Please give me ten short cold jokes. Three buttons pull ~

I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

Q: Two people fell into the trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living?

A: Call for help!

One day there was a mother-in-law in a car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree … and then there was the owl …

Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said, if I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang, and I will eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

What is that man doing?

He's shaking.

Why is he shaking?

He's cold.

A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing.

A: ...

Mr banana and his girlfriend are walking down the street on a date. It was very hot, so Mr banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. ...

A sausage is kept in the refrigerator.

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other one next to me, and I felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!" " "As a result, the root of the tree said," Sorry, I'm a popsicle. "

Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired, I think I'm weak. ...

The diver's movements are difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward for three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.

: MM got lost looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor.

Excuse me, how can I get to the university?

Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.

Director and * * * section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... Soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to fart. What's your use?

Miss: Business is bad now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: "Bird flu ..."

I want to talk to my girlfriend ML. My girlfriend says I can't do it without taking a shower. She promised that washing the parts would be cold. After washing, my girlfriend said shyly, "Honey, you are so lazy, where can you wash it?" I even fainted after listening to it. I just brushed my teeth.

Bird flu-it's all caused by "paradise shit"! ! !

There are two kinds of people who have a high probability of getting bird flu-1. "animals"; 2. People who are "worse than animals".

Hey, how did you learn to smoke?

I will, when I steal the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve ~

Do you know why Adam and Eve stole the forbidden fruit?

AB: I don't know!

Because Adam has no cigarettes! (hint: homophonic words)

Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

She gave me a kiss when we parted. It feels as real as People's Daily. ...

College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

What is it with three heads and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

There is a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat bastard ..

There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, when he was crossing the street, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" " Since then, it has become a cucumber. ...

Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? Xiao Ming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you idiot! 」

The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Make the lunch box blue.

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables!

There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

The teacher asked Xiaoming a question in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?"

The camel said,' Stay away from death, I won't talk to anything with a penis on my face!

How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest, shouting: I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!