What humorous words should I say when running for president of the student union?

"Hello everyone! Hello, students "(pause for 5 seconds)-"Why do I speak Mandarin here, because I can only speak Mandarin (or: because I can't speak English-because some students are not interested in English) "

"Well, in order not to delay the precious time of the students-maybe some students' time is not very precious, but I'd better start as soon as possible, because I feel that quite a few students' eyelids are not up, and I know these students are very supportive, aren't they? ! (Pause for 5 seconds) Because no matter what I say here, they have already guessed, just like what some stars want, their fans already know completely, right? ! (The tone of this sentence should be the same as above, louder)-(pause-)

Seriously, you should back up your handouts, and how to do a good job in student union so that students will not be monotonous because of the monotony of reading.

Be careful not to grow up, it will be boring, just speak vividly.

(End) Basically, I have said all I can do for the time being. If there is anything else I can do in the future, I will be happy to serve you! Do you think I can do it (louder)? Please applaud-thank you! !