30 jokes that make your stomach ache.

1, the first thing to wake up every day is to want to sleep.

Don't always compare yourself with others. You envy others for being thin, others envy you for having a good stomach, you envy others for being rich, and others envy no one to borrow money from you.

I really envy you. I can be with the person you like. Unlike me, I am surrounded by people who like me.

When something goes wrong, I will not rush to blame others, but reflect on myself first. If it is really my fault, I will think about how to pass it on to others.

Children are happy when they are sad, but we adults can't. We have to eat a good meal or buy something.

6, buy a globe, the world is so big, you can not only see, but also stroll.

7. Jay Chou said that love is like a tornado. I think this metaphor is very appropriate, because most people, like me, have never seen a tornado in their lives.

8. It would have been good in ancient times. If you bear too much pressure, you will become a demon, a god and a demon, while in modern times, if you bear too much pressure, you will become a psychopath.

9. One person is happy, two people are alive, and three people live and die.

10, I have a friend whose family is average, and I always feel happier if I have money. Later, his mother made a fortune doing infant education. Ten years later, I met him and asked him, now that you have money, are you really happy? He replied, that's awesome. I walked away silently.

1 1. I worked hard outside for three years and came home with nothing. I thought my mother would be furious. I didn't expect her to say, son, you have nothing. At least you have the face to come back.

12. If a friend encounters setbacks, don't worry too much, which means he is still thinking about the problem. He should be careful if he eats too much. This kind of broken jar is a trivial matter, and I am afraid that he will steal your snacks.

13, Frog and Toad became brothers, Toad said, I'll be the big brother. The frog said, no, you see the zit on your body is still there. I must be the big brother.

14, when everyone was waiting for the iPhone5, Apple released the iPhone4S. So there is really no need to expect iPad3, maybe iPad2B will be released.

15, a beggar begged his hostess to say, madam, I haven't seen meat for a whole week. The lady called the servant and quickly brought out a plate of meat pie for the man to see.

16, don't eat what's in the bowl, just eat more in the pot.

17, the off-duty part belongs to the wife, the work part belongs to the company, and the middle part belongs to the lover; Sobriety belongs to the company, sleep belongs to the wife, and dreams and waking belong to the lover.

18, my son asked about the difference between being brave and being cautious, and my father said that I was brave if I didn't tip the waiter after dinner in a hotel, and cautious if I changed hotels the next day.

19, smokers have stories and drinkers have troubles.

20. The furthest distance in the world is from Monday morning to Friday afternoon. The shortest distance in the world is from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon.

2 1. In the morning, the public security bureau checked the household registration and asked her why she was so thin. I said I miss my girlfriend's idea. Why should I wear glasses? I said, how about going to Tianjin to see my girlfriend?

22. Ask yourself, if you were someone else, would you like to date yourself? Don't even think about it. How can I have such a blessing?

23. Please cherish the people who are kind to you, or you will miss this one, and I don't know when you will meet another blind person.

24. I am so beautiful and have such a good figure. First of all, I want to thank my parents for giving me powerful genes, so that I have such a pair of skillful hands who are good at retouching pictures.

25, live well, there will be a new blow every day.

26. There are three things that young people can't touch nowadays, namely idolization and staying up late, the glory of the king. The more you get in touch with them, the more you will find it really interesting to be single.

27. China New Year is coming. What do you want to discount most in the mall? Girlfriend's leg

28. At dinner, my mother was urging me to get married again. If I don't get married, I have to move out at once, so I don't have to see an old maid all day. I'm a little wronged. Dad said, "mom, why did you let her move out?" She went out to live. Who else can I scold in this family? " ?

29. After she got married, she wanted children very much, so she hinted that her husband, dear, did you know that children are the most beautiful love letters written by her father? Dear, oh, your father wrote you a love letter of more than 200 kilograms, which is also quite spelling.

There is an old TV set at home. The person who answered the phone looked at it and asked, how much are you going to sell it for? The wife said, make an offer. The man said mercilessly, this kind of futures will give you 40 at most. The wife was surprised. Didn't you write about buying a TV at a high price? How can the bid be lower than that of the junk collector? The man giggled and said, Yes, my name is Gao Jia.