets someone she feels good about, she won't take the initiative to fight for it. If the other person doesn't send her a message, she won't even send him a half-sentence. , replying to messages was very slow, and gradually there was no contact.

In fact, she said that most people who go on blind dates are, like her, forced to do so by their parents. After eating, they went back to their respective homes. During the meal, they rarely talked. They just immersed themselves in eating and occasionally asked each other a few words.

She herself is a slow-moving person and doesn't know how to find topics. Most of the boys she goes on a blind date also have this personality.

The only salesperson was able to start the conversation, but she felt it was too exaggerated and the other person was too purposeful. She kept asking whether her parents had pensions and whether she would have a share in the house when it arrived. thing.

She didn’t feel comfortable listening to it. Later, when she went back after dinner, the other party took the initiative to chat with her, but she ignored him, and then she didn’t come back.

04

I have a vague feeling that if she keeps dating like this, it may be really difficult to meet a suitable person.

She said that she had no hope of meeting him. She went on a blind date just to deal with her parents at home, otherwise they would nag her all day long. Because of this, every time she went on a blind date, she would rush to pay the bill because she didn't want to owe any favors.

She is a person who has no expectations for marriage.

First of all, it’s because of my parents. Her parents loved to quarrel when they were young. Her father had a bad temper and would often hit people when he was angry. He would always clenched his fists in front of her mother. Her mother raised two children and ran the house. She also took care of her grandmother when she was sick for many years. My father is ungrateful and only thinks about his own hard work all day long.

Although now, after each other are older, they are much better, and my father's temper has become gentler. But she still remembers the memories, things that would cause her to panic.

Secondly, it was her biological sister. She fell in love with the wrong person before marriage. After marriage, the person changed drastically, and the whole family bullied her sister alone.

She said that when her sister gave birth to a baby, because it was a daughter, her husband and her husband took one look at her and left, while her mother went to the hospital to take care of her.

Her sister had no job after giving birth, and was ostracized by her husband's family. They did not help take care of her, saying that whoever gave birth would raise her, but they also hoped that their daughter-in-law could make money. Isn't this contradictory?

In those two years, her sister didn’t even have money to pay for her child’s illness. When the child had a high fever and went to the hospital, her mother-in-law didn’t take the money. Her husband said that he had no money, so his mother sent him to the hospital. She also helped a lot.

In fact, she said that their family just wanted to squeeze money from her sister’s family.

However, because there are too many things to consider in divorce, we still live together now. Sometimes she feels that her sister is too tired, and her brother-in-law is the boss at home. Even now that her sister is working, all the housework and raising the children are still her sister's.

Because of the marriage phenomenon she received around her, she became more insistent on her own ideas. A person lives a lifetime, and the grass and trees fall in autumn, whether it is long or short, she hopes to live in a way that makes herself happy and comfortable.

She also knows that not everyone’s marriage is like this.

But, she said quietly: "I don't have any hope."